Is it wrong to give up on marriage after a certain age?

[Irishmom2]

There are usually serious reasons why an older woman is unmarried, as holy face said. Women can find a guy very easily and there are all sorts of men willing to settle with almost any woman, so the fact that they havent settled might be a red flag.

The same is not true for a man, as its much harder to even make friends with a woman and just as hard to maintain that friendship. Women reject men for all kinds of superficial reasons, so its not a really a red flag or unusual for a man to be older and single.

These two comments are the worst generalizations I have heard on this entire thread. Please do not turn the OP’s thread into another stupid man vs woman thing. You have produced nothing to support these words except perhaps your own bias and possible rejection.

 

[Thorns]

These two comments are the worst generalizations I have heard on this entire thread. Please do not turn the OP’s thread into another stupid man vs woman thing. You have produced nothing to support these words except perhaps your own bias and possible rejection.

Its generally true, of course there are a few exceptions to every rule.

For a woman to be rejected by a man, there is typically a serious reason involved, as men generally do not reject otherwise very normal women.

For a man, they can be successful, handsome, fit, well established, but a woman could reject him for the silliest reasons, like not liking his haircut, the way he dresses, he cant swim, has small hands, etc. Every normal guy has experienced this at some point. Men are.typically not superficial in this way, so reasons men reject women arent for silly things, theyre usually more serious.

Oh, and stereotypes are true, as uncomfortable as they are.

 

[Irishmom2]

Its generally true, of course there are a few exceptions to every rule.

For a woman to be rejected by a man, there is typically a serious reason involved, as men generally do not reject otherwise very normal women.

For a man, they can be successful, handsome, fit, well established, but a woman could reject him for the silliest reasons, like not liking his haircut, the way he dresses, he cant swim, has small hands, etc. Every normal guy has experienced this at some point. Men are.typically not superficial in this way, so reasons men reject women arent for silly things, theyre usually more serious.

Oh, and stereotypes are true, as uncomfortable as they are.

Oh, the great and mighty Thorns has spoken.

Excuse me, but Your ridiculous bias slip is showing. Even more.

 

[Thorns]

Oh, the great and mighty Thorns has spoken.

Excuse me, but Your ridiculous bias slip is showing. Even more.

I dont understand why youre offended by the reality of it all. If this doesnt describe you, then Im not describing you.

 

[Lorelei12]

There are usually serious reasons why an older woman is unmarried, as holy face said. Women can find a guy very easily and there are all sorts of men willing to settle with almost any woman, so the fact that they havent settled might be a red flag.

Huh? Since when is it a red flag when a woman doesn’t settle for someone she’d rather not be with?

You make a lot of untrue assumptions about women, and only succeed in making yourself sound jaded. Not only do you make women sound superficial, you also make men sound stupid and desperate.

 

[Xantippe]

Thorns said:

“For a woman to be rejected by a man, there is typically a serious reason involved, as men generally do not reject otherwise very normal women. For a man, they can be successful, handsome, fit, well established, but a woman could reject him for the silliest reasons, like not liking his haircut, the way he dresses, he cant swim, has small hands, etc. Every normal guy has experienced this at some point. Men are.typically not superficial in this way, so reasons men reject women arent for silly things, theyre usually more serious.”

Like not being pretty enough or having sex soon enough. Serious stuff like that.

 

[mommamaree]

Its generally true, of course there are a few exceptions to every rule.

For a woman to be rejected by a man, there is typically a serious reason involved, as men generally do not reject otherwise very normal women.

For a man, they can be successful, handsome, fit, well established, but a woman could reject him for the silliest reasons, like not liking his haircut, the way he dresses, he cant swim, has small hands, etc. Every normal guy has experienced this at some point. Men are.typically not superficial in this way, so reasons men reject women arent for silly things, theyre usually more serious.

Oh, and stereotypes are true, as uncomfortable as they are.

Wow, nice how you doubled down on your misogynistic comments!
I can see now that I was mistaken in presuming that, you being Catholic, you would have a sense of what is noble and true. Instead, all that is presented here is hateful lies about women. How disappointing.

 

[Thorns]

Thorns said:

“For a woman to be rejected by a man, there is typically a serious reason involved, as men generally do not reject otherwise very normal women. For a man, they can be successful, handsome, fit, well established, but a woman could reject him for the silliest reasons, like not liking his haircut, the way he dresses, he cant swim, has small hands, etc. Every normal guy has experienced this at some point. Men are.typically not superficial in this way, so reasons men reject women arent for silly things, theyre usually more serious.”

Like not being pretty enough or having sex soon enough. Serious stuff like that.

There are exceptions like i said, but these women still have other men that flock to them, its just a matter of time until they meet a patient, worthwhile man. If even those men are not chosen, or do not choose her back, there is something else going on there.

 

[Xantippe]

Thorns said:

“For a woman to be rejected by a man, there is typically a serious reason involved, as men generally do not reject otherwise very normal women. For a man, they can be successful, handsome, fit, well established, but a woman could reject him for the silliest reasons, like not liking his haircut, the way he dresses, he cant swim, has small hands, etc.”

…having no social skills, no verbal filter, being a misogynist, thinking that humans are exactly like gorillas or chimpanzees in our social structure, having a transactional view of marriage and relationships, not actually asking women out, asking out only the prettiest 10-20% and then wondering why those girls are already taken, being disappointed that dating isn’t more like buying pants on Amazon, etc.

I could go on.

 

[Thorns]

Wow, nice how you doubled down on your misogynistic comments!
I can see now that I was mistaken in presuming that, you being Catholic, you would have a sense of what is noble and true. Instead, all that is presented here is hateful lies about women. How disappointing.

I dont see how of what is observed by many, amounts to “hateful lies.”



I didnt say ALL women had something bad about them, there is just more to it. I suppose like another poster sort of indirectly implied, a woman could be older and single for being “too Catholic” in a pool of fornicating secular men, thus.never found anyone. This kind of woman might be a winning ticket, as holy face also said, but you just have to discern if thats the case.

 

[Thorns]

Thorns said:

“For a woman to be rejected by a man, there is typically a serious reason involved, as men generally do not reject otherwise very normal women. For a man, they can be successful, handsome, fit, well established, but a woman could reject him for the silliest reasons, like not liking his haircut, the way he dresses, he cant swim, has small hands, etc.”

…having no social skills, no verbal filter, being a misogynist, thinking that humans are exactly like gorillas or chimpanzees in our social structure, having a transactional view of marriage and relationships, not actually asking women out, asking out only the prettiest 10-20% and then wondering why those girls are already taken, being disappointed that dating isn’t more like buying pants on Amazon, etc.

I could go on.

As bad as that is, that still does not fall under “serious” IMO.

Some women have a shady past, a shady present, serious character flaws, heavy baggage, mentally or emotionally unstable, a disease, a drug habit or addiction of some sort, or all of the above and on and on. Not that men are immune to this, but these are the type of issues a woman might not have found anyone. Nothing to do with looks or anything superficial.

A friend of mine was engaged to a.woman, until her past, and potentially her present came put. Turns out she was or is, a prostitute. Needless to say, my frien broke it off. She is pretty, fit, outgoing, fun, but there is a VERY good reason shes now single. Always a catch if it seems too good to be true.

If you dont fall under that, then great, youre the exception

 

[Zzyzx_Road]

Adding my $0.02
I’ve been rejected by women. A lot. Am I mad? No, I already grew up knowing that life isn’t fair so deal with it as it is, not as I might wish it was. My parents hammered that message into me from an early age. For which I’m grateful, I love them very much.

That said, who does the rejecting? They’re mostly Catholic. I can’t be that ugly, I have no problem getting dates outside of the Church if I want them. But I have noticed there’s something about attending Mass that makes me invisible to the available women in my parish. It’s not just one parish either, I’ve been a regular attendee at about 5 different parishes in the last 5 years. Maybe I look too nice, maybe I need to show up dressed like a dangerous punk or something, haha. I don’t care, I have my faith and my blessings. But I can’t help but observe the reality around me when I read about women’s complaints. What do I believe? Women’s words or women’s actions?

If a woman finds that a particular man isn’t for her, I have no issue with that. What I do have an issue with is that most women find most men unattractive. You don’t believe me? Google for that OKCupid survey in which women rated 80% of men’s profiles as unattractive. Granted, it’s a very secular look, but I think it’s symbolic of the real issues of selectivity on the part of many women (including Catholics) and what that leads to.

Back to the OP: it’s okay to wait into your mid 30’s. But probably shouldn’t wait longer than that, fatherhood is a younger man’s job and pregnancy gets progressively more difficult for women from age 30 on, especially from 35 on. Don’t be deceived by all those celebrities having first babies in their 40’s; they usually receive the kind of medical help that most women either can’t afford or can’t use due to religious objections. The OP’s mission in life is the important thing now for it is what will set him up to be the father his children need. When it comes to his prospective spouses, vet them carefully and thoroughly. The most important thing he can do for his future children is to do a good job picking their mother.

I still believe in marriage. But there’s no denying that both men and women have to put in a lot more work and bear a lot more search costs in today’s environment than they did in previous generations. Some would rather rail against the unfairness of that than do the work, I get it. But that gets you nowhere. Bear it with grace and prayer.

 

[Thorns]

Huh? Since when is it a red flag when a woman doesn’t settle for someone she’d rather not be with?

You make a lot of untrue assumptions about women, and only succeed in making yourself sound jaded. Not only do you make women sound superficial, you also make men sound stupid and desperate.

How do men sound desparate for rejecting certain women?

Ive dated a lot of women, and I always pay attention to who they are, not mecessarily who theyve been. More often than.not, theres always a serious underlying issue with them. Either have a drug problem, a mental issue, baby daddy drama, a shady past that might affect their present, etc. A lot.of these have been attractive and sophisticated, but upon knowing them more they dont even hold up to the bare minimum standards.

How is that desparate? Im sure there are men who have serious underlying issues as to why theyre older and alone, but the probability isnt as high as the converse. I know more than a handful single good, sincere, responsible guys that are single because they dont drink, go to clubs, like the wrong music, etc. If youre a Catholic woman who gets overlooked for.similar stupid reasons, then I understand your frustration.

 

[pianistclare]

Thorns said:

“For a woman to be rejected by a man, there is typically a serious reason involved, as men generally do not reject otherwise very normal women. For a man, they can be successful, handsome, fit, well established, but a woman could reject him for the silliest reasons, like not liking his haircut, the way he dresses, he cant swim, has small hands, etc. Every normal guy has experienced this at some point. Men are.typically not superficial in this way, so reasons men reject women arent for silly things, theyre usually more serious.”

Like not being pretty enough or having sex soon enough. Serious stuff like that.

Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. “men are typically not superficial”…no…not unless you call wanting the girl in the magazine to come to your front door and BEG you to marry her…what was it you said? “superficial?”

This thread is crazy.
“Guys are picky and obsessed with looks”. How 'bout that? Do women get to say that?
Seems like guys get to say anything uncharitable about women? No? All’s fair in love and posting generalizations…

 

[Thorns]

Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. “men are typically not superficial”…no…not unless you call wanting the girl in the magazine to come to your front door and BEG you to marry her…what was it you said? “superficial?”

This thread is crazy.
“Guys are picky and obsessed with looks”. How 'bout that? Do women get to say that?
Seems like guys get to say anything uncharitable about women? No? All’s fair in love and posting generalizations…

A girl from a magazine shows up to.the front door and begs to be married by the lonesome man. Do you think the guy is going to say “oh, but you dont drink, i dont like your outfit, so no sorry” ? Not a chance.

Now if a guy rejects said perfect looking magazine woman, it makes one wonder why. There is usually a good reason and is definitely not about looks.

I dont see how thats uncharitable, its just common sense.

 

[pianistclare]

A girl from a magazine shows up to.the front door and begs to be married by the lonesome man. Do you think the guy is going to say “oh, but you dont drink, i dont like your outfit, so no sorry” ? Not a chance.

Now if a guy rejects said perfect looking magazine woman, it makes one wonder why. There is usually a good reason and is definitely not about looks.

I dont see how thats uncharitable, its just common sense.

You missed the whole point dear one. Nevermind.

 

[Thorns]

You missed the whole point dear one. Nevermind.

I believe it was you who missed my point. I said men are not superficial in those ways of dresscode, hobbies, haircuts etc. Not all men want magazine girls either, many have different tastes.

Anywah, Im done arguing about this as its just silly.

Goodluck to all in their journies!

 

[Lorelei12]

How do men sound desparate for rejecting certain women?

Ive dated a lot of women, and I always pay attention to who they are, not mecessarily who theyve been. More often than.not, theres always a serious underlying issue with them. Either have a drug problem, a mental issue, baby daddy drama, a shady past that might affect their present, etc. A lot.of these have been attractive and sophisticated, but upon knowing them more they dont even hold up to the bare minimum standards.

How is that desparate? Im sure there are men who have serious underlying issues as to why theyre older and alone, but the probability isnt as high as the converse. I know more than a handful single good, sincere, responsible guys that are single because they dont drink, go to clubs, like the wrong music, etc. If youre a Catholic woman who gets overlooked for.similar stupid reasons, then I understand your frustration.

I didn’t say anything about men being desperate for rejecting women. I said that you make men sound desperate- because you said that “there are all sorts of men willing to settle with almost any woman”. I was merely pointing out that your comments on this thread are not only inaccurate and offensive to women, but men as well!

I’m not a woman “overlooked for stupid reasons”; I’m happily married. It sounds like you are dating the wrong women. I’m not sure where you are finding all these drug addicts, or otherwise shady women, but I’d suggest getting to know someone as friends before dating them. You’ll find out whether it’s worth your time or not. If everyone you meet turns out to have a shady past or present, time to start looking elsewhere.

 

[Martian3264]

I definitely can understand why the original poster is finding the dating scene a little discouraging. I live in a big city and my parish has a fantastic young adults group, but it is mostly men in their 20s and 30s! Please don’t get discouraged though, you seem really thoughtful and you are still so young. I met the most amazing guy when I was 22 and he was 27. It would be really unfortunate to have missed out on such a wonderful person had he given up too young. Maybe you could try catholic match?

 

[lerapt78]

Is it? I just turned 25 and already i feel like a loser not just for not being married but for not even really being able to consider it (**I’m getting my masters in special education **but right now I substitute teach and work for just above minimum wage at a grocery store so no way to support someone even if I could get a relationship).

OP, I didn’t think to ask about this. Isn’t the ratio of women to men much higher in education-related programs? Have you tried to get to know any of your classmates?

Have you thought about suggesting a study group outside of school (like in a coffee shop) where you could get to know some of the women on an informal basis?