Lack of modest, fashionable clothes

[teachccd]

I feel that is an unfair statement. Also, why can’t there be a middle line? Why can’t there be pretty clothing that still covers and is modest? I am a witness, first of Christ, but also of the Catholic Church. How many people would want to even consider Catholicism if they thought they had to dress in styles that are, to put it nicely, out of date. I first am called to do the Lord’s work, but I am also called to not be a stumbling block to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Either extreme can be a sumbling block.

God Bless!
Ericka

My wife dresses modestly in clothing that doesn’t look like granny attire. I simply asked a question that was derived directly from your Original post. You just need to look. I did not make an unfair statement. Think about and re-read your original post where you said that either you dress with everything showing and you are “too vain” to dress in anything else. Those were your words. There are plenty of clothing stores out there and plenty of styles…teachccd

 

[ericka1701]

Thanks to everyone for their suggestions! I actually hit up two thrift stores today for the first time in a really long time, and got 3 very cute skirts that are down to my calfs. I’m so excited!

I had a friend also tell me that for a quick but inexpensive way to go decent (or modest) is with the men’s undershirts (or A-shirts) under either low cut or midriff exposing tops. I just bought a pack today, and I am actually looking forward to dressing this summer.

God Bless!
Ericka

 

[Holly3278]

I can find plenty of modest clothing at stores like Wal-Mart and such.

 

[ChristinaM]

Target is a good place for modest, inexpensive clothes. Like all places you have to pick and choose but I’ve found lots of good options there. They also have nice shirts for layering. I really like the Hanes undershirts they have there - similar fabric to men’s tees, but cut for women. I have not been able to find these shirts anywhere except for Target.

 

[Letchitsa1]

One other option too…have you considered making your own skirts? Simplicity has a lot of cute patterns for dresses and skirts for which the length can be modified to suit one’s tastes. Plus - Wal Mart and other stores usually have a good supply of pretty fabrics to choose from - and you can save the leftover scraps of material to use towards making a quilt for your bed.

Another good site for dress patterns can be found here.

Making your own clothing takes a little bit of extra time, but if you have the patience to learn how to do it - you may find it ultimately worth your while. The styles will be more likely to be what you want, the fit will be better, too.

 

[SeekerJen]

I had a friend also tell me that for a quick but inexpensive way to go decent (or modest) is with the men’s undershirts (or A-shirts) under either low cut or midriff exposing tops. I just bought a pack today, and I am actually looking forward to dressing this summer.

God Bless!
Ericka

Men’s undershirts? That seems like…not the best look (if they’re the type of undershirts I’m thinking of). Possible potential to be baggy and sloppy, maybe, and if they’re loose you still have a modesty issue if you bend over, since people will be able to see right down your neckline. Pretty tanks and camisoles in women’s sizes are available everywhere, in various styles and at terrific prices. I’ve bought them in lots of colors, all for under $10, from Target, H&M, Forever 21, Old Navy, etc. I layer them under lower-cut shirts from the same stores for a modest and fashionable look, as well as under already modest shirts for extra warmth.

I can’t honestly say that I have trouble finding clothing that I believe to be modest. I buy a lot of my clothes at the above-mentioned stores. I think all but one pair of my dress pants are from Old Navy and I’ve had them for a few years now. I’ve bought a few skirts from H&M- really pretty knee-length ones, surprisingly well tailored- along with a gorgeous corduroy blazer and some super cute cotton button-up summer shirts. I’ve recently found great sales at JC Penney (sweaters for 1/2 off), and I even purchased super-comfy and cute rib knit cotton sweaters from Victoria’s Secret: two long-sleeved crew necks that come to my hips, and one henley-neck that I can wear unbuttoned over a contrasting cami or T-shirt for extra color. Of course I don’t think that wearing jeans, knee-length (or 1-2 inches above the knee, if I’m wearing opaque tights) skirts, or clothing that is well-tailored (not skin-tight) to my body is immodest so maybe that’s why I find it easier. YMMV.

 

[SeekerJen]

P.S. (Off-topic, sorry) I don’t know how all you all who live in places like Michigan and Tennessee do it.

I’m weathering my second east coast winter, having survived a second east coast summer, largely because the weather was comparatively mild.

I have clothes on my mind more than ever before this past year, because absolutely nothing is comfortable in this cursed climate. (OK, I know I’m a wimp.) And this is only DC.

During the summer, I covered up, mainly because I can’t stomach walking around half-naked, but also because any more exposed skin and I’d have lost so much blood to the mosquitoes I would’ve needed a transfusion. Really, what is the point of summer if you can’t stand to be outside??

I’d see girls walking with all their bits hanging out, and instead of meditating on declining standards of dress, think “gosh, they must be so much cooler than me.” If I could have shed my epidermis and lounged around in one less layer of skin, I would.

Those ladies in SoCal should cover up in gratitude for the beautiful weather they enjoy!

Since I don’t know, I’ll assume from this post that you’re female and advise accordingly.

Winter: layering is your friend. Wear tights under your pants- you won’t be too warm indoors and you’ll be grateful for the extra layer when outside. Layer a sweater or blazer over a decent top so if you get too warm you can strip off the top layer.

Summer: Knee-length cotton skirts are terrific. Cute, fashionable, and so much cooler than shorts. 100% cotton T-shirts and blouses will also keep you cool. I have a few super-light cotton blouses that I layer over tanks. This is my default summer uniform. And linen is always pretty and cool.

 

[gardenswithkids]

A quick way to adapt your wardrobe is simpy to buy camis and tanks.

Good idea. (Don’t wear them alone–use them to cover cleavage of lower cut v-neck.) Once the original poster starts to get the general idea of modesty, she may continue buying from some of her favorite stores and designers, but with modification like the addition of layers or selecting a modest cut.

Also fit makes a difference. Wear clothes that actually fit your figure–not too tight. If you gain weight, buy the next size up rather than squeezing into a smaller size. It not only looks more modest, but it looks better too.

One last thought on donation of used clothes (since the op mentioned it in her original post.) When I cleaned out my closet of some immodest fashions, some of them belonged in the trash not on the racks of second hand clothing shops. Jesus told us to clothe the naked–some immodest clothing still leaves them pretty much naked.

 

[peregrinator_it]

Winter: layering is your friend. Wear tights under your pants- you won’t be too warm indoors and you’ll be grateful for the extra layer when outside. Layer a sweater or blazer over a decent top so if you get too warm you can strip off the top layer.

Thanks for the advice (& yes, I am female.) I’ve got the layering thing down, believe you me! In fact, I usually wear at least a layer more than you recommend (today’s warm, so I’m only wearing two shirts and a sweater ) I feel like the little brother in a A Christmas Story most days.

Summer: SNIP

As for summers out here, I just give up. I am resigned to being a stinky, sweaty, miserable mosiquitoe bitten ('cause if you wear skirts to stay cool, the little bloodsuckers swarm you, DEET notwithstanding) lump for 3-4 months.

While I agree with Dante’s description of Hell (frozen cold is hellish too) to a certain extent, I’m not sure he shouldn’t have made it permanently 95 with 90% humidity down there in the 9th circle…

I’m just complaining for the sake of complaining, I guess. East coast weather & I just don’t get along.

 

[WatchfulPilgrim]

Lack of modest fashionable clothes? That’s because modesty IS unfasionable!

Everyone has his or her idea of modest. Just looking at my own journey I made many changes to my wardrobe over the years. I can sympathize with you about summer for sure. I do not well tolerate the heat at all. At this point I am ultra-conservative about dressing modestly but admit that in the summer, at home at least, I still wear sleeveless dresses that go to about the knee. I just can’t stand it any other way - it literally makes me ill to be over-heated and it doesn’t take much. This is a stark contrast to how I usually dress. I much prefer cape dresses or at least long jumpers with a 3/4 sleeve overshirt. In summer seersucker is nice and cool.

Admittedly, I prefer the granny-ish styles b/c they are so modest. I’ve grown accustomed to wearing cape dresses the past few years - no doubt my interaction with the Mennonites here as a lot to do with that. They really do solve the problem with open necklines when you lean over and tightness around the bust etc… I personally don’t think pants are modest in any variety, but I know everyone is not of the same pursuasion.

I gotta say something about the vanity issue (if it truly is one - you did mention it in your initial post). I’ve got a hefty history of being vain. I had to have the latest of all fashions no matter how revealing they were. It’s good that you are striving for modesty, and I don’t know to what extent fashion is important to you, but I’ll just throw this out as a reminder: “(3) Whose adorning let it not be that outward {adorning} of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; (4) But {let it be} the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, {even the ornament} of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” The Mennonites here are quite conservative and have choosen to apply this Scripture as if to mean that jewelry etc. is forbidden. I don’t know if I take it that far, but it does give the thought of not putting so much effort into our appearances as we do in our conduct. I’m sure you realize this but it took me several years to overcome my fascination with my appearance. I have over time adopted the Mennonites simplicity of dress (no jewelry etc) but more out of a desire for simplicity (and a medicine for my natural tendency toward vanity). Before I began wearing cape dresses (which are actually the most functional and comfortable and modest of anything else I’ve ever tried and can be found easily on Ebay) I struggled so much to find modest clothing. All the skirts around here are tight, or short, or have big slits in them. All the tops are button front and many don’t even button remotely near the neck or collar. Many are see-through also. Camisoles don’t solve the problem imho b/c if you wouldn’t wear one without the shirt, why would you expose one under an immodest shirt? I found I spent more time effort and money (and wasted a lot of time effort and money) trying to dress myself. These dresses have solved that problem for me. No trying to match things, sew things up, pin things together, etc…

Anyway, I know it’s a matter of conscience more than anything. I appreciate when anyone makes an attempt to be more modest regardless of their level of conservative-ness . I pray you find what you’re looking for!

Bless You~

 

[jrabs]

Thanks to everyone for their suggestions! I actually hit up two thrift stores today for the first time in a really long time, and got 3 very cute skirts that are down to my calfs. I’m so excited!

I had a friend also tell me that for a quick but inexpensive way to go decent (or modest) is with the men’s undershirts (or A-shirts) under either low cut or midriff exposing tops. I just bought a pack today, and I am actually looking forward to dressing this summer.

God Bless!
Ericka

Good for you! And nice job deciding to tone down your dress to fit your faith.

Remember that modest does not necessarily mean covering up your calves - so if you do like shorter styles, then go for it.

I favor skirts no lower then my knees.

I disagree about the men’s tees. I’d favor a tank top or feminine cami under your lower cut shirts and sweaters.
Crew necks at Old Navy work well too because they will fit your frame better then big old mens shirts. Color selection is better too.

 

[leonie]

One last thought on donation of used clothes (since the op mentioned it in her original post.) When I cleaned out my closet of some immodest fashions, some of them belonged in the trash not on the racks of second hand clothing shops. Jesus told us to clothe the naked–some immodest clothing still leaves them pretty much naked.

You know how some people can’t stand to throw away clothes?

I had a friend give us a bag of clothes for my dd because someone had given it to her, and “it wasn’t modest enough.”

So, my dd should wear the sleazy clothes?

I just threw it away. I’ve been to thrift stores. There is plenty of clothes in there. And, have you ever peeked into the store room. Giant bins of clothes. There is no shortage of clothes in America!!

 

[Jea9]

Men’s undershirts? That seems like…not the best look (if they’re the type of undershirts I’m thinking of). Possible potential to be baggy and sloppy, maybe, and if they’re loose you still have a modesty issue if you bend over, since people will be able to see right down your neckline. Pretty tanks and camisoles in women’s sizes are available everywhere, in various styles and at terrific prices. I’ve bought them in lots of colors, all for under $10, from Target, H&M, Forever 21, Old Navy, etc. I layer them under lower-cut shirts from the same stores for a modest and fashionable look, as well as under already modest shirts for extra warmth.

I also use Men’s undershirts for my own undershirts…not the tank top type but actual t-shirts. I love v-neck shirts but not the skin they show. PLUS you can tuck it into pants or skirts so that if you bend over nothing shows. I don’t like women’s tank tops and/or camisoles because they aren’t long enough, and I’ve never seen one that doesn’t show cleavage…however I have not seen every tank/cami on every person so I’m willing to admit that some people’s don’t just not my experience.

 

[ericka1701]

My wife dresses modestly in clothing that doesn’t look like granny attire. I simply asked a question that was derived directly from your Original post. You just need to look. I did not make an unfair statement. Think about and re-read your original post where you said that either you dress with everything showing and you are “too vain” to dress in anything else. Those were your words. There are plenty of clothing stores out there and plenty of styles…teachccd

I’m sorry… I think that I didn’t quite fully explain what I meant by “too vain” to dress in anything else. I tried searching online for modest clothing, but all of the results had clothing like the fundamentalist LDS wear. My concern is that if I started dressing that modestly, that I might inadvertantly “scare off” people from even learning at all about the Catholic faith (and in caring what others might think of me and “scaring” others off… that’s what I meant about the vanity), as well as the need for a good balance between completely sleezy and not even showing any of skin at all. It took me reading back over my first post to even realize that I wasn’t explicit enough in what I meant.

As far as the men’s tanks, I got the smallest size, so it isn’t baggy at all on me. Actually I have seen designer versions of this style for women in a few higher end stores. Most of what I haven’t thrown out (and you were right about not being able to throw out clothes at all… Not quite there yet, but I have bagged everything up… now all I have to do is take it outside to the dumpster) used to fall under the semi-sleezy catagory as far as t-shirts that aren’t long enough, but the tanks are long enough that even if the t-shirt rides up then I still am covered. And I don’t think they look mannish at all.

God Bless!
Ericka

 

[WatchfulPilgrim]

My concern is that if I started dressing that modestly, that I might inadvertantly “scare off” people from even learning at all about the Catholic faith (and in caring what others might think of me and “scaring” others off…

I’ll admit this was once my concern before I started wearing cape dresses. I’m not trying to talk anyone into wearing them but thought I’d share something about that.

Having always tried to fit-in and follow the fashions etc., at some point of my Catholic life (I’m sort of in “limbo” now) I really needed to seperate from trying to fit-in. Not b/c all the fashions are sinful or anything like that, but first of all b/c it was a temptation for me to focus too much on my appearance and trying to look good for others and also b/c I associated “normal” dress with “the old man” (the old me that I wanted to abandon). It seemed necessary for ME to do it. And I knew that others would think I was trying to distance myself and that I would actually appear to be the one judging but I eventually had to get over worrying about what others thought b/c I needed to dress differently to seperate - to seperate from me (not from society). It is also a reminder to me that I am a pilgrim on earth. It also represents simplicity to me b/c I don’t have to match things and shop around for things. I believe that is mostly the reason the Mennonites do it as well. They just haven’t changed their fashions to go with the trends over the past several hundred years b/c they saw no reason to, and it is a helpful reminder to them that they do not live for this world. I have actually found, since I started wearing them, that it presents an opportunity for others to discuss faith matters b/c many (not all though) do recognize the dress as having a religious significance. Almost like a priest or nun would be recognized. It has given me greater opportunity to discuss matters of faith with complete strangers. Maybe some people are turned off by it, but maybe those same people are turned off by the crucifix I used to wear around my neck too. Some people are just anti-Christ no matter what.

Do what is best for you without being a stumbling block to others, but remember that you can’t please everyone. If being “all things to all men” requires you to compromise your faith in some way or cause YOU to stumble, then something is wrong.

Btw - This wasn’t addressed to anyone in particular. Just thought I’d share my experience with this.

Godspeed!

 

[ericka1701]

Pilgram,

Thank you so much for your post. I have been given much to consider and ponder about my own worldy attachments. I am in the process of trying to shed the old me (and it seems like it’s going to be a very long process). In fact, yesterday, I informed one former friend that I was “firing” him, but I did stress that I cared for him as my Christian brother and that I would pray for him. It was a very terrifying experience, and one that I don’t look forward to repeating again to at least 4 other people, but one that I know I need to if I’m to have any chance of staying in a state of grace for longer than an hour. I’ve been friends with most of them since I was 7 or 8 years old, which is why it’s so difficult. All of these folks and I are 22, and while even a year or so ago they seemed much more “mature” than me, I’m starting to recognizing what real maturity is. Not there, not even by a longshot, but recognizing it is a big start to the process. I just have the rest of my life to finish it.

Again, I want to thank everyone for their replies and advice on how I can get this started in my life. Garbage bag is still in the back of my closet, and it’s still impossible for me to throw those things called “clothes” away, but I told my friend what I’m trying to do, and he’s been enthusiastically supportive of me trying to better myself (and I, him). One day at a time, right?

God Bless!
Ericka

 

[WatchfulPilgrim]

Pilgram,

Thank you so much for your post. I have been given much to consider and ponder about my own worldy attachments. I am in the process of trying to shed the old me (and it seems like it’s going to be a very long process).

It definately is! Thank God we don’t have to do it alone!

In fact, yesterday, I informed one former friend that I was “firing” him, but I did stress that I cared for him as my Christian brother and that I would pray for him. It was a very terrifying experience, and one that I don’t look forward to repeating again to at least 4 other people

Yikes! Lord be with you…

, but one that I know I need to if I’m to have any chance of staying in a state of grace for longer than an hour. I’ve been friends with most of them since I was 7 or 8 years old, which is why it’s so difficult. All of these folks and I are 22, and while even a year or so ago they seemed much more “mature” than me, I’m starting to recognizing what real maturity is. Not there, not even by a longshot, but recognizing it is a big start to the process. I just have the rest of my life to finish it.

“just” being the keyword there. But with God’s help we can make great strides! Mother Angelica of EWTN once said “We are all called to be great saints. Don’t miss the opportunity”

Again, I want to thank everyone for their replies and advice on how I can get this started in my life. Garbage bag is still in the back of my closet, and it’s still impossible for me to throw those things called “clothes” away, but I told my friend what I’m trying to do, and he’s been enthusiastically supportive of me trying to better myself (and I, him). One day at a time, right?

They don’t call it a walk for nothing! God bless yours~

God Bless!
Ericka

 

[TLM08]

… I’ve seen tube tops and spaghetti straps in Mass…

Ericka

Alright Ladies… Imagine the distraction of having a very warm, attractive male voice dripping the most sweet, sensual and romantic words right into your little ear… while YOU are trying to pray!


That’s exactly what it is like for us men when women are careless in their church attire. It is a dreadful thing for a man to have attractive females in the line of sight while attending Mass. Tight jeans, clinging tops, short skirts and high heels etc, can bring incredibly impure mental visions and downright sinful thoughts directly to the front of a man’s mind even when he is trying to pray.

When I was a kid, women even wore chapel veils because men are so visually sensitive to the beauty of women’s (at least certain women’s) hair and the profile of her face. I don’t expect most women to be able to relate to this, but you guys know exactly what I am talking about.

God Bless you Ericka for wanting to help us poor slobs out!

 

[KingAlfred]

I suggest plain clothing – ordinary attire, of the appropriate size (instead of skin-tight items), that doesn’t reveal much. Why not? Why operate in the world dressed to entice and distract people? What’s the message – “I’m good-looking. Look at me.”??? Daily life shouldn’t be a meat-market. No offense.

 

[ericka1701]

Alright Ladies… Imagine the distraction of having a very warm, attractive male voice dripping the most sweet, sensual and romantic words right into your little ear… while YOU are trying to pray!


That’s exactly what it is like for us men when women are careless in their church attire. It is a dreadful thing for a man to have attractive females in the line of sight while attending Mass. Tight jeans, clinging tops, short skirts and high heels etc, can bring incredibly impure mental visions and downright sinful thoughts directly to the front of a man’s mind even when he is trying to pray.

When I was a kid, women even wore chapel veils because men are so visually sensitive to the beauty of women’s (at least certain women’s) hair and the profile of her face. I don’t expect most women to be able to relate to this, but you guys know exactly what I am talking about.

God Bless you Ericka for wanting to help us poor slobs out!

My pleasure. I’ve seen quite a few distracted men in Mass, and I feel really sorry for them because most are trying their best to focus on celebrating Mass. I went to a TLM recently and I was very pleasantly surprised that everyone for the most part was very modestly dressed. Actually that’s where I started getting the idea to dress more modestly throughout my whole life, not just for Church on Sunday. It’s kinda neat and a bit odd how the Holy Spirit works in our lives. I still get amazed everytime I see it at work.

God Bless!
Ericka