I definitely agree. It is a matter of the parenting that takes place.
They consider the babies “theirs” as much as “Mama and Daddy’s”. They often spoke pityingly even of their cousins, who had only three kids in each family.
My youngest brother shared how I was his. It is a common practice to “give” the baby to one of his/her siblings to care for. Obviously this is partly to keep the sibling from feeling left out. The parents still maintain primary responsibility. New babies often get all the attention and it is important to acknowledge the “big brother/sister.”I grew up as one of three. My parents tried to spend time with us, but mostly as a group.
I have five children, and I know, because they have told me so, that my children greatly prefer having a large number of siblings. They love always having someone to play with, and the babies are our family treasure. Daughter #3 was trying to convince me the other day that we need three more children. “I want us to have eight children, Mama,” she said. I loved the “us.”
I guess I rubbed off on my Protestant sisters, though. They’re both expecting their fourth.
See, this is why I love CAF…
This is so true. Our little fella who had the medical issues is a special needs kid… he had a stroke when he was a baby, and along with physically handicapping him it set him back mentally. We’ve always been homeschooled, and some of his therapists were concerned that the home education was going to hold him back.
I know a number of families with 6 or more children. There are a couple of those families that the parents never spend time with the children. They are too busy working, keeping house and the like to really spend time with the children. Then there are a few that seem to truly enjoy spending time with their children. I see the mom out with one or two children shopping or having lunch or going to the movies. Or I will see the dad doing the same thing.
My older grandson has Asperger’s. His little brother (diagnosed at 99% ADHD) will intentionally egg him on which is not necessarily the safest thing to do. On the other hand sometimes he shows some astute insight. In order to get his little brother to take a bath, he said,“Nobody will play with you if you’re stinky. I might like that but you wouldn’t.” We gave him All Cats Have Asperger’s. As he looked through the book, he kept repeating “Yes, that’s me.” My daughter believes in early intervention.See, this is why I love CAF…
We have eight so far and would love more. As more eloquent people than I have already noted, it’s about parenting and priorities, not the number of children.
My oldest has special needs. While some people would “ideally” have had him raised as an only, or with only one other sibling, I think it’s worked beautifully for him in the long run. He has social difficulties due to Asperger’s Syndrome (along with other issues) and the constant exposure to the range of ages, interests and temperaments amongst his siblings has been enormously beneficial to him. I think he would have far more social difficulties if he’d been raised an only child.
Best,
Margaret
PS It utterly cracks me up that I’ve been relegated back to “Junior Status.” No idea what it would take to “move up” again in the CAF world, and I don’t really care, but perhaps could I get a few years lopped off my age to go with the status demotion???
It was just a two child family, my brother and me, for about 9 years. We were best buddies. And then when I was 10 and he was 9, my mom started having more kids again (weirdo hormones/PCOS) and we got 4 more And that was even more fun…to play with all the kids and share toys and have somebody to take care of, more people to share in your joys, more people to beg for your Easter candy that you’re hoarding, more voices when we sing Christmas songs, more jokes, more of everything except money! And as for money, God will provide. Yes, money is trickier with larger families, but things always work out. Usually it’s a matter of buying store-brand vs name brand, Walmart vs LL Bean, basic cable vs satellite TV, etc… More would be nice, but 4 sounds right to me It’s a happy medium between my family with 6 kids, and fiance’s family with 2. As my mom would always say about dessert, “one for each paddy”. Kids are sweet, so “one for each paddy” would be great. Little baby hands are like little paws, the little pads on the dog paws. And you need a cookie per hand, so a cookie per “paddy” It came from when my sister was little, Mom would give her one cookie, and she would hold it, and look at her other hand, which was empty. She wanted both hands to hold cookies…but then when she got older, she got smart and started holding as many cookies in one hand and wanting the same for the other hand!)What a wonderful story! Every family should be so lucky to have an Aidan. And to think that many adults would not only want “so many kids”, many would not want one with special needs, when time after time, I read and hear stories like yours about how much that special child taught their families and how they wouldn’t trade him for the world.I grew up in the middle of six brothers. They were and are my best friends. When the sixth child in the family was born we found ourselves in the middle of some serious medical issues and my parents had to balance us with the little fella who lived in the hospital, and the way it turned out we didn’t see them nearly as much as we would have liked for a good period of time. But though they couldn’t often spend real time with us, and certainly not give each one of us individual attention on a regular basis, it had no negative effects on our relationship. We learned to suffer together as a family, and grew astoundingly close… closer, I think, than if we had continued to live the quiet and peaceful life.
So, yup, I’m a gal from a large family. If I get married I hope that God will bless me with many little ones, because through times thick and thin I have never regretted any of my siblings or wished for one less (still wish, in fact, that there could be more). I love 'em, and I thank God for them.
This is so true. Our little fella who had the medical issues is a special needs kid… he had a stroke when he was a baby, and along with physically handicapping him it set him back mentally. We’ve always been homeschooled, and some of his therapists were concerned that the home education was going to hold him back.
Not with all those older siblings!
Though the therapy was appreciated just because he enjoyed it if for nothing else, it wasn’t what taught him how to talk after all those years. He learned how to talk because he learned how to sing first… he would sit and listen while daddy played the guitar, and his fascination with music made him very, very attentive when his older siblings sang him old folk songs. He learned how to sing Brennan on the Moor and it moved him from baby talk to stringing words together to form genuine sentences. It was awfully cute; I wish I could remember it all better!
He learned to do so much, and he progressed so much physically and mentally, just because he wanted to do the things that his big brothers did. He was in his family, and that meant he was in an environment that was totally accepting of him, without any reserve. I blink a little even now when people make mention of the fact that he’s a special needs boy… I get so used to seeing him simply as a unique individual that it surprises me. Eh? He’s different? Doesn’t every family have an Aidan?
Yes, I’m grateful for my large family not just because of how they formed me, but how they formed him.
My thoughts: Your friend is entitled to his/her opinion, but I question how your friend arrived at this opinion. On what basis does your friend conclude that parents with an arbitrary number of children don’t spend “enough time” with their children, while parents with fewer do? How does your friend define “enough time”?