JUST reasons, and children

[gardenswithkids]

One of your quotes was up there. You yourself stated that you object to the reasoning used in my example!

I objected to the reasoning that you shared in your example, but NOT the decision. I wrote two paragraphs. Here’s the paragraph directly above what you quoted,
“The Church leaves it up to the husband and wife to decide what is a “just reason”. If you and your spouse reached that decision together in prayer and you use Church approved means to avoid conception, then** that’s fine**. …”(continued with what you quoted)

 

[RedSoxWife]

And they will know you are Christians by the love you have one for another.

:hug3: May God Bless you Castello. And you never know how what you shared could touch someone and open their eyes to the beauty of life.

 

[Castello]

Thank you.

 

[BingoBoy]

Did the lady in your example only want to kids because that’s all SHE wanted, or is it because that’s all God wanted her to have, through either secondary infertility or monthly prayer and discernment with her husband?

No secondary infertility.

Let’s just say she feels that being a mother to a lot of kids isn’t her calling - she feels depressed and inadequate as a stay at home mom, and feels she will fulfill more of her talents if she has a more balanced life style of having a couple kids and being a working mom, rather than having a lot of kids and devoting most of her time to that. Her husband agrees that this is the best thing for the family.

 

[BingoBoy]

Hmmm…but discomfort is not necessarily the same thing as hardship.

I don’t mean “comfortable” as in soft and comfy and never having to work a day in your life. I mean comfortable as in feeling confident of what you can handle and what is best for the family.

 

[BingoBoy]

How about we try to define "uncomfortable?

A woman who thinks about having another kid, and finds it “uncomfortable” think about a little less sleep and dirty diapers, perhaps, is being selfish.

But what of a woman who thinks about having another kid and the thought of the rekindled stress nearly gives her a complete nervous breakdown because she doesn’t have the emotional resources to stretch that far?

People here say “not wanting more” is not a legitimate reason to avoid. But words can mean diffferent things to different people/. I think a woman who 'doesn’t want more" children because she really and honestly can’t handle more has a perfectly good reason to avoid. I think it would be DISGUSTING to pressure a woman like that to have more kids just because they’re a “blessing.” Yes, babies are a blessing, but they’re a blessing that comes with great weight and responsibility, and I’m sorry, but not everyone has the mental stamina to take on as much responsibility as others.

Exactly! Nice to know there’s someone here who understands where I’m coming from and isn’t inside a box.

 

[Jennifer_J]

No secondary infertility.

Let’s just say she feels that being a mother to a lot of kids isn’t her calling - she feels depressed and inadequate as a stay at home mom, and feels she will fulfill more of her talents if she has a more balanced life style of having a couple kids and being a working mom, rather than having a lot of kids and devoting most of her time to that. Her husband agrees that this is the best thing for the family.

Again, prayer and discernment. She should get treated for depression, if needed. People act like life circumstances don’t change. She could be called to limit her family for now. Prayer and discernment. Later, she and her husband could be called to have more children. Prayer and discernment. Just an FYI, our 6 (almost 7) children didn’t come all at once. They came one at a time and we discerned whether it was time to add to our family. We think it’s important for A parent to be home with our children. In the beginning, that was my husband and now it’s me. Circumstances change. Prayer and discernment–not absolutes.

 

[silicasandra]

I don’t mean “comfortable” as in soft and comfy and never having to work a day in your life. I mean comfortable as in feeling confident of what you can handle and what is best for the family.

I don’t think anything that has been said on this thread contradicts that. No one is advocating that anyone do anything that would not be in the best interest of the family.

We are just suggesting that what a person has fixed in their mind of what is best for their family may not always be what’s best, and a couple has to continually discern what that best is. Sometimes, it will be avoiding having more children, sometimes, it may be to have another.

God never gives us more than we can handle. Sometimes the challenges are unexpected and the routes are a little different than anticipated, but being open to His guidance is not going to steer anybody down the wrong path.

 

[Castello]

No secondary infertility.

Let’s just say she feels that being a mother to a lot of kids isn’t her calling - she feels depressed and inadequate as a stay at home mom, and feels she will fulfill more of her talents if she has a more balanced life style of having a couple kids and being a working mom, rather than having a lot of kids and devoting most of her time to that. Her husband agrees that this is the best thing for the family.

If one is called to the vocation of marriage, one is called to be a mother. A mother may choose to work outside the home. The two are not mutually exclusive.

 

[kristacecilia]

No secondary infertility.

Let’s just say she feels that being a mother to a lot of kids isn’t her calling - she feels depressed and inadequate as a stay at home mom, and feels she will fulfill more of her talents if she has a more balanced life style of having a couple kids and being a working mom, rather than having a lot of kids and devoting most of her time to that. Her husband agrees that this is the best thing for the family.

Why does she have to stop having kids in order to work? Can she not continue to have children and also work?

 

[kristacecilia]

Again, prayer and discernment. She should get treated for depression, if needed. People act like life circumstances don’t change. She could be called to limit her family for now. Prayer and discernment. Later, she and her husband could be called to have more children. Prayer and discernment. Just an FYI, our 6 (almost 7) children didn’t come all at once. They came one at a time and we discerned whether it was time to add to our family. We think it’s important for A parent to be home with our children. In the beginning, that was my husband and now it’s me. Circumstances change. Prayer and discernment–not absolutes.

Yes, this.

 

[RedSoxWife]

I don’t mean “comfortable” as in soft and comfy and never having to work a day in your life. I mean comfortable as in feeling confident of what you can handle and what is best for the family.

A lot of times God calls us to step outside of our comfort level. It’s really hard to tell what we can handle in advance. When I found out I was expecting #1 I really didn’t know how I’d handle being a mom at all. And for me 2 has actually been easier than 1. We’re shaped by our experiences as we go along.

 

[BingoBoy]

If one is called to the vocation of marriage, one is called to be a mother. A mother may choose to work outside the home. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Right, but not everyone is able to juggle having a full time career and 6 kids. A full time career and 2 kids is all some people are able to handle. Again, everyone is different.

 

[BingoBoy]

Why does she have to stop having kids in order to work? Can she not continue to have children and also work?

See above.

 

[psr13]

Right, but not everyone is able to juggle having a full time career and 6 kids. A full time career and 2 kids is all some people are able to handle. Again, everyone is different.

Yes, but what people are saying is that a couple should not make a blanket statement. “We can’t have another kid ever again,” is different than prayerfully discerning that decision every month.

 

[kristacecilia]

A lot of times God calls us to step outside of our comfort level. It’s really hard to tell what we can handle in advance. When I found out I was expecting #1 I really didn’t know how I’d handle being a mom at all. And for me 2 has actually been easier than 1. We’re shaped by our experiences as we go along.

Getting pregnant again with #5 has been a total leap of faith for me. Complete and total.

I also want to emphasize here that SAHM get depressed, too. We don’t always (or even often) like our jobs. I struggle on an almost daily basis with just not losing it on my kids. The stress level is high. The demands are constant. The work load is… insane. Especially if you add in homeschooling and having a whole gaggle of children under 8.

But I NEVER. NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER recall Christ saying life on this earth would be happy or easy. Quite the opposite.

The rewards of parenthood are immense. Those little joys keep you plugging along through all the ****** parts.

 

[BingoBoy]

A lot of times God calls us to step outside of our comfort level. It’s really hard to tell what we can handle in advance. When I found out I was expecting #1 I really didn’t know how I’d handle being a mom at all. And for me 2 has actually been easier than 1. We’re shaped by our experiences as we go along.

Maybe she feels God is not calling her to have more children. Maybe she feels God is calling her to have a couple kids so that she can invest her time to do something else that’s great.

And besides, with this reasoning of “we can’t tell what we can handle in advance,” it would seem no one should ever stop/postpone having children. Which is not what the Church teaches - the Church says God gives us that responsibility and that we are allowed to stop having children if we feel it is best for the family.

 

[emmar]

How about we try to define "uncomfortable?

A woman who thinks about having another kid, and finds it “uncomfortable” think about a little less sleep and dirty diapers, perhaps, is being selfish.

But what of a woman who thinks about having another kid and the thought of the rekindled stress nearly gives her a complete nervous breakdown because she doesn’t have the emotional resources to stretch that far?

People here say “not wanting more” is not a legitimate reason to avoid. But words can mean diffferent things to different people/. I think a woman who 'doesn’t want more" children because she really and honestly can’t handle more has a perfectly good reason to avoid. I think it would be DISGUSTING to pressure a woman like that to have more kids just because they’re a “blessing.” Yes, babies are a blessing, but they’re a blessing that comes with great weight and responsibility, and I’m sorry, but not everyone has the mental stamina to take on as much responsibility as others.

Very, very well said!!! This is exactly what I have faced when I say I’m done having kids!!!

 

[emmar]

Why does she have to stop having kids in order to work? Can she not continue to have children and also work?

Umm…Krista…glad you are not in a situation where getting pregnant would cause you to lose your job because you couldn’t do it. Or glad you don’t have it hanging over your head that if you became pregnant your family would end up financially destitute, lose the house, go bankrupt…because they cannot work while pregnant. Hey…and NO ONE knows when you get pregnant when you will end up on bedrest. My good friend started at 18 weeks!..just saying…think about your statement a little more.

 

[emmar]

Getting pregnant again with #5 has been a total leap of faith for me. Complete and total.

I also want to emphasize here that SAHM get depressed, too. We don’t always (or even often) like our jobs. I struggle on an almost daily basis with just not losing it on my kids. The stress level is high. The demands are constant. The work load is… insane. Especially if you add in homeschooling and having a whole gaggle of children under 8.

But I NEVER. NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER recall Christ saying life on this earth would be happy or easy. Quite the opposite.

The rewards of parenthood are immense. Those little joys keep you plugging along through all the ****** parts.

hmm…definitely more motivated to avoid having 8 kids…