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secondop
Guest
This is exactly what i was feeling too! i felt like he just spent 6 hours watching porn and then turned to me to help him
I am so heart broken! This has never happened to me before…
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pianistclare
Guest
I don’t believe that anyone is over-the top as you say. He went home and “went at” his wife after ogling other women. She is upset for good reason.
Unacceptable.
This is serious.
It’s unconscionable that people are making LIGHT of it.
If people wish to be “funny” there are plenty of games to play in the clubhouse.
But this poor woman has a real issue.
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pianistclare
Guest
Nope.
Not buying it.
He went after her like she as a piece of meat.
Not how a loving husband behaves. I can’t believe you are defending this. Why?
To be right?
I don’t get it. This poor woman has serious issue. Maybe you would let it go, but she can’t, and should not. She is hurting. How do you not read that in her post?
I don’t and won’t ever enjoy raunchy behavior. And that is what she describes.
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BlueEyedLady
Guest
How many women here would be ok with their husbands spending some time with the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition before coming to bed with them.
Likewise, I have to wonder how many men here would dare try to justify that behavior to their wives.
That’s exactly what this is.
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SeekerofTruth27
Guest
This is a really good way of putting it
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LongingSoul
Guest
Cat, I feel a bit sorry for you as you’ve copped a right royal rollicking. It sounds like you have a nice normal fella with normal level male revoltingness and it is important to maintain our cool as a woman to encourage them to do it better.
I think I would feel exactly the way the OP did in her situation and I’d be looking for the best way to address it to him so that he really understands how hurtful ogling and then dumping that on his wife afterwards, is. But she did say that he was appreciative and loving towards her in general so that’s a nice big plus for him. This is just something he needs to know can’t happen in future. If this is really a natural thing for guys, he learns to be discreet like other fellas and makes a special effort to be super loving and respectful of his wife rather than just grab her for his selfish release leaving her doubly cheated of her nice time.
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ela2
Guest
I agree
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Petersprincess1
Guest
I totally agree that the ops husband was wrong. My husband hasn’t ever done that to me as far as I know, but I will admit, he loves reading car magazines, and for some reason, the car magazine publishers feel the need to put scantily clad girls posing next to the cars. So when he gets a new magazine, I flip through it, then take a black sharpie marker and give the girls a more modest attire. Lol. He doesn’t mind, because he really is a car enthusiast and couldn’t care less about the girls in the mag. So he says 
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Cat
Guest
Exactly. This is the right approach to this situation. Calm, learning curve, discussion, recognition of the differences between males and females when it comes to sexual arousal patterns (which may mean staying away from water parks if they create too great a problem for a man–too bad), and agreeing on behaviors.
Yes, the OP tried–at the wrong time. You don’t “discuss” anything when you are upset, angry, disturbed, etc. You wait until the more opportune moment. A lot of marriages could be helped by following this principle.
And this is not going to be solved by a one-time discussion in which the husband becomes “mature”. This will be an ongoing issue for this couple for the rest of their marriage, just as it is in all marriages. Attitudes towards sex and various sexual behaviors will come up over and over again, and the couple must continue to work TOGETHER constantly to be at a place where they are glorifying God, edifying each other, and contributing to a wholesome society/culture in their sex life.
By the way, I do not consider a waterpark a “porn situation.” The husband didn’t spend 6 hours “watching porn.” He spent six hours surrounded by women, teenagers, and children wearing swimsuits–yes, they reveal flesh, but that is NOT porn!!! And people on this thread say I’m going over the top on this question?!
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fpt
Guest
Do you know that the wife is the medical lover of her husband? Do you know that the husband is the medical lover of his wife? Each one is the “medicine” for the wrong effects of the concupiscence. The marital act with the spouse for avoiding to visit other women or men for sex, is totally in the ends of the marriage. Here, no moral issue, per se and by nature.
The married female, who is the wife, has to understand the normal sexuality of her male: wife is the teacher of the sexuality of her husband, she is also the professor of the sexuality of her husband, and then she is **the doctress **and the master of love of the sexuality of her husband. She eveals in him, his part of feminity and helps his masculinity.
The married male, who is the husband, has to understand the normal sexuality of his female: Husband is the teacher of the sexuality of his wife, he is also the professor of the sexuality of his wife, and then he is **the doctor **and **love’s master **of the sexuality of his wife. He reveals in her, her part of masculinity and helps her feminity.
The marriage is a sexed and sexual contract and is a sexed and sexual institution. One of objects of marriage is the marital act, the fact of making love!!! The **mutual and reciprocal submission **concerning the practice of the marital act.
The married female, who is the wife, has to understand the normal sexuality of her male: wife is the teacher of the sexuality of her husband, she is also the professor of the sexuality of her husband, and then she is **the doctress **and the master of love of the sexuality of her husband. She eveals in him, his part of feminity and helps his masculinity.
The married male, who is the husband, has to understand the normal sexuality of his female: Husband is the teacher of the sexuality of his wife, he is also the professor of the sexuality of his wife, and then he is **the doctor **and **love’s master **of the sexuality of his wife. He reveals in her, her part of masculinity and helps her feminity.
The marriage is a sexed and sexual contract and is a sexed and sexual institution. One of objects of marriage is the marital act, the fact of making love!!! The **mutual and reciprocal submission **concerning the practice of the marital act.
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fpt
Guest
The wife has to try to be attractive and seductive for her husband, and vice versa!!! An obligation of means for each one. The mutual romanticism is into the contract of marriage. She has to work on, and he has to work on.
Porn and erotism are not the same things!!!
Porn and erotism are not the same things!!!
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fpt
Guest
“The emotions should be rationalized; and the reason should be sensibilized”. Each member of couple has to try to understand the other about the sexual topics in trying to use this “sentence”.
Here, the husband has to try to change his habits in the use of his eyes: to avoid lust via his watching.The wife has to try to understand the sexual needs of her husband. Efforts and sacrifices for each one.
Here, the husband has to try to change his habits in the use of his eyes: to avoid lust via his watching.The wife has to try to understand the sexual needs of her husband. Efforts and sacrifices for each one.
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Psalm98
Guest
With due respect, Cat, you are behaving like a troll. I am confident you are not a troll, but you are very much acting like one.
Do you REALLY not understand the seriousness of this? What makes you think that this husband’s behavior is even remotely acceptable? Did you misunderstand the OP’s first post, see what was going on after reading more of the OP’s posts, actually agree that this is serious, and are now just defending your position because you have to be right?
You are comparing the OP’s marriage to your own and it’s not working. It’s not the same as your marriage. What the OP’s husband is doing is not the same as what you and your husband are doing. STOP comparing them to you and your husband. They are different people in a different marriage with a different issue.
And 4 years is a “baby marriage”? Oh please. This type of behavior wouldn’t be acceptable in a marriage of 4 hours. This is serious. The OP has a right to be upset, and her husband needs to have respect for her feelings.
I’m sure this post will do nothing to make you see the light, as you are quite set in your ways, but…had to speak my piece anyway.
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BlueEyedLady
Guest
Somehow I knew you were going to come back with this, that’s why I added the SE example. The fact is that regardless of what was going on, he was using it as a pornographic or more accurately, a strip club situation. He was willfully staring to get aroused, he refused to stop, and then he asked his wife for a release. You’re right, it is just a waterpark. That’s what makes it so upsetting to the OP that he would exploit their day of fun to get his jollies elsewhere.
Titanic is not a pornographic movie. Not even close. In fact, I.think it’s only rated PG-13. But over a night of drinks a male friend of mine confessed to me that when he was 12 he didn’t have a lot of access to porn, so he would rewind and replay the last few minutes of the first Titanic VHS over and over again because it was the scene where Kate Winslet is drawn nude. The movie is still not pornographic, but my friend was certainly using it that way. I’m certain that his very religious parents would have seen in that way too.
It is not the material that determines right or wrong-it is the intent behind it. The car enthusiast husband mentioned in a previous post is just enjoying an innocent hobby. But another man could order the exact same magazines for a different purpose (sex) and be completely in the wrong. The OP’s husband’s behavior should not be passed off as innocent because of the environment. His intent was far from it.
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PrayerShark
Guest
Madam, you should be commended for your ingenious efforts. But I think this should go further. While the pictures in these magazines are in danger of stimulating your husband’s eyes, do not forget that words will stimulate his mind and imagination. Therefore I propose that you should go through all the books in your house and using this same sharpie redact all occurrences of sex or other forms of eroticism that may be written down. One cannot be two careful.
BlueEyedAtheist:
As my great Uncle George told me on my first visit to the gentleman’s club.
“Son, it doesn’t matter where you work up the appetite, as long as you go home to eat.”
BlueEyedAtheist:
Ah memories… And who knew that her on screen performances were only going to get better over the years.
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TriciaF
Guest
Courting temptation is not a laudable pursuit for a Christian gentleman.
Your uncle’s worldly opinions are not a guide for good Christians,
and are in contradiction to Jesus teaching in the matter under discussion:
Matthew 5:27-28
“Adultery
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[a]
28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
I’ll take the words of Jesus, Christ, Son of God, over your Uncle George’s opinions!
And so must we all as Christians.
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BlueEyedLady
Guest
Just pointing out…the only person who agrees with Cat uses her logic to justify strip clubs. And why shouldn’t he? If its the OP’s fault for not “understanding” her husband’s needs, and its her fault for bringing up her concerns at “the wrong time”, why not go to strip clubs?
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TriciaF
Guest
It may be that Cat enjoys being…the cat among the pigeons!
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