It just seems ironic

[chevalier]

Please, girls, give young men like my son a chance! He is 19 (almost 20) and I could list all his good attributes, but since I am his mother, probably no one would take me seriously. He is not interested in the girls in his classes who wear super-short shorts and talk on cell phones all the time and would like a nice Catholic girl who appreciates a nice guy. He tried the Catholic student union thing at our church, but it was too “charismatic” for him, and being a traditional sort (wears a coat and tie to Mass, would go to Latin Mass every week if we had it), just didn’t connect with the other young people there. He tried the Catholic Match thing too, but the girls he contacted did not respond and nearly all of them live in other states and say on their profiles that they don’t want to move! (How badly do they want that nice Catholic husband?) He’s a little shy around girls, but just as he is working up the nerve to ask them out or something, they cut him off at the pass with the “let’s just be friends” line and then never speak to him again! This has happened at least 3 times! I’m starting to have my doubts that there are any girls his age who really want a nice guy. Maybe he is too cleancut by today’s standards? He gets his hair cut about once a month, wouldn’t be caught dead in cargo shorts and/or flipflops, and shaves every day. I guess that is not considered attractive?

From that, it sounds he’s definitely not in line with the typical 19 year olds, but wait until he’s in early to mid twenties!

 

[cephas161619]

Please, girls, give young men like my son a chance! … He’s a little shy around girls, but just as he is working up the nerve to ask them out or something, they cut him off at the pass with the “let’s just be friends” line and then never speak to him again!.. I guess that is not considered attractive?

In the first place, it seems like he needs to overcome his shyness, at least a little bit. How will he lead a family if he cannot lead himself to reach out and initiate contact with women?

As far as being attractive… why worry? he only is looking for one woman, right? If the rest find him attractive or not is of little consequence.

 

[Maria65]

As far as being attractive… why worry? he only is looking for one woman, right? If the rest find him attractive or not is of little consequence.

I was responding to this post:

It does help for nice Catholic guys to be “attractive,” though, to gauge any fair amount of interest.

So if none of them are willing to look at him first, how is he supposed to get to the point of asking them out? (And he does speak to them, by the way - he’s just afraid to ask for a date until he senses some interest on the girl’s part, and that is usually the point at which he gets derailed.)

 

[whatevergirl]

*Don’t fret over it too much, Epistemes…remember what Christ said…He told us to not be afraid, not worry. If God cares for the birds of the air, how much more will He care about us?

Just keep praying for God to lead you to and through His awesome plan for your life…and He will!

To Norseman–that is an odd comment, that the girl you were dating made…so all of us who are married were ‘bad girls?’ Um, I wasn’t going to become a nun, but I was a virgin when I married. I think her perception is a little off…many men don’t consider religious life, look at you, for example…you are not considering becoming a priest…does that mean you’re a bad boy? lol Not sure what she meant by that. *

 

[Norseman82]

To Norseman–that is an odd comment, that the girl you were dating made…so all of us who are married were ‘bad girls?’ Um, I wasn’t going to become a nun, but I was a virgin when I married. I think her perception is a little off…many men don’t consider religious life, look at you, for example…you are not considering becoming a priest…does that mean you’re a bad boy? lol Not sure what she meant by that.

I think she figures that, statistically, “good girls” are more likely to discern religious life that those who are not religious, so she may have been crunching numbers.

I did my discerning for priesthood years ago. But that leads to an interesting (and now I think necessary) topic for first-date conversation: “So, are you all done discerning religious life yet?”

 

[Epistemes]

Well I imagine you’d want to chat with her first. Maybe if she’s at least an acquaintance in some form, then strike up a conversation, and if the signs are favorable, take the leap. That takes guts, which I respect in a man. That’s just me.

So, am I to understand from this that many of the gals in this thread would be okay with the following scenario:

Hi.
Chat chat chat joke.
Laugh.
Joke.
Laugh again.
Chat chat chat.
So, how about coffee?

Sure, life isn’t so methodical, but I’m just saying?

 

[whatevergirl]

I think she figures that, statistically, “good girls” are more likely to discern religious life that those who are not religious, so she may have been crunching numbers.

I did my discerning for priesthood years ago. But that leads to an interesting (and now I think necessary) topic for first-date conversation: “So, are you all done discerning religious life yet?”

ha! that would be an interesting opening to a first date!!

 

[whatevergirl]

So, am I to understand from this that many of the gals in this thread would be okay with the following scenario:

Hi.
Chat chat chat joke.
Laugh.
Joke.
Laugh again.
Chat chat chat.
So, how about coffee?

Sure, life isn’t so methodical, but I’m just saying?

*I agree with claire. My husband was a risk taker with me, and just ‘took the leap.’ We were friends for a time before we became serious…but he wasn’t ‘afraid’ to ask me out for dinner. You have to just take the leap…the worst she can say is no. Rejection isn’t the worst thing you’ll ever deal with in life…but you never know, she might say yes. Think positively. Exude positiveness, and confidence…not arrogance, but confidence. Pray…and be you. Trust that God will give you the right words to say…remember Moses? He has no clue what to do when God asked him to speak to His people on His behalf…but he took the leap, and trusted God.

Remember…the worst thing any girl can tell you is…no. And there’s lots worse you’ll deal with in life than that. Good luck–God bless!*

 

[Epistemes]

Think positively. Exude positiveness, and confidence…not arrogance, but confidence. Pray…and be you.

It’s a shame the gym isn’t open Sunday morning before Mass because I always feel much better and much more confident after a good, hard workout! It helps me to release alot of “negative energy.”

 

[whatevergirl]

It’s a shame the gym isn’t open Sunday morning before Mass because I always feel much better and much more confident after a good, hard workout! It helps me to release alot of “negative energy.”

Aw…well, maybe go on Saturday afternoons, and attend mass on Sat nights? I’m just trying to come up with some new ideas for you.

 

[Norseman82]

So, am I to understand from this that many of the gals in this thread would be okay with the following scenario:

Hi.
Chat chat chat joke.
Laugh.
Joke.
Laugh again.
Chat chat chat.
So, how about coffee?

Sure, life isn’t so methodical, but I’m just saying?

You forgot the “Are you done discerning religious life yet?” question!

 

[Eucharisted]

Lol Jay 82?

I’m assuming that means you’re 27? I’m 25. I’m not wild, per se, but alot of traddies around my age consider me such. I like my NO mass and JMT music for communion. I leap off rocks, go for wild hikes, and enjoy my life. I consider myself wild

It seems all the guys I know are immature (drinking, parting, etc)…or downright too old to date 40+. Or they have dead-end jobs and think by some magic they’ll get to where they want to be in life.

Ask Jesus for a spouse, and, who knows, He may propose Himself. He did it for one female saint.

 

[Epistemes]

You forgot the “Are you done discerning religious life yet?” question!

Forgive me, but…

 

[catherinette]

So, am I to understand from this that many of the gals in this thread would be okay with the following scenario:

Hi.
Chat chat chat joke.
Laugh.
Joke.
Laugh again.
Chat chat chat.
So, how about coffee?

Sure, life isn’t so methodical, but I’m just saying?

Sounds good to me! Well, it might work on me some days at least, especially if I already have a good impression of the man because I’ve noticed he’s always at mass. What else can you ask for? It’s not foolproof, but it’s better than always thinking about what might have been, isn’t it?

 

[chevalier]

So, am I to understand from this that many of the gals in this thread would be okay with the following scenario:

Hi.
Chat chat chat joke.
Laugh.
Joke.
Laugh again.
Chat chat chat.
So, how about coffee?

Sure, life isn’t so methodical, but I’m just saying?

Essentially yes (talking in general, am not in people’s heads on this thread ), though I prefer:

Eye contact
Smile
Eye contact
Helpless chuckle
Approach
Funny comment, chat
Chat chat chat
Some questions
Chat chat chat
Getting the number / suggesting a meeting

Sometimes the “shall we” can appear earlier, such as when you’re simply walking and passing a cafe or something.

 

[TraderTif]

So, am I to understand from this that many of the gals in this thread would be okay with the following scenario:

Hi.
Chat chat chat joke.
Laugh.
Joke.
Laugh again.
Chat chat chat.
So, how about coffee?

Sure, life isn’t so methodical, but I’m just saying?

 

[Epistemes]

Eye contact
Smile
Eye contact
Helpless chuckle
Approach
Funny comment, chat
Chat chat chat
Some questions
Chat chat chat
Getting the number / suggesting a meeting

Well, today’s the day!

I’m going to try with everything in my power to say “hello” to this girl after Mass (provided she didn’t go to the Vigil) and see what happens.

 

[ML561]

Good luck to all of you. I don’t know how old any of you are (I am 48) but after two very unwise marriages I have finally found the man I hope to marry. This will not be easy as we will both need to have previous marriages annulled–and there is no guarantee the annullment requests will be granted. Then, as I’m sure you all know, there will be at least six months of premarital preparation in your parish before marriage.

From this perspective I would like to say that the single life is not so bad. In fact, when I was much younger I used to wear a T-shirt that said “A Woman Needs a Man Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle.” Please understand that I am not degrading marriage in any way. What I mean to say is that I hope no one feels that they NEED to get married in order to have a full life. Some people enter into marriage, as I did, for the wrong reasons, and have regrets later.

One thing, if you will accept a comment from an “old stewing hen”, is please don’t go for these speed-dating services or answer personal ads in the paper. The old-fashioned way, like actually meeting someone face to face, is best. And, if you have big families, you might let your brothers, sisters, cousins, etc.know that you are interested in dating. They might find someone who could be suitable! There is also the LaSalle Club, available in many Catholic parishes, which is for Catholic singles.

About young men who are dismayed that women seem to want only the “bad boys” and want nothing to do with nice guys, don’t despair. When I was younger, I too fell for the “bad boys” because the good men seemed bland and unexciting. A lot of this has to do with the advertising with which we are constantly assaulted. Some of these gals may be just needing to sow some wild oats. Maybe they were overprotected as children and don’t know how to responsibly handle newfound freedom.

I would say that it would be wise for a young man not to seem to eager to marry, lest he scare someone off. Obviously, the same should go for young women. Pray to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance. I’ll pray for you all.

 

[purplesunshine]

Ask Jesus for a spouse, and, who knows, He may propose Himself. He did it for one female saint.

I already know I’m not called to religious life……so Jesus will have to find me someone

 

[Epistemes]

Well, today’s the day!

I’m going to try with everything in my power to say “hello” to this girl after Mass (provided she didn’t go to the Vigil) and see what happens.

BTW, she didn’t show…

Who thinks Providence is set against me? I do!!!