Is it okay to lie to your children about your sexual history?

[nickybr38]

I agree about honesty, but many who ride the honesty train still allow the belief of santa claus for young children, which is in fact a lie. It is hard to buy into the “never lie to your children” when you are inconsistent about applying that belief.

Some of course do not.

I agree. I believe in never lying to children and I would NEVER tell a child about santa claus, the easter bunny or any such nonsense.

I think kids can have fun without the lies. They can also learn fantasy without the lies. I know I did!

 

[Frank_Drebin]

I agree. I believe in never lying to children and I would NEVER tell a child about santa claus, the easter bunny or any such nonsense.

I think kids can have fun without the lies. They can also learn fantasy without the lies. I know I did!

And that I can accept.

 

[Moore11]

Because Christopher West, Crystalina and Jason Evert, Leah Daarow, and Matt Fradd are not my children’s parents.

That is a decision they made to try to help thousands of young people. They traded privacy for action. That was their decision. And the tradeoff is probably a good one.
But there is more to it than meets the eye. “Chaz” Bono, Chelsea Clinton, Madonna’s kids, elton johns kids, etc also will know an uncomfortable amount of information on the sex of their parents.

They are speaking to thousands of young kids PRECISELY to protect parents from what we are talking about. It is less damaging to more people to know that Crystalina Evert was loose than their own mother. Besides, it is in the context of an entire “life story” that the kids are not emotionally attached to like a parent would be for the child.
We owe those speakers a lot for jumping on a grenade for us. Even if it is at the loss of how their own children might see them.

 

[Moore11]

I agree. I believe in never lying to children and I would NEVER tell a child about santa claus, the easter bunny or any such nonsense.

I think kids can have fun without the lies. They can also learn fantasy without the lies. I know I did!

We also are on the no lying bandwagon with santa etc.
But sometimes you DO lie to kids.
Last month.
“Do you think Great Grandma is in heaven?” " We are to hope for everyone to be saved and go to heaven"

When what I really think is that a really cruel woman just went to her judgement and was probably found wanting. And if she gets to go to heaven then I should be commiting many many many more sins.

If you really believe that you should NEVER lie to your kids then it just becomes a matter of how they learn to word the question.

“Daddy, what are your feelings about great grandma? Did you like her? If she was a horrible snake just tell me that it is none of my business.”

 

[catholicmamajoy]

Perhaps this attitude is why this is even an issue. I never took dating advice from men about women. If I wanted advice about women I asked women. If more parents had “the talk” together with their kids the kiddies could get both perspectives and be comfortable talking to both. Otherwise that is how stereotypes persist. If your daughter is going to be doing it with guys then dad is probably a better resource because he knows how guys think. Mom is just going to tell what her preference is which could be different from the daughters. Mom can’t help a daughter understand a guy in the way a dad can. The same is true for boys and dads.

For a boy, his mother will define his idea of what a woman is. If the boy is to have a healthy relationship with women then mom can’t hide under the kitchen table from him. The same is true of dads and daughters. If a mom or dad felt the son or daughter was the other parents responsibility respectively in this department then that is a shame.

Okay, fine. If that is what works in your family and with your children, that’s great. I was trying to give an idea on why she might have said what she did; based on my own experiences as a female, a mom, and many years as in Women’s and Maternal health care. Young women are usually more comfortable talking to someone of their own gender when it comes to sex and intimate concerns, which is what the OP was talking about…not just dating or relationships in general, but specifically sexual intimacy. Perhaps when the OP comes back onto the thread and sees your intense concern about her comment, she can address it, since my thoughts appear to be quite disagreeable to you.

 

[SlackerCatholic]

.

The Bucket says set a good example. I was thinking about what that would mean, and I think it would have been helpful to me to see the example of parents who were kind and respectful toward each other, affectionate and appreciative in front of us kids without being at all inappropriate. This could be a way of modeling a good sexual relationship within marriage, although not in an explicit way. If your children saw that you appreciated and were attracted to your spouse and that it was important to you to nurture your one-on-one relationship with him, that could only be a good thing, right? (I DO NOT mean that it is okay to neck in front of your kids or do anything immodest like that.)

Wait, what? You mean it’s wrong when we kiss passionately in front of the kids on purpose, just for the fun of hearing them yell, “Eeeeeeeeeewww!!” ?

 

[Kensho]

Wait, what? You mean it’s wrong when we kiss passionately in front of the kids on purpose, just for the fun of hearing them yell, “Eeeeeeeeeewww!!” ?

Do you really? Eeeeewww!!

 

[FriendlyFace]

Educating children about sex does not mean telling them the name of the first adult movie you watched.

Never said it did, and why you’d assume I get up to anything that disgusting is beyond me. Your mind leaping to that reveals a lot though.

 

[FriendlyFace]

Wait, what? You mean it’s wrong when we kiss passionately in front of the kids on purpose, just for the fun of hearing them yell, “Eeeeeeeeeewww!!” ?

 

[SlackerCatholic]

Do you really? Eeeeewww!!

Ha ha, we really do. Our older son (12) has taken to quoting Mark Chang from The Fairly Odd Parents, “Parental displays of affection are most unsavory!”

 

[Frank_Drebin]

Never said it did, and why you’d assume I get up to anything that disgusting is beyond me. Your mind leaping to that reveals a lot though.

Acually I’m guessing it doesn’t reveal much of anything, seeing as how this is the internet, unless it somehow reveals that I have a fantastic memory, and was 15 when I traded some homework to William Neibauer for an adult movie at an all boys high school, and watched with two buddies in my neighborhood. But I won’t be telling a my children about that.

If my post revealed that to you, start playing more lottery. My children have no right nor expectation to my sins, regardless if the lessons my wife and I impart. if u choose to share more, I certainly respect your right as a parent.

 

[FriendlyFace]

Acually I’m guessing it doesn’t reveal much of anything, seeing as how this is the internet, unless it somehow reveals that I have a fantastic memory, and was 15 when I traded some homework to William Neibauer for an adult movie at an all boys high school, and watched with two buddies in my neighborhood. But I won’t be telling a my children about that.

If my post revealed that to you, start playing more lottery. My children have no right nor expectation to my sins, regardless if the lessons my wife and I impart. if u choose to share more, I certainly respect your right as a parent.

Explaining it doesn’t improve things. You still have porn on the brain, and apparently you feel the need to tell strangers this over the internet, evidently in an attempt to convince them your judgement is better than theirs. How is it more appropriate to tell me things I don’t want to know about you, than to tell children things they need to know to avoid sinning?

Your children are going to find out about your sins anyway. Teenagers are generally experts on their parents. And if you go around confessing this sort of thing all over the internet, they’re definitely going to find out. All it would take is a tiny amount of tech savvy and a will.

 

[cviolette]

We all have mistakes in our past. I see no reason to get into the details with my children. I would try not to directly lie but would not share the details of my past.

 

[crystal_waters]

For any child to be asking about a parents sexual history is so inappropriate, you can teach a child to stay pure and chaste without telling them that!

 

[pollynova]

When I was 15, I brought up a topic to my foster mom and we ended up having about a 5 hour talk about sex. No, not the one about what goes in where, but about actual sexuality. Was it uncomfortable for me? Yes, but I’m sure it was 10 times worse for her. Did I see her differently after it? Yes. But I don’t know where I would be right now if we hadn’t had that talk. I am forever grateful that she was brave enough to open up to me like that.

I totally disagree with the people who have said a kid should never ask their parents about sex. They aren’t asking some random person, they are asking YOU, a parent!

 

[Frank_Drebin]

Explaining it doesn’t improve things. You still have porn on the brain, and apparently you feel the need to tell strangers this over the internet, evidently in an attempt to convince them your judgement is better than theirs. How is it more appropriate to tell me things I don’t want to know about you, than to tell children things they need to know to avoid sinning?

Your children are going to find out about your sins anyway. Teenagers are generally experts on their parents. And if you go around confessing this sort of thing all over the internet, they’re definitely going to find out. All it would take is a tiny amount of tech savvy and a will.

Yes, I am quite concerned that my two year old will one day track this down. When she finds out Leslie Nielsen watched pornography, she’ll be aghast. She’ll need to master using a fork properly first…

Not to mention, it is the internet. Since no one ever makes up stories on the internet, everything must be true. Like my Goldren Globe for Naked Gun 2 1/2 and the time I brokered a peace deal between Hezbollah and the Israeli Defense Alliance (IDA)…

The only one obssessed with porn is you, sadly, because you keep focusing on the porn and missing the point. Stop thinking about pornographic movies for a second and get back to the topic at hand. You claim an example from an anonymous poster on the internet speaks volumes, and yet if I asked you to reveal this intimate knowledge of myself or another poster, wanna bet how far off you end up? It was an example, and since you didn’t get it, I’ll type slower for you this time.

I don’t feel the need to share my sins with my children. All the child has to do is ask every time you tell them anything at all “well, did you do that, mommy?” And if you want to admit you broke pretty much every rule at least once as a child, so be it. I find that a waste of time, and pointless. If you choose to, by all means, go ahead and reveal youself to your kids.

The notion that your children will find out eventually is nonsense. My mother spent 42 years working for the federal government, and for our entire childhood, we never knew what she did. You’d think at some point, kids would have figured it out. I don’t know about the private lives of my parents, because I had enough respect to not inquire or care. There are spouses who spend years leading double lives from their families. Not that that is a good thing, but if you think children figure everything out, I have news for you - many of them do not have a clue.

I don’t have an issue with you opening up to them, nor do I see a problem not doing so, in the end.

 

[Frank_Drebin]

When I was 15, I brought up a topic to my foster mom and we ended up having about a 5 hour talk about sex. No, not the one about what goes in where, but about actual sexuality. Was it uncomfortable for me? Yes, but I’m sure it was 10 times worse for her. Did I see her differently after it? Yes. But I don’t know where I would be right now if we hadn’t had that talk. I am forever grateful that she was brave enough to open up to me like that.

I totally disagree with the people who have said a kid should never ask their parents about sex. They aren’t asking some random person, they are asking YOU, a parent!

No one said that. They said they should not be asking impertinent questions about their parents intimate sex lives.

Who here said children shouldn’t be asking their parents about sex?

 

[takers]

I never asked my parents what position they preferred or how often they did ‘it’, but sure as heck I asked if they’d had sex prior to marriage. When they were talking about saving myself for my spouse, being pure to God, waiting until I was physically and mentally mature enough before taking such a big step, etc I wanted to know if they’d also walked the walk. I don’t think that’s rude or incomprehensible…it’s wanting to know how your parents did with the advice they’re giving you.

 

[Frank_Drebin]

I never asked my parents what position they preferred or how often they did ‘it’, but sure as heck I asked if they’d had sex prior to marriage. When they were talking about saving myself for my spouse, being pure to God, waiting until I was physically and mentally mature enough before taking such a big step, etc I wanted to know if they’d also walked the walk. I don’t think that’s rude or incomprehensible…it’s wanting to know how your parents did with the advice they’re giving you.

That’s fine. I do think it is rude, myself. *For every rule a child is expected to obey, is it okay to in each case ask their parents if they always followed the rule?
*

I was not my parents or an adult, I was their child, and I knew that.

 

[takers]

That’s fine. I do think it is rude, myself. *For every rule a child is expected to obey, is it okay to in each case ask their parents if they always followed the rule?
*

I was not my parents or an adult, I was their child, and I knew that.

I don’t see this situation as a rule that parents lay down upon a child, so a child must follow obediently without question. If there’s a rule in the house, for example a curfew, then the expectation is that the rule is followed and there are consequences (grounding, removed privileges) that follow. Instilling a commitment in your child to holding off on sexual activities until marriage isn’t a rule that has consequences that can wipe the slate clean. Once you’re had your first sexual encounter you can never get that back no matter how many groundings or removal of computer time you give. So I think it’s a parents prerogative to as forthcoming as to why the expectation is in place and to not lie about about the parent’s following of said expectation when asked by your kids.