Jones' bothered by toys in our front yard

[kaymart]

Hi JJ Blue, My name is Kay and I have been dealing with a special needs child for 17 years now. Although I am an old-timer in my neighborhood, new folks have moved in and not only complained about Tony’s toy’s (he is mentally about 5-6 years) They say the sight of Tony “looking at them” (he sits at his table every evening for the past 8 years “blowing bubbles”) frightens them and makes them sick. Tony is autistic, severly developmentally delayed and mute This is total garbage, Tony never bothered a soul. In fact what offends me is their children freely using the words Fing retard to call my son when they pass my home. Their parents call my child that "Stupid Fing kid". There is nothing I can do. The town and police said deal with it. They wanted to give me a summons for harassment. (I called only once) All you can do is pray and teach your own children right from wrong. Everyone told me get a tough shell which I did. Now I just wave when they say the “f” word. God Bless you and your wonderful Family

 

[Mom_of_one]

To quote Gretchen Wilson from her song “Redneck Woman”

Some people look down on me, but I don’t give a rip
I’ll stand barefooted in my own front yard with a baby on my hip

Who cares what others think? Don’t they have better things to do? Of course, that’s easy for me to say—I don’t have to live in your situation with these people. I admire your charitible response to them. I’d be wanting to shame them but good.

 

[carol_marie]

Isn’t it illegal to open someone else’s mailbox? I might jot a little note to the person in charge of your “homeowners group” and mention that. And then tell them in NO uncertain terms that ALL the toys will be removed from your front yard just as soon as your children go off to college! In which case they will get a reprieve until your grandchildren come to visit!

Don’t let these people bully you! It is your house, your yard, your children’s toys. Who gives a hoot what they think? If the biggest thing troubling them is some trikes in the neighbor’s front yard, they should get down on their knees and THANK GOD for such a carefree life!

God Bless you & your wonderful family!
CM

 

[Fitz]

I had to really go back in time when I read your letter. I did live in a pretentious neighborhood one time period in my life. I did feel left out from time to time and I felt judged very often. The sad thing that I have to tell all of you is that this neighborhood was about 99% Catholic, so it could have been so different. Let me tell you, I found myself some friends for life and we networked with each other and ignored the others as much as we could. I will have to admit to some gossip during those years because I thought the snooty people were horrible and deserved it.

Flash forward 10 years, and we are in a different neighborhood. I have maintined my friends for life, and I have moved on in my heart. I have developed a much closer relationship to Jesus and my faith. I feel now that I spent too much time caring what others thought.

I admire your close family and I think you will get through this. Many of these people have their priorities mixed up and indeed they need your prayers too. Never get embarrassed by your children’s toys and ignore any mean notes. I think that was extremely childish and I can’t imagine 50 year old people doing this. I would never look down on young people struggling financially with their young children. I think it is because I was in your shoes not all that long ago.

Be a good neighbor, and have your children put their toys away at night and continue to raise them right. It will all work out. People move or they learn and grow. Life happens, and they will have grandchildren soon. Don’t be surprised when their grandchildren want to come over and make friends with your children just because your place will seem inviting to children. Life is full of surprises for those people.

 

[JJBlue]

kaymart:

Hi JJ Blue, My name is Kay and I have been dealing with a special needs child for 17 years now. Although I am an old-timer in my neighborhood, new folks have moved in and not only complained about Tony’s toy’s (he is mentally about 5-6 years) They say the sight of Tony “looking at them” (he sits at his table every evening for the past 8 years “blowing bubbles”) frightens them and makes them sick. Tony is autistic, severly developmentally delayed and mute This is total garbage, Tony never bothered a soul. In fact what offends me is their children freely using the words Fing retard to call my son when they pass my home. Their parents call my child that "Stupid Fing kid". There is nothing I can do. The town and police said deal with it. They wanted to give me a summons for harassment. (I called only once) All you can do is pray and teach your own children right from wrong. Everyone told me get a tough shell which I did. Now I just wave when they say the “f” word. God Bless you and your wonderful Family

OH NO!!! Yuck!! I would like to share a couple of insights that have come to me raising different kinds of children. The first is that I look for the blessings God has given our children that my “normal” brain cannot understand. The condition our children have can lend them to flashes of brilliance BECAUSE of the brains they were given. This could be used to do God’s will in research or ministry or whatever HE has planned for them, my job is to try and help them discover what it is that they were blessed with and let them know how special God made them with such a different working kind of brain. Autism can have these same flashes of brilliance, I pray it will be revealed to you and your child! I have looked at other children who have more physical indications of their disability and thought how wonderful, as in the case of a down syndrome child, the parents have a loving “buddy” for life, and if you ever need an earthly reminder of Heavenly love then be loved by a child with this syndrome. Having a child with special needs also makes me as a parent to make a very important choice, constant frustration that this child isn’t what I had bargained for and the other choice of true acceptance, loving, for us with twins, these children who have limits and need constant parenting and services. I have often thought of the dangers and sins that can come to my children, is it possible for a child with Downs to even commit sin knowingly, causing their salvation to be in question?

I am so sorry for this ordeal that has come your way, what ignorant people! I will pray for you! I know the long days of parenting and I hope you are getting some needed time for reflection. I have asked God on many a bended knee to reveal my children’s special gifts and talents in such a big way that I could not possibly miss his answer in between laundry, cooking, constant chaos etc, subtle answers will probably not be heard!

Prayerfully thinking of you…

 

[Peace-bwu]

OutinChgoburbs:

As I tried to post before the server went down again…

…If it were me, I’d wait until garbage day, or go to a garage sale, and get two of the rattiest lawn chairs I could find. Those in need of a good coat of paint, or with the webbing sprung out, would qualify. I’d then sit with Hubby on the front lawn and wave at the neighbors while the children played in the evenings, even say “hi” as they passed, whether or not they did.

But I have a bit of a temper.

You would probably be better served praying for these people and ignoring their nastygram, unless you know of a town ordinance or a deed restriction that prohibits toys from being in the front yard. Maybe in time you’ll be able to afford a toybox or covering, but kids are kids. And no, don’t go to work. Stay home and enjoy those boys. They’ll be grown soon enough.

BTW- Your priorities ARE in line, and you are a witness to a good Catholic lifestyle. Hence, you are under attack by those who don’t understand. It doesn’t make it easier, but that’s why.

I have a few pink flamingoes from my daughter’s Luau birthday party, I could send them to you… that would really get the tempers flared

 

[Peace-bwu]

Penitent:

Did anyone sign the note? I’d print out what you posted here and stick it right back in their mailboxes–maybe removing reference to the hot tubs and anything else that’s maybe not charitable. And if there were no names on the note, everyone in the neighborhood would get it with the mention that had those who wrote it not been embarrassed, they could’ve signed it and received a direct response.

Oh, and if I did do this (and I probably would), I wouldn’t forget to mention that I’d keep all of them in my prayers.

Penitent

I agree with this post, I was going to suggest the same thing. If you don’t know who gave you the snotty little note, I would just put a sign up in my front yard with it printed out, making sure you let them know how painful gossip is for a struggling young family who is working so hard. If this continues, suggest to them that they buy some toy bins for you if it is affecting* their* lives so badly, and that they could help you pick them up if it is making them sweat. otherwise they will need to wait until your income allows for it. If it continues after that, print out a flyer from a retirement home with a nice note suggesting they may be more comfortable in a retirement neighborhood, since there will be no risk of possible toys anywhere near their homes. If there is no zoning neighborhood law against toys in the front yard, they are just going to have to suck it up or move to a neighborhood that has such requirements. BTW Never put anything in mailboxes, it is unlawful., and you wouldn’t want anyone accusing you of breaking the law. You would need to put it on their door, or better yet hand it to them in person with a polite smile on your face.

Still, I would do my best to move a back or side yard play area as high on the priority list as possible for safety reasons. I can definitely sympathize with your situation. My little famly has done it’s share of stuggling to make ends meet and many neighborhood issues, I only wish they had been as simple as the neighbors having a few toys in their front yards. These are some seriously selfish people you have around you. Have they even bothered to talk to you and find out your situation and make aquaintences with you or did they just plunge into the snooty criticism? They have too much time on their hands.

 

[Peace-bwu]

CathyD:

I wish you lived in our neighborhood. Kids are always running from one house to the next. All kids of toys are strewn about (yes, they get picked up at dusk.) Parents are outside, pitching wiffleball (or the kids favorite: kickball, but with a big, fat wiffleball bat), watching the kids catch fireflies. No snooty neighbors getting in a snit over the basketball backboard in the front yard!

I’ll remember you at adoration this weekend!

Cathy

My neighborhood is much the same but it is military base housing, and the toys around the neighborhood are usually picked up at dusk, We also have alot of restrictions so I am ALWAYS busy with the yard. The restricitons here are strict, yet reasonable. The houses here are so close together ( we live in a duplex, but up until this spring we lived in teh middle of a five unit town house for five years! So if people here don’t follow the base restricions it becomes unpleasant very quickly because we live in such tight quarters. They have an inspection every Tuesday. sometimes I wish I could have my own home where I *could *leave toys in the yard on a hectic day if I wanted to, and didn’t have so much pressure for perfection required for military living. It can be quite a burden especially when husband is away on a mission, to have to mow twice per week with three young kids! I will pray for you tonight!

 

[kaymart]

JJBlue:

OH NO!!! Yuck!! I would like to share a couple of insights that have come to me raising different kinds of children. The first is that I look for the blessings God has given our children that my “normal” brain cannot understand. The condition our children have can lend them to flashes of brilliance BECAUSE of the brains they were given. This could be used to do God’s will in research or ministry or whatever HE has planned for them, my job is to try and help them discover what it is that they were blessed with and let them know how special God made them with such a different working kind of brain. Autism can have these same flashes of brilliance, I pray it will be revealed to you and your child! I have looked at other children who have more physical indications of their disability and thought how wonderful, as in the case of a down syndrome child, the parents have a loving “buddy” for life, and if you ever need an earthly reminder of Heavenly love then be loved by a child with this syndrome. Having a child with special needs also makes me as a parent to make a very important choice, constant frustration that this child isn’t what I had bargained for and the other choice of true acceptance, loving, for us with twins, these children who have limits and need constant parenting and services. I have often thought of the dangers and sins that can come to my children, is it possible for a child with Downs to even commit sin knowingly, causing their salvation to be in question?

I am so sorry for this ordeal that has come your way, what ignorant people! I will pray for you! I know the long days of parenting and I hope you are getting some needed time for reflection. I have asked God on many a bended knee to reveal my children’s special gifts and talents in such a big way that I could not possibly miss his answer in between laundry, cooking, constant chaos etc, subtle answers will probably not be heard!

Prayerfully thinking of you…

Thank you, Tony has made my Faith very strong, he made us both realize what is important. I have learn to just look away from the ignorant. As they ride their bikes on Sunday Mornings while we walk to Church they curse him, some of these kids are as young as 7-8 years old. It’s sad, I to want to move sometimes too, but I was here first-1979 (9 years before Tony’s birth), they will not win. Just like in your case you can’t let them win.

 

[genealogist]

One of the things that always amazes me is how messy a yard can be and to hear of they are poor! It takes ZERO DOLLARS to get a mess picked up. Even though your describe a hard toll it is well within your ability to keep your kids’ toys put away when not in active use. Just because they may be a bit material or way too material does not get you out of your duty to be clean. You knew what this neighborhood was like and YOU moved to it. You need to assimilate not they need to take you as you are.

There was a PBS story about a Iowa town that has a Hasidic community move in and open a kosher slaughter house. I was appalled when the leader said they were topo busy to mow their lawns. Again I don’t see how there was not time to follow a city ordinance that preceded the hasidim moving to IA. In their case I said mow the lawn. If Jews scoffed at the local laws like this thoughout history, can one wonder why they may not have been so well received by a very diverse group of people across the map?

Clean your yard. You could have done it in the time it took to type your post.

 

[Penitent]

genealogist:

Clean your yard. You could have done it in the time it took to type your post.

Hmmm, one of her neighbors I presume?

Penitent

 

[genealogist]

No penitent I am not one of their neighbors although the house we bought 15 months ago has a hot tub.

Our starter house was in a less expensive neighborhood and there was a scattered site house across the street that refused to mow their lawn regularly. Surprise surprise the grass would eventually grow waist high and when they tried to mow the mower would stall. Our neighborhood was not “classy” but the scattered site program is to help one move UP and not for you to bring the pre-existing area down. Getting up to our oold level was well within reach for these people. They were sorry but it is true too lazy to stay on top of things. Guess what when it snowed they did not shovel the walk within 24 hours of the end of snowfall!!

I appreciate that Mrs. JJ Blue is working hard elsewhere but her yard would not be that hard to tidy especially with older school age sons. Make them clean up after themselves. I don’t want my 8-yr-old’s bike etc. out for fear of theft or damage from rain. It also looks tidier in our garage.

These Jones’ may not be nice but just because a meany asks you to stop something doing you shouldn’t be doing is no excuse to whine about the Jones and leave a mess.

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

Genealogist, you sound like the type that needs to live in the middle of twenty acres. Get a life.

 

[StratusRose]

genealogist:

One of the things that always amazes me is how messy a yard can be and to hear of they are poor! It takes ZERO DOLLARS to get a mess picked up. Even though your describe a hard toll it is well within your ability to keep your kids’ toys put away when not in active use. Just because they may be a bit material or way too material does not get you out of your duty to be clean. You knew what this neighborhood was like and YOU moved to it. You need to assimilate not they need to take you as you are.

There was a PBS story about a Iowa town that has a Hasidic community move in and open a kosher slaughter house. I was appalled when the leader said they were topo busy to mow their lawns. Again I don’t see how there was not time to follow a city ordinance that preceded the hasidim moving to IA. In their case I said mow the lawn. If Jews scoffed at the local laws like this thoughout history, can one wonder why they may not have been so well received by a very diverse group of people across the map?

Clean your yard. You could have done it in the time it took to type your post.

This asinine post just reinforces my original one. It’s THEIR yard, they own it, they can do what they want with it. Toys in a yard is not a safety hazard. No snot nosed prissy neighbor with the 3 BMWs in the driveway can tell them otherwise. If they don’t like it then they can volunteer to help clean it up or move away. Talk about making mountains out of molehills, I second Lilyofthevalley’s suggestion.

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

No snot nosed prissy neighbor with the 3 BMWs in the driveway can tell them otherwise. If they don’t like it then they can volunteer to help clean it up or move away.

:clapping:

 

[Giannawannabe]

JJBlue:

I’m sorry if this is so long, just trying to get good advice from you great people of God. The summary is: We live on a strict budget, (hubby is a teacher), have two special needs twins, four sons altogether, very stressful daily walk and our vain, materialistic neighbors have gossiped and degraded us for toys in our front yard. They are a self-appointed home owners association of 15 or so home on our street, nothing at all official. Most are retired and quite well-off. We have tolerated their anti-children attitude quite well until they placed a “please clean up your yard and plastic toys off your driveway” note in our mailbox this week.

Are the toys spread out all over, spilling onto the sidewalk? Perhaps this was addressed, but this would be the only reason I could see for your neighbors to complain. Otherwise, since it’s not an "official"home owners association with rules that must be followed, and as long as the toys are not presenting a safety hazard by spilling onto the sidewalk or road, you’re fine. Do you have a porch? Perhaps, at night you could just throw them up onto your porch–have the kids help. That’s what I do

 

[genealogist]

Roe and Lilly,

Just to humor me would either of you ladies happen to homeschool?

 

[kaymart]

genealogist:

One of the things that always amazes me is how messy a yard can be and to hear of they are poor! It takes ZERO DOLLARS to get a mess picked up. Even though your describe a hard toll it is well within your ability to keep your kids’ toys put away when not in active use. Just because they may be a bit material or way too material does not get you out of your duty to be clean. You knew what this neighborhood was like and YOU moved to it. You need to assimilate not they need to take you as you are.

There was a PBS story about a Iowa town that has a Hasidic community move in and open a kosher slaughter house. I was appalled when the leader said they were topo busy to mow their lawns. Again I don’t see how there was not time to follow a city ordinance that preceded the hasidim moving to IA. In their case I said mow the lawn. If Jews scoffed at the local laws like this thoughout history, can one wonder why they may not have been so well received by a very diverse group of people across the map?

Clean your yard. You could have done it in the time it took to type your post.

Are you for real,:banghead: Do you even understand what this woman is going through with two disabled children plus two others, if people like you would maybe help out one another instead of clucking your tongues:tsktsk: and making remarks, maybe, just maybe the world would be a better place. As the saying goes walk a mile in my shoes then say what you want, Thank you, from another mom with an imperfect yard and a disabled teen. PS as far as time to type maybe she needed a break, I’m stopping now because I feel I’m losing it.:ehh: I’m about to say something not nice

 

[deb1]

genealogist:

Roe and Lilly,

Just to humor me would either of you ladies happen to homeschool?

What does this have to do with the disagreement?

Also, lets all be nice to one another. The OP did not say that there was a complaint about mowing her grass or weeding her flowers. It sounds like she just has a few toys in her front yard.

It was also pretty cowardly to leave a note instead of talking to her in person. If I was her, I would not judge the rest of the neighborhood by this one note. It could be that this is just one person with issues. Who knows, she/he might be leaving notes in other people’s mailboxes and they might be equally mortified and embarrassed.

 

[genealogist]

None of us live on JJ Blue’s block so we don’t know what mean motives people have. However, even if a snot with 3 BMWs says something unpleasant but TRUE it is still true. I am not dismissing Blue’s hard times but again why can’t the older healthy boys pick up the toys? Really is that immoral or wrong to expect toys to be tidy?

The it is their yard argument is a bit juvenile. Should my son not clean his room? It is his, isn’t it? It is not unsafe just unsightly? Close the door if I don’t like it?

Malicious gossip is a sin but while untidiness may not be a federal offense it does annoy especially when with minimal effort it can be tidied up by THEM, it is their yard.