H
hlmem
Guest
Long story short: I was baptized Catholic, but after that never saw a church till my sister’s wedding 20 years later. 3 years after that and a bad breakup, something inside me which has always been there told me it was time to seek God. I have always wanted to go to church but never felt it was important to me.
Since then, I have Gone to church every Sunday and Holy day for 2 months, started praying the Rosary and began reading up on the Catholic faith. My plan is to go through RCIA in September. And I visit Catholic Answers many times a day.
I still struggle as I am a very critical guy. I write little journal entries , but this one I wanted to post as I hoped people here had this same struggle as I do. So here is is:
***"Is there a god? I find it frustrating and a little lonely to fight urges which seem so natural. To feel guilty toward someone you wonder if they are really there.
I pray, I go to church on Sundays and I try to honor God the best way I can. I see people receive communion and the Eucharist and no matter how much I want to see Jesus in front of me, sometimes all I see is a wafer. A tasteless wafer.
It makes me wonder if there is a God or am I beating myself up over seeing things that are not really there? Or over having natural but impure thoughts? I get so angry after I masturbate because I feel guilty for having no self control but at the same time I feel very good. It feels good.
Am I feeling guilty over nothing? Over a man made story? Or am I having correct feelings about the man who will judge my acts one day? I don’t know and it makes me so angry to try and live my life by a code I sometimes have a problem believing in.
Living life is about believing in something and trying to achieve it. Religion is even about believing in something and trying to achieve it. But what do you do when you have doubts? When you don’t believe?
It forces you to ask yourself the question; If there was no God would you choose to still live the life religion says you should, or would you live more of a life based on “feeling good” masturbation, alcohol, sex, lying. And never feeling guilty for doing such things because there is no god?
There is a part of me that would enjoy a life where I can have sex and not feel there are consequences for those actions, where there is no “God” to judge me.
But another side wants to be better than the norm in life. Better than the impulsive people who do not care about others and only about themselves.
So what it really comes down to is even if there was no god… Are the laws in the bible… Is feeling guilty for committing what the bible says are “sinful acts”. Is not wanting to live that type of life a bad thing?
God or not we should want to live better lives.
But it still makes me wonder… Is there a God?"***
Thank You
Since then, I have Gone to church every Sunday and Holy day for 2 months, started praying the Rosary and began reading up on the Catholic faith. My plan is to go through RCIA in September. And I visit Catholic Answers many times a day.
I still struggle as I am a very critical guy. I write little journal entries , but this one I wanted to post as I hoped people here had this same struggle as I do. So here is is:
***"Is there a god? I find it frustrating and a little lonely to fight urges which seem so natural. To feel guilty toward someone you wonder if they are really there.
I pray, I go to church on Sundays and I try to honor God the best way I can. I see people receive communion and the Eucharist and no matter how much I want to see Jesus in front of me, sometimes all I see is a wafer. A tasteless wafer.
It makes me wonder if there is a God or am I beating myself up over seeing things that are not really there? Or over having natural but impure thoughts? I get so angry after I masturbate because I feel guilty for having no self control but at the same time I feel very good. It feels good.
Am I feeling guilty over nothing? Over a man made story? Or am I having correct feelings about the man who will judge my acts one day? I don’t know and it makes me so angry to try and live my life by a code I sometimes have a problem believing in.
Living life is about believing in something and trying to achieve it. Religion is even about believing in something and trying to achieve it. But what do you do when you have doubts? When you don’t believe?
It forces you to ask yourself the question; If there was no God would you choose to still live the life religion says you should, or would you live more of a life based on “feeling good” masturbation, alcohol, sex, lying. And never feeling guilty for doing such things because there is no god?
There is a part of me that would enjoy a life where I can have sex and not feel there are consequences for those actions, where there is no “God” to judge me.
But another side wants to be better than the norm in life. Better than the impulsive people who do not care about others and only about themselves.
So what it really comes down to is even if there was no god… Are the laws in the bible… Is feeling guilty for committing what the bible says are “sinful acts”. Is not wanting to live that type of life a bad thing?
God or not we should want to live better lives.
But it still makes me wonder… Is there a God?"***
Thank You