Is Marriage Bad?

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Davis_tylerj

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Hello,
I am in a loving relationship of over a year with my beautiful girlfriend. We have grown tremendously deeper in our individual faith walks by dating. So much so that I recently decided to join RCIA and become Catholic. I have recently struggled with the Church’s and Scripture’s emphasis on the “betterness” of celibacy compared to marriage. I love the Lord, and l love being with my Girlfriend. I have always wanted to be married, but I also definitely don’t want to settle for something less than my best for the Lord. If celibacy is better than marriage, doesnt that mean choosing marriage is bad, or even a sin. If sin is choosing to put something else before what God wants? I’m very confused, I just want to love God fully and be married, but it appears doing so would be settling for only half devotion. I understand that marriage is good in that it is a sacrament but it still seems like choosing something other than the best, is wrong. Any help is appreciated, as we love being together. Thanks-Tyler
 
Matthew 19:10-12

Basically, some people are called to the celibate life, but not everybody.
It’s okay to marry—in fact, when you do so, you are participating in God’s own creative power by bringing forth life!🙂
 
Far from being bad, the Church exalts Marriage. For those called to the celibate life, more good can be given to the kingdom of God.

Struggling? Here is a short article to begin a deeper understanding.
Catholic Exchange
 
Saint Paul was writing of a “man of God”, i.e. an Apostle. If your vocation is to marriage, then may it last a lifetime!
 
Congrats on your decision to join RCIA and become Catholic. I’m a convert as well, so I wish you all the best!

Is marriage bad? No! Marriage is a beautiful thing and most people are called to it. But celibacy is better in the sense that it more closely confirms to how we will be in heaven, where there will be no marriage or giving in marriage. Celibacy during one’s earthly life is a special calling that few are called to. So if you feel called to marriage and feel called to be with your girlfriend, don’t fret! That’s most likely your calling.

Have a happy Easter and best of luck on your faith journey!
 
Everyone is called to save souls. It is our primary purpose to save souls and reach heaven. Some can save the greatest number of souls through the religious life while others can save more souls through marriage. I think, we all have to discern that in a personal relationship with God.
 
I find this question quite sad. I have been married very happily for 30 years in September this year. We have been blessed with three beautiful children. I see marriage as my vocation. I do not consider my vocation to be less than the call to celibacy. You are called to marriage or celibacy by God. You should not simply choose celibacy because you think it is better. Similarly I would not consider a man called to celibacy such as a monk to have lost out because he did not have a wife and children.

Marriage is not easy but neither is celibacy. Indeed, nothing of any value is easy.
 
Celibacy is better in the sense that you have less coming in between you and God, if that makes sense. You have a spouse-- maybe they’re not as comfortable with charitable giving as you are, or maybe they’re not as open to children as you are, or maybe they hold social/political/cultural beliefs at odds with your Catholicism, and make you feel self-conscious about expressing your faith. You might have children-- and you might go through years’ worth of Mass without being able to focus on the Mass, because you’re busy making sure the baby isn’t crying, or the older kid isn’t wiggly or looking around or being distracted or being distracting. 😛 Instead of limiting yourself to the people right in front of you, you’re freed up to help a wider variety of people-- as a priest, as a religious, or as an individual who isn’t limited in who their priority needs to be.

That said, marriage is perfectly awesome as well. You have a spouse-- you get to live with your best friend. You have their support and encouragement in what you choose to do. You have their love. You have children-- you get to take part in Creation, and perpetuate your values into the next generation. You get to love and nurture little people who have been entrusted into your care; when you’re old and infirm, hopefully they’ll return the favor. The family, rather than the individual, is traditionally the basic building block of society. Raising people so that they grow into the people God created them to be–! It’s a very powerful thing.

Different people are called to different paths. One person’s celibacy might be lonely; another’s might be fulfilling. One person’s marriage and family life might be lonely and frustrating in its own way; another’s might be fulfilling. Just because you choose one path or another doesn’t mean it will be easier, or more successful, but they’re different, and the world needs people who will do their best in whichever group they’re called to exist within. 💙
 
Davis_tylerj said:
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To be clergy, or in an order, has requirements, just as marriage does. And some are not called to either clergy, or to be in an order, or marriage. I would advise against marriage if there is no mutual desire for children.
 
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This is a great quote:
“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.”
― St. Catherine of Siena
 
Bless you on your journey of faith!
Davis_tylerj said:
I have recently struggled with the Church’s and Scripture’s emphasis on the “betterness” of celibacy compared to marriage.
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I suggest you do further study. Neither the Church nor Scripture teach as you claim. In fact, you’ll find marriage held in the highest esteem, on equal footing with celibacy, depending upon one’s calling in life.

You may be getting confused with the emphasis on chastity, which is for both the celibate and married - maintaining control of our sexual faculties. This is a divine requirement.
 
I have struggled with this too. Celibacy is considered higher than marriage. And it makes sense. It has been hard for me not to look down on marriage, especially the aspect of giving yourself to another human being (Instead of God) and also the aspect of sex. I think the way virginity is portrayed as so pure makes sex seem dirty
 
Fortunately we have both talked a lit about it and very much look forward to the possibility of being blessed with children in the future.
 
But why wouldnt Paul say that Marriage is higher as well depending on calling. Actually I dont recall paul saying anything about a calling. Isnt Paul talking about the inherently better decision of choosing celibacy over marriage?
 
Why wouldnt Paul say that Marriage is higher if it is their calling. Actually I dont recall paul saying anything about a calling. Rather Paul talks about choosing celibacy over marriage if already single. Isnt Paul talking about the inherently better decision of choosing celibacy over marriage? Any ideas?
 
I’m confused by Paul’s comments about it being “better”. What is the point of the Church and Paul even discussing the betterness of holy life if each person has their own calling in life from God. Wouldnt the better option always be the one with which God has called you to? If so, why does Paul and the Church highlight celibacy as holier?
 
Paul isn’t the entirety of scripture, despite what many Protestant groups seem to inherently think. Paul is praising his own celibacy and those called to it. He also talks strongly about chastity and the sacred character of marriage, including how spouses can bring about salvation for one another. It’s quite powerful. You don’t get that in the single life (sorry, you just don’t).
 
I heard someone say that when St. Paul says that celibacy is “better” he is stating a personal opinion, regardless, he says that it is better “for those who can bear it” but for those who can’t marriage is better than hell (paraphrased, possibly even the words in quotes).
 
It wouldn’t be a Sacrament in the Catholic Church if it was bad, would it now? So long and short answer is no, it isn’t.
 
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