Is the Church right in promoting marriage and demonizing cohabitation?

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A lot of my conservative catholic friends get married very young.(early 20s) Is this the norm?
 
As another poster stated, you are obviously going through a rough time due your parents’ divorce and your family situation. In addition, you are at an age of rebellion. May I ask if you are a psychology major, based on your moniker? Well, I’m a psychology professor and a liberal Democrat and non-Catholic as well, and I can tell you that the studies done on cohabitation cross-culturally have shown statistically that these relationships generally result in separation after not too long a period of time. Of about 20 countries in which cohabitation was studied, Catholic countries have the lowest rate (as one might expect), except for France and Poland, for various reasons, and Scandanavian countries the highest. The US is mid-range. Still, for all these countries, the majority of couples who cohabit fail to commit and leave the relationship. Statistically, these relationships are less successful than marriage and with none of the rewards. Think about this, do some research, and, most important, don’t make any hasty decisions since you are going through a troubled time and your power of judgment is not at its best right now.
 
meltzerboy said:
As another poster stated, you are obviously going through a rough time due your parents’ divorce and your family situation. In addition, you are at an age of rebellion. May I ask if you are a psychology major, based on your moniker? Well, I’m a psychology professor and a liberal Democrat and non-Catholic as well, and I can tell you that the studies done on cohabitation cross-culturally have shown statistically that these relationships generally result in separation after not too long a period of time. Of about 20 countries in which cohabitation was studied, Catholic countries have the lowest rate (as one might expect), except for France and Poland, for various reasons, and Scandanavian countries the highest. The US is mid-range. Still, for all these countries, the majority of couples who cohabit fail to commit and leave the relationship. Statistically, these relationships are less successful than marriage and with none of the rewards. Think about this, do some research, and, most important, don’t make any hasty decisions since you are going through a troubled time and your power of judgment is not at its best right now.
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Excellent points.👍👍👍
 
choose_to_love said:
This is one of the posts where the pain of the OP is palpable. Prayers for you, psymajor.

That being said, a few points.

My bride is a stay-at -home mom. What she does is invaluable. She is handing on the Faith, through her service to, and love for, our children and our family. One cannot put a price on something like that.

That reality aside, your view of the value of a SAHM does not consider, for one thing among many possibilities, if the spouse that stays home gave up her career. What then? She’s not going back into the job market at the same place she was before staying home. I can only imagine your thoughts on alimony. What about the husband who decides he wants a younger spouse? What if he is the one giving up on the marriage?

Three, I think your family, or perhaps one spouse, may have been a little beyond low income, or the family wouldn’t have had that much to spend in the first place.

Fourth, why are the lawyers greedy? The parties could have setted at any time. Lawyers do not have anything to sell but their expertise and time.

Fifth, OP, in a few years, I would wager that your opinion on this will have changed dramatically.
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While I sympathize with psymajor and the stuggle he is going through. I have to agree that he has failed to take into account EVERYTHING a SAHM does. Trust me it’s not walk in the park. We DO NOT sit around everyday and eat bonbons. The Childcare aspect of what we do alone is worth about $400-$500 a week, and that’s conservative.

You forget that if the agreement was one stays home and the other produces the money to support the household…well that is a sharing of duties, and deserves consideration. Many women who put their careers aside to raise kids, can never get back the expierence and wage potential that was lost during those years. It’s not as clearcut as you might think. Keep in mind that not every marriage or divorce is like your parents and try not to let you bitterness about that cloud everything.
 
psymajor said:
The stay-at-home mom nonsense is ending pretty quickly in America. Nowadays, both parents work to make a living, meaning that your situation is not an issue. Plus, you have to remember that there are a lot of cases where one spouse is lazy and the other does all the work. Even in that case, the lazy spouse still gets half the stuff. Plus, the very reason you listed is what makes cohabitation so attractive to guys, including myself. Why should I sign away my legal and financial autonomy? When a guy gets married, that woman automatically gets half of everything, even if she is cheating her butt off.
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First of all I take great offense to this. I am a 32 year old stay-at-home-mom with a B.A. in English Lit and a minor in Theology and I’m damn proud of staying home and taking care of my 5 children (5th one due in Sept.) and the house, and homeschooling and whatever else comes up during the course of a day. And if you think that’s being lazy, then I welcome you to come over here and just keep up with laundry for a day.

Psymajor- from everything I’ve read, it seems to me that then ONLY reason you seem to believe that cohabitation is better than marriage is because of the potential cost associated when a marriage breaks-up. Of course the problem with this is multi-fold. The two biggest, as I see it, are as follows:

One: If you’re really worried about the cost of a potential break-up, then you better make sure that you are prepared and understand, when entering into a marriage, that breaking-up is simply NOT AN OPTION. I don’t care how much your spouse is spending or whether you think she’s being lazy, or whether or not you’re “in love” anymore. You discuss finances, children, and everything else BEFORE you get married, and when those oh-so lovey-dovey feelings shoot right out the window 3,4,10,or 25 years down the road and you want to get out because she won’t clean the windows, or spends $100 in shoes every month, you know what you do? You suck it up and you deal with it, because you promised yourself, your spouse and GOD that’s exactly what you’re going to do and if you can’t agree to that in the beginning then you shouldn’t get married.

Two: Money is NOT the measure of success and while I’m sure you’re hurt and burned by the money spent by your parents on lawyers through this messy divorce and it is scorning your view, it does NOT in any way invalidate marriage as a sacrament or as a overall good.

I don’t mean to be harsh, but REALLY?!?!?!?!?! If all you care about, in the midst of your parent’s divorce, is the money spent and how you don’t want to waste that money on what you see is an inevitability. Then please, do not make a mockery of the sacrament of marriage by marrying. If you choose to cohabit, that’s YOUR choice. But as with everything else that choice will have a consequence and while you may not see that consequence here on earth, you’ll most certainly answer to it when you see God.

So to answer your question: Yes the Church is right in promoting marriage and denouncing cohabitation, because the Church is here to make the people of God HOLY. Marriage is holy, cohabiting is not. Cohabiting might be seen as a “good” by today’s culture and society, but good isn’t good enough. Holy is the goal!

Not money.

Right is right even if no one is doing it and wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it.
-St. Augustine
 
psymajor said:
The position of the Catholic Church is that marriage is a requirement for two people who want to be together. The justification for the position is that marriage is God’s plan for a man and woman who love each other (and that anything else is a perversion of God’s plan). I have been a Catholic my entire life (and I still am). But during the past year, I have become more skeptical with regards to what the church tells people to do.

My question is this: Why does the Catholic Church continue to promote an institution that is not helping people (and in many cases hurting them more)? Nowadays, cohabitation is on the rise in the United States (as well as other parts of the world). If the cohabitation trend continues, it is set to overtake marriage in the United States (as it already has in Scandinavia). Aside from a few minor legal benefits that most people don’t care about that much, marriage does not provide anything that cohabitation cannot provide to couples (love, companionship, happiness, sex, children, etc). If the relationship ends, marriage is a lot more harmful financially due to the legal costs associated with a divorce. Yes, with cohabitation there can still be a child custody battle (if children are involved). However, marriage has the potential for a child custody battle AND a divorce battle (making it much messier than cohabitation).

The reason I ask this question is that my parents, both of whom are Catholic, are going through a terrible divorce. Prior to the divorce, the marriage was a disaster. They got separated back in 2006 (when I was in high school). The divorce has lasted for a few years, but it’s not over yet. Collectively, they spent over $80,000 on attorney fees and it still is not over yet (and our family is low-income, not rich). The divorce was a financial disaster. I’m in college now and this is making things much harder. Honestly, I do not see the functional purpose that marriage serves. After I saw what happened with my parents, I’m thinking about turning my back on marriage altogether and just living with a girl out of wedlock instead.

This being said, why does the Catholic Church continue to tell people that marriage is the only way a man and woman can be together? People would not be turning away from marriage and doing cohabitation if marriage was really that much better. In the case of my parents, it turned out to be a lot worse. Anyway, I said quite a bit, so I will open it up for discussion.
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Well. other than the obvious, venerial diseases are at an all time high. If you choose to go the noncovenental, non marriage route, you WILL get a disease. Its only a matter of time. 75% of adults have either HPV or HSV2. Condoms do NOT protect against these. Since you have a much better chance of the relationship failing without a marriage certificate, It is better to be married, to partake of this activity. Do the research. tell me what your conclusions are when you are done. Would this change your mind any? Peace and prayers for you my friend. 🙂
 
psymajor said:
The stay-at-home mom nonsense is ending pretty quickly in America. Nowadays, both parents work to make a living, meaning that your situation is not an issue.
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I think others have adequately addressed your lack of regard for the work that stay at home mothers do. You say that nowadays most parents work…this may be true, but only in part. Many mothers work part time. Others may work full time, but the time they took off previously to have and raise kids has placed their career at a disadvantage compared to if they had worked all that time (or compared to a man in a similar role). All things being equal, a woman is disadvantaged financially by becoming a mother, so we can’t just have men up and leave, taking the assets and income, when they no longer feel like the relationship is worthwhile.
psymajor said:
the very reason you listed is what makes cohabitation so attractive to guys, including myself. Why should I sign away my legal and financial autonomy?
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What you imply here is that you don’t want to sign up for any legal and financial responsibility. Cohabitation (in a state where it’s not legally recognised) offers you the ability to wash your hands and walk away whenever you feel like it. But what about your responsibilities? What about your children? What about the mother of your children who has foregone a career and income (at least in part) to stay at home and take care of your children?

The crux of your post holds very true…divorce is terrible. But you advocate cohabitation as a solution, when in fact it makes relationship breakdown much more likely. In addition, it does nothing to lessen the financial burdens involved in divorce, unless you take the approach of simply walking away, which is unfair to children and the parent who has sacrificed more by way of career and income in caring for them.

A lifelong marriage is the best way to provide the financial and emotional support for both spouses and their children. But there are no guarantees. Your best bet is to find a partner who shares the same belief system that you do, and the same commitment to a lifelong partnership. A partner who you agree to cohabit for as long as it’s enjoyable and convenient for you both is unlikely to provide the meaningful relationship that most people seek.
 
underacloud said:
I think others have adequately addressed your lack of regard for the work that stay at home mothers do. You say that nowadays most parents work…this may be true, but only in part. Many mothers work part time. Others may work full time, but the time they took off previously to have and raise kids has placed their career at a disadvantage compared to if they had worked all that time (or compared to a man in a similar role). All things being equal, a woman is disadvantaged financially by becoming a mother, so we can’t just have men up and leave, taking the assets and income, when they no longer feel like the relationship is worthwhile.

What you imply here is that you don’t want to sign up for any legal and financial responsibility. Cohabitation (in a state where it’s not legally recognised) offers you the ability to wash your hands and walk away whenever you feel like it. But what about your responsibilities? What about your children? What about the mother of your children who has foregone a career and income (at least in part) to stay at home and take care of your children?

The crux of your post holds very true…divorce is terrible. But you advocate cohabitation as a solution, when in fact it makes relationship breakdown much more likely. In addition, it does nothing to lessen the financial burdens involved in divorce, unless you take the approach of simply walking away, which is unfair to children and the parent who has sacrificed more by way of career and income in caring for them.

A lifelong marriage is the best way to provide the financial and emotional support for both spouses and their children. But there are no guarantees. Your best bet is to find a partner who shares the same belief system that you do, and the same commitment to a lifelong partnership. A partner who you agree to cohabit for as long as it’s enjoyable and convenient for you both is unlikely to provide the meaningful relationship that most people seek.
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The red part is right on the money. What about inheiritance and such. More than likely, relationships where there is no marriage, fall apart. Why? Because there is no real committment. You will say, “well whats a little piece of paper gonna do?” If its such a small thing, then why not get your commitment in writing. Im divorced myself She got Wayyy more than half. does that mean, I just Live with a woman, and never trust her because of what someone else did? No. Ive actually had girlfriends get mad, because I would not move in with them. I think its a huge mistake to co habitate. Your setting yourself up to eventually move out, AND, you are gonna probably have alot of babies by alot of different women. All of this is NOT ok. 😦
 
Holly3278 said:
The Church most certainly is right in doing so!
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Hi Holly. I find it facinating, that those who DO cohabitate, say they love and trust their partner. How can that be? They are stating they dont love and trust their partner to take the risk of marriage. 😦 so already they are lacking 2 very important components to a successfull relationship, that keep people together for the long haul. Marriage is most certainly the best way to go. I agree. 👍
 
A few of you keep talking about the “valuable work” that a SAHM does. Sure, it may be tedious, but it is not worth half of the man’s salary (unless he works for min wage in a factory). Workers in China also do a lot of hard labor that benefits the economy. That does not mean that the labor they do is worth $20/hour. A mother only needs to stay at home for the first 2-3years after a child is born. After that, the she could easily fit a part time job in there since the child. A lot of you said that she is at a disadvantage because she was out of work for a few years. To that I say BS. Women have the same opportunities in life. Nowadays, there are more female college graduates than men and the work force is rapidly changing. If the woman has a higher paying job, she can easily outpace the man she is with in a few short years (even with a child birth). Another thing to note is that the anti-male divorce courts usually give a SAHM 50% or more, regardless if she was actually contributing to the family. In the case of my family, here is what happened. My dad worked about 50 hours a week. My mom was a SAHM, even though I was the only child and I attended school for most of the day. A lot of times, she sat around and watched soap operas on TV. How do I know? Because that’s what she did on days when I stayed home during the week. My dad also knew since he stopped by the apartment a few times a day during his job. Regardless, she will most likely get 60% of the stuff when the divorce is finalized in a few months. Do you call that fair treatment before the law?

My family was not rich to begin with. My parents made a modest living until my dad became permanently disabled. After that, we lived off of SSD. The divorce basically ate up the money that my family actually had for retirement. What a rich family :rolleyes:

Also, the same person who said my family wasn’t that poor said he would bet that my opinion would change in a few years. In that respect, you are right. You are thinking that I could become more conservative and get married. Just know that a pendulum can swing both ways. I could very well change by becoming even more secular and join the leagues of non-practicing “cafeteria catholics” (or even the non-religious crowd). Only time will tell what the outcome will be. I just need more time to sift through all of this and left it sink in.

Also, a recurring idea that got repeated my many people is “marriage should last forever”. Those of you who brought this up made it seem as if any relationship, no matter what the odds are, can survive with simple compromise. There is truth in that, more relationships would survive if there was more compromise. But at what cost? Sure, people may be able to keep the relationship together, but is it even worth it? With a lot of these dysfunctional relationships, the people may simply not love each other. Any “compromise” that is made is simply stringing along a dead relationship. The reason why the divorce rate is higher nowadays is that people are unhappy with their marriage, they remember the life they had when they were single, and they decide to divorce and go back to that because that is that makes them HAPPY. The emphasis nowadays is on HAPPINESS, not maintaining dead relationships so that you can show off to your grandparents. If a person can be more successful and happy by ending the marriage, then that is what they will probably end up doing (and that’s why you see more people divorcing nowadays. I refuse to be made a slave of some archaic religious Church doctrine. If I am with a girl a few years from now engages in destructive behavior that threatens me (ie, spending too much, breaking things, etc) then she will no longer be in my life. I will not live with a person who will destroy my life. The problem with marriage is that it makes good people to slaves of destructive people. It’s that EXACT mentality that causes people to stay in horrible, unhealthy relationships! I respect myself too much for that, and so do many other people.

Another person said that I should not be complaining about the money aspect of the divorce because “plenty of people can’t afford a car or to pay for school”. That person has yet to see how little my family has. I have spent time with my friends and their houses. When I saw what their lives were like, it took my breath away. The worst part is not being in poverty, but knowing that at one time you had access to resources that would have made it better. Did any of you consider that many people pursue money instead of God’s blessing because money brings comfort that God’s blessings do not?

A Jewish psychology professor on here asked if I’m a psych major. Yes, I am. I will take your advice. I’ll do some research and not make any hasty decisions. I still have time to make up my mind. With those studies that you mentioned, there are some questions. I’m guessing in the studies, the operational definition for relationship success was how long it lasted? If that’s the case, that’s rather flawed because people can still hate each others guts, but stay together longer than if they were cohabitating. On paper, it would appear as if the relationship was more successful when in reality it was just as much of a train wreck. But I could be wrong about the operational definition, so I will check it out.

The most logical reason I heard was from Benedict. The whole STD thing is the only true valid argument that I could see in this thread. That point is something I will consider. This does have the potential to change my final decision about what I want to do with life, which is still a few years in the horizon.
 
A SAHM on this forum said that cohabitation separations would be just as messy, unless I just walk away from it. According to this person leaving “is unfair to children and the parent who has sacrificed more by way of career and income in caring for them.” Lol yah right. The only way I would leave a girl I had a kid with would be if she was bad to me. In that case, she deserves to take the financial hit of a cohabitation breakup. And I would take the kid with me so that she is not so financially burdened that she cannot afford makeup :rolleyes:

I think everyone on here has addressed all the points. I got a good amount of info from this thread. I think I’ll call it a day with this discussion, unless of course someone else has more stuff that they want to add (which I will certainly not ignore). Thanks again.
 
psymajor said:
A few of you keep talking about the “valuable work” that a SAHM does. Sure, it may be tedious, but it is not worth half of the man’s salary (unless he works for min wage in a factory). Workers in China also do a lot of hard labor that benefits the economy. That does not mean that the labor they do is worth $20/hour. A mother only needs to stay at home for the first 2-3years after a child is born. After that, the she could easily fit a part time job in there since the child. A lot of you said that she is at a disadvantage because she was out of work for a few years. To that I say BS. Women have the same opportunities in life.
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I think that there are many things here that you are not considering. Firstly, I advise you to spend one day at home with a baby or two and try to take care of the rest of the house too, before you make any judgments about the “worth” of such work.

You say that the mother “only needs to stay home for the first 2-3 years”. What if she becomes pregnant again? And “fitting in part time work” is not as easy as it sounds in many professions. Not only is it difficult in general to find a job currently, it is even more difficult to find a job that is part time and would be worth it.

Until you find yourself in the job market, save your judgments about the disadvantages of women being out of the workforce for a few years too. I have seen firsthand through my own involvement in the hiring process how a gap of one or two years even can become the difference between getting an interview or not.

Just something to consider- was your apartment/house clean? Did you always have enough food? Who made the food? Who did the laundry? Who was up with you when you were sick? I don’t know your family’s situation, but I’m willing to bet that there are a lot of things your mother did that you are unaware of or not considering, because she didn’t get “paid” to do them. People get breaks and lunch hours at work, why should a mom who cooks and cleans and takes care of kids not get to take a little break during the day, especially since SAHMs work long after the “normal” workday is over? Your perception of laziness may be right or it may be wrong, but it’s worth considering that until you have your own household and children, you don’t fully understand the work involved in making it run.

I also think you have a lot to learn about relationships and marriage. I urge you to try and look beyond that experience, and witness other people, on these forums and in your life who have made their marriages work. Observe the attitudes they have toward their marriages, and the sacrifices they make for one another. Happiness in a marriage isn’t about feeling in love or having a lot of money.
psymajor said:
Another person said that I should not be complaining about the money aspect of the divorce because “plenty of people can’t afford a car or to pay for school”. That person has yet to see how little my family has. I have spent time with my friends and their houses. When I saw what their lives were like, it took my breath away. The worst part is not being in poverty, but knowing that at one time you had access to resources that would have made it better. Did any of you consider that many people pursue money instead of God’s blessing because money brings comfort that God’s blessings do not?
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I’m the one who said this. “Poverty” does not mean “I am in college and I don’t have a car” or “I have to pay for my own college”. Volunteer at a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen and you will see what poverty looks like. Your parents do not have the responsibility to buy you a car or pay for your college. You are an adult now and need to learn how to take care of yourself. Otherwise you will find out quickly what true poverty is. Does money provide security? Sure. Having money isn’t bad, but expecting handouts from your parents or anyone else is.
psymajor said:
A Jewish psychology professor on here asked if I’m a psych major. Yes, I am. I will take your advice. I’ll do some research and not make any hasty decisions. I still have time to make up my mind. With those studies that you mentioned, there are some questions. I’m guessing in the studies, the operational definition for relationship success was how long it lasted? If that’s the case, that’s rather flawed because people can still hate each others guts, but stay together longer than if they were cohabitating. On paper, it would appear as if the relationship was more successful when in reality it was just as much of a train wreck. But I could be wrong about the operational definition, so I will check it out.
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Good researchers would never use only one indicator of marital/relationship success. Longevity can be one, but there are also satisfaction scales, happiness scales, items about expectations and stress, and so on. Studies can have flaws, but if researchers repeatedly get the same results, there’s something to it.

I know you’re coming from a lot of pain with all of this. I really do hope that as you go forward in your life, you meet people whose lives are counter to some of your misconceptions. It’s easy to base perceptions on immediate experience, but just know that marriage and life in general doesn’t have to be so painful. There are all kinds of people in this world- some people are indeed selfish and lazy. But things are rarely as cut-and-dry as they might seem when you don’t know all the details. Just don’t assume that all marriages are doomed or that money will make you happy, or that the only work worth doing is work you are compensated well for. It really is in giving that we receive. Just try it and see how it goes. I pray that you find some peace in the midst of your situation.
 
Let’s cut to the heart of the matter. That money is your parents’ money. They could have blown it on extravagant vacations or expensive cars. They could have blown it on gambling and loose living. It isn’t your money and as long as they are alive, you are not entitled to it. It’s their choice to give it to lawyers. Their choice to go down that path. Quit coveting something that doesn’t belong to you.

What are you doing with the choices you have? The decision you are making today is to grab hold tightly onto bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. You seem entitled and justified to these feelings as well. They are the enemy to your soul, poison that will affect all your thinking and will poison your relationships with any person you meet (male or female, young or old) and with your God Who died to free us from this bondage. It is a slavery and a bondage, and how you are bending over backwards to cling to it. Only in Christ do we have the ability to love and live life to its fullness. You are choosing darkness and sin. Let’s be clear.

When you find a young woman to live with, it will poison that relationship and when that breaks down and she leaves you, you will proudly exclaim ‘how right your were’ when it’s really about how wrong you were.

Mother Theresa was right about North America. So much stuff, our places are filled to the rafters, but what poverty of love. We were not made to live like that. You and I are called to do better.

This is the ruler that God will measure you with. Your life will be well spent with these in your mind…

The Corporal Works of Mercy
1 Feed the Hungry
2 Give drink to the thirsty
3 Clothe the naked
4 Shelter the homeless
5 Comfort the imprisoned
6 Visit the sick
7 Bury the dead

The Sacraments are the remedy to your illness, as they are to all of us. Live life to the full. The grace I wish us all.
 
psymajor said:
**A SAHM on this forum **said that cohabitation separations would be just as messy, unless I just walk away from it. According to this person leaving “is unfair to children and the parent who has sacrificed more by way of career and income in caring for them.” Lol yah right. The only way I would leave a girl I had a kid with would be if she was bad to me. In that case, she deserves to take the financial hit of a cohabitation breakup. And I would take the kid with me so that she is not so financially burdened that she cannot afford makeup :rolleyes:
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Are you referring to me?

I am not a SAHM. I am a husband and father of three.

I am sorry for what has happened in your family, but the actions of your mum towards your dad should not colour your entire perception of women and stay at home mothers in particular. Our parent’s relationships are the primary example that we each have, and unfortunately your’s is a bad example. I was lucky to be raised in a good family environment and hope to pass that on to my children. I hope that you can see from responses in this thread and perhaps other people in your life that many marriages are wonderful and that it is a vocation worthy of your consideration.
 
This whole thing sounds to me like the details are not the issue. Conversations about the value of a woman’s labor or the necessity of material things etc. are only a distraction. They are important issues, but they can only help to keep the OP from facing the real issue.

The OP’s parents chose to continue in their bitterness toward one another, which is a sin.

Like any sin, this bitterness hurt them and it hurt their child.

The OP has every right to feel devastated, not because he doesn’t have a car or the money for college, but because his parents chose their own negativity over their duty to provide for him.

Bottom line: when parents let their own sin run their lives more than their love, the whole world looks hostile to the children involved. If the sacred trust between parent and child is broken, this is what results.

OP: You have a difficult road ahead of you. You are in my prayers and reading this thread has really affected me. I feel real sorrow for you. If it feels this way to me I cannot imagine how it feels to you.

I think the ultimate question you have to answer is whether you can come to believe that a person can triumph over sin and really exist in true, sacrificial love. Clearly, your parents failed in this.

Trouble is, that whether you believe it is possible or not, there is no other option for living a joyful and good life. This is what Christ did. He turned the other cheek. When he was insulted, he returned no insult. He went to his death rather than descend to a place of mistrust and bitterness. Rather than committing even a small selfish act, he endured unbelievable suffering.

Your parents took the other road in this situation. Think what would happen if everyone did the same. What would the world look like? Which sort of world do you want to create for yourself?

Think about how Christ might respond in your situation. Then ask Him for help when it is too hard for you to do the same. There is no real joy possible without taking this step. Trust me, God will provide for you all that you wanted from your parents- but it will be a difficult struggle with yourself to reach the place where you are ready to accept it.

May the Peace of Christ be with you…
 
I understand that watching your parents get divorced is very tough, I truly do. My parents split up when I was 12, and it was hell. Imagine being stuck in the middle of custody arguments 😦 , and my family - believe it or not - was poorer than yours. Just try not to let bitterness take over your life. It does take a long time to get past these things. If you are open to the idea, you may want to try counselling, or even just talking to your priest to get all the hurt and disappointment off your shoulders. It can really help just to be able to talk to someone and let out all the negative emotions, rather than carrying them around.
The reason I made the comment I did about the saints, is that for me, thinking of others was one of the few things that got me through some of the hardest times. I used to do a lot of volunteer work as a teenager and into my twenties. It really helped me to get my mind off of myself, and all my problems. I also know that hearing that from a stranger can sound harsh - that life can be much harder for others than ourselves. So many of us, myself included, think only of ourselves when things go bad. Why did this happen to ME? How can they do this to ME? How does this affect ME? Sometimes it can help bring perspective to take the focus off ourselves (something I admit that I fail more often than succeed at, but with every trial, and God’s help, it gets a little easier).
 
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