I am 23 years old. I’ve never had a boyfriend… never even had my first kiss. There are many guys who ask me out on dates but I just didn’t like more than a friend so I decided to just stay single. Anyway, last week I actually tried to masturbate… I didn’t do it because I wanted sexual pleasure. I did it because I was just curious to see what was going to happen… I guess I was curious to see biologically what was going to happen if I stimulated that area a little. Kinda like an experiment if you will. I wasn’t intentionally looking to get an orgasm. I just did it for a little and I stopped after cuz I got scared… I started feeling some sort of pleasure and as soon as I did I stopped completely. I only tried it twice but like I said I stopped immediately because I felt guilty. The same day it happened I went to see a priest and I confessed face to face and I told him everything. I didn’t hold back at all and I even started crying. I told him it was curiousity but I stopped myself from going further. First of all, he said… he was shocked that I was 23 and I never did anything like that before. He told me that it was good that I stopped when i realized what I was doing. Would you say this was a grave sin? It doesn’t matter anymore I guess because I did confess the same day it happened but I’m just wondering… in my context, would you say that this took away my virginity?
You are still a virgin.
I’m sorry but I’m going to have to invite a slew of attacks. Load up the theological shotguns and take aim.
I replied to this post earlier. I was a seminarian. You can take all the pot shots you want about how it’s good I didn’t get ordained, but there exists in the church a duality about masturbation.
Masturbation is…healthy!
Yes, I said it. It is psychologically healthy. In moderation. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs has recently incorporated sex, along with food, shelter, a need for acceptance, etc. We are not Manicheans, flogging the impure flesh for spiritual advancement. God made the penis and the vagina.
The penis and the vagina were God’s ideas. He thought of them! And then he made them! And they are functional! We are embodied souls, part flesh and part spirit. When one gets out of balance, there is turmoil within a person. St. Paul had “a thorn in his side” which some have suggested might be reference to his penis. Others will no doubt dive for their Bibles to refute me–I said it has been suggested. No one knows for sure. Does this mean St. Paul masturbated? We can only guess.
I have seen too many people fall into personality disorders and self-doubt and even the greater sin of despair over masturbation. Masturbation should be seen as smoke arising from the fire: if you’re masturbating twenty times a day, that is a sign of something else deeper going on, and you should do some serious self-analysis and soul searching, call a priest, enter therapy. Yes, it is a sin. But it is overall a healthy human activity, and it doesn’t mean you are evil. If we assume the old saying as true, that 90% of men masturbate and the other 10% are lying, then I can say with all truthfulness that I’ve never masturbated in all my life! Do you believe me?
We must be on guard against masturbation, but for most of us it happens, and when it does, ask God for help, but don’t commit the worse sin of despair. Or thinking of the flesh as evil. St. Francis of Assissi, allegedly, threw himself into banks of snow when the mood hit him. And no, I cannot find the book where I read that!. But I believe it.
The lesson here is, if you feel the need to masturbate, hopefully it is winter. Yes, find your soul mate and consumate your sexuality in the holy bonds of matrimony. But if you masturbate before then, take heart! You are not alone. The saints have gone before you, rolling in the snow.
Let’s just say that St. Francis of Assissi called his body “Brother Assissi” without the “issi” 