I feel like my only purpose in life is to be beat up on by others. “Don’t worry, sweetie, things will get better,” is just bull that your loved ones try to feed you…because it does not get better, it gets worse.
Here’s a solid truth in life: it will get better.
Why? Because you’re in college, stuck with a certain group of people at certain places and times, and with very little money or outside influence.
I cannot tell you how unimaginably better life gets once you have graduated, live on your own, set your own rules, and aren’t constrained to being around a set group of people all the time.
I know you keep hearing this from people, but it’s because it is a true fact. Anyone who tells you that the best years of your life are high school/college is absolutely full of it, because that’s the attitude of someone whose life peaked at 20% of the way in and declined ever afterwards. You have as a college student, quite literally an expected 75% of your life yet to live… so try to realize that that’s a LOT of time for you to change as a person, for others to change, for your life situation to improve (based on your choices).
Simply put, the reason you don’t believe when people tell you this is because you lack their perspective, since you have ONLY ever lived under a constrained environment.
I’m sick of being alone all of the time. On the weekends, I entertain myself by doing homework and wasting time online. No one EVER invites me to do anything, and when I do the inviting, I’m blown off. Why I keep going back for punishment, I’ll never know.
Here’s a secret: you’re not alone. I used to have issues about something similar until I talked to one of the “popular guys” one day after high school. He seemed kind of depressed. When I asked why, he said almost exactly what you said here… that his friends were blowing him off for stupid reasons. Everyone feels alone and dumpy sometimes. The people you think are popular and are so self-confident? They feel the same way you do sometimes.
So here’s the key difference between those who are “popular” and those who aren’t: Popular people choose their friends based on common interests, because popularity is a niche term based on the social conditions you’re currently in. The biggest, baddest jocks in the world are the unpopular ones at a world chess tournament because the niche for popular in the chess tournaments of the world demand “good at chess”. Those who are “unpopular” are those who think of popularity as “everyone likes you”… while those who are popular don’t care if everyone likes them, they only care if they have reached out and made friendships with like-minded individuals who share common interests. So don’t try to please everyone.
This goes part and parcel with the school environment: you’re with a group of people you’re forced to be with, not necessarily a group of self-chosen peers. Sometimes your interests are going to diverge, and that’s the way it is. So what you need to do is to start building a peer group that YOU choose based on common interests. That’s the only way
The worst part of it all is that I can find no comfort at church. I sing in our choir, where I experience quite a bit of bullying. I have wanted to leave our parish and find another one for a while, but my mom presses for me to stay because she likes the music. I’m stuck, alone, and cannot even find comfort in a place where I should feel welcomed and safe.
Something that helped me when I felt very cut off from the church and alone here in the southern US: I contacted the diocese and found a young adults Catholic Ministries group I could join. We went on retreats, had Pub Ministry Tuesdays (we would go to a bar and one person would expound on a subject related to the church), we’d go to mass together, etc, etc. The point is, this group was one that I almost instantly bonded with because we were a group of like-minded individuals: Catholics who wanted to worship more fully and have fun while we did it. Don’t think that just because you are stuck at a particular parish means that your circle of social aquaintences is limited to that very finite number of people. Get out and find people.
Another good way to meet like minded individuals is to take up a social hobby. I swing dance, and I don’t particularly think of myself as popular… but I’ve had people ask me how they can make more friends because of my popularity in the niche market. I tell them the same thing I tell you: I have friends in the swing dancing community because we share common interest in a social hobby. When I invite people to go swing dancing, I know they’re likely to want to come because we SHARE that interest… because I wouldn’t feel burdened to attend a similar event if they invited me to it. So go out and find a social hobby you enjoy participating in!
On that note: I recommend swing dancing as a good social hobby. It’s great exercise, the people who participate are from all walks of life and generally are very non-judgemental people. Just don’t compete for attention, be cool, be relaxed, and gently get to know people.
Why is it that “Christians” aren’t even Christian? Why is it that I have met Sikhs who were compassionate, when all of my so-called Christian “friends” were not?
There are bad Sikhs, just as there are bad Christians. The Sikhs you’ve met are probably the good, practicing Sikhs, who are devout (hence why you knew they were Sikhs). There are also a great many truly wonderful Catholics… but you’re just not finding them.
There. Glad to have gotten that off my chest. Sorry to have wasted a space on here with this post.
This is not a waste of space. You’re having a legitimate personal issue you felt you needed to discuss, and I only hope that I’ve helped.
:thumbsup:Aceton - awesome and thoughtful reply. I’m sure LoveDancer will appreciate your heartfelt post, I sure did!