Is it possible to find a Christian man who doesn’t have a wandering eye?

[Rozellelily]

You will be pleased to know then that I personally am more attracted to “sincere family man” type guy rather that “Mr Playa/bad boy” type.
I understand what you mean though that there are many women who prefer the second type.

I think it is the excitement factor, but in my view a man can be both exciting and adventurous while still remaining a caring guy.

Nice guys finish last according to the saying, but I for one like nice guys!

 

[EndTimes]

t probably would have been more accurate if I had titled the thread
“is it possible to find a man who doesn’t have a wandering eye”.
I just mean more is it just biological thing we women have to accept.

Many many Women spend Billions … maybe Trillions
for the express purpose of hoping to become an Attractive female…

Including some/many behaving very sexy - including in their dress and/or lack of it. .

That Known Factoid has existed for Millennia.

Of course Christian and non-Christian men exist who like yet respect the female body…

How many modest women exist - is a very valid question also… yes?

_

 

[Rozellelily]

How many modest women exist - is a very valid question also… yes?

Absolutely.
I suppose the answer to that is also dependant upon what “standard” you perceive as modesty and also culture one is in.
I can only speak for where I live and my background etc and can’t speak for where you live, but -I don’t know-I personally actually see a lot of modest women around.
Obvious at the nightclub women will dress more sexy, but I mean during the day in an average street in Sydney I see a lot of modest outfits.
Comeing from a European background (predominantly Catholic country) I do not consider singlet tops etc as immodest.

Modesty discussion often references women but surely there must be required some “standard” for men too.
Eg: today I saw a photo of my Prime Minister in “budgie smugglers” at the beach and to me this isn’t particularly modest but I guess this is just the Australian culture.

 

[EndTimes]

I suppose the answer to that is also dependant upon what “standard” you perceive as modesty and also culture one is in.

And in Cultures where shopping malls exist … and one is Christmas shopping in a bodysuit and intentially or not - one’s cleavage is showing, no one should act surprised if (some) Christian men - and most likely any modest women - stare at that spectacle, yes?

 

[TheLittleLady]

How many modest women exist

Modesty is an interior disposition. Someone can wear a sack to the floor with a hood and never wash their hair while being immodest while another woman can walk in to a formal event in a stunning off the shoulder mermaid cut ball gown, expertly done hair with full glam makeup and be modest.

Modesty is also being appropriate. Wearing said ballgown to mow the yard? Immodest.

 

[1ke]

They all know that any bodysuit especially that which would allow for cleavage is a magnet -

I was wondering if “bodysuit” referred to something different in Australia than the US, so I googled it. And… nope.

So yeah, a tight, form-fitting, generally low cut bodice from all the pictures. Maybe there are some that aren’t, but I didn’t see many.

Men have responsibility for custody of the eyes. But women have responsibility too, for what they wear. That’s not a popular position in today’s world where women want to claim the “right” to wear whatever they want and simultaneously take umbrage when they are on the receiving end of unwanted attention.

 

[EndTimes]

I was wondering if “bodysuit” referred to something different in Australia than the US, so I googled it. And… nope.

So yeah, a tight, form-fitting, generally low cut bodice from all the pictures. Maybe there are some that aren’t, but I didn’t see many.

Men have responsibility for custody of the eyes. But women have responsibility too, for what they wear. That’s not a popular position in today’s world where women want to claim the “right” to wear whatever they want and simultaneously take umbrage when they are on the receiving end of unwanted attention.

Agreed…

All things equal, Men and Women seem to roughly fall into two groups when it comes to Beauty…

Those who are in tune w/God and those who aren’t.

All are called to repel the songs of LUST… Sex exists for the Married (male and female)

Men must respect the woman’s body…

And as for women…

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves.

 

[Marek]

I’m a married man and my wife recently pointed out I was looking at other women. To be honest, I never realized it, I was completely oblivious to the fact. I don’t think that I was looking at women lustfully, or that I was checking them out, but it was still a terrifying realization.
As I tried to control myself, I found it very difficult. I still felt my eyes wander, only I was now fully aware of the fact.
As for the situation you were in, well, most men turn their brains to idle mode when they’re out shopping with their wife. I know I do, and I frequently have no idea what I was doing when I snap back.

One final thought. Did any of those men go beyond ogling and invited contact with their actions?

 

[AdamP88]

There’s a big difference between “staring” or “checking out” and noticing that someone is attractive. I don’t think people stop noticing beauty after they get married but you need to exercise self-control and not stare and also not allow your mind to turn to lust. There’s nothing wrong with noticing beauty, but allowing it to go farther than that is not good.

This should really be something that is never noticed by a spouse as it’s an interior struggle. If the spouse notices then obviously the eyes have been let linger and the mind is likely in a lustful place.

No man exists who will find you the only attractive woman in the world. Realising this fact is actually one way to prevent affairs from happening. Some people fool themselves that attraction stops after marriage. It doesn’t. Chastity is a lifelong struggle.
Do men exist who make conscious efforts to overcome their lustful urges? Definitely.

 

[DarkLight]

I dunno, they seem to be popping up in weird places lately. I’ve picked up several times in stores what I thought was a normal t-shirt or tank top, only to find it was actually a bodysuit. I guess it’s the fashion this year?

Of course personally I have trouble understanding why anyone no longer in diapers needs a garment that buttons down there, but that’s not a modesty issue.

 

[Rozellelily]

What’s the difference between a bodysuit and tank/singlet top though?
A bodysuit is worn with jeans or skirt over it, it is not worn on its own naturally so really just becomes a tank top anyway.

Fair enough, I understand about the cleavage bit. Men are probably more visual then I even realised.

As @TheLittleLady mentioned, isn’t there though an “inner person” element to modesty?
For example I know heaps of Muslim women who wear hijabs and long sleeve dress only but then get their lips injected to huge size with Dermal fillers, cheek fillers, botox, very heavy makeup etc.
I want to mention that I don’t have anything against cosmetic treatment or surgery when done for right reason (I have tried filler myself) and It’s natural that some women like to beautify “surroundings”.
I’m just mentioning it to illustrate that modesty is inner disposition and not just clothing?

 

[Rozellelily]

Sometimes I will buy one because it is in a pattern of a top that I would like but unfortunately the store has only made it in a bodysuit design

 

[1ke]

Don’t confuse modesty and vanity.

Cosmetics aren’t immodest, although their use might be vain.

Immodesty is a sin against the ninth commandment:

http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P8R.HTM

 

[Convert3]

Just to answer the original question…Yes!

 

[Rozellelily]

Maybe men have to overcome their natural biology to become this way (not have wandering eye)?
I wonder if movies are big factor too. Ie: movies have sexy actresses like Scarlett Johansson and Angelina Jolie etc and then men think “I want this dream girl” and have physical responses.
(I mean heart beat faster physical response )

 

[Mhkc]

I still felt my eyes wander, only I was now fully aware of the fact.

The banality of sin? As an admitted , and committed, recovering lustful male… as similar to st.augustine and his common law wife… I find that my walk of faith is neither blind obedience, nor perfectionism. Rather a good look at 'what the SINFUL side of sex instinct does" is rather the key.

As one who has misused this gift, to remove the relation unity giving element to a completely selfish interested pursuit of the self gratifying aspects *(touch, orgasm, stimulation, etc)- I can learn from looking at the damage the use of sexual looks, intents, and touch does when not in context to relationality, leading to the potential spousal relation. I find nothing wrong with sex -not lust, food- not gluttony , desire - not greed, rest -not sloth, pride- not arrogance, having hurt or even angry feelings- not wrathful vengeful resentful or swear word based language, admiring qualities in others- not envying…

When I do my nightly examin of conscience, I try to keep track of my day’s actions in line with that above way of conduct. and compare how I did to the 10 commandments, and 2 commandments of the new testament… takes 5-10 minutes , looking at my iphone calendare. I keep a brief not of areas I over stepped the lines, and bring it to confession… I try and do a small act of contrition, and ask myself- do I really want to keep this sin? What’s it doing for me? Am I feelings distant from God or not?

Bear in mind, I was very pagan agnostic for many years. Now I am Catholic, but I used to just think that God was a myth fairytale brainwashe gobbedlygoop excuse for naive kool aid drinkin kumbayah hypocrites that needed some excuse to hold hands pray and feel some sort of greater purpose to their meaningless cess pool of biological material that hogs oxygen for 70-80 years and the gets old sick and dies, and somehow such banality was what christians or any god seeking people had to lie to themselves about to go blah blah blah… but I no longer think like that… I guess I may have been like Paul’s conversion… a former persecutor turned pitch man for Christ and the Catholic way

 

[Marek]

Marek:

I still felt my eyes wander, only I was now fully aware of the fact.

The banality of sin? As an admitted , and committed, recovering lustful male… as similar to st.augustine and his common law wife… I find that my walk of faith is neither blind obedience, nor perfectionism. Rather a good look at 'what the SINFUL side of sex instinct does" is rather the key.

I would not say it was a sin, banal or otherwise. It would require me to actually be aware that I was actively looking at women and that it was fully deliberate. Considering this, I don’t think it would apply to most situations that the OP describes.
OP’s location: Australia. Current season: Summer. My location: Europe, the occasion I mentioned was in cold Autumn. Hard to claim I was ogling bodies, but I think I did turn my head once or twice because something caught my eye in the face of a passerby. (Who happened to be female, as I don’t consider males interesting.)

 

[Mhkc]

It would require me to actually be aware that I was actively looking at women and that it was fully deliberate.

Yes, Imho, culpability would definitely be less for sure. However as I walk out my best effort I’m actually gladdend when i see a blind spot in my life. I know for me in my walk,it’s the harboring of unseen sins that has oft kept me away from a more richer treatment of respect and thereby emotional relational responsibility… so I get a little bit enthused if I catch some sneaky sinful thought, action, word lurking in me, because usually,if I contritely work on ending it, it slowly leads to an area of new awareness that translates into better relational authenticity. And as far as I’m concerned engendering more in depth realistic reciprical relations is the best joy in life

good stuff

 

[Marek]

I have a problem with relations. With my wife, with my kids, with others around me. Often, I’m too proud to admit it and I lie to myself that I like it that way and I don’t intend to change.

 

[Rozellelily]

most men turn their brains to idle mode when they’re out shopping with their wife.

I think you are right. None of the men I saw looked too excited to be there lol.

One final thought. Did any of those men go beyond ogling and invited contact with their actions?

No it was just looking.
I’m surprised if the wives with them would not notice though.
Either they were too busy thinking about Christmas shopping , or the more likely situation a lot of women just tolerate this of husbands.

There are always a few young middle eastern guys in the shopping centre that go beyond “checking out” women to actually trying to pick them up but I sort of try to avoid sitting near them much.