Is it okay to ghost your parents?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Riman643
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
I’m not biased. My parents probably fall a bit below the “meh” standard and my children are 6 and younger. I have had serious issues with my very toxic mother. I’ve even resented them for the same sort of things the OP is talking about. I still think he needs an attitude adjustment.
 
redbetta said:
But I like giving people the benefit of the doubt and believe they were writing in an emotional tense moment or too fast to really articulate it in a good way.
Click to expand...
He said he was going to ghost them. In no subsequent post has he said that’s not what he really meant.

Neither you nor he have answered the question of a couple of posters: how would you feel about parents who ghosted a young adult child who developed their own views that disagreed with the parents’ views?

Are you ok with that child being cut off from Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter?
 
Riman643 said:
What’s the point?
Click to expand...
Because I’d have a lot more sympathy for you if your parents mistreated you in other areas of life. Not raising you Catholic isn’t a justification for ghosting them. If, in addition to not raising you Catholic, they abused you mentally or physically, denied you basic things every kid should have (didn’t let you have friends or go to school), or were unhealthily controlling helicopter parents, then that might justify cutting contact. But based on what you’ve said so far, they haven’t done anything to merit your attitude toward them.
 
As I said before, it depends on the context. If there are younger siblings in the house and it is clear that the wayward adult sibling is going to try to influence them in a way they believe is harmful, then I can understand parents not wanting them at family gatherings. If the adult child keeps it to themselves, than I do not thinking keeping them from family gatherings would be reasonable.
 
redbetta said:
As I said before, it depends on the context. If there are younger siblings in the house and it is clear that the wayward adult sibling is going to try to influence them in a way they believe is harmful, then I can understand parents not wanting them at family gatherings. If the adult child keeps it to themselves, than I do not thinking keeping them from family gatherings would be reasonable.
Click to expand...
I think it is more about turning the tables. Would it be ok for the parents to exclude him from family gatherings because he’s developed opinions they view as uncharitable and intolerant?
 
Personally, somebody would have to make up a specific scenario because I am too tired to be creative at the moment. But, I have acknowledged several times that there are legitimate reasons I believe parents can cut their adult children off or distance themselves from them and gave examples.

Anyway, I do not think he is going to be returning to this thread because of how it turned out, so I am not going to keep defending him on here. Most everyone here has their mind made up on the sort of person he is from one thread and there is nothing I can say that can change anyone’s opinion. I just wanted to act as a counter-balance as I have in other threads before when most everyone is against the OP.
 
redbetta said:
As I said before, it depends on the context. If there are younger siblings in the house and it is clear that the wayward adult sibling is going to try to influence them in a way they believe is harmful, then I can understand parents not wanting them at family gatherings
Click to expand...
That’s still different than cutting all contact, not responding to phone calls, texts, emails, or any attempt at reaching out, and basically living as if the person doesn’t exist. I can certainly think of a few relatives of mine who shouldn’t be included in certain events because of the way they might behave, but I still talk them and don’t cut them out of my life.
 
redbetta said:
Most everyone here has their mind made up on the sort of person he is from one thread and there is nothing I can say that can change anyone’s opinion.
Click to expand...
I want to have more sympathy for him, and if he gave more information saying his parents were abusive, my thoughts about him would change. But for that to happen I need more information. I gave him several opportunities to elaborate, and he declined. In that sense, he’s not exactly the victim you want to make him out to be.
 
Last edited:
My parents never bothered to mention to me that I had been baptized Catholic. My uncle and aunt were my godparents, but they never said a word about the church either. My mom raised me Episcopalian. I found out I was a Catholic at age 50.
I’m not happy about that, I ended up floundering around in different denominations for years, and committing a bucket of sins in the process. But God knew what I needed, so i really can’t complain.
I suspect the OP is pretty new to the faith, I would encourage you to forgive and be kind to your parents, and they may rethnk their relation to Christ.
You want to see them in heaven, don’t you? Being a good example of a Catholic is the best way to accomplish that.
 
redbetta said:
Personally, somebody would have to make up a specific scenario because I am too tired to be creative at the moment.
Click to expand...
Ok —here’s one that lots of families deal with. And it’s akin to what the OP is describing. You have an adult child who voted for the other candidate in the last election…do you ghost them?
 
Ghosting is when you stop contact unilaterally. You turn into a ghost, don’t answer calls, no contact.

The term is used to describe breakups, but also friendships and other relationships are said to be ghosted.
 
redbetta said:
Most everyone here has their mind made up on the sort of person he is from one thread and there is nothing I can say that can change anyone’s opinion
Click to expand...
I believe it’s more accurate to say people have made up their mind about the behavior he’s contemplating.
 
poche said:
What does it mean to ghost someone?
Click to expand...
I like Allegra’s explanation best so far–it’s what I have read in different sources. I hope she doesn’t mind if I quote her post here:

“I’ve seen the term used in all sorts of context. Basically it’s, “I no longer have a use for you, but I’m too much of a coward to have an uncomfortable conversation, so I’ll just refuse to respond to any communication and let you figure it out.” One of the more distasteful lack in millennial social skills, in my opinion. People break up romantic relationships this way, but they also do this to former friends who didn’t really do anything wrong except suddenly seem “annoying”. They even quit jobs this way, causing as much damage as they can upon their departure. It’s gross. I don’t think the OP is “badly wording” his intentions. I think if he was, he’d have said so by this point. Distancing and drawing boundaries from toxic people is not the same thing as ghosting, and the OP has not indicated that his parents have done anything toxic and are actually going far above and beyond to support this man-child.”
 
You sound very angry and judgmental towards your parents.
This isn’t good, and might even be a sin.
It might be better for you to work on your own attitude, be kind and gentle towards your parents and set a good example for them of what a Catholic should be.

Personally, if I didn’t know anything about Catholics and I met somebody going on like you did in your first post, I’d think, “Wow, what an angry person. Catholicism doesn’t seem like a very good religion if the people who belong to it are so judgmental and bitter even towards their own parents”.

When people saw the early Christians they said, “See how they love one another”.
How about trying to put that into practice instead? You don’t have to agree with your parents’ views, but coming on here blaming them for all kinds of stuff and calling them phony and other names is unnecessary and sounds rather immature.

And “ghosting” an immediate family member, unless there is some compelling reason to do so such as they have beaten you, raped you or threatened you with death in the past so you need to get away from them to protect yourself, is also very immature.

Edited to add, it’s also not good that you’re living off these people so you can get some benefit (a degree) while you complain vehemently about them behind their back…they’re providing you with an opportunity, you owe them some gratitude even if you don’t agree with their views. Honestly you really need to stop pointing fingers at your parents and look at the three fingers pointing back at you yourself.
 
Last edited:
Only a kid would say this! There is some truth to it, but in the real world, kids are expected to respect their parents until they move out, and hopefully after then as well. Parents have more life experience and think differently than their children. There are exceptions such as parental abuse: physical or psychological.
 
Last edited:
There are exceptions such as parental abuse: physical or psychological.
Click to expand...
What about spiritual abuse? Keeping me away from and telling me going to Church doesn’t matter. That is just as bad in my opinion, especially since they took vows before GOD.
 
I think it would help to try to use calmer language and try to appreciate the other things they provided for you.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top