Is something wrong with me...?

[joandarc2008]

Well I know in the case of my dh - he had been going through post divorce counseling at the Church - he was out for his birthday and his very different two groups friends were arguing over where they wanted to take him and no one was asking him. He had my number as I had just finally given it to him. So he realized he wanted someone that cared about what he wanted to do - it was late so he sent me a text so he wouldn’t wake me. I got it the next day - and called him. As luck would have it I was going out to do a home visit ( I volunteered for the American Legion doing veterans claims) in a neck of the woods I was unfamiliar with of Fort Lauderdale. He had grown up there. I got lost. He talked me to where I needed to go. I called him after my appointment and we went on a date that night. After four hours of talking on the phone - something he as a typical red-blooded American male hates to do - he decided if I could keep his attention I might be worth going on a date with. We really haven’t spent much time apart since.

We were lucky. The world out there is tough. I wouldn’t worry too much about what she is doing. Relationships and dating are hard enough wihtout trying to learn a second language. Just enjoy the ride and see where it takes you. You will know because Gopd will show you and you will learn a lesson from it, regardless.

 

[chevalier]

I think you’re right…

Thank you. I didn’t think about simple, but it is there, definitely. A very good characterisation, it shows you are able to keep a keen mind. I worry about her, though.

As for what you say about not overestimating her loneliness and desperation to find a partner, her statements about me liking her, her trying to find someone and me being the one, and me possibly being her Prince Charming didn’t unsettle me at first, even though the nature of the conversation up to those individual comments lended itself to the idea that she’s trying really hard to “find a guy”; however, when she said that she was “sad” because of my response to her Prince Charming question, we talked about why she was sad, and she said, “I can’t find anyone on here to date,” which later developed into, “I want a guy.” It was at that point that I postulated that I would hate for this girl to settle on me simply because I’ve paid her a compliment and some attention. I think I’m a well-written individual and can express my ideas and emotions well in black-and-white type, so no doubt she was likely drawn into this aspect of me as I’m sure it indicated to her that I was indeed interested in talking to her.

Hmm… First of all, “I want a guy!” doesn’t sound like a cloistered 16 year old princess. This puts “Prince Charming” in context, but makes me wonder if it wouldn’t be better for the “Prince Charming” to have been meant more literally again? However, I can see the contrast between “my Prince Charming” and “I can’t find anyone on here to date” (stress on: “on here” - which is a locative context (I mean the place basically) and “to date”, which is a purpose and I think she really means it, that is, that finding someone to date is the stage of life she’s at).

The reason why I care for her as I already do is, as I said in my OP, is because I know how she feels, I can relate to her, and where I can relate to her is not only in our shared romantic behavior but also in the loneliness and desperation that we both feel; however, I don’t know that I would ever express (READ: complain) to any girl I was *remotely *interested in “I want a girlfriend!” To that girl, or any girl, such a statement reads like, as my concern rightly expresses, whatever comes first is best.

Complaining about loneliness to a prospective romantic interest isn’t the best thing to do, same as complaining about exes. Unless maybe done with humour… or unless the comment’s nature is less similar to “just anyone”. The willingness to make anyone willing to date her her Prince Charming may sound troubling and rightfully so, but then, isn’t it a wonderful trait for a woman to make her husband her Prince Charming, well, because he’s her husband and that’s what she’s got and what’s prepared to work with? This is sometimes how those simple people work. We will take it the bad way when they seem to desperate as to make any willing date a prince or princess in their mind, but we will admire and long for the way with which they could port than into marriage… if they kept maturing the right way (i.e. without interest going down so fast as it went up, without finding a soulmate when married etc.). I suppose this means she has lovely qualities that manifest themselves sometimes in a bad way but she has the potential for maturing either way, good or bad… including really wonderful on the good side. The “I want a guy!” comment suddenly sounds like 6-7 years older mentally than the rest of her self, but I’m sure it’s more integral to her. Chances are she’s one of the girl next door type.

The question which I find myself asking is if I should drop it, or keep chiseling away at conversation with her. Yes, she’s thrown up some red flags (right or wrong, in my opinion), but I know that if I drop it prematurely only after one conversation, prior to addressing these issues and really getting into deeper conversation about some fundamentals, as I truly think we began to address last night when I asked her *why *she wanted a boyfriend, then something about that seems both unfair and unreasonable.

I’m not sure. I would say just avoid point of no return. Don’t let pity overcome you. Don’t do things out of mercy if they should be the result of a deliberate choice (decision to declare your feelings, to talk about the future, to declare her your girlfriend and so on). I would say avoid things which could put an emotional burden on her, create excessive hope and so on and disappoint her in the long run. I would also avoid anything that could sexually stimulate her. I’m not implying you’re crossing the lines of decency, but I’m implying she might be more sensitive in that area than you.

I *do *like her already, and I can’t ignore that fact nor should I, in my opinion, because it means that for all the red flags, those flags still do not outweigh the intrigue I continue to feel. Only time will tell what happens. If nothing else, I continue to talk to her throughout this week and we meet in-person sometime this weekend and continue to gauge it from there

I would say definitely so. The sooner you take it to real life the better and it would be good to keep real life contact rather from that point onward, including phone instead of typing. You can take the cost on yourself if she’s younger and worse off economically (as I suppose she is a couple of years younger than you, at least mentally she seems so). Caution here: don’t let pity make you tolerate gestures of affection that either test your sexual stamina (or hers) or create bonds.

 

[chevalier]

Chev… you’re only 26. For pete’s sake… don’t think there’s something wrong with yourself that you haven’t found the girl of your dreams yet.

26 used to be old bachelor and facilitate the getting of dispensations in old practice of canon law! This said, I’m not looking at family or non-Catholics and would feel somewhat inclined to run from a woman who had killed her husband to be with me!

Seriously speaking, though, while as you say, certain things aren’t crimes, people still have the right to make some assessments and yeah, our histories generally tell things about our choices, character, personality etc. For example while I may not like an assessment that spending a lot of time home, being a geek or playing computer games as a hobby is disqualifying, a woman has every right to make such choices and better she make them than be unhappy later on! Same way as I probably would consider a couple of other traits not my cup of tea that would make a different man actually very happy. People are looking for various things in marriage and it’s good if they’re on the same page.

Oh, and singleness itself can also be indicative! It may look “politically incorrect” and the choice may go personally against me, but still there’s no denying, that e.g. in my case it’s very much indicative of the fact I won’t really go out that much, I don’t have a particular social network, not the type of guy to run from event to event and a couple more (including that I have a bit of a problem with peer groups and generally dislike peer authority and I don’t get on well in authority contexts with people who aren’t either smart/competent or good and kind). These traits may legitimately be found less than dreamy and in some cases they could indeed pose problems in case of certain personalities. Again, no hard feelings! Not everybody is made for everybody.

You don’t say how old she is. That has a lot to do with it. I sounded a lot more like her when I was 22 than I do now. (To be sure!)

That was my assessment too. 21 to 23, somewhat sixteeenish mentally on some issues but almost certainly not under 21.

 

[juliamajor]

I can only give you the perspective of someone who has been married for 28yrs.We met via personal ads in a Catholic magazine.Talk about your chancy!Well first we wrote to each other via snail mail(this was the stone age remember) then we started talking on the phone.then we started dating. What is good is that you can feel each other out as to likes and dislikes.We started dating in November- asked me to marry him about two months later and got engaged on Valentine’s day.It was just about one year we knew each other when we got married. We had fights and disagreements.During pre-cana he almost called off the wedding because he thought we were incompatible.WHY? because he used to watch “the little house on the Prairie” and the "Waltons’ (WHICH I hated) and I liked “hill street blues” and other hard edged shows! Try not to read to much into what people like.Like many things they are just passing fancies.Enjoy the ride, enjoy the process. Don’t force anything-just let your relationship either grow or wither by itself. If it’s good you’ll look into her eyes and just say “wow: i;ve got to be with her always.Don’t expect fireworks, brass bands or auras around her head. My husband and I were still dating when we had lunch 'al fresco” on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of art in NYC."Al fresco in NY means “hot dogs” to most nyers. Well there we were munching down a couple of dirty water franks when we both looked at each other.I knew and he knew in that second that he loved me and that I loved him and we’d be together forever. I can’t tell you to take it slow- because we didn’t.If your ready-your ready!Always listen to that small voice of yours that gives you advice-instincts are usually right.Don’t let your emotions get the best of you. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married or involved -just make sure that you’re both ready and willing to make it a lifetime deal.Women can be more anxious because they have a biological clock that they hear ticking away…Talking and being with someone is the only way you can really find out what the person is really like.Internet cannot give you the same information as a faceto face can.Just be yourself, be at ease count on your instincts and enjoy seeking out the right person.
’

 

[chevalier]

I can only give you the perspective of someone who has been married for 28yrs.We met via personal ads in a Catholic magazine.Talk about your chancy!Well first we wrote to each other via snail mail(this was the stone age remember) then we started talking on the phone.then we started dating. What is good is that you can feel each other out as to likes and dislikes.We started dating in November- asked me to marry him about two months later and got engaged on Valentine’s day.It was just about one year we knew each other when we got married. We had fights and disagreements.During pre-cana he almost called off the wedding because he thought we were incompatible.WHY? because he used to watch “the little house on the Prairie” and the "Waltons’ (WHICH I hated) and I liked “hill street blues” and other hard edged shows! Try not to read to much into what people like.Like many things they are just passing fancies.Enjoy the ride, enjoy the process. Don’t force anything-just let your relationship either grow or wither by itself. If it’s good you’ll look into her eyes and just say “wow: i;ve got to be with her always.Don’t expect fireworks, brass bands or auras around her head. My husband and I were still dating when we had lunch 'al fresco” on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of art in NYC."Al fresco in NY means “hot dogs” to most nyers. Well there we were munching down a couple of dirty water franks when we both looked at each other.I knew and he knew in that second that he loved me and that I loved him and we’d be together forever. I can’t tell you to take it slow- because we didn’t.If your ready-your ready!Always listen to that small voice of yours that gives you advice-instincts are usually right.Don’t let your emotions get the best of you. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married or involved -just make sure that you’re both ready and willing to make it a lifetime deal.Women can be more anxious because they have a biological clock that they hear ticking away…Talking and being with someone is the only way you can really find out what the person is really like.Internet cannot give you the same information as a faceto face can.Just be yourself, be at ease count on your instincts and enjoy seeking out the right person.
’

Darn, I was hoping not to post a third one in a row, but I couldn’t not write how I loved your post! It’s so very important actually to be doing something meaningful and (to some people at least) to be on some kind of journey together, and having hot-dogs as the steps of the Metropolitan Museum is both! Hah, all the best to you and the story made my evening. Just please don’t take this the wrong way. I realise you were giving Epistemes some advice primarily and that was the purpose of posting.

Chevalier, I am continually amazed with both your verbosity and your insight.

Thank you. That’s definitely too many words but I’m working on it.

 

[LilyElain]

My husband and I were still dating when we had lunch 'al fresco" on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of art in NYC."Al fresco in NY means “hot dogs” to most nyers. Well there we were munching down a couple of dirty water franks when we both looked at each other…
’

I love this! I have several museums in my vicinity, and the Original Hot Dog shop right there…sounds like an amazing evening!

 

[aborodki]

Hey, you on that website too? lol
do you know who else from here is on it?
alexsandra

 

[Epistemes]

Thank you. I didn’t think about simple, but it is there, definitely. A very good characterisation, it shows you are able to keep a keen mind. I worry about her, though.

I wonder why *you *worry about her, though. I would be interested in hearing your reasons.

When I say simple, I don’t want to strongly infer that I think she’s not smart because “smart” can qualified in various ways, as in she could not be book smart (like me) but be very common sensical. Also, I think it’s important to place great emphasis on St. Paul’s words that all people are recepticles of the Spirit and thus each have unique gifts. Her simplicity reminds me of Thoreau and his reminiscence of his time at Walden Pond where he exults in the common things of life and nature. Her interests (and our commonalities) illustrate this, as I mentioned earlier: cooking and baking, flowers and gardening, bonfires, starry nights, etc.

How soon before I grow tired of not being able to discuss complex theology or the genius of the music of Charles Ives or Johannes Brahms, it’s hard to say, but those things have a way of being figured out.

However, I can see the contrast between “my Prince Charming” and “I can’t find anyone on here to date”

“Prince Charming” has a lot of connotations. The most immediate one, and one which comes to mind, is one where a strong, handsome man (subjectively considered, of course) saves a fair damsel from desolation and woe. Was she flirting? Possibly, but how much of that flirting is more literal? How much metaphorical? And how much is the metaphorical affecting her reality?

I should add that she has since sent me a message stating that she was tired the previous night and that she wanted to be friends and go from there. So, here’s a scenario: I complimented her, we chatted, she became very hopeful, she flirted (“Prince Charming”) but I didn’t reciprocate which caused her to take my comment more negatively than inferred because she was tired and, well, emotional.

I suppose this means she has lovely qualities that manifest themselves sometimes in a bad way but she has the potential for maturing either way, good or bad… including really wonderful on the good side. The “I want a guy!” comment suddenly sounds like 6-7 years older mentally than the rest of her self, but I’m sure it’s more integral to her. Chances are she’s one of the girl next door type.

What about the “I want a guy!” comment makes her sound so much more mature to you? In my mind, it sounds just as pouty as “I can’t find anyone on here to date.” Is it her level of assertion in knowing what she wants?

To be fair to her, I have the potential for maturing some too. Clinically speaking, though I’m 28 I could easily have the mind and maturity of someone who is 22. She’s 27, and like you say elsewhere, she could easily be 21 maturity wise. Though, both of us could be horribly wrong and her simplicity might propose someone who is less mature than she actually is.

I would say avoid things which could put an emotional burden on her, create excessive hope and so on and disappoint her in the long run. I would also avoid anything that could sexually stimulate her. I’m not implying you’re crossing the lines of decency, but I’m implying she might be more sensitive in that area than you.

I agree. I think she is very sensitive, actually. Not touch and go, mind you, but I think the whole episode from her Prince Charming comment onwards - where she said “I’m sad” - seems to be fairly indicative of someone who is quite sensitive.

I think she has her head on more straight concerning our conversations than I’m giving her credit for. For instance, last night when I went to chat with her again, she was online but idle for a couple hours. So, I composed her a brief message, telling her that I hate that I had missed her, that hopefully we could chat again in the future, and I said that I wouldn’t mind giving her my personal e-mail if she felt like corresponding with me throughout the daylight hours. Right when I sent the message, she became un-idle and we chatted briefly. She thanked me for the message, and when I reiterated that she could feel free to e-mail, she seemed to make it a point to say, “We’ll chat tomorrow night.”

Her preference for chatting over e-mail can be attributed to numerous things, among which could be that she finds e-mail grossly more impersonal at this stage than chatting; or, she may think contrarily that e-mailing one another on private e-mail addresses is too cozy at this stage rather than within the confined arena of the website itself. It’s hard to say, but I found her decision admirable, to be sure, and comforting because it lacks expediency. I feel somewhat assured knowing that she has the capability to flirt online but distance herself and suggest ‘I like you and I like talking to you, but I don’t *need *to talk to you.’

Caution here: don’t let pity make you tolerate gestures of affection that either test your sexual stamina (or hers) or create bonds.

What do you mean?

 

[chevalier]

I wonder why *you *worry about her, though. I would be interested in hearing your reasons.

She seems clouded. Like a cloud that drifts on the wind from place to place without touching the ground that much.

How soon before I grow tired of not being able to discuss complex theology or the genius of the music of Charles Ives or Johannes Brahms, it’s hard to say, but those things have a way of being figured out.

Those things *are *important. Neither particularly those specific musicians nor even complex theology, I guess (notwithstanding that it does reflect on our understanding of God and our faith, but say, does a girl need to be able to define virtues instead of saying in her own words what she means under each? ) However, inability to share deep conversations or some real difference in intellectual development can be a problem.

“Prince Charming” has a lot of connotations. The most immediate one, and one which comes to mind, is one where a strong, handsome man (subjectively considered, of course) saves a fair damsel from desolation and woe. Was she flirting? Possibly, but how much of that flirting is more literal? How much metaphorical? And how much is the metaphorical affecting her reality?

I wouldn’t focus so much on the damsel in distress aspect. It may simply mean her ideal man, without implying distress (as in saving her from a million bad circumstances in life–of itself not necessarily a problem, actually, but I can see the danger). Our focusing on her single expression could indicate more problems in us than her expression in her! I really think it was a cute metaphor, real to some extent, but not like she’s a compulsive cinderella.

I should add that she has since sent me a message stating that she was tired the previous night and that she wanted to be friends and go from there.

Maybe she really was. I’m not perfectly clear or reasonable after a >12 hours day of work or so either.

So, here’s a scenario: I complimented her, we chatted, she became very hopeful, she flirted (“Prince Charming”) but I didn’t reciprocate which caused her to take my comment more negatively than inferred because she was tired and, well, emotional.

Or simply, you took some things the wrong way, she was tired and emo, things didn’t go right for all the reasons, she decided to take it as friends.

What about the “I want a guy!” comment makes her sound so much more mature to you? In my mind, it sounds just as pouty as “I can’t find anyone on here to date.” Is it her level of assertion in knowing what she wants?

Of course it’s pouty! But it’s not something you’ll hear a naive innocent girl say. It’s not horribly mature of itself, but it points towards a higher age.

To be fair to her, I have the potential for maturing some too. Clinically speaking, though I’m 28 I could easily have the mind and maturity of someone who is 22. She’s 27, and like you say elsewhere, she could easily be 21 maturity wise. Though, both of us could be horribly wrong and her simplicity might propose someone who is less mature than she actually is.

That’s possible and I wouldn’t make too much of it anyway. I can easily see someone of your intellectual level making the same comments that she did, depending on the day. People aren’t being very mature when they’re having fun, destressing, flirting, uncovering their hearts’ desires and so on.

I agree. I think she is very sensitive, actually. Not touch and go, mind you, but I think the whole episode from her Prince Charming comment onwards - where she said “I’m sad” - seems to be fairly indicative of someone who is quite sensitive.

Yes and the, “I’m sad,” comment points towards the possibility of her being a person that needs you to walk on eggshells for. Does she display any tendencies towards holding other people hostage to her emotions?

I think she has her head on more straight concerning our conversations than I’m giving her credit for. For instance, last night when I went to chat with her again, she was online but idle for a couple hours. So, I composed her a brief message, telling her that I hate that I had missed her, that hopefully we could chat again in the future, and I said that I wouldn’t mind giving her my personal e-mail if she felt like corresponding with me throughout the daylight hours. Right when I sent the message, she became un-idle and we chatted briefly. She thanked me for the message, and when I reiterated that she could feel free to e-mail, she seemed to make it a point to say, “We’ll chat tomorrow night.”

Doesn’t sound like an abnormal person so far.

Her preference for chatting over e-mail can be attributed to numerous things, among which could be that she finds e-mail grossly more impersonal at this stage than chatting; or, she may think contrarily that e-mailing one another on private e-mail addresses is too cozy at this stage rather than within the confined arena of the website itself. It’s hard to say, but I found her decision admirable, to be sure, and comforting because it lacks expediency. I feel somewhat assured knowing that she has the capability to flirt online but distance herself and suggest ‘I like you and I like talking to you, but I don’t *need *to talk to you.’

Too much analysing in my opinion. This could be hurtful to any bond you two might share, and we neither have the data nor the qualifications to analyse it (and people who are really qualified would already have told us two to get a life, I think – we’re already speculating a lot).

 

[chevalier]

What do you mean?

I mean sometimes affection serves as gateway and excuse for gesture that isn’t quite all about affection. That way sexual stimulation might be smuggled in, especially as for women it’s more integral with their emotional longing for someone, while we guys can more easily separate it from other things.

 

[novaslasher]

It seems to me that you need some answers to your “what ifs?” I think the best way to find out more about her is to ask for her phone number and call her up (unless she is really smacking of desperation in IM; personally I think she was just feeling lonely and decided to flirt when she called you Prince Charming). You’ll get a better sense of who she is with increased proximity of contact. If she lives close to you and the conversation on the phone goes well, ask her out.

I did online dating, and it is very true that you fill in your lack of knowledge about the other person with your own expectations and fantasies. The only way to ground your expectations in reality is to meet and interact. Good luck!

 

[dulcissima]

In general, my problem with people who are so interested in finding a relationship that they instantly find someone new as being perfect for them, is that they are not really looking at that person for who they are, just for who they want them to be. After one conversation, a girl should not be saying the things that this one is to you.

I think you have reason to be wary, and you might even consider letting her know that you are wary. If you do proceed, I would recommend meeting in person as soon as possible so that a fantasy relationship that is not based in reality doesn’t take root. Also beware if she expects you to be the solution to all of her problems or is jealous or possessive of your time or becomes critical of you, your family, or friends.

You just got a profile up and you should be talking to and considering multiple possibilities, not zeroing in on one girl immediately.

 

[chevalier]

The only way to ground your expectations in reality is to meet and interact.

I so love your way of speaking!

so that a fantasy relationship that is not based in reality doesn’t take root

Yours too!

 

[Liberanosamalo]

You’re trying to read too much into this. You barely know her. Yet you’ve already decided she’s “simple” and you will have to sacrifice your own great mental powers to keep her company? (That’s how I read it.)

Please know that women become MORE complicated and have MORE layers as life and experience come along. The young bride is NOT the mother with several years of experience!

As for Prince Charming… that’s what we call the guy that sweeps us off our feet and gives us our happily ever after. Nothing about damsel in distress. If she’s 27 or so, a lot of her friends have met their prince and she’s sad because she wonders if there is one out there for her. Don’t try to read walking on eggshells around one comment.

No, she does not want to give you her private email yet. She’s had one or two conversations with you. She does not want to give it to you and then find out you’re a nut case and then she has to change her email. She is cautious. She’s keeping you at a distance. Which indicates judiciousness and that she is not so desperate she’s already appeared at your doorstep with a bottle of wine and dinner in a box.

But seriously… if you think she’s so simple that you would have to shed your brain cells by the side of the road to have a relationship and you might not be willing to do that… don’t insult her further. Let her find someone who appreciates her “simplicity.”

By the way… some women do not advertise how smart they really are. They’ve found that scares off men.



Reading tea leaves and divining whole personalities by one or two meetings is NOT the way to build a good lasting relationship. Get to know more than one person on the site and then you can have a clue whether she’s a breath of fresh air or someone to run quickly from.

 

[Epistemes]

Reading tea leaves and divining whole personalities by one or two meetings is NOT the way to build a good lasting relationship. Get to know more than one person on the site and then you can have a clue whether she’s a breath of fresh air or someone to run quickly from.

You know, it’s funny, I was just out doing some field work for the office, and while I was riding around I began thinking about the whole situation and my concerns which I’m expressing on here, then I thought, “How silly of me! I’m a 28 year old man. I’m not oblivious to social relationships, so why am I acting like this is something new and unexpected?” So, yeah, I’m just going to enjoy the ride for what it is and, in *her *own words, see where things go.

 

[chevalier]

Liberanos, I agree Epistemes is reading too much into it and I might be doing the same, and I especially agree on Prince Charming, but then, I respectfully think you’re reading too much into it yourself when you say she doesn’t want to give him her e-mail yet, along with motives for that decision. :tiphat: The case might be the same with not showing how smart she is. This with the reservation that being simple (which is at least neutral if not a virtue, being simple is not the same as being a *simpleton *and the latter isn’t a moral failing, just in case someone thinks it is) does not preclude being smart. Spot on with tea leaves.

Epistemes, I suggest a *simple *approach. That is, allow *yourself *to be simple. Yes-yes, no-no, and if things don’t work out, nice try. Perhaps you will find a wife (this is not meant to be scary, but I would have compunctions about saying “girlfriend”, given the purpose of relationships), perhaps you will grow a bit as a person in a good-faith attempt. A Master’s in psychology can be earned at a different occasion.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Chev, you’re right… I confused the attitude of simplicity with the insult of simpleton.

I’m just giving my own reasoning for someone not giving out personal email. As a female, it’s best to leave a thicker boundary and a third layer rather than give someone access to your own PC via your personal email.

I presume any female of that age would be savvy enough to be cautious. Just sayin…

 

[chevalier]

Ah, I see. Perhaphs because, as a male, my e-mail is all about the show and bombasticity.

Just kidding. Personally, I think her chatter was at face value.

 

[sanctamaria17]

Same goes for Facebook (as it has your last name, oftentimes, and maybe other links to your life) and other things. Lib is a very smart lady, listen to her!

Intelligence and success often do scare off men…Unfortunately, I found this to be true within my own love life Not insulting all guys, but there are those who just want to think of women as pretty things who will just have babies and who hold no thoughts of their own, not to mention power or prestige based on acting upon those thoughts.

And yes, when you get to be a certain age, it feels frustrating to see all your friends married while you haven’t found someone. I’m still very young and I know at least three girls who are engaged, three who have gotten married, one of whom just gave birth to her first child. Then, there are the other friends who’ve been in relationships so long, marriage is just around the corner. Meanwhile, I’ve only been kissed once and my dating life is more hilarious than Monty Python. I can understand feeling a bit rushed.

As for the other things, I don’t find her off-putting. I think she was being a bit flirty yet guarded. I only say this because I often act in a similar manner. Give it time.

For email, I know for me, my full name appears whether I want it to or not (regardless of settings). I can understand not giving out my personal account. Once you’ve got my full name, it’s easier to find me…Scary.

 

[chevalier]

Same goes for Facebook (as it has your last name, oftentimes, and maybe other links to your life) and other things. Lib is a very smart lady, listen to her!

Hah! I know quiiite a bit about those things including some that not even Liberanos heard about! I know how to track where an e-mail came from, who’s blocked you on MSN instead of really being offline, how to send a man an e-mail from his own adress saying, “I like socks with holes!” (which man doesn’t anyway? )… and a couple of other things I really wouldn’t like to get into, not in the least for identification concerns.

Intelligence and success often do scare off men…Unfortunately, I found this to be true within my own love life Not insulting all guys, but there are those who just want to think of women as pretty things who will just have babies and who hold no thoughts of their own, not to mention power or prestige based on acting upon those thoughts.

There was that girl who beat me in a game I was teaching her, lol was it fun. Three to nil, in fact. Either chess or checkers, I don’t remember.

As for the other things, I don’t find her off-putting. I think she was being a bit flirty yet guarded. I only say this because I often act in a similar manner. Give it time.

Yeah and darn, there’s that type of personality, one that I would suppose to be more common among young American women than otherwise (some here too bear some similarity as did one former love interest of mine, and it doesn’t fit equally as well with some other nationalities, particularly my own, albeit romantic). I suppose it was way more common in the previous generations than it is now. It would be very much in line for that type to flirt that way.

For email, I know for me, my full name appears whether I want it to or not (regardless of settings). I can understand not giving out my personal account. Once you’ve got my full name, it’s easier to find me…Scary.

Oh, no one ever gets my full name. Not on here at least! Just kidding. On the other hand, I’d readily volunteer if only in order to ground the whole thing more in reality (such as linking to LinkedIn profiles etc., not like I have one). Then you have a real person talking to you, not just some internet handle, like a WoW character. I’ve somehow come to terms with the fact I’m not a level 40 paladin in real life, I’d be somewhat pleased if a lady realised she isn’t a half-fay enchantress (Not like you secretely aren’t, all of you! Eerrr… Scratch that!).