Is this sinful, ladies?

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jaimepsalm63 said:
How about this thought…would you change a butterfly to have the wings of a bird? While birds are beautiful in their own right…they aren’t the delicate beauty, the natural God given beauty, that a butterfly has for itself. Each creature God has created is perfect in His eyes by the design He gave them. We are created by the Father and He has made each of us to be our own unique “butterfly”. We in a sense are like snow flakes. Each one different, but each so beautiful. Do we stare at the snow flakes that fall and wish them to all look alike? I believe most of us would just watch them fall admiring them. Maybe I’m misguided, who knows…
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And to add to your snowflake analogy, excessive plastic surgery is like melting these snowflakes: They just look like everyone else now.
 
CountrySinger, have you been hurt before by previous relationships? Where is this idea coming from that all men only want a blonde bombshell? I ask because it sounds like you need to do more soul-searching than beauty enhancing. I am currently in a relationship right now with, literally, the most wonderful man (for me, anyhow). He is loyal, kind, funny, passionate about his faith, and he loves me to pieces. He is also VERY handsome but I have to believe it is because I am so in love with him that I find him that way because when I first met him, he was good looking, but now he is the most gorgeous man on Earth.

He tells me all the time how beautiful I am, which I have difficulties believing often because of my own self-esteem issues. I compare myself to the media’s “idea” of beauty as well, and find that I fall very short. I do pray for humility and even gave up make-up for Lent which I found to be very enlightening. I really had to dig deep to find my attractive “inner beauty” qualities. I know I have them, I have tons of them, but sadly they seem to come out more when I feel beautiful on the outside.

I’ve been hurt in the past; when I was in high school (and at my prettiest and skinniest) I had a boyfriend that ALL the girls envied me for…it felt great for a while, until I found out four years down the line that he had cheated on me, a lot. Now, 6 years later, I look back and see that while I looked my best physically, my life was terribly unsatisfying. At 25, I’ve gained a few lbs, have some how fallen victim to adult onset acne (I guess that’s what I get for having perfect skin while everyone else was dealing with zits), and yet I’m in the best relationship I could ask for.

Take it from me, life is SO MUCH BETTER when you stop focusing on outward appearances. Sure, I still struggle with this issue, a LOT actually, but I know that it is not fair to me, it is not fair to my boyfriend, and it is especially not fair to GOD to worry about such trivial things. I will be praying for you, and I recommend you pray to our Blessed Mother for the strength to emulate her beauty, instead of the beauty thrown into our face by Hollywood.
 
SBryndy729 said:
CountrySinger, have you been hurt before by previous relationships? Where is this idea coming from that all men only want a blonde bombshell? I ask because it sounds like you need to do more soul-searching than beauty enhancing. I am currently in a relationship right now with, literally, the most wonderful man (for me, anyhow). He is loyal, kind, funny, passionate about his faith, and he loves me to pieces. He is also VERY handsome but I have to believe it is because I am so in love with him that I find him that way because when I first met him, he was good looking, but now he is the most gorgeous man on Earth.

He tells me all the time how beautiful I am, which I have difficulties believing often because of my own self-esteem issues. I compare myself to the media’s “idea” of beauty as well, and find that I fall very short. I do pray for humility and even gave up make-up for Lent which I found to be very enlightening. I really had to dig deep to find my attractive “inner beauty” qualities. I know I have them, I have tons of them, but sadly they seem to come out more when I feel beautiful on the outside.

I’ve been hurt in the past; when I was in high school (and at my prettiest and skinniest) I had a boyfriend that ALL the girls envied me for…it felt great for a while, until I found out four years down the line that he had cheated on me, a lot. Now, 6 years later, I look back and see that while I looked my best physically, my life was terribly unsatisfying. At 25, I’ve gained a few lbs, have some how fallen victim to adult onset acne (I guess that’s what I get for having perfect skin while everyone else was dealing with zits), and yet I’m in the best relationship I could ask for.

Take it from me, life is SO MUCH BETTER when you stop focusing on outward appearances. Sure, I still struggle with this issue, a LOT actually, but I know that it is not fair to me, it is not fair to my boyfriend, and it is especially not fair to GOD to worry about such trivial things. I will be praying for you, and I recommend you pray to our Blessed Mother for the strength to emulate her beauty, instead of the beauty thrown into our face by Hollywood.
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When I was younger, I was in the country music business as a professional singer, and I had a record deal at 19 after spending my whole life singing (not bragging, just giving background). My manager and people around me kept saying I was too fat (size 6 at the time) and ugly (brunette when blonde was in). My photos were always through a soft lens and I was constantly critiqued (but never about my voice, I was known as the girl with the wonderful country voice, hence the screen name). I was eventually dropped due to “my inability to lose weight and change my appearance” (actually, those were my hip bones, you know, because I am not a guy). So I lost my lifelong dream because of the way I looked. And I took that to heart very quickly. I still haven’t gotten over it obviously.
 
CountrySinger said:
When I was younger, I was in the country music business as a professional singer, and I had a record deal at 19 after spending my whole life singing (not bragging, just giving background). My manager and people around me kept saying I was too fat (size 6 at the time) and ugly (brunette when blonde was in). My photos were always through a soft lens and I was constantly critiqued (but never about my voice, I was known as the girl with the wonderful country voice, hence the screen name). I was eventually dropped due to “my inability to lose weight and change my appearance” (actually, those were my hip bones, you know, because I am not a guy). So I lost my lifelong dream because of the way I looked. And I took that to heart very quickly. I still haven’t gotten over it obviously.
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I can see how that would scar a person. 😦

Have you ever heard of Rita MacNeil? She is a very beautiful woman, and a wonderful singer, who is absolutely not a size six, by any stretch of the imagination. She is very successful. 🙂
 
CountrySinger, I lived in LA for a couple of years trying to pursue some career as an actress…I didn’t make it as far as you but I do know where you are coming from. I swear that industry is run by the devil himself. It’s important to understand that the media industry is selling to worldly desires, and we are not called to be worldly people. What do you think God would say to what you are saying right now? Would God want for you to be putting yourself down so much? This beautiful human being that He made specifically to His liking? I think it would help if you concentrated less on what “men” would want and more on what THE Man, Jesus Christ, wants. I promise you, the love you feel from God can not ever be replaced by the love you will feel from any man.
 
CountrySinger said:
When I was younger, I was in the country music business as a professional singer, and I had a record deal at 19 after spending my whole life singing (not bragging, just giving background). My manager and people around me kept saying I was too fat (size 6 at the time) and ugly (brunette when blonde was in). My photos were always through a soft lens and I was constantly critiqued (but never about my voice, I was known as the girl with the wonderful country voice, hence the screen name). I was eventually dropped due to “my inability to lose weight and change my appearance” (actually, those were my hip bones, you know, because I am not a guy). So I lost my lifelong dream because of the way I looked. And I took that to heart very quickly. I still haven’t gotten over it obviously.
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Your story saddens me. How tragic it is that many people refuse to see the truest, greatest beauty in a person: the presence of Christ in their heart.

Alas, the music industry is no longer about actual music or talent anymore. It is about image and money.

One of the saddest parts of your story is that you sound like you are indeed very beautiful on the outside as well. A size 6 brunette? I don’t mean this in a creepy way, but as an 18 year old guy, I would have no qualms whatsoever with the outward appearance of a 19 year old size 6 brunette, that sounds very attractive and healthy to me. You say you exercise and eat healthy, that you keep yourself looking nice and everything.

CountrySinger, I want you to know a fact: You are beautiful, both on the inside and the outside. You are a gift from God. You are way more beautiful than the people that criticized your looks, that’s for sure. Why should you conform to others’ opinions on your appearance? Who are you truly trying to please, yourself or them?

CS, listen to me. I have struggled with my self-image for a while. I used to be quite skinny, but I gained some weight when I became a teenager, and throughout high school, I always had a sizeable gut. I still have that gut. I became self-depricating to the point where I honestly didn’t think I looked even average. I thought I was ugly.

And then, I came to a realization: No. I have much worth in life. I played football in high school, did Forensics, graduated in the top 20% of my class with an IB diploma, I was and still am very good friends with many girls (cheerleaders, band girls, all kinds of girls 👍 ), I have friends who love me, a wonderful family. I am not ugly. I am not perfect, but I look decent, I’ve done well in life, and I have much potential.

CS, it is a most wonderful feeling when you realize that any of that criticism of your looks means less than nothing. Let it empower you. They thought you weren’t worth it? Well, their loss. They probably went and signed some vapid blonde that lost them a ton of money. They had greatness signed to their label and ready to go, and they threw it away. What jokes, what fools. Someday, you will find a wonderful husband who will tell you how beautiful you are every day, who will love you and respect you always.

And, most importantly, you already have someone who thinks the world of you today: God.
 
CountrySinger said:
When I was younger, I was in the country music business as a professional singer, and I had a record deal at 19 after spending my whole life singing (not bragging, just giving background). My manager and people around me kept saying I was too fat (size 6 at the time) and ugly (brunette when blonde was in). My photos were always through a soft lens and I was constantly critiqued (but never about my voice, I was known as the girl with the wonderful country voice, hence the screen name). I was eventually dropped due to “my inability to lose weight and change my appearance” (actually, those were my hip bones, you know, because I am not a guy). So I lost my lifelong dream because of the way I looked. And I took that to heart very quickly. I still haven’t gotten over it obviously.
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How sad. For you and for them, that they can never see how beautiful people really are without seeing a dollar sign in front of them

And not to offend anyone here, but I would bet almost all of us would have a similar experience as you countrysinger, if we were scrutinized by the people in the music industry for our looks. The entertainment industries are brutal.

I hope you didn’t give up singing countrysinger!
 
PatriceA said:
How sad. For you and for them, that they can never see how beautiful people really are without seeing a dollar sign in front of them

And not to offend anyone here, but I would bet almost all of us would have a similar experience as you countrysinger, if we were scrutinized by the people in the music industry for our looks. The entertainment industries are brutal.

I hope you didn’t give up singing countrysinger!
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I did give up singing until a few years ago, but my best voice is gone in a wave of binge drinking after I was dropped(that is why my niece who shows singing potential is NEVER drinking if I can help it). After I left Nashville, I rebelled big time (I gave up religion, took up drinking and binge eating, but at least I finished college). I wanted to show how fat and ugly I could be. 😃 I’ve only recently came back, and now I’m trying to claim the body I had back then. So I’m so not attractive right now, but one day I will be. 😃
 
CountrySinger said:
When I was younger, I was in the country music business as a professional singer, and I had a record deal at 19 after spending my whole life singing (not bragging, just giving background). My manager and people around me kept saying I was too fat (size 6 at the time) and ugly (brunette when blonde was in). My photos were always through a soft lens and I was constantly critiqued (but never about my voice, I was known as the girl with the wonderful country voice, hence the screen name). I was eventually dropped due to “my inability to lose weight and change my appearance” (actually, those were my hip bones, you know, because I am not a guy). So I lost my lifelong dream because of the way I looked. And I took that to heart very quickly. I still haven’t gotten over it obviously.
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As a guy whose own career prospects have suffered (though nowhere near as drastically as yours) due to my appearance, I can really empathize with your situation, and I hope that whatever you decide to do works out for the best.

For those who say “looks don’t matter”: that’s just wishful thinking. Sure, some unattractive people do enjoy a good social life, find spouses and have great careers, but our choices are far more limited than they would be if we were better looking. We usually have to settle for whatever is left over. Beggars can’t be choosers.
 
Hello,

I’m 44 and until recently used to be a little vain, I look young for my age and got plenty of compliments. Then as little wrinkles have began to appear I have kind of given up looking at myself so closely. I do struggle a little with the FACT of getting older. I simply have shifted what is important to me.

Its not easy and it is easy to obsess. You have to take a firm hand on your mind and heart and say STOP!
 
CountrySinger said:
When I was younger, I was in the country music business as a professional singer, and I had a record deal at 19 after spending my whole life singing (not bragging, just giving background). My manager and people around me kept saying I was too fat (size 6 at the time) and ugly (brunette when blonde was in). My photos were always through a soft lens and I was constantly critiqued (but never about my voice, I was known as the girl with the wonderful country voice, hence the screen name). I was eventually dropped due to “my inability to lose weight and change my appearance” (actually, those were my hip bones, you know, because I am not a guy). So I lost my lifelong dream because of the way I looked. And I took that to heart very quickly. I still haven’t gotten over it obviously.
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CountrySinger, I surely understand what you are talking about when it comes to ‘image’ in the music industry. I recently attended a ‘Record Label Day’ at my school (I’m studying music), and this label C.E.O. stated that the business is “95% business, 5% talent”.
Sadly, it’s all about branding. The person at the mic is a piece of ‘merchandise’ to these record execs.

Which makes me very mad when I think about all of the true talent that is being passed up for skinny bodies with next to no voice (there’s so many, I don’t even have to mention them).

It’s also discouraging to me about entering the business, mostly because I’ve lost much respect for their obsession with aesthetics (which is btw aided by airbrushing and a palette of make-up).

Anyway, I support your efforts at weight loss, as I’m in the same boat.

In response to the original topic, we have to remember whether or not marriage is a goal, the most attractive quality is virtue.

Being virtuous will attract you a virtuous man, as the main thing is that the husband and wife help each other get to heaven. Forget the external blemishes/ imperfections!

I’d rather have a wrinkle on my face than a major one on my soul.
 
What would you all say about the people who have “made” it in the music industry that aren’t the “perfect” that the industry says they seek.

Look at Pavarotti (he was over weight)! My goodness what an amazing voice! How about Ray Charles (blind)? Stevie wonder (blind)? Domingo (not the “handsome” expectation)? Susan Boyle (everyone was shocked with her appearance)?

I can name several others. The point is that you can “make it” in the music industry no matter your looks if you truly have the talent and/or the right people behind you. If you have people who only worry about your looks and you give up because of it…then you have the wrong people standing behind you and helping you.

Focusing on what the outside world says about you means you don’t really care about what God has given you. Wasting it, ruining it, or misusing it is an insult to God.

I feel for anyone who think that people who aren’t living up to today’s “ideal” according to society and gets to just settle for the leftovers. It’s all on what you see as beautiful and if you see what God sees or at least try to see that…then you will see true beauty.

Society will never let you be happy. It will want you to be one way and as soon as you achieve that…it’ll say that’s no longer what you need to be happy. The media is truly driven by the deadly sins and satan is thrilled you’re buying into it.
 
jaimepsalm63 said:
What would you all say about the people who have “made” it in the music industry that aren’t the “perfect” that the industry says they seek.

Look at Pavarotti (he was over weight)! My goodness what an amazing voice! How about Ray Charles (blind)? Stevie wonder (blind)? Domingo (not the “handsome” expectation)? Susan Boyle (everyone was shocked with her appearance)?

I can name several others. The point is that you can “make it” in the music industry no matter your looks if you truly have the talent and/or the right people behind you. If you have people who only worry about your looks and you give up because of it…then you have the wrong people standing behind you and helping you.

Focusing on what the outside world says about you means you don’t really care about what God has given you. Wasting it, ruining it, or misusing it is an insult to God.

I feel for anyone who think that people who aren’t living up to today’s “ideal” according to society and gets to just settle for the leftovers. It’s all on what you see as beautiful and if you see what God sees or at least try to see that…then you will see true beauty.

Society will never let you be happy. It will want you to be one way and as soon as you achieve that…it’ll say that’s no longer what you need to be happy. The media is truly driven by the deadly sins and satan is thrilled you’re buying into it.
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No matter how religious someone is, men still have eyes and are highly visual, and certain qualities are unattractive. And people with less desirable qualities will get the short of the stick everytime. So we have to get rid of those qualities: go to the gym, diet, wear clothes that cover flaws, wear makeup, get surgery, etc. to make ourselves more valuable in the dating world and society as a whole. It might not be good, but we do it to succeed.

As for the music buz, a lot of it is luck. I met so many aspiring singers, and I still don’t why I stood out to the execs at one time (before they said I was too ugly). I’m still my one chance was ruined by bad people. Oh well. I would hate being a celebrity (I think). That’s what I tell myself. 😛
 
Getting surgery won’t fix a flaw that’s on the inside, neither will wearing make up and clothes that can cover your body. Everyone is a perfect snowflake in God’s eyes. Those that only see people for the outside portion only are not the people who will be able to see the beauty on the inside. How sad their life will be and how unfulfilled it will be as they grow older. My uncle was a multimillionaire, no joke, and he always told me how lonely he was in this life. People only liked him for his money. People who are “beautiful” in societies eyes are the same, very lonely. They have the award ceremonies not because of an award that is for their talent, but to help lift up their esteem. Shallow people are very lonely and will never find life to be the enjoyable creation God made for each of us. Those of us who have discovered what God wants us to see are more happy and know that there is more out there than what society dictates. You don’t know me, but I can honestly say it took a long time to discover this fact myself. Now that I understand it, my life is more rich with those people who truly love me than it would have been if I had never found this out. I hope some day you’ll discover what true happiness is all about. It doesn’t come from a bottle, a blade, make up, or a certain pill…it comes from God and the people He wants you to discover.
 
Countrysinger,

I would suggest that you pray for your future hubby that his eyes would be GLUED to you, countrysinger, because who cares what anybody else thinks? I mean I know it is somewhat important, personal appearance, but if you are that worried about it, I would suggest praying that the man who is going to be your husband, be intensely attracted to you. (that he leaves work early to come home to his beautiful wife to make love!!) ha!
That’s how it should be 🙂 Turn that worry into prayer.
 
AMEN, Psalm42! I prayed for my husband and boy did God give me the most awesome man I could’ve imagined. I come second in his life (the first of course is God) and that’s the way it should be. I’m more beautiful than any model (in his eyes). Do I care what others think? I used to then I realized that God loves me and gave me a precious gift that loves me almost as much as He does.
 
jaimepsalm63 said:
AMEN, Psalm42! I prayed for my husband and boy did God give me the most awesome man I could’ve imagined. I come second in his life (the first of course is God) and that’s the way it should be. I’m more beautiful than any model (in his eyes). Do I care what others think? I used to then I realized that God loves me and gave me a precious gift that loves me almost as much as He does.
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haha well that is encouragement to me, jaimepsalm, because I’ve prayed for my husband for years (not all the time) but am still discouraged. now my prayers are directed towards to prepare both of our hearts for each other. no wonder I’m not married yet! but my issues are getting more defined so that I can work on them before marriage, I feel in preparation for marriage one day, which is good. My mom always said my future hubby would have the biggest heart for me (with God being #1 of course!).

It is good to know God answered your prayers
 
Well, my husband was also praying. You see he was praying about whether God wanted him to be a priest or a husband. He asked God to please let him know by his 35th B-day. My husband asked me to marry him on my B-day (Sept 10).

{I had been engaged before and broke it off because my Godfather (who is a priest) said he wouldn’t marry me to the first guy. I told my now husband that I had to think about it. (We’d only been dating for 10 days, no joke.) I talked to my Godfather and he had met Jake (my husband) for 5 minutes the previous Sunday. He told me that we would start the marriage prep classes that coming Jan.}

Anyway, Jake said to take my time. (I didn’t know he was praying about being a priest or a husband at this point…he told me on our 1st Anniversary as my anniversary gift.) So, 3 days later I told him that I had a feeling I was supposed to marry him. I didn’t know it was his 35th birthday. He never told me when his birthday was until it had passed.

So, I always tell people…when you pray be specific. I prayed for a man who was Catholic, had white/gray hair, who loved him mom, and was a mathematician. Why? Because the Holy Spirit told me to pray for that in a man…that’s what I got too.

Now 15 years later we are more happy then we were before. We renewed our wedding vows on anniversary #13. He asked me to marry him again, but this time have our kids be part of the ceremony. St Mary’s was beautiful on our original wedding day, but nothing beats a repeat with the kids to be witness to the love we have for each other through and with God.

Fr Mike had us say a little something as to why we were redoing our vows because we were married in the church the first time. We told everyone that there were 3 in our marriage and wanted to share that joy with everyone. The 3 are Jake, myself, and most importantly God.

Society tends to leave God out and that’s why so many are unhappy. Ask and God will give you an answer in His own time. Sometimes the answer isn’t what we want or expect. Sometimes the answer is wait…which is the hardest thing to do for us humans.

Again, just my 2 cents.

The good men are out there and praying to find you too…so don’t give up.
 
jaimepsalm63 said:
Well, my husband was also praying. You see he was praying about whether God wanted him to be a priest or a husband. He asked God to please let him know by his 35th B-day. My husband asked me to marry him on my B-day (Sept 10).

{I had been engaged before and broke it off because my Godfather (who is a priest) said he wouldn’t marry me to the first guy. I told my now husband that I had to think about it. (We’d only been dating for 10 days, no joke.) I talked to my Godfather and he had met Jake (my husband) for 5 minutes the previous Sunday. He told me that we would start the marriage prep classes that coming Jan.}

Anyway, Jake said to take my time. (I didn’t know he was praying about being a priest or a husband at this point…he told me on our 1st Anniversary as my anniversary gift.) So, 3 days later I told him that I had a feeling I was supposed to marry him. I didn’t know it was his 35th birthday. He never told me when his birthday was until it had passed.

So, I always tell people…when you pray be specific. I prayed for a man who was Catholic, had white/gray hair, who loved him mom, and was a mathematician. Why? Because the Holy Spirit told me to pray for that in a man…that’s what I got too.

Now 15 years later we are more happy then we were before. We renewed our wedding vows on anniversary #13. He asked me to marry him again, but this time have our kids be part of the ceremony. St Mary’s was beautiful on our original wedding day, but nothing beats a repeat with the kids to be witness to the love we have for each other through and with God.

Fr Mike had us say a little something as to why we were redoing our vows because we were married in the church the first time. We told everyone that there were 3 in our marriage and wanted to share that joy with everyone. The 3 are Jake, myself, and most importantly God.

Society tends to leave God out and that’s why so many are unhappy. Ask and God will give you an answer in His own time. Sometimes the answer isn’t what we want or expect. Sometimes the answer is wait…which is the hardest thing to do for us humans.

Again, just my 2 cents.

The good men are out there and praying to find you too…so don’t give up.
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That is such a CUTE and beautiful story and you seem like you have a joyful marriage, a marriage that is blessed by God 🙂 Congratulations. You prayed for gray hair? I’ve never heard anyone be that specific! haha.

My list, if that is what you want to call it, is pretty basic and simple, with him following God and being Catholic as the number one and the others God knows about. But I have some issues so am probably not getting married for awhile! I’m sure God is laughing at my plans. What is that quote? “Tell God your plans and he will laugh?” I forget.

I also agree that society tends to leave out God, and that is why a lot of marriages fail…or when one has a problem, one starts going to church. When the fact is we always should be striving for a deeper union with Christ, not just when we are desperate! I have gotten better at this the past few months praying/spending alone time with Him, which has helped me a lot.

Waiting for an answer has been the hardest for me, even though I’ve prayed many
times. So often, in general, have I done what I wanted. I need more faith.

Wow, this has gotten off topic!
 
It’s not really off topic if you think about what society wants in a person (to be vain and worried about if you’re good enough) and what God wants for you (to be the person He wants you to be…the one He created). It’s to show that we can feel a bit insecure to a point, but when it comes down to it, God provides all, knows all, sees all, and loves all for who we are and He wants us to see others as well as ourselves for who we really are inside and out…perfect in His eyes. No surgery can give you that.
 
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