Is online dating advisable?

[DL82]

Am in my second long-distance relationship that began online.

The first was a disaster, because it started on a dating site, physical characteristics were a big factor, and moved very quickly toward engagement and emigration.

This time, have learned my lesson. It’s hard to do, but we’re trying to take things slowly. I really didn’t want to go into another long distance thing, but we just have so much in common, and it was something that just happened organically. In fact, we met on CAF - both of us had posted on this forum about how it sucks to be approaching 30 and still single, and I thought ‘hey, this girl and I seem to have a lot in common’, so, well, after my first trip to America to visit her, it turns out we have far more than that in common, so we’re going forward, but still taking things slowly, not making the same mistake twice.

 

[agapewolf]

Forum rules actually caution us to be careful with what we post because the lower age limit on CAF is 13.

You are right. The site is geared towards high school students but I believe the information there shouldn’t or doesn’t only apply to high school students. One of the reasons being - that part of the brain involved in higher-order thinking is not fully developed until the age of 25. However above 25 doesn’t guarantee right decision making

I have no idea what CAF forum rules have to do with your question, nor your next point.

Dating is for the purpose of finding a spouse. Highschoolers, 99% of the time, are not looking for a spouse.

This website is about chastity, and is geared for high school students. No one would be in their right mind to tell a high school student to date someone from the internet.

The reasons given on this web site, (although I’m still not clear where exactly it says it) I’m sure are based on simple problems that are eliminated by wise choices. In which case, the argument no longer stands.

 

[kelvinf]

I have no idea what CAF forum rules have to do with your question, nor your next point.

Dating is for the purpose of finding a spouse. Highschoolers, 99% of the time, are not looking for a spouse.

This website is about chastity, and is geared for high school students. No one would be in their right mind to tell a high school student to date someone from the internet.

The reasons given on this web site, (although I’m still not clear where exactly it says it) I’m sure are based on simple problems that are eliminated by wise choices. In which case, the argument no longer stands.

What I mean is that there might also be 13 year-olds on CAF likewise high school students. So if there is any high school student here, he or she might be convinced that online dating is okay based on the opinions of the majority. (You said however that you would never ever advise a high school student to look for a spouse online).
So that’s why I said that forum rules actually call us to be cautious of our posts

This is the exact link

 

[agapewolf]

What I mean is that there might also be 13 year-olds on CAF likewise high school students. So if there is any high school student here, he or she might be convinced that online dating is okay based on the opinions of the majority. (You said however that you would never ever advise a high school student to look for a spouse online).
So that’s why I said that forum rules actually call us to be cautious of our posts

This is the exact link

But your question gave the context that it is not high schoolers we are talking about. The point is moot.

 

[kelvinf]

But your question gave the context that it is not high schoolers we are talking about. The point is moot.

You brought up high school students.

I never mentioned high school students when I posed the question. It was/is a general question.

Is online dating advisable? Would you recommend online dating to your child? And by using the word “child”, I was not referring to any age group.

 

[ChiroCatholic]

Met my husband on CatholicMatch.com. Many of my friends met spouses online. So I say a resounding YES!

 

[agapewolf]

You brought up high school students.

I never mentioned high school students when I posed the question. It was/is a general question.

Is online dating advisable? Would you recommend online dating to your child? And by using the word “child”, I was not referring to any age group.

No, the context of your question excludes high school students.

YOU suggested guidence by a website with a conclusion based on conversation geared for high schoolers.

That is why it isn’t even a valid backing for your position.

 

[LilyElain]

Well, yes and no I think…
I had no real luck with the online site exclusively for dating (some very odd characters, and I was only on the Catholic ones)
…but I met someone on here (was not really looking though) and it has been a lovely 4 months since… Meeting in person was lovely…and I hope to continue to see and talk to him!
Maybe the clue is to find someone while not really looking…

 

[valient_Lucy]

In general, the people you meet in bars are the people who go to bars. Bar flies. Drinkers.

Oh yes, that’s so true! I would much rather meet a guy on an online Catholic dating site than at a bar. But I would insist on meeting the guy on the website ASAP. I don’t see the need to exchange messages online for weeks or months on end.

And I’d want to meet in a very public place.

 

[AHapka]

You brought up high school students.

I never mentioned high school students when I posed the question. It was/is a general question.

Is online dating advisable? Would you recommend online dating to your child? And by using the word “child”, I was not referring to any age group.

Absolutely I would. After all, it brought them into this world.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

You brought up high school students.

I never mentioned high school students when I posed the question. It was/is a general question.

Is online dating advisable? Would you recommend online dating to your child? And by using the word “child”, I was not referring to any age group.

No, the resource you quote from is geared towards High School students

 

[kelvinf]

No, the context of your question excludes high school students.

YOU suggested guidence by a website with a conclusion based on conversation geared for high schoolers.

That is why it isn’t even a valid backing for your position.

Originally Posted by ComputerGeek25
No, the resource you quote from is geared towards High School students

Geared (chastity.com) towards teens; I agree. Limited to teens; I disagree.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

Hahaha, I am not trying to convince anyone. Instead, this thread was created to get the opinion of others. You already know my stance. Go to chastity.com/chastity-qa/dating/dating and find out more for yourself. This is how the author concluded: “Therefore I would not recommend starting a dating relationship with someone you randomly meet online.” This is more or less what I said on the other thread before this debate started.

This link is also not a balanced analysis of why Online dating might be advisable.

All of what the author says is true to some extent. However, it appears his audience is a younger crowd. I would say it is not advisable for high schoolers. Also, his rules apply to limited circumstances.

The author also does a poor job (ignores) when it might be a good idea to search Online nor does he give any ground rules for online dating.

As many have stated here, online dating is fine, safe and fun if one follows simple common sense ground rules. I don’t see what the hang up is.

People have provided valid reasons why they use online dating sites. If it’s all about living in an area where one is not exposed to Catholics (or Catholic singles), then I would also have created a profile on one of the online dating sites. However, I don’t see it like that.

For us, there are Catholic university groups, youth groups, volunteer groups and other groups in the Church where those who hold the faith could join any of the groups. If I were to partake in say an activity organised by a university group with the intention of meeting a catholic single, then I would be dreaming. The kind of Catholic I would like to date is the one who is also interested in partaking in church related activities. If I can’t find her there, then why would I find her online?

I don’t think you quite understand. Sometimes, it’s a numbers game. There are people that would like to attend these events, but due to things like school, work, or other real life events cannot. This does not make them any less Catholic. Some of these things you mention are also poorly advertised. Or maybe said person is shy and has no one to go with!

You’re doing all this volunteer work and attending social groups - great. What is one more thing to put yourself out there?

People generally use online sites to expand their social circle, to meet others they may not normally meet.

There are also just no young Catholics in my area and if I really want to be around Catholics, then I will have to relocate. However, I am currently doing what I am supposed to be doing and “spouse searching” is not on my agenda.

If one is interested in meeting local Catholics, then he should go to where the local Catholics are. If he goes to a place where let’s assume local Catholics meet and doesn’t find local Catholics there, then I wonder if he would find them online. If however they are online, then it means they are not interested in local Catholic activities and might not be true Catholics.

Again, see above logic. They might have other things going on that preclude them from showing up for volunteering at the soup kitchen.

I also think the “might not be true Catholics” is a bit offensive, especially to these people.

Keep in mind, I’ve met people at supposedly Catholic events, that do not adhere to Church teaching in various respects. You can find them anywhere. I don’t know why you think it is limited to online.

So for me, I wouldn’t go online searching for singles. If there are just no Catholics in my area and if my priority is to be where Catholics are, then I will relocate to where I will be sure to be with Catholics.

If this is the case, why not try online as a last resort?

So coupling the points I already mentioned in an earlier post with the fact that I don’t believe in spouse searching as such, I wouldn’t recommend an online dating site to my child. (Just MHO)

Generally, not to pick on you, I find your reasoning a bit specious. Your reasoning boils down to:

1. They can hide behind a computer.
2. People who don’t show up at certain activities aren’t worth it.

 

[AHapka]

I also think the “might not be true Catholics” is a bit offensive, especially to these people.

I agree, I’ve met plenty. They exist in person, as well.

 

[kelvinf]

This link is also not a balanced analysis of why Online dating might be advisable.

All of what the author says is true to some extent. However, it appears his audience is a younger crowd. I would say it is not advisable for high schoolers. Also, his rules apply to limited circumstances.

The author also does a poor job (ignores) when it might be a good idea to search Online nor does he give any ground rules for online dating.

As many have stated here, online dating is fine, safe and fun if one follows simple common sense ground rules. I don’t see what the hang up is.

I don’t think you quite understand. Sometimes, it’s a numbers game. There are people that would like to attend these events, but due to things like school, work, or other real life events cannot. This does not make them any less Catholic. Some of these things you mention are also poorly advertised. Or maybe said person is shy and has no one to go with!

You’re doing all this volunteer work and attending social groups - great. What is one more thing to put yourself out there?

People generally use online sites to expand their social circle, to meet others they may not normally meet.

Again, see above logic. They might have other things going on that preclude them from showing up for volunteering at the soup kitchen.

I also think the “might not be true Catholics” is a bit offensive, especially to these people.

Keep in mind, I’ve met people at supposedly Catholic events, that do not adhere to Church teaching in various respects. You can find them anywhere. I don’t know why you think it is limited to online.

If this is the case, why not try online as a last resort?

Generally, not to pick on you, I find your reasoning a bit specious. Your reasoning boils down to:

1. They can hide behind a computer.
2. People who don’t show up at certain activities aren’t worth it.

There is no need trying to summarise some of the points I mentioned based on your understanding of them. #4 lists them clearly.

So how do people go about expanding their social circle by filtering and prescreening? Filtering reduces their social circle. It doesn’t expand it.

Online dating is relatively new. I am very sure it was introduced by the secular world and some Catholics chose to follow suit.
When people put up online profiles, they do it based on what they think of themselves which is not equivalent to what others would think of them and hence a false representation of the reality.

Online dating is a business. I read that online dating comes second (after pornography) for paid content on the web.
Online dating has turned love or true relationship into shopping.

Some have complained about the time it takes to know people in real life. No one said that dating is easy. For me, one can’t just fast track the natural process of meeting his or her spouse. That would be unnatural.

For me, the whole concept of spouse hunting and online dating is unorthodox. It’s a requirement for the human person to live in society and participate in it. And in a real society people can’t just cheat nature. A visible society cannot exist online.

The natural tendency is for us to live in the real world, build a visible society and to promote participation of the greatest number in the life of the society.

That’s the way to expand the social circle.

 

[rpp]

CAF is not aimed at “high school kids”. Whoever first said this on this thread is clearly… okay, I will not finish that sen tence.

the VAST majority of active members here are well past their teens.

I know who first made this insulting, evil and scurrilous assertion and I will remember that person.

That person has shown him/her/itself to be nothing but an worse than simply insincere. You know who you are, stay away from me,

 

[Bataar]

There is no need trying to summarise some of the points I mentioned based on your understanding of them. #4 lists them clearly.

So how do people go about expanding their social circle by filtering and prescreening? Filtering reduces their social circle. It doesn’t expand it.

Online dating is relatively new. I am very sure it was introduced by the secular world and some Catholics chose to follow suit.
When people put up online profiles, they do it based on what they think of themselves which is not equivalent to what others would think of them and hence a false representation of the reality.

Online dating is a business. I read that online dating comes second (after pornography) for paid content on the web.
Online dating has turned love or true relationship into shopping.

Some have complained about the time it takes to know people in real life. No one said that dating is easy. For me, one can’t just fast track the natural process of meeting his or her spouse. That would be unnatural.

For me, the whole concept of spouse hunting and online dating is unorthodox. It’s a requirement for the human person to live in society and participate in it. And in a real society people can’t just cheat nature. A visible society cannot exist online.

The natural tendency is for us to live in the real world, build a visible society and to promote participation of the greatest number in the life of the society.

That’s the way to expand the social circle.

Dude, seriously. I mean, really, seriously. Is your concept of online dating (spouse hunting as you put it) consist simply of looking at profiles finding someone who strikes your fancy, sending various emails for a few months and then getting married where the first time the couple sees each other is on their wedding day? Seriously, that’s what it sounds like your take on it is.

Believe it or not, after people meet online, they actually do meet in person if they’re still interested after sending a few emails. Believe me, they actually do really meet and interact in the “real world” to form a relationship. The online aspect serves as a means for people to meet. That is all. Some people don’t have other means to meet. It seems you think people should go to their graves as single rather than increase the amount of people they can meet. I mean, seriously?

 

[agapewolf]

Dude, seriously. I mean, really, seriously. Is your concept of online dating (spouse hunting as you put it) consist simply of looking at profiles finding someone who strikes your fancy, sending various emails for a few months and then getting married where the first time the couple sees each other is on their wedding day? Seriously, that’s what it sounds like your take on it is.

Believe it or not, after people meet online, they actually do meet in person if they’re still interested after sending a few emails. Believe me, they actually do really meet and interact in the “real world” to form a relationship. The online aspect serves as a means for people to meet. That is all. Some people don’t have other means to meet. It seems you think people should go to their graves as single rather than increase the amount of people they can meet. I mean, seriously?

Exactly. The reasonings being used here make absolutely no sense because even though I belong on an online Catholic site, i’ve never done the things being accused by “online dating”

Kelvinf, where do you get off saying:

For me, the whole concept of spouse hunting and online dating is unorthodox. It’s a requirement for the human person to live in society and participate in it. And in a real society people can’t just cheat nature. A visible society cannot exist online.

The natural tendency is for us to live in the real world, build a visible society and to promote participation of the greatest number in the life of the society.

on an online forum?!?!?!?! It’s the height of irony and hypocrosy! If you really believed this point excludes online dating, the logical end of that is any time spent online AT ALL is cheating nature. Why are you typing on your computer to communicate with others? its cheating nature and promoting the greatest number in the life of society.

It makes no sense.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

Dude, seriously. I mean, really, seriously. Is your concept of online dating (spouse hunting as you put it) consist simply of looking at profiles finding someone who strikes your fancy, sending various emails for a few months and then getting married where the first time the couple sees each other is on their wedding day? Seriously, that’s what it sounds like your take on it is.

Believe it or not, after people meet online, they actually do meet in person if they’re still interested after sending a few emails. Believe me, they actually do really meet and interact in the “real world” to form a relationship. The online aspect serves as a means for people to meet. That is all. Some people don’t have other means to meet. It seems you think people should go to their graves as single rather than increase the amount of people they can meet. I mean, seriously?

You gave me a chuckle

Good post!

 

[ComputerGeek25]

There is no need trying to summarise some of the points I mentioned based on your understanding of them. #4 lists them clearly.

So how do people go about expanding their social circle by filtering and prescreening? Filtering reduces their social circle. It doesn’t expand it.

Yes it does expand it. It is simple math.
If I only know 10 Catholics my age of the opposite gender, and there are 10,000 on an online site…

Online dating is relatively new. I am very sure it was introduced by the secular world and some Catholics chose to follow suit.
When people put up online profiles, they do it based on what they think of themselves which is not equivalent to what others would think of them and hence a false representation of the reality.

So? The point? People lie, and it’s not limited to online dating profiles.

People mis-represent themselves in real life as well.

Why pick out online dating for this?

Online dating is a business. I read that online dating comes second (after pornography) for paid content on the web.
Online dating has turned love or true relationship into shopping.

One needs to pay for the servers, bandwidth, programmers and software.

CAF takes advertising to do this.

Other sites, take fees to do it.

Some have complained about the time it takes to know people in real life. No one said that dating is easy. For me, one can’t just fast track the natural process of meeting his or her spouse. That would be unnatural.

For me, the whole concept of spouse hunting and online dating is unorthodox. It’s a requirement for the human person to live in society and participate in it. And in a real society people can’t just cheat nature. A visible society cannot exist online.

The natural tendency is for us to live in the real world, build a visible society and to promote participation of the greatest number in the life of the society.

That’s the way to expand the social circle.

As others have pointed out, people generally exchange a few emails, then go on a real date.

My current girlfriend and I met on an online dating site. We exchanged a few emails, and then went out for coffee. The rest is history.

I think you may have a distorted view of how people actually use online dating sites. If people have no real world contact, then yes, you’re right. However, if the goal is to actually go on dates, then your premises go out the window.