Is it unrealistic to be a housewife in 2009?

[luminoushope]

Greetings, dear one. The answer to your question is NO. Wife, mother, housewife, nurturer all add up to a beautiful, wonderful God-given vocation. You will have a happy husband and a joyful home.

I quit full-time work at age 46, after having been married for 12 years, due to a medical problem that didn’t allow me to continue. I had worked since the age of 19 in the same field and had moved up to a comfortable position and salary, but by then I had no choice about quitting and it turned my world upside down. I enjoyed keeping house, shopping and cooking, but with no children, needed more. I am not much of a self-starter either, but gradually got into exercise, reading, playing music with my husband in a band, and some volunteer work, mostly in food ministries. I made up a slogan for myself: “There is life after work.” I used to reflect on this on my three-mile walks. Gradually it took hold.

Do not compare yourself to others. Do not speculate about what they are doing or not doing. You don’t live in their skins, nor they in yours. I would say that if someone confronts you directly, resist the temptation I would certainly have to ask them why they think this is any of their business (although you might think of a nice way to say it…). This can be a great opportunity to witness to Our Lord and uphold the truths taught by His Church. I wish you every blessing.

 

[Rkirby]

i think it’s great if you want to be a housewife. KIds or no kids. I didn’t stop going to work everyday until after I had children, but I have no intention of going back just because they are in school. I might get my masters degree, but not go back to work full time.

As far as chilren in church is concerned. I am a social worker and have a minor in child psychology. I believe that parents contribute largely to a child’s behavior. I believe that children as young as 2.5 are very capable of sitting quitely in mass if the parents were clear and consistent in teaching and demonstrating how the child is expected to behave leading up to that age. I also believe that parents expect too little out of their children in today’s society. They explain every behavior issue away by saying things like oh he’s hungry or oh he’s just tired or he’s not old enough to know better yet. There are times when this is true of course. I know that being tired or hurgy can defintely cause behavior problems. I am speaking of the times in which parents use those (or other) explainations to excuse a childs behavior when is not the case. They use these excuses right in front of the child and so the child learns that as long as he has an excuse it’s ok to behave in a negative way. It happens all the time. My children are always good in Mass. We are not running to the bathroom in the middle of Mass for unnecessary bathroom breaks. We do not bring food or drinks or toys. They know that at mass they are expected to sit, stand or kneel and be quiet unless we are singing. Even my youngest at 14 months knows to be quiet at Mass. When we walk in he says shhh. He is not perfectly still yet but we work on every week. He is quiet. It is the same thing with potty training. Parents just don’t give kids enough credit and set low expectations. I realize that there are kids out there with develomental delays or disabilites. I am not talking about those kids. I am speaking of normal functioning children.

My 2.5-year-old just learned how to be quiet at Mass. Ever since our oldest child was 3 or 4 (he’s 15 now) we’ve gotten candy after Mass. If our children misbehave - no candy. Our youngest missed his candy two weeks ago and has now learned to whisper in Mass and be very, very quiet. He still moves all over the place but we don’t hear a peep out of him. The rule we have for him is “no noise” and he follows it faithfully now. We’ll work on staying in the pew when he’s ready for that (he currently plays on the floor and the kneelers). Yes, children as young as 2.5 can learn to be quiet. And the bribe does wonders.

 

[RedSoxWife]

My 2.5-year-old just learned how to be quiet at Mass. Ever since our oldest child was 3 or 4 (he’s 15 now) we’ve gotten candy after Mass. If our children misbehave - no candy. Our youngest missed his candy two weeks ago and has now learned to whisper in Mass and be very, very quiet. He still moves all over the place but we don’t hear a peep out of him. The rule we have for him is “no noise” and he follows it faithfully now. We’ll work on staying in the pew when he’s ready for that (he currently plays on the floor and the kneelers). Yes, children as young as 2.5 can learn to be quiet. And the bribe does wonders.

This is kind of like what we’ve been doing and it seems to be working (and I’m praying it keeps working!). My fifteen month old is not a “laid back” baby. Both of her grandmother’s have said (one who had four boys and both with tons of grandchildren) say they have never seen a toddler as “busy” as my dd. It’s hard to keep up with her.

Mass has become quite an ordeal these last few months. She’d scream and cry because she wanted down and wanted to run up to the front. I was a wit’s end. Our parish doesn’t have a cry room and the old walls are paper thin, you can even hear people talking in the parking lot outside. My husband and I were alternating going out side and spending most of the time there.

Two weeks ago I had an idea. Sadie can understand a lot. She’s constantly pointing out things. So on our way to Mass I had a little talk with her. We talked about how we were going to see Jesus and we needed to be very quite for one hour. We always come home and have pizza afterwards (she loves having the little pieces of crust with a little sauce on it) and spend time together as a family and I said that if she was very good there’d be a treat (she’s only just started trying out the pizza, so the treat was her own little tiny sliver). I was skeptical, but figured that if she can identify the differences between tractors in her tractor book (by pointing) she should be able to understand what I was saying (although I wasn’t sure she’d have the self control).

We went in and for the past two weeks we haven’t had to leave to go outside Mass. She still wiggles and it’s still difficult, but with the exception of a couple of giggles, she’s been amazingly good. I’m hoping it lasts! I know that nothing works for everyone, but for anyone out there struggling with a toddler you may want to give it a try. It can’t hurt!

 

[ML561]

Grace and Peace be with you!!

Do what you think is best and what the Holy Spirit has placed upon your heart. Please do not worry about what others may think, if you and your husband agree, pursue this path.

My mother taught elementary school from 1955 until 1961, when she temporarily retired to stay at home with me and my sister. When I was in fifth grade Mom went back to teaching but was always there for us. So was my dad. Mom has retired from teaching but is busier now than ever–it is sometimes hard to get in touch with her, and dad is retired also and talking a lot with his pals.

I have no words of wisdom except to encourage you to not be drawn into perfectionism, as so many women are these days. Take time to pray. This is, I will admit, a prejudice I have, but I really would discourage anyone from taking any advice from popular women’s magazines. They sell only sex, beauty, and weight loss, holding up to women the always-elusive notion that just one more hairstyle or just one more diet will provide happiness. If that is not some sort of temptation from the devil I don’t know what is. Peace

 

[Charbeau]

Check out this blog:

my50syear.blogspot.com/

It is written by a woman who decided to try and recreate a 1950s mentality and household for one year. She and her husband have no children and she is a housewife in every sense of the word. It has been interesting following her life over the last several months and she has written many posts on the art of homemaking and the lack of a nurturing environment in our homes. She has also touched many times on the modern backlash against women choosing to stay home if there are no children in the household. She isn’t Catholic, though. The blog is fairly well written and the content is clean.

 

[mandateman]

It may be unrealistic to be a stay at home mother today, but only if you listen to woman caught up in fighting against women being allowed to be women.

My mom raised eleven of the thirteen children she had two whom passed away at birth. It must have been more of a job then any you could find in the work force when I by myself were a terror. Today we see competent women who are incapable of handling two children without needing to see psychologists.

For about three million years women got married from 13 - 16 years old and raised families. They in general worked at least twice as hard as their husbands and were the center of their homes. This system worked so that we were able to build all our nations and put people on the moon. Then we had a break down in the roles of women and men that had seemed to be very natural forever.

What is it that women really want? Is it to be equal? I dont see that in women. Is it to be superior? Perhaps for some but I dont find any of them that are actually happy. What is it and where is it that women are the happiest and really have impact on the world.

What would it be if you became the ceo of the largest company in the world and then discovered that your neglect of your children which would accompany this position has caused them to become people without faith. What good is it. I have know wealthy people whose personal lives were a mess. No one is neglected more then a child who doesnt have access to at least one of his or her parents when they want a hug or need a question answered. It changes them forever.

It is totally unacceptable today to believe that a woman should be more natural and maybe even more beneficial with her kids then on a job. But, I find very few women today who would be able to stand toe to toe with my mom. She practiced her vocation to the best of her ability. Marriage is the vocation work is just employment. She displayed virtues no office executive ever dreamed of, in patience, endurance, devotion, wisdom, and love.

If your husband agrees that you should do what is best for you and I know few husbands who wouldnt. Then do what is best for you and take every moment that you are not busy with your hands to develop your prayer and spiritual life.

Woman should not allow their personal dignity to be measured, by other women, or by what job you have or your place in the community. All of our dignity comes from the fact that you are created in the image and likeness of God, so loved by God that he sent his only son Jesus to die for you and he has prepared a place for you in his kingdom. This is the origin of all real human dignity.

 

[BenEPaul]

Quick story…My beautiful wife has been a housewife for 12 years, we have three amazing children. The other day I came home for lunch, very rare for me to do so, and I got to see my 4 year old daughter (our youngest) and my wife sitting at the kitchen table having lunch together. My daughter was just talking away and my wife was laughing. And it occurred to me that this is worth it. All my children have had this opportunity, to be with their mom, to feel this comfortable, safe and loved. Their childhood memories will be filled with these moments.

We are a single income family, we do not take big vacations and we have a modest home in a small town. There are times my wife wishes she had a better wardrobe and things like that, but she knows in her heart that she is doing what she wants to do.

I thank God everyday for having her in my life, I look to her for strength and comfort.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

I am currently a public school teacher (4th year) who is becoming very jaded by the environment I spend my working days in, both in terms of bureaucracy from administration, and the attitudes I encounter from students. I’ve dealt with a lot of job-related anxiety over the last year, which had me finish out the last school year on medication to keep panic attacks at bay. Recently, I’ve been feeling the same way, but with added guilt that I feel for not being able to spend the time cooking and keeping the house the way I’d like to for my new husband.

Making a healthy meal, having errands done, and keeping a simple, clean house is something that brings me a lot of fulfillment, and I know my husband enjoys also (although he is supportive and understanding that I am working and he does not expect me to be the only person doing any work around the house, so please don’t get the wrong idea.) The thing is that, as a woman, I actually feel very validated by being a nurturer and caring for our home, and I’ve not been able to do these things as well as I would like when I am working long days and bringing home grading and planning to do in the evenings. I teach kids who come from low-income, frequently single-mother households, who are dealing with a lot of issues. Frankly, despite the challenges of that population, I really do like being an influence on their lives, but sometimes the positive of the job seems so minute in comparison with my frustration at the state of the educational system in this country, and then the fact that I am devoting so much of my energy to that at the expense of having a sense of peace in my private, non-work life.

Anyway, recently I’ve been struggling with guilt for feeling like I would like to leave teaching to be a housewife and put my energy toward something where I see results, to put more effort towards nuturing my marriage and our home, and move from full-time working with needy populations to have a volunteer position where I could still work with needy populations, but have more control over the demands it makes on my life and emotions. I feel such guilt, as a young twenty-something woman who has a graduate degree and a good brain, for feeling this way. I hear my friends (non-Catholics, and secular, admittedly) talk about their commitment to their jobs and how validating they are, and I just do not feel this way in the least. I know my main vocation in life is as a wife and a mother, and while I like helping students, teaching itself is not a passion-- but neither can I imagine another salaried job being my passion-- so I don’t know if changing professions would make a difference for me. If I did leave my job to be a housewife, however, I worry that people will see me as lazy, or taking advantage of my husband.

Anyway, we have always planned that I will stay at home when we have kids in the next little bit of time, and while I know there is the working mom/ stay at home mom debate, I see that issue very clearly in my situation, and won’t feel guilty for staying with my kids. However, until we have kids, I feel guilty/ stupid for wanting to make caring for my marriange, husband and home as a housewife my “day job”, when so many people work full time and still manage their houses. I just wanted to see if people perceive it this way, or if there are others out there who share my feelings on this issue. Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut

It’s not only ‘realistic’ to be a housewife, but crucial in these hellbound times, to lead the world back to sanity.

NOTHING is more important than your vocation of wife-and-motherhood. It’s given to you by God.

Feminists, in denigrating this holy task, have done more harm to society than any other group I can think of.

 

[LongingForLight]

Feminists, in denigrating this holy task, have done more harm to society than any other group I can think of.

(* climbs onto her soap box *)

Correction: You are referring to RADICAL feminists. Most “feminists” these days are not true feminists, as they do not represent the points of view of the majority of women.

A true feminist does not attempt to tell women they are giving a bad example if they choose to stay home with their families. She doesn’t say that any woman who chooses to care for her family is wasting her education or failing to develop herself. She applauds those women for making the best choices they can for their families - just as she applauds a woman who has good reason to work and fights for a fair wage.

First-wave feminism, the original feminism of women’s-right-to-vote and equal-pay-for-equal-work, recognized that women did wonderful things when they cared for their families, and applauded their nurturing, kind, gentle natures and their roles as mothers. They saw these aspects of women as being critically important to society, and wanted these traits (and the women who held them) to play a larger role in society. Check out the Mother’s Day Proclamation to see what I mean. Lately, I think many women are yearning for a resurgence of this kind of feminism.

Second-wave and third-wave “feminism” were radical movements that missed the true goals of feminism, which were concerned with feminine dignity and worth, and the value of feminine influence in the world. They instead opted to meet some women’s wants and desires to be as irresponsible as they perceived men to be (although they did also continue to further some of the goals of 1st-wave feminism, like equal pay for equal work).

(* climbs off of her soap box *)

-LFL

 

[2HunnyBuns]

I have been a housewife for nearly 9 years now. I left my job about three months after I got married. It was difficult at first both financially and socially, but it got easier with time. It can be very isolating to be a stay at home mom of a very young child. I certainly don’t think it’s unrealistic to be a housewife in this day and age. I’m doing it and I know several other moms who are doing it as well. I actually can’t imagine having to work, take care of the housework and my children. I think that would be incredibly overwhelming. My family and the upkeep of our home are my primary focus. After that, I focus on volunteering my time for various school and church related things. I couldn’t volunteer if I had to work in addition to being a wife and mother.

 

[Angels_Unaware]

I have been a housewife for nearly 9 years now. I left my job about three months after I got married. It was difficult at first both financially and socially, but it got easier with time. It can be very isolating to be a stay at home mom of a very young child. I certainly don’t think it’s unrealistic to be a housewife in this day and age. I’m doing it and I know several other moms who are doing it as well. I actually can’t imagine having to work, take care of the housework and my children. I think that would be incredibly overwhelming. My family and the upkeep of our home are my primary focus. After that, I focus on volunteering my time for various school and church related things. I couldn’t volunteer if I had to work in addition to being a wife and mother.

I was going to say this and never got around to it. The OP was asking whether she could justify being a housewife without children. The first thing that came to mind is that she would have just an enormous amount of time to dedicate herself to ministries, Bible studies, eucharistic adoration, etc., in addition to creating a home if she chose to be a housewife.

I was also going to say that a housewife doesn’t just make a home feel safe and secure, but she makes her whole neighborhood feel safe and secure. Doesn’t it make you feel good to know someone is always there, watching? Like a candle burning in the window? I know I feel that way about it. My grandmother was a housewife without children after her children grew up and left home, and she always had time to take care of me when I was home sick from school, and she made everything feel so secure. i remember her gardening, and baking from scratch, and doing crossword puzzles while watching the Price is Right…

That being said, I have a problem with anyone who insists one particular choice is right for a woman, whatever that choice is.

 

[mom2Grace]

I don’t have time to read past page one so I’ll just chime in here.

You sound so much like me a few years ago. If I didn’t know better, this was a post from me in 2006. Seriously. I was a teacher in a school with children from tough home lives. I was so tired when I got home I could barely get dinner going and I still had papers to correct in the evening. At one point I did approach my principal with the idea of going half time the next year. I knew that I did like my job but full time was just too much for me. We didn’t have time to get errands run and Saturday was spent grocery shopping, banking, doing laundry and cleaning. It just didn’t seem like much of a life to me. I had two miscarriages while still teaching full time and I must have been pretty depressed for some time. When I found out I was pregnant again, and past the three month mark, I decided to go ahead and teach full time the next year until the baby was born so we would have more money saved. Now I am home full time with two and I am so much happier, and so is DH. If I ask him what it was like when I was working, he says he remembers me being so sad all the time and so tired I couldn’t do anything. I’m still very busy at home and dinner’s not always planned or ready and the house still isn’t perfectly clean since I have two more people now messing it up constantly. But I am much much happier. I don’t go to bed dreading waking up the next morning and I don’t hold my breath till Friday 3pm comes.

I am glad that I worked those years though because I learned a lot and grew as a person, and I also have a solid foundation for if I need to work again. In my state, my licence will expire but I can get a lifetime substitute licence and then have my regular licence renewed with some coursework. With a few week’s notice, I know I could be busy substitute teaching and I have a lot of experience under my belt. There’s not much that would surprise me, I’m sure you know what I mean. It was also very good to have money saved up. I’ll admit I had fun with a few last minute shopping trips to Babies r Us.

I just know that all people are different. Some women love working out of home full time and thrive on it. I did not.

Sometimes I do feel guilty that I am so relaxed …rolleyes:…I get to spend time gardening and sewing and cooking and baking. Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy from the chaos with the kids, but most of the time I am doing what I enjoy.