Just a little vent--Rude moms at the playground today

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Ophelia23

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Hi friends! This is really just a vent to get it off my chest. I am noticeably pregnant right now and I have a three year old also. We were at the park today, as were a few other moms that I have never met before. I always get hopeful when I see moms with kids around the same age as mine because I am interested in having more friendships! Anyhow, one of the women pointed to my tummy and asked, “how many have you got?” I put my hand on my belly and said she is my second child. The mom laughed and said “stop there! Don’t have any more!” I laughed too, and said something to the effect of “I don’t know, we want a pretty big family! We are open to what comes!” The tone of the conversation quickly changed from there, though. She went on in a very serious tone to explain to me how a parent can’t love any middle children as much as they love their first and their last, and that it is irresponsible to have more than two for that reason. The other mom at the park was agreeing with her, and encouraging me to get my tubes tied after this baby. :eek: I had never met these women before! I remained friendly in my manner and tone, but also held my ground that I intend to be open to any children I am given. Without even walking away, the women literally turned their backs on me and continued to talk among each other that I am selfish, that my poor kids won’t be loved, that I didn’t know what I was talking about… it was amazing how little tact they had. I was floored. But, I let my little one continue to play and I sat at my own bench where I very discretely prayed my pocket rosary for them. I know I handled the situation right, but I keep finding myself thinking of those two mothers throughout my day. So…that was my vent. I really need to find myself some other Catholic moms to associate with. 🙂
 
Boy, have they drunk the Kool-Aid.

If they keep contending that middle children aren’t loved enough, you might ask them if they think that when middle children of large families have large families themselves, is this some cycle of abuse perpetuating itself? And if the middle children and their parents believe themselves to have a loving relationship, are they fooling themselves…IOW, do the children lack love, but neither the children nor the parents know it?

They might also be reminded that there are many large families who are very happy to have many siblings when it comes to taking care of their parents. All in all, since so many of the children of big families want big families–and that is first, middle, and late children–you’re going to feel free to believe that it can be done. If the person holding this opinion was not loved enough as children by their parents, well, you are sorry to hear that. Still, you and I both know this won’t be the first or last time you’ll be shunned by parents who are on the other side of the fence on some parenting issue or other, you name it. All you can do is to keep moving.

BTW, the next time someone tells you to have your tubes tied, I think a good reply would be “I BEG your pardon?” and after that, “Do you MIND? I consider that a rather personal decision, and I’m rather surprised that you don’t.” And then simply refuse to hear a word they say about it. The contention that it is simply none of their business is easier to defend than the contention that you’re right and they’re wrong when it comes to family size.
 
Ophelia23 said:
Hi friends! This is really just a vent to get it off my chest. I am noticeably pregnant right now and I have a three year old also. We were at the park today, as were a few other moms that I have never met before. I always get hopeful when I see moms with kids around the same age as mine because I am interested in having more friendships! Anyhow, one of the women pointed to my tummy and asked, “how many have you got?” I put my hand on my belly and said she is my second child. The mom laughed and said “stop there! Don’t have any more!” I laughed too, and said something to the effect of “I don’t know, we want a pretty big family! We are open to what comes!” The tone of the conversation quickly changed from there, though. She went on in a very serious tone to explain to me how a parent can’t love any middle children as much as they love their first and their last, and that it is irresponsible to have more than two for that reason. The other mom at the park was agreeing with her, and encouraging me to get my tubes tied after this baby. :eek: I had never met these women before! I remained friendly in my manner and tone, but also held my ground that I intend to be open to any children I am given. Without even walking away, the women literally turned their backs on me and continued to talk among each other that I am selfish, that my poor kids won’t be loved, that I didn’t know what I was talking about… it was amazing how little tact they had. I was floored. But, I let my little one continue to play and I sat at my own bench where I very discretely prayed my pocket rosary for them. I know I handled the situation right, but I keep finding myself thinking of those two mothers throughout my day. So…that was my vent. I really need to find myself some other Catholic moms to associate with. 🙂
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:eek::(:nope::dts:

Very sad. For one thing, that people would say these things to a STRANGER!!! What awful manners. I would have probably popped off with something sarcastic before I even realized what I was doing. I’m glad you had more restraint and picked the better way - which was to pray for them. It makes me so sad when women think that children are to be prevented instead of welcomed. 😦 What a sad, sad thing.
 
I am speechless! How incredibly rude and inappropriate to say the least!

I think of my dad’s family…my grandparents had 12, and they all turned out fine. (And our mutual connection has a wonderful large family 🙂 ). I am one of three and we all are well-adjusted. I am thankful I have 2 siblings and many, many cousins.

I guess it just shows how degraded the ideas of family and life have become in our society.
 
Do not worry Ophelia,
all this shows is the devil is rife throughout society, ignore and disregard their spiteful comments, and be proud and joyful that you are a child of God and that you are bringing new life into the world. 🙂
 
Good golly, what zombies.

At least you’re there as an example of the quality of life and family that being open to God’s will brings. I have LOVED growing up in a large family, and our sense of familial togetherness is something I’d not trade for the world.
 
I think I would just start LAUGHING at those types of statements and responding “You’ve GOT to be kidding me!!!”…

Don’t go sit and sulk (not accusing you, just suggesting for the future!) - go be JOYFUL and share your JOY… go laugh with your kids on the playground and let your love be contagious! 😃
 
They drunk the kool-aid. . . the social message that’s been pumped out. They may not even have been thinking much about it, etc.

As a middle child, I would be happy to have more brothers and sisters. Each of my siblings has been a blessing from God in my life. More is better.

You might point out if this happens again, that you’re really giving the very best and deepest gift possible to your existing children…and to your whole family. . . by adding on.
 
Ophelia23 said:
Hi friends! This is really just a vent to get it off my chest. I am noticeably pregnant right now and I have a three year old also. We were at the park today, as were a few other moms that I have never met before. I always get hopeful when I see moms with kids around the same age as mine because I am interested in having more friendships! Anyhow, one of the women pointed to my tummy and asked, “how many have you got?” I put my hand on my belly and said she is my second child. The mom laughed and said “stop there! Don’t have any more!” I laughed too, and said something to the effect of “I don’t know, we want a pretty big family! We are open to what comes!” The tone of the conversation quickly changed from there, though. She went on in a very serious tone to explain to me how a parent can’t love any middle children as much as they love their first and their last, and that it is irresponsible to have more than two for that reason. The other mom at the park was agreeing with her, and encouraging me to get my tubes tied after this baby. :eek: I had never met these women before! I remained friendly in my manner and tone, but also held my ground that I intend to be open to any children I am given. Without even walking away, the women literally turned their backs on me and continued to talk among each other that I am selfish, that my poor kids won’t be loved, that I didn’t know what I was talking about… it was amazing how little tact they had. I was floored. But, I let my little one continue to play and I sat at my own bench where I very discretely prayed my pocket rosary for them. I know I handled the situation right, but I keep finding myself thinking of those two mothers throughout my day. So…that was my vent. I really need to find myself some other Catholic moms to associate with. 🙂
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Many blessings to you and your family and baby.

I think you did a great job in response, keep praying and loving them. I had a similar discussion with my eighth graders a few weeks ago. I said we always pray for our family, friends, goodness, etc. but we have to pray for those people and things we don’t “like” and that is a great challenge.

“they’ll know we are Christians by our love…”
 
I wonder if these women claim to be pro-“choice.” I think it’s funny how being in favor of a woman choosing abortion is considered pro-woman, but it’s fine to publicly criticize a woman being open to having many children.

I agree with others that we need to fight this negativity with showing our joy in living our lives. Best wishes, OP.
 
Ophelia23 said:
Hi friends! This is really just a vent to get it off my chest. I am noticeably pregnant right now and I have a three year old also. We were at the park today, as were a few other moms that I have never met before. I always get hopeful when I see moms with kids around the same age as mine because I am interested in having more friendships! Anyhow, one of the women pointed to my tummy and asked, “how many have you got?” I put my hand on my belly and said she is my second child. The mom laughed and said “stop there! Don’t have any more!” I laughed too, and said something to the effect of “I don’t know, we want a pretty big family! We are open to what comes!” The tone of the conversation quickly changed from there, though. She went on in a very serious tone to explain to me how a parent can’t love any middle children as much as they love their first and their last, and that it is irresponsible to have more than two for that reason. The other mom at the park was agreeing with her, and encouraging me to get my tubes tied after this baby. :eek: I had never met these women before! I remained friendly in my manner and tone, but also held my ground that I intend to be open to any children I am given. Without even walking away, the women literally turned their backs on me and continued to talk among each other that I am selfish, that my poor kids won’t be loved, that I didn’t know what I was talking about… it was amazing how little tact they had. I was floored. But, I let my little one continue to play and I sat at my own bench where I very discretely prayed my pocket rosary for them. I know I handled the situation right, but I keep finding myself thinking of those two mothers throughout my day. So…that was my vent. I really need to find myself some other Catholic moms to associate with. 🙂
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How incredibly rude! It’s THEIR business how many children you’re planning on having?Furthermore, they are WRONG: a mother and father can love all their children, including the “middle” ones. Any loving parent knows that. I wonder what planet these women come from. Yes, find other (Catholic) moms to befriend.
 
Can I join your rant? I thought it was just me, but I went to see my aunt and uncle recently and my aunt said people today are horrible.

I don’t know what has happened to people today. I too have had similar experiences to you. Complete strangers offering opinions that were not invited, telling others what they should and should not be doing, passing judgement’s on things they know nothing about and are so RUDE! I could go on, but I think everyone gets the drift.

I’m a fan of the tv show The Apprentice. A new series has just started and the contestants this year are unbelievable. People in the town I live in are what we call ‘hologrammers.’ Not ignoring you, or pretending they don’t see you, but making it obvious they do and treating you like a hologram and they are Catholic mom’s I see at the school gate every day. They not only push you out of the way to get their child, but walk right through you, and stand right in of you and children trying to get to their parents waiting for their child. I went to park my car at the school last week, and this mom I see every day cut right in front of me without using her indicators (don’t know what they are called in the US) to get the space yet there was plenty of space on the side of the road she was driving on. Why? 🤷 Not only that, she got out of the car, walked past me head held high and a big, smug smile on her face and looking really pleased with herself. Like, ‘look at me being rude aren’t I great.’

What is wrong with people? Why do they think treating others this way is cool? Is it a sad reflection of what is lacking in their own lives and how they feel about themselves?
 
hannajomar said:
I wonder if these women claim to be pro-“choice.” I think it’s funny how being in favor of a woman choosing abortion is considered pro-woman, but it’s fine to publicly criticize a woman being open to having many children.

I agree with others that we need to fight this negativity with showing our joy in living our lives. Best wishes, OP.
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I don’t think its just children, I think it’s a case of anyone who does anything I would not want to do is inferior to me.
 
:eek:That would have hurt my feelings. God bless you for being open to life.😉 You are already blessed.
 
Such attitudes (although we do not know in this case) are often used to cover the use of contraception or worse. I see the middle child “argument” as rationalization of such behavior, and little else. Was there any love at all in their words? What they are actually asking for is prayer. Words fail us in dealing with others, but they will find it much more difficult to resist the Holy Spirit.
 
I would have been rolling out of my seat laughing at these two nuts! Who is stupid enough to say something like that out loud? Good grief! Actually though, I think that society spends so much time ramming it into the heads of young girls and teens, that pregnancy is the end of the worlds and babies do nothing but inconvenience people and destory promising young futures, that grown women carry this fear of babies into adulthood. Even my somewhat awkward aunt said something stunning to me when I ran into her at the store, “Congratulations!..Wait…do you actually want one?” I’m not angry over the insinuation. I know she was just trying to cover all her bases, but I was a little shocked that someone would have the audacity to ask such a thing.
 
Allegra said:
I would have been rolling out of my seat laughing at these two nuts! Who is stupid enough to say something like that out loud? Good grief! Actually though, I think that society spends so much time ramming it into the heads of young girls and teens, that pregnancy is the end of the worlds and babies do nothing but inconvenience people and destory promising young futures, that grown women carry this fear of babies into adulthood. Even my somewhat awkward aunt said something stunning to me when I ran into her at the store, “Congratulations!..Wait…do you actually want one?” I’m not angry over the insinuation. I know she was just trying to cover all her bases, but I was a little shocked that someone would have the audacity to ask such a thing.
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  • and in the middle of a store. It never ceases to amaze me the private details people expect to be publicly discussed.
 
minkymurph said:
  • and in the middle of a store. It never ceases to amaze me the private details people expect to be publicly discussed.
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Yeah, there was no graceful way to answer that question other than “of course!” I thought about being cute and saying, “Why, do you want him?” but then I thought the better of it.
 
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