Just broke up with pro-choice girlfriend

  • Thread starter Thread starter axlcinema
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Google exists for a reason.

SAHM stands for stay at home mom.
 
bsf said:
That you have a Christian love for this female, as indicated by a genuine concern for her, is a good thing. I am not certain there is anything you can do to remove her pain though. Take comfort in this. You ending the relationship because of your fidelity to God may cause her to reflect on her own beliefs. Many holy and learned individuals have stated setting a good example is the most effective method of bringing others to God.

Many agree a clean break is often best; may be very hard for her, and you, to heal without time and distance from the cause of the wound. If you believe this is true here, please do right by her and compassionately, but bluntly state the need to cease interaction (texts, calls, emails, etc). Then, follow your own advice.

I commend you for doing the right thing.
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This. I’d add that it would be great if she is reflecting on her pro-choice stance and considering making a change because God is moving in her heart. But it has to be her own journey to walk and thus is doubly important that she not be influenced by thinking that it has any connection with possibly getting back together with you. If by some mysterious working of God, she genuinely converts of her own free will because it’s the right thing to do, and this has time to solidify, i.e., she would stick to it because it’s what she has come to believe, and somehow in the future your paths cross and it’s meant for you to get back together, then you would have cause for great rejoicing. But we have to surrender all those wishes and longings to the Lord and continue on our own journeys with Him individually first, before anything else can be discerned.

So I guess what I’m saying is, if you respond to her at all, respond with that message that you are giving her time and space to reflect on that and that she mustn’t change her beliefs just to win you back, but that you will be praying for her. Maybe you can direct her to some pro-life resources such as Abby Johnson, Silent No More Awareness, Feminists for Life, etc. Wishing both of you the best.
 
I don’t think I would have broken up with someone over that issue, especially since she is reconsidering her position.

However, if you are the type that believes that your way is the only way about a host of issues, then maybe she is better off with someone else.

Personally, I think people should support each other and sometimes that means disagreeing with each other. However, changing a person’s moral stance is a gradual process. I don’t agree with my wife on everything, and we are different religions. And I have changed my position more than once.

I am far enough from being perfect that I have plenty to work on without having to put “deal breaker” litmus tests on others.

We are all working on doing better at something.
 
dedo said:
I don’t think I would have broken up with someone over that issue, especially since she is reconsidering her position.

However, if you are the type that believes that your way is the only way about a host of issues, then maybe she is better off with someone else.

Personally, I think people should support each other and sometimes that means disagreeing with each other. However, changing a person’s moral stance is a gradual process. I don’t agree with my wife on everything, and we are different religions. And I have changed my position more than once.

I am far enough from being perfect that I have plenty to work on without having to put “deal breaker” litmus tests on others.

We are all working on doing better at something.
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And if you’re already married to a person who you disagree with on the larger issues, this is the right and grace-filled way of thinking.
However, I do think that being pro-life/choice is a deal breaker.
The OP is in the middle of looking for a mate, now is not the time to lower standards or make allowances.
:twocents:

Peace,
  • PetiteFoi
 
Hi axlcinema

You didn’t mention whether you love her or not.

I think when two people love each other they can often find ways of accommodating differences in views. That’s a rather essential part of marriage, I believe, as even if you agree on things at the start it’s likely some views will change over the years.

Don’t be afraid to listen to your heart as much as your head.
 
How would that go? “I love you, even though you’d murder my child in your womb?”

Accommodating different views can work on things like what kind of house to live in, where to eat for dinner, etc. Major moral issues need unity if a marriage is to work.
 
SlackerCatholic said:
How would that go? “I love you, even though you’d murder my child in your womb?”

Accommodating different views can work on things like what kind of house to live in, where to eat for dinner, etc. Major moral issues need unity if a marriage is to work.
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My thoughts exactly!
I asked my husband if he’d continue dating me if I were pro-choice.
He automatically said he’d break it off.

“I can’t imagine you being pregnant, wanting to abort the child and legally as the father I’d get zero say.”

It makes sense to me! 🤷

~ PetiteFoi
 
That was just it for me, too, with the former boyfriend - it was like “ewww, you’d be okay with abortion?” And another (non-Catholic) boyfriend before that. Looking back, I think there were spiritual tests I was being put through. Can’t elaborate on what those were without revealing more than I care to. Suffice it to say that I could’ve gone far down the wrong path, but somehow God protected me from that, for which I give him my utmost gratitude to this day.
 
PetiteFoi said:
My thoughts exactly!
I asked my husband if he’d continue dating me if I were pro-choice.
He automatically said he’d break it off.

“I can’t imagine you being pregnant, wanting to abort the child and legally as the father I’d get zero say.”

It makes sense to me! 🤷

~ PetiteFoi
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It seems to me that you are not as “lapsed” as indicated in your profile 😃
 
I could never be with a girlfriend whose brain has been muddled by the left. I know, that leaves out a majority of young women today. Your ex has to protect her own mom, I suppose, but in reality this mom put her own selfish interests ahead of her children’s. You will do well to find someone else, as much as this hurts now. :sad_yes: Rob
 
I was responding to your post.

If she thinks the murder of any child is OK, it won’t be a big leap for her to kill her own in the right set of circumstances.

I actually think the position of saying you’d never personally have an abortion, but it’s OK for others, is worse in many ways. You want life for your own child, but other people’s kids, oh it’s fine to kill THEM. Gross.

No pro-life man should ever take the risk of impregnating a known pro-abortion woman. (I refuse to use the meaningless term pro-choice.)
 
you did what was right, and your actions are that ofa good catholic who loves god, dont be upset, instead look at it as you entered her life in order to show her the truth,

we are not to give in to this sort of thing, if by gods plan she is meant to be yours, she will come back around but dont compromise the things of god for the ungodly, no matter what…

remember abraham was willing to kill his own son for God,

your conduct will forever remain in her, and through you she may be saved as well and welcome morality…

i say good job on your part, and youll meet someone else…

I too recently have bene talking to a girl, who is attractie im sure is a good person, and that interests me, but after similar discussions about transgendered children and and whether or not gay sexuality actions are right or wrong, i too have decided not to pursue… sometimes you cant chane people, you cant stick it down their throats, you can plant the seeds… not even jesus forced people, in fact many walked away from him, he then said to his disciples do you want to leave me like them too?

so dont take it to ohard onyourself, and look at the bigger picture

god bless
 
axlcinema said:
Hey guys,

Kind of going through a rough patch at the moment as I just broke up with my girlfriend. She’s a wonderful girl, we me in work, share all our friends and both have very similar interests. I’m posting today really just to get some feedback on what happened because I feel gutted about it, I’ve broken some poor girls heart.

We’d been dating for about 6 months and for the most part it was been great, we’d been on holiday together and I taught her to snowboard, it was great but recently though some things have started to bother me. The first is that though she said she would never ever have an abortion, she doesn’t think it’s right to restrict someone else from getting one. Being Catholic, that obviously doesn’t sit well with me. We talked about it a bit, she said if we ever had kids she would be willing to raise them Catholic, bring them to Mass and teach them that abortion is wrong, I’m not sure how I feel about that.

The other thing thats been bugging me and I should have been smarter before we got involved because I knew her mum was gay, It wasn’t wise to ignore this and I felt really ****** when I told her I’d have to teach my kids that that was wrong. This conversation went on for hours and I had to walk away from her in the end, I probably should have argued more that abortion was wrong and try and convince her so, I don’t think i’d get anywhere on the second topic.

I feel horrible, I’ve never done that before, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, she told me she loved me and would do anything for me.

I’m just looking for some advice really, I don’t know what to do.
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I am wondering if you had relations with this woman. I don’t want you to answer, but only read what you wrote and think.
 
axlcinema said:
Hey guys,

Kind of going through a rough patch at the moment as I just broke up with my girlfriend. She’s a wonderful girl, we me in work, share all our friends and both have very similar interests. I’m posting today really just to get some feedback on what happened because I feel gutted about it, I’ve broken some poor girls heart.

We’d been dating for about 6 months and for the most part it was been great, we’d been on holiday together and I taught her to snowboard, it was great but recently though some things have started to bother me. The first is that though she said she would never ever have an abortion, she doesn’t think it’s right to restrict someone else from getting one. Being Catholic, that obviously doesn’t sit well with me. We talked about it a bit, she said if we ever had kids she would be willing to raise them Catholic, bring them to Mass and teach them that abortion is wrong, I’m not sure how I feel about that.

The other thing thats been bugging me and I should have been smarter before we got involved because I knew her mum was gay, It wasn’t wise to ignore this and I felt really ****** when I told her I’d have to teach my kids that that was wrong. This conversation went on for hours and I had to walk away from her in the end, I probably should have argued more that abortion was wrong and try and convince her so, I don’t think i’d get anywhere on the second topic.

I feel horrible, I’ve never done that before, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, she told me she loved me and would do anything for me.

I’m just looking for some advice really, I don’t know what to do.
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Wait… just to be clear…

Did you break up with her because you realized your heart just wasn’t in the relationship, or did you break up with her because she happened to have different opinions than you?

If it’s the former, fine. If you really don’t love her, it’s better for both of you to part ways. If it’s the latter, then all I can say is there’s probably a reason you feel horrible about it. You should meditate and pray to discover what is truly troubling your heart. This is a question for your heart, your spirit, and your God, not for a bunch of strangers on the Internet who don’t know what you truly feel inside.
 
I feel horrible, I’ve never done that before, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, she told me she loved me and would do anything for me.
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First i want to say, that i am deeply sorry for the both of you, i can understand both pain.

But, please don’t live in remorse, i can assure you that you have done the right thing to listen to your guts. You will learn later in life, that it is important to do that. I have done that live in remorse and it leaded me to stick to a very abusive relationship later in life ( I initially didn’t want to listen to that voice by fear of regret). From my own experience, each time that i ignored this little voice, i caused me great deal of challenge and grieve.

Pray for her, pray for her mom but don’t forget to offer your fear, pain or remorse about this to God.

You truly have done the right thing. Be at peace.

p.s You cannot change to please other, it has to come from our heart. Maybe this break up, will help her to go on the right path some day.

P.S. I want also to add that someone told me once “In love, never take anyone as a pity, because someday, you will be the one that look as a pity”. She was right, your relationship with a woman has to feel right and when it does, it is blessed by God. If someone are in need, just pray for them but don’t take them back out of remorse or regret or pity. It just isn’t right for them and for you.
 
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