Is it wrong that I only date virgins?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Carlj1497
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Carlj1497 said:
I don’t just blatantly ask them, “So uh, are you a virgin or not?”. I explain to them that God is very important to me, and that he plays a big role in my life. Therefore, it is very important that I try to the best of my ability to follow his rules. I then explain what intercourse means to me, and I then ask if she feels the same way. I also ask her if our relationship were to get more serious, if she’d be willing to wait. So far, most of the girls have been virgins who are waiting. And they seem pretty impressed that a 20 year old guy actually views sex as something more that physical pleasure.
Click to expand...
And you think that cuts out all nonvirgins? Heck, a girl could have been sexually active in the past, committed herself to her faith, and answer all of your concerns perfectly. You could easily have that conversation with her and never find out that she isn’t a virgin.

Regardless, you are free to date whoever you wish. But, other people are free to make up their own minds about you as well. That means that while you are free to turn down a girl with a past, other girls are free to consider you a snob.

I’m a redhead. My husband is attracted to redheads. However, if he had taken it a step further and said that the only women that he is interested in dating are redheads, I would have broken it off with him. Although I meet that qualification, I would have seen him as a shallow person who was focused on the wrong things. Similarly, if I were a virgin and someone told me that they were only interested in dating virgins, I would run. I would view them as far too interested in my sexuality and I would think that they were far more concerned with judging people on their romantic pasts rather than on their values, beliefs, personality, moral character, etc.

You’re only 20 now, but over the course of the next decade you will grow and change a lot, and everyone around you will too. You may come out of your 20’s a completely different person. So although you haven’t experienced it yet, in a few years you may see firsthand just how much people can and do change.
 
edwest2 said:
No. I recommend it. The norm was ‘no sex before marriage’ and it should be the norm today.

Good it was the norm in our parents day, what a good way of of pleasing Our Lady, who is always giving us a message about living a chaste life, harder for men I think, but at the end of the day, Our Lord requires us to practice Chasity when we are single, what is a sign of a Catholic tell me, treating women as sexual objects, or women treating men in the same way, degrading on both counts. We as Catholics should stand out by our actions, not
the world’s standards of loose morals and STD’s, but we should stand out by Our Love of Christ and obedient to HIS Word and teaching, its a case of don’t act like the pagans do.
Our dress and our Our Way of Life says all, by your actions you know what is in your heart.

Best,
Ed
Click to expand...
 
Regular_Atheist said:
How do you find out? :confused:
Click to expand...
lol good question…this made me laugh…
I think that if you are seeing someone, you love them, and they are a practicing Catholic, it shouldn’t matter. I mean my goodness, just because your (prospective) girlfriend made mistakes in the past doesn’t mean that she hasn’t started the journey of repentence and is following God’s way now. Sure, it’s your love life, so it’s your decision, but I just can’t see a good reason for keeping this as a strict qualification.
 
First of all, whether a woman lost her virginity is between her and God. I don’t know if it’s anyone else’s business. If she was married before, does that make her a “spoiled dove”? I could understand if she had kids but was widowed. Taking on someone’s family is a big decision.

Is it wrong that I would only date men who like animals? (That’s no joke; that is the honest truth.)

In particular, he would have to love cats and dogs and be willing to share the bed with them. He would have to love lizards, fish, birds, and pet mantids. (Those are bugs in the praying mantis family.) He would have to never, ever, get mad at them or hit them for any reason whatsoever.

We all have our own feelings about our possible mates. Those are mine.
 
Arizona_Fat_Gir said:
Is it wrong that I would only date men who like animals? (That’s no joke; that is the honest truth.)
Click to expand...
I’m not sure that’s a valid comparison. A man liking animals will have a huge impact on your life. A partner who doesn’t like animals may not want them in the house, or may not be open to certain species, or will feel very differently than you about how much time and money should be allocated to pets.

Now, if one of your requirements was that your future husband must have owned at least 4 different kinds of animals in his life and that he must never have gone without a pet of any kind…I might think you had a problem. (But, once again, you’re totally free to have that requirement. But, I’m free to think it’s crazy/stupid/narrow minded.)
 
By practicing virgin I basically mean “purposefully avoiding premarital sex”. And yes, these questions I ask usually come after several dates, especially when it seems there’s a connection. I honestly haven’t really had any trouble finding virgin girls who are waiting.
 
You have a perfect right to do this.
I wonder how this question arose and if someone told you it is wrong to date only virgins. If that is the case, they are wrong. You have a perfect right to date and marry who you please. I wonder how anyone could actually say this is wrong.
 
In todays society one has to be very discerning. I would pray very much that God by His Providence would lead me to the right girl. Some practical ways is to meet them at Faith functions. Places where virtue is found, people close to God. You will know them by their acts of love, and service to others How one practices their faith, how they conduct themselves. God may even lead you to a person who made some mistakes, they are as human as your self, and who can say “I’m without sin.” Forgiveness, compassion, and acceptance are noble qualities too. It’s so easy for people to do things that are wrong. We live in a society that bombards youth with all kinds of sensual stimuli. I would have a very hard time growing up and trying to live a virtuous life.in todays world. We all need the salvation that comes from Jesus Christ. Prayer and trust in God is my answer. It worked for me. I married a widow with three children, and we adopted a little girl. I couldn’t have picked a better wife, we live in love and marital happiness by God’s providence I had several choices one had money and she was very good, another was very beautiful and had a nice personality. another was so good she became a nun. But by things that cropped up I was led to my present wife. And I am confident that God made the choice for me, and it was a very good choice. Trust in God to lead you.
 
Celtic_Maiden said:
Think hard and long, about virginity, the answer might come to you. !!
Click to expand...
Ha!😃

To the OP, I think it’s wonderful that you are saving yourself for marriage and want a spouse who is similar. Don’t let anyone tell you different!👍
 
Carlj1497 said:
I am a practicing virgin, and I only date girls who are also saving it.
Click to expand...
People obviously can set their own standards, and date/marry someone with similar standards. But it is very, very important to understand that the sacrament of marriage is not about being a virgin, it is about commitment. I’ll take someone who I know is committed to me for the rest of my life that isn’t a virgin (my second wife), versus someone who was (my first wife).

Now, with regard to some of the other commentary:
However, I know that sex isn’t just physical, and there is a list of reasons that I don’t want to date someone who’s had sex before. These reasons include:
Click to expand...
  • The person will most likely still have feelings for others that they have slept with
Click to expand...
  • There is a chance of catching some sort of STD
Click to expand...
  • There will be the fear of not “performing” as well as the person’s previous sexual partners
Click to expand...
  • I would never date a girl who was previously married, so why would I date a girl who was previously “spiritually” married through intercourse?
Click to expand...
  • The thought of my wife having sex with other men would make me sad
Click to expand...
  • The thought of being in my wife, where other men have been, is repulsive
Click to expand...
Is this wrong? The way I look at it, they’re just personal preferences. Like how I prefer brunettes to blondes, or how I prefer short girls to tall ones. Like I said, I don’t hate women who are promiscuous, I just don’t think they’re wife material for me.
Click to expand...
Many of the above are issues due to not understanding the unknown or simply insecurity. That’s coming from someone who’s guilty of some of the above. Normal people doing go around with a checklist determining and remembering whose a better sex partner; in fact, that is a distorted view of what sex is about.

I especially object to this one:
  • I would never date a girl who was previously married, so why would I date a girl who was previously “spiritually” married through intercourse?
Click to expand...
This one is particularly interesting, because you actually have a record of a how a person behaves in a marriage. Let’s say a spouse was absolutely faithful for years, but their spouse died. Or the spouse cheated incessantly, yet the innocent spouse stuck with them and made effort to work things out. I would never consider excluding such a person who has a track record of being absolutely faithful to their prior spouse.
 
TheWarriorMonk said:
I would never consider excluding such a person who has a track record of being absolutely faithful to their prior spouse.
Click to expand...
I respect your opinion. However, I personally would not want to deal with the emotional baggage my wife may carry from her previous marriage.
 
Carlj1497 said:
I respect your opinion. However, I personally would not want to deal with the emotional baggage my wife may carry from her previous marriage.
Click to expand...
It’s something I don’t mind dealing with. My second wife is physically beautiful, has an extraordinary personality (of the type where you could throw her on a TV show and she could keep you entertained for an hour with no script…she’s does BG work on a major TV series, BTW), and we have two extraordinary adopted foreign children. That’s a far cry from my virgin first wife that cheated on me and utterly refused to have children. If I’m dealing with baggage, I’m not aware of it, and so be it. Virginity does not guarantee permanence nor a happy marriage.
 
Estevao said:
OP, don’t forget the relationship between sex before marriage and divorce:

focusonthefamily.com/about_us/focus-findings/marriage/premarital-sex-and-divorce.aspx
Click to expand...
FWIW, it actually not about the relationship between sex before marriage and divorce, but rather the relationship between morals and divorce. The act of not having sex before marriage doesn’t mean anything; it’s the moral underpinning of why one is not having sex before marriage that is relevant. Focusing solely on virginity is misguided; it’s all about the morals.
 
Of course not! You’re entirely within your moral rights in choosing to only consider virgins for marriage.

What surprises me is the idea that that might be considered dishonorable! If you’re expected to stay a virgin before marriage (which you are), there’s no reason for it to be wrong for you to look for the same in your partner.
 
freiabereinsam said:
What surprises me is the idea that that might be considered dishonorable! If you’re expected to stay a virgin before marriage (which you are), there’s no reason for it to be wrong for you to look for the same in your partner.
Click to expand...
That depends on the reasons for wanting to marry only a virgin. There most certainly can be dishonorable reasons. Not saying that OP has dishonorable reasons, but as some of us have pointed out, his original list of reasons did not seem to include anything honorable either.

I for the record I agree that is honorable to wish to marry a virgin, who has remained a virgin for all the right reasons. However, that virginity is a side effect, so to speak, of that person being a religiously faithful and moral person. Virginity along is not enough. Likewise a person who may have made a bad choice as a teenager or young adult may very well become a great saint.
 
EasterJoy said:
Provided that you do not have a double-standard or hold those you don’t date in any sort of contempt, you do not have to have any excuses for who you are and are not interested in dating. Just make it clear that you do not exclude anyone because they are inferior, but because you don’t think you’d make them a good match, and you are dating in the hopes of finding someone you’d match well. For instance, you might also decide not to date someone you feel sure has a religious vocation or someone who would not be contented with something about you.
Click to expand...
^^ This agree 100%. Ad long as you are not living a double standard and you are fully practicing chastity it is OK and as long you don’t make others feels inferior. I am also going to agree with the previous poster. Virginity and chastity are not the same. If you are living a chaste life the goal should be dating someone who is “chaste”. Someone may be a virging physically but not “chaste” and indulging in sexual sins. On the same token maybe someone is not physically a virgin but had a conversion (or even you can include here being a widow/widower etc) and living a perfectly chaste life. Your goal should be chastity not mere physical virginity.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top