Kissing on the lips during the sign of peace

[Bookcat]

Michelle Arnold
Catholic Answers Apologist

Is it approriate to kiss your spouse or hug someone during the handshake of peace?
It’s called the “sign of peace” and the rubrics for the Mass provide:

As for the sign of peace to be given, the manner is to be established by conferences of bishops in accordance with the culture and customs of the peoples. It is, however, appropriate that each person offer the sign of peace only to those who are nearest and in a sober manner (GIRM 82).

The sign of peace is not intended to be a time for engaging in public displays of affection, however chastely those PDAs may be exchanged. It is a ritual moment during the Mass, when, as the GIRM indicates:

Quote:
… the Church asks for peace and unity for herself and for the whole human family, and the faithful express to each other their ecclesial communion and mutual charity before communicating in the sacrament [of the Eucharist] (ibid).

To hug one’s children, kiss one’s spouse, and then turn and nod and exchange handshakes and peace signs with others, indicates the levels of affection you feel toward others. In other words, you are singling out some people for more lavish displays of affection than others, when the Eucharist is supposed to signify our mutual communion in Christ. While the Church does not explicitly forbid PDAs during the rite of peace, prudence suggests that** a “sober” exchange of peace with one’s fellow congregants excludes hugging and kissing family members**.

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forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=300671&highlight=kiss+of+peace

 

[Phemie]

Well, kissing on the lips isn’t exactly making out, so I think it is perfectly acceptable. We call it the sign of peace, but it is traditionally referred to as a kiss of peace. It is symbolic and ritualistic and how it is carried out varies from culture to culture.

You’re correct that it’s a ritual, and how this ritual is to be done is determined by the Conference of Bishops. In Canada and the US it’s to be a bow or a handshake.

Doing our own thing with our family members is anything but ritual.

 

[Bookcat]

I can do that not a problem : )

Remind me not to sit behind you My wife for one would not be happy.

Really please rethink this – it is liturgy and a liturgical sign of peace. Not a sign of family affection. Also check with the diocese you are in as to the established signs of peace.

 

[HoneyBea]

Remind me not to sit behind you My wife for one would not be happy.

Really please rethink this – it is liturgy and a liturgical sign of peace. Not a sign of family affection. Also check with the diocese you are in as to the established signs of peace.

lol well you could explain to her that I have to offer everyone in the same manner : )

And yes I do plan on checking in my diocese I am curious what they will say.

 

[Bookcat]

lol well you could explain to her that I have to offer everyone in the same manner : )

And yes I do plan on checking in my diocese I am curious what they will say.

Some how I think she will not accept your explanation… (not only is she my wife but she also has a degree in theology…not that one needs one to know another woman is not to be kissing me!)

 

[Bookcat]

And yes I do plan on checking in my diocese I am curious what they will say.

I think it is very key that the sign of peace is not a sign of affection among family and that it is to be “sober” as the Church notes in the Girm. But yes the sign may also be limited in a place- to say a wave or a bow or a handshake (in not flu season!).

And being in the Airforce will take you to various places too. In Japan it is likely a bow.

 

[HoneyBea]

Some how I think she will not accept your explanation… (not only is she my wife but she also has a degree in theology…not that one needs one to know another woman is not to be kissing me!)

See it is a cultural thing, I kiss all my friends and their husbands.

 

[JimG]

Why is that I never find myself standing next to a young woman who exchanges the sign of peace with a kiss on the lips? I must be doing something wrong.

 

[bilop]

Just keep in mind that it’s a liturgical action, not a family reunion! And also that the sign of peace ought to be offered to everyone in the same manner.

Why must it be the same?

Some people don’t like to shake hands; they prefer a “wave” or a nod. We also may exchange the sign with people who we can’t reach physically (e.g. in an uncrowded Church).

I don’t like the Sign of Peace in general (and wish it was removed from the Mass), but I see no reason to get all restrictive on how people offer it; as long as it is not disruptive. i.e. I’d much rather see people kiss their spouses, then walk across the aisle, or lean across three rows to shake someone’s hand.

God Bless

 

[M-Dent]

I seem to recall when the practice was first introduced, the unofficial instructions were to greet those you don’t know around you. I never did understand why people choose to greet the ones they do know first. But that’s me.

I was taught as a child that the sign of peace was to forgive and be reconciled with those you have a relationship with before you present yourself for Holy Communion. The Scriptural basis,

So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
(Matt 5,23:24)

But the sign of peace seems to have had different meanings since its post-conciliar introduction? Some make it a community welcoming opportunity?

At our parish we do not exchange handshakes or kisses at the sign of peace (local custom). We tend to have continuity within the EF and OF here.

 

[Bookcat]

zenit.org/en/articles/kissing-at-the-sign-of-peace

 

[HoneyBea]

Why must it be the same?

Some people don’t like to shake hands; they prefer a “wave” or a nod. We also may exchange the sign with people who we can’t reach physically (e.g. in an uncrowded Church).

I don’t like the Sign of Peace in general (and wish it was removed from the Mass), but I see no reason to get all restrictive on how people offer it; as long as it is not disruptive. i.e. I’d much rather see people kiss their spouses, then walk across the aisle, or lean across three rows to shake someone’s hand.

God Bless

Good point. I can’t tell you how many people chunk the deuces at me during the sign of peace.

 

[Bookcat]

“49. By its nature the Eucharist is the sacrament of peace. At Mass this dimension of the eucharistic mystery finds specific expression in the sign of peace. Certainly this sign has great value (cf. Jn 14:27). In our times, fraught with fear and conflict, this gesture has become particularly eloquent, as the Church has become increasingly conscious of her responsibility to pray insistently for the gift of peace and unity for herself and for the whole human family. Certainly there is an irrepressible desire for peace present in every heart. The Church gives voice to the hope for peace and reconciliation rising up from every man and woman of good will, directing it towards the one who ‘is our peace’ (Eph 2:14) and who can bring peace to individuals and peoples when all human efforts fail. We can thus understand the emotion so often felt during the sign of peace at a liturgical celebration. Even so, during the Synod of Bishops there was discussion about the appropriateness of greater restraint in this gesture, which can be exaggerated and cause a certain distraction in the assembly just before the reception of Communion. It should be kept in mind that nothing is lost when** the sign of peace is marked by a sobriety** which preserves the proper spirit of the celebration, as, for example, when it is restricted to one’s immediate neighbors.”

~ Pope Benedict XVI

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_ben-xvi_exh_20070222_sacramentum-caritatis_en.html

 

[RoseMary131]

Why is that I never find myself standing next to a young woman who exchanges the sign of peace with a kiss on the lips? I must be doing something wrong.

Try a different pew.

 

[Bookcat]

“49. By its nature the Eucharist is the sacrament of peace. At Mass this dimension of the eucharistic mystery finds specific expression in the sign of peace. Certainly this sign has great value (cf. Jn 14:27). In our times, fraught with fear and conflict, this gesture has become particularly eloquent, as the Church has become increasingly conscious of her responsibility to pray insistently for the gift of peace and unity for herself and for the whole human family. Certainly there is an irrepressible desire for peace present in every heart. The Church gives voice to the hope for peace and reconciliation rising up from every man and woman of good will, directing it towards the one who ‘is our peace’ (Eph 2:14) and who can bring peace to individuals and peoples when all human efforts fail. We can thus understand the emotion so often felt during the sign of peace at a liturgical celebration. Even so, during the Synod of Bishops there was discussion about the appropriateness of greater restraint in this gesture, which can be exaggerated and cause a certain distraction in the assembly just before the reception of Communion. It should be kept in mind that nothing is lost when** the sign of peace is marked by a sobriety** which preserves the proper spirit of the celebration, as, for example, when it is restricted to one’s immediate neighbors.”

~ Pope Benedict XVI

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_ben-xvi_exh_20070222_sacramentum-caritatis_en.html

 

[malphono]

Well, kissing on the lips isn’t exactly making out, so I think it is perfectly acceptable. We call it the sign of peace, but it is traditionally referred to as a kiss of peace. It is symbolic and ritualistic and how it is carried out varies from culture to culture.

Absolutely on target.

I’ve nothing against the Kiss of Peace in theory, but the Latin Church’s “rubrics” for this in the Novus Ordo are much too vague. To me, that’s a problem because it makes the definition of “sober” rather too subjective. In most cultures, how one greets a loved one differs from how one greets an acquaintance which can differ from how one greets a stranger.

The Oriental Churches have traditional, standardized ways of passing the peace. That makes it a “no muss, no fuss” sort of thing.

 

[ClearWater]

From Catholic Answers staff Apologist (and she makes use of one document from the Church within):

“As for the sign of peace to be given, the manner is to be established by conferences of bishops in accordance with the culture and customs of the peoples. It is, however, appropriate that each person offer the sign of peace only to those who are nearest and in a sober manner”(GIRM 82).

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=300671&highlight=kiss+of+peace

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=303622&highlight=sign+peace+married

OH! I didn’t realize that! Thanks for including this.

I didn’t realize that we should demonstrate the sign of peace, in a sober manner, to those around. When we hug one, kiss another, and shake another’s hand, it was saying that we are giving levels of affection, so it’s not appropriate…to leave public demonstrations of affection for outside mass.

That was helpful! Thanks, again!

 

[ClearWater]

I remember once reading a number of suggestions by Ivanka Trump. She was actually suggesting that, even in an office setting, she found it helpful to greet people the same way, with the exeption of, say, one’s spouse.

She said that when you kiss one friend, and then turn to another and wave or shake a hand, you are putting each person at a different level.

She suggested we greet friends the same way so as not to show favoritism.

 

[Bookcat]

“49. By its nature the Eucharist is the sacrament of peace. At Mass this dimension of the eucharistic mystery finds specific expression in the sign of peace. Certainly this sign has great value (cf. Jn 14:27). In our times, fraught with fear and conflict, this gesture has become particularly eloquent, as the Church has become increasingly conscious of her responsibility to pray insistently for the gift of peace and unity for herself and for the whole human family. Certainly there is an irrepressible desire for peace present in every heart. The Church gives voice to the hope for peace and reconciliation rising up from every man and woman of good will, directing it towards the one who ‘is our peace’ (Eph 2:14) and who can bring peace to individuals and peoples when all human efforts fail. We can thus understand the emotion so often felt during the sign of peace at a liturgical celebration. Even so, during the Synod of Bishops there was discussion about the appropriateness of greater restraint in this gesture, which can be exaggerated and cause a certain distraction in the assembly just before the reception of Communion. It should be kept in mind that nothing is lost when** the sign of peace is marked by a sobriety** which preserves the proper spirit of the celebration, as, for example, when it is restricted to one’s immediate neighbors.”

~ Pope Benedict XVI

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_ben-xvi_exh_20070222_sacramentum-caritatis_en.html

Greater restraint than at times is the case…and sobriety.

Remember this is an act within the Liturgy.

Among Christians not a family reunion of kin as one put it above.

 

[Bookcat]

Here is another take on the question: zenit.org/en/articles/kissing-at-the-sign-of-peace