It just seems ironic

[Mel_Stones]

Norseman82
I guess if I am going to be dumped for someone else, it might as well be Jesus; anyone else I deemed less worthy I might invite to “open spar night”.

No, you can’t argue with being dumped for Jesus.

open spar night LOL! By chance are you a martial artist?

 

[Mel_Stones]

It does help for nice Catholic guys to be “attractive,” though, to gauge any fair amount of interest. Simply being “nice” and “Catholic” just doesn’t simply cut it, it seems. Sometimes the “bad boy” persona is desired more than the attitude.

I would love a nice, Catholic boy. There is literally no one in my parish even close to my age (21) and I don’t know where else to find a nice Catholic boy. I see nothing attractive in the bad boy persona.

 

[Epistemes]

I would love a nice, Catholic boy. There is literally no one in my parish even close to my age (21) and I don’t know where else to find a nice Catholic boy. I see nothing attractive in the bad boy persona.

The overall problem with my parish (and the general vicariate) is that there aren’t any social events that people ages 35 and under would even consider attending, aside from sheer desperation and boredom. So, if there are people close to my age (give or take 10 years!) I wouldn’t really know (except for one or two people which spring to mind…though I don’t know that they fall in the category of “nice, Catholic girls” or not?).

 

[Norseman82]

open spar night LOL! By chance are you a martial artist?

Yeah, I have a black belt in frustration.

 

[Norseman82]

… it is hard when women have to wait for that Catholic man to make the first move…just my opinion

I like how you said you weren’t even looking/thinking of finding your future husband. This kinda supports my theory that the moment people stop looking, that’s when what they really want walks right into their life.

See, this is exactly the type of mind games we have to put up with. We’re criticized for not making the first move, and we’re also told we should stop looking. I wish people would just make up their minds. :banghead:

A guy just can’t win in this Church, it seems.

 

[Jay82]

thanks Jay I often get discouraged being “myself”

I’m near a big city and big mountians where alot of the “available” guys, if they don’t hang in bars, are ultra traddies. They want a good little church mouse of a wife who dosn’t sing “Donughts no yeast buy them” under her breath when they sing a certain church song. (42 points to whomever knows that one).

You are welcome. It is tough to find a good balance in someone else… If someone doesn’t like you for who you are, then they aren’t worth your time.

 

[Norseman82]

It seems like all the girls (catholic and other) that I run into want a “bad boy”. And of course that means nice guys like me finish last.

Sometimes the “bad boy” persona is desired more than the attitude.

With all this talk of nice girls wanting bad boys, I want to pick up where I left off in my first post in this thread about being told that “that’s the risk of dating a religious girl”. She then made a comment something to the effect that if I want to get married, I may need to find a “bad girl”. I know she wasn’t trying to be insulting (bqased on her tome of voice and facial gestures), and my response was a blunt “I’m not looking for a pagan Jezebel”, but for the past day that remark more than anything has been like a kick in my family jewels. So this leads to the question: is marriage ONLY for “bad boys” and “bad girls”? In order to get married and have a family, am I going to have to debase myself and settle for a pagan Jezebel and risk my faith? I’m really scared about this; in fact, I wonder if there is something to that “Bible Code” special on the History Channel which states that the “Bible Code” predicts the world will end in 2012 when a giant comet will smash into it and the “good boys” / “good girls” are not having success in dating and marriage so as to spare them the trauma of knowing their children are going to die young.

 

[Jay82]

I don’t think it is necessarily that girls want a ‘bad boy’ (although it is possible for some), but they more so want a guy that isn’t boring, one that will excite them and be spontaneous/adventurous, and take risks, etc. Those are all traits typical of the ‘bad boy’ rather than your typical ‘nice guy’ who get unfairly stereotyped as shy, sweet, and boring.

That is part of the reason you see girls drawn to the ‘nice’ guys a bit later in life, or so I have experienced. Their priorities and interests change as they get older and they value different things. The same girl at ages 16, 21 and 25 will find different qualities attractive because she will be in different stages of her life. As time goes on, the ‘nice guys’ tend to be more appealing.

I could be totally off with what I just wrote, but that is what I tend to think.

 

[Kitkateybug]

Here’s what happened. I was trapped in an abusive relationship six years ago. Did God lead me to meet that man, and stay with him for seven months before he hurt me the way he did? And then it took a long time for me to gather the strength to overcome the fear I had and to try to meet a caring man. And now I can’t even find one. And yes, it hurts me. I don’t say that often.

 

[ThunderDawg09]

Mel_Stones:
It does help for nice Catholic guys to be “attractive,” though, to gauge any fair amount of interest. Simply being “nice” and “Catholic” just doesn’t simply cut it, it seems. Sometimes the “bad boy” persona is desired more than the attitude.

I would love a nice, Catholic boy. There is literally no one in my parish even close to my age (21) and I don’t know where else to find a nice Catholic boy. I see nothing attractive in the bad boy persona.

I’m 22…what state are you in? lol. There’s not really any girls my age in my parish. My parish is a big cathedral in the middle of the historic part of down town. And a lot of people are visitors. There’s been many girls that looked around my age that I saw once and never saw again lol.

 

[Karoline]

I dont think it helps that every single person in my Church is nearing the age of 80 and the few that are under that age are either married or engaged! There are actually NO single Catholic men in my Parish. I don’t think it helps either that most of the young’uns in my Church have all grown up together and as a convert I feel somewhat like a little outsider, even though I am friends with many of them from school etc.

I give up, I’m going to be a Nun.

 

[ac_claire]

In my experience one of the biggest impediments to all these eligible single Catholic guys and gals getting together is lack of confidence and gumption. Especially among guys…you gotta put yourself out there if you’re interested in a girl. Yes, you’re risking rejection but that can’t be helped if you’re seriously looking for a marriage partner. I think that’s one reason so many people are turning to the internet now for courting…you can hide behind the anonymity and protection of the pc screen. Much easier to take a risk, accept an invitation to court or reject a proposal if you’re not having to do it face to face.

When I was still single there were a couple instances (one in particular) I can remember where I might have been interested in a guy, and it seemed pretty obvious he was interested in me…but he dragged his feet and never made the first move. We just had this friendly, flirty, shallow relationship for months and I was never quite sure if he liked me thatway or not.

I only found out for sure when I got engaged and he made it clear that he’d liked me the whole time. So…moral of the story is, you gotta strike while the iron is hot…make hay while the sun shines, take a leap of faith, etc., etc.

 

[ac_claire]

In my experience one of the biggest impediments to all these eligible single Catholic guys and gals getting together is lack of confidence and gumption. Especially among guys…you gotta put yourself out there if you’re interested in a girl. Yes, you’re risking rejection but that can’t be helped if you’re seriously looking for a marriage partner. I think that’s one reason so many people are turning to the internet now for courting…you can hide behind the anonymity and protection of the pc screen. Much easier to take a risk, accept an invitation to court or reject a proposal if you’re not having to do it face to face.

When I was still single there were a couple instances (one in particular) I can remember where I might have been interested in a guy, and it seemed pretty obvious he was interested in me…but he dragged his feet and never made the first move. We just had this friendly, flirty, shallow relationship for months and I was never quite sure if he liked me thatway or not.

I only found out for sure when I got engaged (to someone else) and he made it clear that he’d liked me the whole time. So…moral of the story is, you gotta strike while the iron is hot…make hay while the sun shines, take a leap of faith, etc., etc.

 

[Epistemes]

In my experience one of the biggest impediments to all these eligible single Catholic guys and gals getting together is lack of confidence and gumption. Especially among guys…you gotta put yourself out there if you’re interested in a girl. Yes, you’re risking rejection but that can’t be helped if you’re seriously looking for a marriage partner. I think that’s one reason so many people are turning to the internet now for courting…you can hide behind the anonymity and protection of the pc screen. Much easier to take a risk, accept an invitation to court or reject a proposal if you’re not having to do it face to face.

While this sounds true, I’m not sure that it is.

For one, “putting one’s self out there” isn’t incredibly easy, in fact it’s a little bit futile in some cases, especially when the potential buyers have no outlet to see what merchandise is available. How does one put one’s self out there when everyone bolts to their car immediately following Mass? And, quite frankly, if you’re pretty enough then you don’t need to worry much since time is of the essence, it seems. Not everyone has nice, Catholic peers of the opposite sex, which seems to be what most people are saying here in this thread. To have such would an absolute luxury! So, forget vague, flirty friendships with no end: how about knowing that there’s a market in the first place?

 

[cajhockey]

In my experience one of the biggest impediments to all these eligible single Catholic guys and gals getting together is lack of confidence and gumption. Especially among guys…you gotta put yourself out there if you’re interested in a girl. Yes, you’re risking rejection but that can’t be helped if you’re seriously looking for a marriage partner. I think that’s one reason so many people are turning to the internet now for courting…you can hide behind the anonymity and protection of the pc screen. Much easier to take a risk, accept an invitation to court or reject a proposal if you’re not having to do it face to face.

When I was still single there were a couple instances (one in particular) I can remember where I might have been interested in a guy, and it seemed pretty obvious he was interested in me…but he dragged his feet and never made the first move. We just had this friendly, flirty, shallow relationship for months and I was never quite sure if he liked me thatway or not.

I only found out for sure when I got engaged (to someone else) and he made it clear that he’d liked me the whole time. So…moral of the story is, you gotta strike while the iron is hot…make hay while the sun shines, take a leap of faith, etc., etc.

Maybe he was never quite sure you liked him? Why do guys have to make the first move?

 

[kristie_m]

thanks Jay I often get discouraged being “myself”

I’m near a big city and big mountians where alot of the “available” guys, if they don’t hang in bars, are ultra traddies. They want a good little church mouse of a wife who dosn’t sing “Donughts no yeast buy them” under her breath when they sing a certain church song. (42 points to whomever knows that one).

dona nobis pacem?

 

[kristie_m]

Take heart, guys (and gals!) The right one CAN be found at church…but sometimes it takes letting go of that expectation. I met my husband while I was discerning a vocation…we dated throughout the discernment process, and he was actually very supportive of that…up until the night he proposed! I think for me, I spent some time sowing my oats, then had to become comfortable with the idea of being alone, before being ready to be in a real, grown up relationship, with a real grown up GOOD Catholic man. We did meet at church, at a young adult activity, and he was a bit oblivious, at first, so it took a few “group” events where I would conveniently situate myself near him so that we could get to know each other better. He eventually got the idea.

 

[purplesunshine]

dona nobis pacem?

YEP

 

[ac_claire]

Maybe he was never quite sure you liked him? Why do guys have to make the first move?

Yeah, I think he was uncertain. But all the signs were there! That’s sort of my point…Maybe he should have risked it and said something? Men don’t always have to make the first move, but it just seems more in their nature to do so. I know that I’ve always expected it. Otherwise, I’m never sure if he really likes me or not. A man has gotta prove to me that he has the guts and the focus and the interest to be a good husband to me and father to my kids. Part of that is taking risks, risking rejection. That’s just how I see it, I know that kind of view pretty old fashioned these days.

 

[chevalier]

It seems like all the girls (catholic and other) that I run into want a “bad boy”. And of course that means nice guys like me finish last.

Of course all girls want a nice guy. All of them that think they want a bad guy are a mistaken. They just need to realise they want a good guy.

Nnnnoo, they don’t. Another thing I shall rant about is that nice catholic guys think that because they haven’t been in many dating relationships that the girls won’t want them. Pooh pooh. You see, it is a COMPLIMENT to not have been in a lot of them, it kind of means you’re waiting for that special someone. (Note: I didn’t say there was anything immoral or wrong about dating lots of people)

It’s silliness to want people to have been in many relationships. And there can be something wrong with dating lots of people, depending on the attitude and what we call a date.

It seems like all the nice catholic guys just want the femine fatale types (who usually dump them because they are too religious)…I’ve seen it over and over again. Only the bad boys show any interest or else the guys old enough to be out of my age range. Guys in their 30s and 40s just don’t seem to want to commit. Even friends I know that are guys openly admit this. I continuely get passed over myself which is ok I rather be with a guy that was interested and won’t chase one that isn’t. The last guy I went out with was nice but he was too wrapped up with his gay friends I have a suspician there but it’s none of my business… Anyway see what I mean. Oh well hands up leave it to GOD…

That’s the Paladin Complex. You think all Tennyson wrote was about you and you act accordingly. It never passes entirely, but you learn things with time. Like you really don’t want to chase girls that operate pretty much the same manner an addictive drug does.

I don’t think it is necessarily that girls want a ‘bad boy’ (although it is possible for some), but they more so want a guy that isn’t boring,

That’s why I’m single.