Is something wrong with me...?

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chevalier said:
I’ve somehow come to terms with the fact I’m not a level 40 paladin in real life, I’d be somewhat pleased if a lady realised she isn’t a half-fay enchantress (Not like you secretely aren’t, all of you! Eerrr… Scratch that!).
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HAhahaa! 😃 Hey, I am holding on to that half -fay title as long as I can!
 
Epistemes said:
“I’m looking for a guy on here, and I think I found one”; “I think you like me”; “Are you my Prince Charming?”. She got sad when I answered the last question by saying, “I doubt it. I’m no prince, but just a guy who thinks you look like a sweet girl.”
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I think she needs to slow waaaaaay down if she was making remarks like this the first time you ever communicated.

Good luck though! 🙂 Will say an extra prayer for your intentions tonight. God bless.
 
juliamajor said:
I can only give you the perspective of someone who has been married for 28yrs.We met via personal ads in a Catholic magazine.Talk about your chancy!Well first we wrote to each other via snail mail(this was the stone age remember) then we started talking on the phone.then we started dating. What is good is that you can feel each other out as to likes and dislikes.We started dating in November- asked me to marry him about two months later and got engaged on Valentine’s day.It was just about one year we knew each other when we got married. We had fights and disagreements.During pre-cana he almost called off the wedding because he thought we were incompatible.WHY? because he used to watch “the little house on the Prairie” and the "Waltons’ (WHICH I hated) and I liked “hill street blues” and other hard edged shows! Try not to read to much into what people like.Like many things they are just passing fancies.Enjoy the ride, enjoy the process. Don’t force anything-just let your relationship either grow or wither by itself. If it’s good you’ll look into her eyes and just say “wow: i;ve got to be with her always.Don’t expect fireworks, brass bands or auras around her head. My husband and I were still dating when we had lunch 'al fresco” on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of art in NYC."Al fresco in NY means “hot dogs” to most nyers. Well there we were munching down a couple of dirty water franks when we both looked at each other.I knew and he knew in that second that he loved me and that I loved him and we’d be together forever. I can’t tell you to take it slow- because we didn’t.If your ready-your ready!Always listen to that small voice of yours that gives you advice-instincts are usually right.Don’t let your emotions get the best of you. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married or involved -just make sure that you’re both ready and willing to make it a lifetime deal.Women can be more anxious because they have a biological clock that they hear ticking away…Talking and being with someone is the only way you can really find out what the person is really like.Internet cannot give you the same information as a faceto face can.Just be yourself, be at ease count on your instincts and enjoy seeking out the right person.
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Loved this post! Thanks for sharing!
 
There’s nothing that will take the place of taking the time to get to know her. Can’t you just meet her already? I guess I don’t get the internet dating thing because I have never done it, but it seems like there is too much to be left to the imagination in such an arrangement.

And I can’t believe Chev’s only 26…???
 
Epistemes said:
Was she flirting? Possibly, but how much of that flirting is more literal? How much metaphorical? And how much is the metaphorical affecting her reality?
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I think you are overanalyzing the situation. Keep talking to her and things will become clear. If she is a desperate/clingy woman ready to pounce on you, you’ll know.
 
flyingfish said:
I think you are overanalyzing the situation. Keep talking to her and things will become clear. If she is a desperate/clingy woman ready to pounce on you, you’ll know.
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You mean pouncing is bad? 😃 But I’m like a cat. 😛
 
Liberanosamalo said:
You’re trying to read too much into this. You barely know her. Yet you’ve already decided she’s “simple” and you will have to sacrifice your own great mental powers to keep her company? (That’s how I read it.)
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She actually may have a learning disability or even Asperger’s. I’ve gleaned this from her sentences, her grammar and spelling, but mostly from researching the academy where she attended high school.

I, um…I don’t want to rush to conclusions too hastily, but it all sort of lines up in that direction. Even now, I can’t just run in the other direction even though my selfishness and sense of idealism is telling me to. Dammit, it actually causes me to care for her more…
 
Epistemes said:
She actually may have a learning disability or even Asperger’s. I’ve gleaned this from her sentences, her grammar and spelling, but mostly from researching the academy where she attended high school.

I, um…I don’t want to rush to conclusions too hastily, but it all sort of lines up in that direction. Even now, I can’t just run in the other direction even though my selfishness and sense of idealism is telling me to. Dammit, it actually causes me to care for her more…
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Whether or not she is moving too fast/assuming too much, you definitely are. If you want to run in the other direction, it’s the right thing to do. Neither of you owe anything to the other, and you certainly shouldn’t continue talking to her out of pity.
 
Epistemes said:
She actually may have a learning disability or even Asperger’s. I’ve gleaned this from her sentences, her grammar and spelling, but mostly from researching the academy where she attended high school.

I, um…I don’t want to rush to conclusions too hastily, but it all sort of lines up in that direction. Even now, I can’t just run in the other direction even though my selfishness and sense of idealism is telling me to. Dammit, it actually causes me to care for her more…
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You are dating to find a potential spouse, you know, one who would be the mother of your children?
 
I personally think that you going and doing detective work on her academy and such at this early stage without coming outright and tactfully asking her is highly inappropriate and a violation of boundaries on YOUR part. No wonder she is not sure of where the boundaries are if this is the way you are pushing them. I would be running for the hills if a man had researched me in this way when I was single.
 
flyingfish said:
Whether or not she is moving too fast/assuming too much, you definitely are. If you want to run in the other direction, it’s the right thing to do. Neither of you owe anything to the other, and you certainly shouldn’t continue talking to her out of pity.
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I’ve tried very hard not moving too fast or assuming too much, I’ve tried keeping my distance, I’ve tried keeping an open mind, but that open-mindedness *has had *to include that any assumptions I’m making about her at any point during this preliminary period are wrong, that I should be giving her the benefit of the doubt, and that I should (again, using *her *words) see where things go. Though it’s true that within a few short conversations I’ve become somewhat fond of her, I also recognize that such fondness isn’t much to grow on and that at some point I or she or we may choose to cut the cord based on sheer incompatibility, but my attempt to be open-minded has had to accept that until we establish such an irreconcilable incompatibility that there’s no harm in continuing to see where things go.

Perhaps I am digging myself a hole that I will find it harder and harder to get out of, but I *do *care for her – but this isn’t so incredible as I made it seem in my OP. After further reflection, it’s very easy for me as a person to care for someone; however, there is something about her which I specifically care about, and I don’t know what that is just yet but when I look at her pictures – when I look at *her *-- something in me softens. I’m not so daft as to think that these emotions are the best building blocks of any relationship, nor will I rest my laurels upon them – but they are there, and I must see them for what they are, inspect them, interrogate them, and hold them in check, but also see what promise they may have. Therefore, I will never continue talking to her, leading her on or getting her hopes high because I pity her or her condition. I simply must trust that God will provide for her and her best interests, which is why I pray for her.

She may indeed be simple (in all its positive and negative attributions) and may have a learning disability (however large or small), my mind may be telling me, ‘She’s not normal,’ but the Spirit has revealed to me that I’m not normal either and she may never have asked God to know someone with my own personal defects; therefore, though I want to run in the other direction, it’s not because something about her condition suddenly makes us incompatible but it’s because I’ve never intimately known (friend or otherwise) someone like her. That latter fact may ultimately make us incompatible, but to venture that at this point would indeed be assuming too much on my part.

I’m forced to make a decision now, though, and **now **is the time because I know that I don’t want her to be hurt. If nothing else, we remain friends, which is what I think she needs (and I need) ahead of a boyfriend (or girlfriend, in my case). Whatever decision I make regarding us, maybe it will be the worst decision of my life, and I can’t say that I don’t care because I do, but sitting here right now thinking about her and thinking about me I don’t how I could live with myself if I ceased all contact because I felt a little fear of the unknown. All human relationships face the dangers that she and I now face, and the only thing that can help us (good or bad) is God.
 
joandarc2008 said:
I personally think that you going and doing detective work on her academy and such at this early stage without coming outright and tactfully asking her is highly inappropriate and a violation of boundaries on YOUR part. No wonder she is not sure of where the boundaries are if this is the way you are pushing them. I would be running for the hills if a man had researched me in this way when I was single.
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I won’t defend that it was possibly tactless on my part, but I didn’t do the research spitefully or incriminatingly but only to learn more about her – and I still* do indeed *plan to talk to her about her time at the academy – just as I would do research on Northwestern University’s Dance program if I were talking to someone who graduated from there or tornado chasing if that was one of her hobbies.
 
Epistemes said:
I won’t defend that it was possibly tactless on my part, but I didn’t do the research spitefully or incriminatingly but only to learn more about her – and I still* do indeed *plan to talk to her about her time at the academy – just as I would do research on Northwestern University’s Dance program if I were talking to someone who graduated from there or tornado chasing if that was one of her hobbies.
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I think you miss my point. While it is very mature of you to admit some tactlessness, in the future what I would recommend is finding out everything you can from her. I truly regret that you missed the opportunity to talk to her about these things and ask her directly. That may have been her opening to invite you to ask her about these things - instead of asking about the school or her interests in it - you researched her academy on the internet. If I was that woman that would send to me the message that you were a distrustful sneak. Would that be someone you would want to date?
 
joandarc2008 said:
I think you miss my point. While it is very mature of you to admit some tactlessness, in the future what I would recommend is finding out everything you can from her. I truly regret that you missed the opportunity to talk to her about these things and ask her directly. That may have been her opening to invite you to ask her about these things - instead of asking about the school or her interests in it - you researched her academy on the internet. If I was that woman that would send to me the message that you were a distrustful sneak. Would that be someone you would want to date?
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Therefore, given that I am the one who is socially inept and have violated her privacy which is all I’ve been capable of doing from the day we started chatting, I will cease to communicate with her based on the fact that I am distrustful of her, a sneak, and I researched her academy and learned that she may have a learning disability and have pre-formulated biased opinions about such people leaving her to wonder why, all of sudden, she’s been blocked from chatting with me. I mean, hell, let me come right out and be the ******* I truly am. I’m sure this will benefit her more than me pretending.
 
Epistemes, if it makes you feel any better, I am the exact same way about research. I like to know. I totally researched my boyfriend before we went on our first date. He was surprised by all I had been able to learn, but not upset when I later told him about it.

Be careful to take our advice here with a grain of salt. At best it will help give you some perspective, but ultimately it’s about what you want.
 
Epistemes said:
Therefore, given that I am the one who is socially inept and have violated her privacy which is all I’ve been capable of doing from the day we started chatting, I will cease to communicate with her based on the fact that I am distrustful of her, a sneak, and I researched her academy and learned that she may have a learning disability and have pre-formulated biased opinions about such people leaving her to wonder why, all of sudden, she’s been blocked from chatting with me. I mean, hell, let me come right out and be the ******* I truly am. I’m sure this will benefit her more than me pretending.
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I am not attacking I am simply telling you how it can come off when a nameless faceless person does this kind of thing after only meeting you on the internet. I perceive that you are very sensitive to other peoples comments both negative and positive while still asking for (name removed by moderator)ut. Why?
 
dulcissima said:
You are dating to find a potential spouse, you know, one who would be the mother of your children?
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Your point being which, now? People with learning disabilities are not necessarily less fit to be parents, and not necessarily less intelligent. 🙂
 
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