Jones' bothered by toys in our front yard

[OutinChgoburbs]

Peace-bwu:

I have a few pink flamingoes from my daughter’s Luau birthday party, I could send them to you… that would really get the tempers flared

Oh, you are my kind of person! Between the two of us, we could really have the poor woman’s yard looking comfortable in no time, maybe do up a few of the neighbors’ yards as well. We should be ashamed of ourselves.

I remember a time that seems long ago, when I lived just outside a Navy base in Northwest Florida in (drumroll) substandard housing!!! The civilian who ran it drank and had an attitude problem. Aside from the yard work and this mooch’s “kitchen inspections”, the grass had to be exactly 1/2 inch, and the bushes no higher than 1.5 feet. I had toadstools literally growing out of the wall in my bedroom (stucco), a toddler and a baby, my then-husband who was always getting restricted to base, and this guy was worried about the grass height.

When I got my own home, in my own name, I painted every room a different color, trimmed the grass to 3/4 of an inch in some spots and an inch in others, used a push mower (not gas powered), put lawn chairs on the front lawn, put several stone statues in the back, hung white Christmas lights all the way around the perimeter, and for good measure, planted wild flowers and easy-care perennials in the flower beds.

 

[Brenda_V]

carol marie:

Isn’t it illegal to open someone else’s mailbox?
CM

Yes, it is illegal to put anything that has not gone through the post office in a mailbox! Do not put a note in any of your neighbor’s mailboxes, or for that matter directly on them - if you have rural boxes especially. You can legally put something on the post for the box. If you have cluster mailboxes you can’t legally put anything on any part of the box. Just some “legal” stuff for you all to know.

As far as the older neighbors not liking your “cluttered” yard, that really depends on what it looks like - I understand why your children are playing in the front yard (the back yard goes into the forest right?) so, do your best to teach your children to park their bikes/trikes neatly by the front door and keep all other toys in an outdoor box for them so they are not always in sight. Hard to do but in time your children will learn (even your special needs twins would be my guess) that toys need to be put away when you are done playing with them.

Oh, and don’t be surprised if an Avon Leadership Rep. comes knocking at your door - toys outside are a sign that a mom is a stay at home mom and a little extra income from selling Avon might be welcome as you sell as much or as little as you want to

Yes, I am an Avon Leadership Rep. and I like toys out front but more especially if I see a fence surrounding the yard to keep the children in the yard so they are safer. Oh, and it is not because I am an Avon Leadership Rep. that I like to see toys out front - I just learned from being one that it means there is a stay at home mom usually in that home and that is what I like to see.

Brenda V.

 

[JJBlue]

To Geneologist: “Nuts”

To everyone else, thank you for your comments. It has helped me and my hubby. I can see many people trying to understand the walk in our faith here and our priorities. I can assure those who defended us that we have trim grass, trees and lovely landscaping and most nights we carefully line up these toys along the driveway, which is in our side yard, and the bikes go into the garage. We will continue to pray for our neighbors and hope that “time” will hopefully show them our four fine young men. Until then, we may also hope that they begin to tire of the upkeep of their yards and grand trips become their passion and condo life with a well-run condo association becomes very attractive. This may become extremely attractive once we start taking in foster kids, kids of all colors and disabilities and a clear enjoyment of little plastic cars, a sand box and in the summer, a swimming pool.

God Bless

 

[AuntMartha]

The_Angelus:

Wakeup call. I am not trying to be arrogant or anything but shouldn’t we knock off the flaming here? It’s not for us to call each other bigoted, illogical, presumptuous, or anything. The speck in our brother’s eye and all that. This is getting really close to a flamewar which would be unChristian, unpleasant, and pointless.

To be fair, no one called a person presumptuous or bigoted - it was geneologist’s comments and conclusions that were described that way (“presumptuous conclusion” and “bigoted comments”). They are adjectives used to described his or her rather unfortunate comments, not name-calling. How else should they have been described, or should we all just go along agreeing with every distasteful or innaccurate comment whether we truly agree with it or not?

 

[Island_Oak]

I guess the OP hit a nerve with this topic and I am more than a little surprised by the hostility of some responses.

I am the mother of 3, frequent host to many of their friends, owner of more yard toys, bikes, scooters, balls, nets, etc. than most garages hold and a meticulous yard keeper. During (esp) summer days my yard is a gathering spot and toys and kids are everywhere. BUT I always have them cleaned up around dinner hour and usually employ the kids who made the mess to help me out.

If your neighbors are past that “kids in the house” stage they may be less tolerant than you would like. On the other hand taking pride in the appearance of your block/street/neighborhood does NOT mean you are some kind of monster, a snob, a jerk or deserving of ridicule or provocation.

It seems reasonable to me that if someone has an issue or concern with a neighbor and writes them a note, the recipient is made aware of the opinion and can make a reasonable effort to accomodate a reasonable request. If you approach the request with a charitable heart you should be able to meet these neighbors half way…make a daily effort to pick up or organize the movable toys. Get your kids to help out. It really takes so little time.

You attract more flies with honey than vinegar…and sometimes the quickest way to placate someone (whether a child or adult) is to acknowledge them and let them know they have been heard. If the neighbors see you making some effort (and in the process notice how many kids you have and the challenges they present) they might be humbled and a little more patient with your efforts. It seem like one of those golden “preach the gospel without speaking” moments…

Bless you for your dedication to your family.

 

[KathleenElsie]

genealogist:

One of the things that always amazes me is how messy a yard can be and to hear of they are poor! It takes ZERO DOLLARS to get a mess picked up.

ZERO dollars yet precious time that is not available

Even though your describe a hard toll it is well within your ability to keep your kids’ toys put away when not in active use. Just because they may be a bit material or way too material does not get you out of your duty to be clean.

A duty to keep things clean is not a duty to keep things tidy. As long as the public walkway is not hindered the home owners can leave things in their yard.

You knew what this neighborhood was like and YOU moved to it. You need to assimilate not they need to take you as you are.

People are not robots. Each need to understand what the others needs are.

There was a PBS story about a Iowa town that has a Hasidic community move in and open a kosher slaughter house. I was appalled when the leader said they were topo busy to mow their lawns. Again I don’t see how there was not time to follow a city ordinance that preceded the hasidim moving to IA. In their case I said mow the lawn. If Jews scoffed at the local laws like this thoughout history, can one wonder why they may not have been so well received by a very diverse group of people across the map?

So it is more important to keep a mowed yard then to keep happy children. Grass grows, leaves fall and kids make noise. Maybe cement front yards, fake trees and no children should be the rule in some places.:tsktsk: Only if there were written covenants (then you have a right to expect compliance) that were accepted prior to moving in can it be expected that the yard is picked up all the time.

Clean your yard. You could have done it in the time it took to type your post.

Maybe it would be a kindness to ask if there were anything that needed help with. I am sure most people would accept a helping hand with the yard work.

My husband and I moved out of Florida because of the child unfriendly expectations. Some retired, childless and otherwise controling people always seem to find a reason to tell others how to care for their property.

Sorry in our case we were given two months to move because we had a child. Things were neat, tidy and we were miserable. There were no rules about children prior to our moving in. The baby was 9 months old when we left. Even walking down the road with her in a stroller made some people come out and tell us to “go away” no children were wanted.

This is my rant. We now live in a wonderful country setting, raised 9 children and have 3 in the house now. Our place has toys in the yard and cut the grass when we can. But the kids come first so toys are expected.

 

[DJgang]

Reminds me somewhat of a house that my oldest son has to go see everytime we visit my cousin.

This man painted his house an odd color. It was a pale/aqua blue, nothing horrible, just a little different. This man paints for a living. Anyway, old lady across the street made the comment to him that she didn’t like it…watch out old lady, this man is also a very talented artist…he repainted his house with a jungle scene and about every few months he repaints with a different scene.

My son loves to go by this house. You never know what or how it will be painted next. Lesson learned neighbors, keep you mouth shut!

Sad that people don’t like to look at children’s toys…maybe your neighbors do not have children or grandchildren and wish they did…

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

Island Oak:

If your neighbors are past that “kids in the house” stage they may be less tolerant than you would like. On the other hand taking pride in the appearance of your block/street/neighborhood does NOT mean you are some kind of monster, a snob, a jerk or deserving of ridicule or provocation.

I agree here and my beef is not against people who have beautifully landscaped yards. It’s people who think everyone else has an obligation to keep their yards landscaped too that annoy me. There has to be room for diversity in styles if you’re going to live in a neighborhood, but some people just want people to life in an Edward Scissorhands type of neighborhood. (Remember all the perfect little houses in that movie - THAT was the only part that creeped me out!)

Example: We had a huge latino family move in and all our neighbors were soooo rude! There are always about 5 - 7 cars parked over there. When the weather is clear, they are all outside in the lawnchairs (they have a red/white stripe vinyl car bench seat under a pretty magnolia tree for sitting on - great recycling imho - and comfy too ), the baby is in her jumping saucer, the kids are playing basket ball… They painted each room inside a different color. The ouside was painted a brighter blue with a white trim. I’ve met them on my evening walks and they are so nice once they find out your not going to complain. I LOVE their house! It’s like a big neon beacon saying: “FAMILY WELCOME!”

Everyone in the area assumes they are gang members, uneducated, etc… It’s stupid. I’ve never seen any of them drunk, high, or their children out without an adult in a lawn chair watching. Their yard is not knee high, but you can’t putt-putt on it either. Their cars aren’t pretty, but they are not broken down pieces either. They work hard and share it ALL with their families.

Frankly, I find them an inspiration and with them the best of success.

 

[genealogist]

JJ Blue,

The way I see your last post is that you plan on taking in foster kids. That’s a great thing but it appears you are at capacity with your current family. It also concerns me that you seem to relish annoying your neighbors with foster kids “of all colors”. These kids are not pawns and already have had crummy family life and need to be there for the right reasons. I am sorry if it annoys you that people think it is inappropriate to store toys however neatly on your driveway. Remember I may make a poor case to you and most of the others on this thread but what message are you sending to the neighbors? Are you giving them the best view of the Church and our faith? One of the reasons I now oppose the death penalty is that it shortens the time a sinner may need to repent. We should never help people burn in hell. Likewise maybe your neighbors really are demons. Are you turning them into saints? One of the works of mercy is to bear WRONGS PATIENTLY. Don’t fight back. Put the toys away and when you get your chance evangelize to them even admonish the sinner by saying that note hurt you.

Catholicism is always a BOTH/AND religion. Faith AND works, Scripture AND Tradition. You should be a faith filled active Catholic family but I don’t think the concerns shared about the toys are out of line. Maybe they are not the nicest maybe they do gossip but is yours the only house that has the toys out like that?
My point is that no one is saying give your kids bad care, skip Mass and mow the lawn instead. What I have said is that you can be a great Catholic mom as you seem to be AND still take the ten minutes each night and have your sons place the toys in the garage or the shed. That’s what my 3 kids do and my brothers’ five kids. True we are blessed to have 8 healthy kids between us but I don’t think your neighbors are wrong per se just a bit undiplomatic.

My sis is unable to have her own children and she and BIL have adopted three foster sons and have two more foster kids in their home. For the sake of your 4 sons now and any future children and /or foster kids you have make sure you know what you are getting into. God has given you quite a bit to handle right now maybe you could best serve Him by serving your current mission field of 4 and any other natural children you may get. Foster care in the future when your nest is empty could be great but more is not always better, there is a law of diminishing returns. That’s why we have babies one at a time usually and not 15 at a time in a box under the stairs or in the corner of the cage. One at a time my grandmother still had ten in twenty years. The windows were always clean because she did not want anyone to think it was a shanty. She went to Mass, prayed the rosary and got down on her knees at her bed to do it every night even when 87.

My wife is not Catholic and would never dream of going to worship without a nice set of clothes and make up. However she makes it there 6 times a year. I go to Mass every week(jeans, shoes, polo shirt) and have a habit of being nasty sometimes. People are right to say he should be better than that. However just because I don’t always act nicely does not excuse her laziness for worshipping her Lord and Savior regularly. Just because I go every week does not mean I can ignore her and others’ criticism. Worship AND treat your neighbor as yourself. God asks a lot of us. Catholic family AND good neighbors who go along with the flow AS LONG AS IT IS NOT IMMORAL. Toys in the garage is not spouse swapping.

Peace

 

[felra]

genealogist:

JJ Blue,

The way I see your last post is that you plan on taking in foster kids. That’s a great thing but it appears you are at capacity with your current family. It also concerns me that you seem to relish annoying your neighbors with foster kids “of all colors”. These kids are not pawns and already have had crummy family life and need to be there for the right reasons. I am sorry if it annoys you that people think it is inappropriate to store toys however neatly on your driveway. Remember I may make a poor case to you and most of the others on this thread but what message are you sending to the neighbors? Are you giving them the best view of the Church and our faith? One of the reasons I now oppose the death penalty is that it shortens the time a sinner may need to repent. We should never help people burn in hell. Likewise maybe your neighbors really are demons. Are you turning them into saints? One of the works of mercy is to bear WRONGS PATIENTLY. Don’t fight back. Put the toys away and when you get your chance evangelize to them even admonish the sinner by saying that note hurt you.

Funny how you turn the table on this poster. She and her husband are the one’s acting and living in a most noble fashion. I get no impression that her motive to have foster children is to annoy her neighbors. She was simply pointing out the level of intolerance of her neighbors–their problem, not hers.

She is sending a clear and convincing “message” through her lived testimony what and where her priorities are. Your advice to have this poster adapt herself to spoon fed these neighbors their usual diet of catering to their own whims and preferences hardly seems the way to soften/open their hearts to other realities beyond their personal preferences (not needs). Jesus through the Church does preach a message of radical conversion to the Gospel, not catering to our own personal prefernces and whims. I am not suggesting that she “fight back”, but neither should she accommodate the excess and preference of these intolerable neighbors.

 

[StratusRose]

felra:

Funny how you turn the table on this poster. She and her husband are the one’s acting and living in a most noble fashion. I get no impression that her motive to have foster children is to annoy her neighbors. She was simply pointing out the level of intolerance of her neighbors–their problem, not hers.

She is sending a clear and convincing “message” through her lived testimony what and where her priorities are. Your advice to have this poster adapt herself to spoon fed these neighbors their usual diet of catering to their own whims and preferences hardly seems the way to soften/open their hearts to other realities beyond their personal preferences (not needs). Jesus through the Church does preach a message of radical conversion to the Gospel, not catering to our own personal prefernces and whims. I am not suggesting that she “fight back”, but neither should she accommodate the excess and preference of these intolerable neighbors.

:clapping:

 

[pnewton]

Someone already asked once about it being placed in your mailbox. Was it mailed? If not, I would definitely contact the post office. You obviously are upset by the content and placing of anything in someone’s mailbox without going through the the mail system is a federal crime.

Speaking of crime, you might want to be aware that some of the more militant among neighbors could get out of hand and steal or vandalize the toys on your property. Keep the note in case you have an escalation of problems.

PS - It is good to hear of parents that know that kids are more important than landscaping.

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

. Put the toys away and when you get your chance evangelize to them even admonish the sinner by saying that note hurt you.

She can store the toys anywhere she damn well pleases. She pays the mortgage not her obnoxious neighbors. BTW if she wants to do foster care for children of different races that’s her business.

 

[Black_Jaque]

Hey maybe you can get a bunch of little cement garden trolls and gnomes and put them all over the yard. Arrange it in such a fashion that it looks like they’re playing. Dress 'em up in the same clothes as your kids.

Maybe your neighbors will see the other toys and just think, “oh they’re not done playing yet” Move 'em around every night. Then about a month later you’ll get a note, “You have the quietest, most well behaved kids!”



Or better yet, get one of those Granny-bending-over-in-the-garden yard ornaments, only paint it so that Granny ain’t wherein’ bloomers!:bigyikes: