Large families

[Cracker_Mom]

As others have said before, it depends on the parents. I have seen large families where the children get to take turns having special time with their parents, and I have seen large families where the parents talk to their kids like the kids were dogs digging in the trash.

I have 9 siblings. As a child, I always wished that someone would adopt me. I just wanted someone to know I was a real living human being with feelings. I was very quiet and went mostly unnoticed in my family. I always wanted someone to hold me or tell me that they loved me. The clothes I received were patched and faded. Often my older siblings received new clothes, but since I didn’t complain, I didn’t. There were times when I was left behind somewhere or my parents forgot about me coming home early from kindergarten. Several times I sat on the porch for hours waiting for someone to come home and let me into the house. There were times when I would wear the same clothes for two days before my mother realized I hadn’t changed my clothes. My hair would get tangled with knots and I could get my mother’s attention to help me. At one point it became so snarled, it had to be cut off.
I have siblings who are 11 and 12 years older than I am. I really don’t know much about them. As a small child, I felt lost in a forest of legs.
My mother doesn’t really remember much about my birth accept that I weighed 9 lbs and 13 ounces.
I didn’t own a toothbrush until I was thirteen. One time I had a rotten molar when I was 8 years old. It hurt pretty bad, so I popped it out with the end of a fork.

I have known other people from large families who have gone through similar situations.

I have also known other families that were large and the parents seem to have time for every child. They knew what every child’s interests were, what each child liked and disliked to eat, and what the child’s favorite color was. They encouraged the child to pursue areas that the child found interesting i.e. studying insects, painting and drawing, singing, playing a musical instrument etc.

Before you have a large family (5 or more), you should be willing to give and sacrifice with a generous spirit. You should be organized and sure of who you are and why you want these children. With a small family, a person can still be a little selfish. With a large family, in order to be a good parent, you will have to practically live and breathe children.

Just thought I might add an opposite perspective.

Your experiences as a child seem to speak more of troubled parents/family issues than simply the number of siblings in your family.Just my two cents as a mom of eight.

 

[jacintamaria]

As I frequently remind my parents, I hate being an only child. I wasn’t really “spoiled” but did spend a lot of time with my parents and their friends (camping, fishing, and social things), but as their friends seemed to be older, there weren’t many children my age or gender to hang out with. I did have very close friends growing up, but still had a hard time socializing with peers. My parents were busy with their own things, my mom had her own business that took a lot of time, so I can’t say that they spent any more time with me than if they would have had more kids. To be fair, I also think that my mom was told that she really “shouldn’t” have any more kids for whatever reason. All I know now is that as my parents are entering into retirement age and seem to have no plan or money saved up, I am faced knowing that all of their care will fall on my shoulders alone. There won’t be anyone to help with them or the decisions that will need to be made. It is a frightening prospect. Thank God that he gave me my DH, who is close to my parents and will be tremendous support.

When DH and I got married, he only wanted 2, and I wanted 4 children. He was very adamant about the 2 as his parents divorced after his brother was born and when his dad remarried, had another child that got all of the attention and privileges (travel around the world, the best schools) so I think that his thinking was a matter of economics. So, way before becoming Catholic, he had a vas. But God had the last word, because I was already pregnant with number 3! Now we are seeking a way to get him a reversal and perhaps have at least one more, God willing. So, all in all, I think that large families rock. The more the merrier!

 

[sanctamaria17]

I think we also need to remember the people who’ve tried for large families but simply weren’t blessed with them. How many families are there that are constantly praying for that second or third (or even first) baby? How about the families who are doing everything “right” (marrying young, not even TTA, etc) but just haven’t been blessed?

God’s ultimately in control of all of it. And large families are not always His will. I think we need to remember that it ultimately depends on the couple’s vocation.

 

[Lerin]

I think we also need to remember the people who’ve tried for large families but simply weren’t blessed with them. How many families are there that are constantly praying for that second or third (or even first) baby? How about the families who are doing everything “right” (marrying young, not even TTA, etc) but just haven’t been blessed?

God’s ultimately in control of all of it. And large families are not always His will. I think we need to remember that it ultimately depends on the couple’s vocation.

That is a VERY good reminder.

I have a sister who struggled with unexplained, “secondary” infertility for over four years and a wonderful friend who has two children, and who also has been unable to conceive again despite much prayer and active searching for the cause. I have another devoutly Catholic family member who has never been able to conceive a child at all.

It can be really hurtful to couples like these who desperately want to add to their families, and are unable to. The rude questions and harsh judgement as to their family size adds salt on a deep wound.

Best to leave the judgement up to God… only He knows a situation intimately, and we shouldn’t presume. Couples like this should not feel the need to explain themselves.

 

[maryjk]

That is a VERY good reminder.

Best to leave the judgement up to God… only He knows a situation intimately, and we shouldn’t presume. Couples like this should not feel the need to explain themselves.

That is something to think about.

I have one child. Most people presume that we never wanted another, we hate children or we are just selfish.

In truth, I have always wanted more children, we love children and we try to give of ourselves.

I was having a conversation with a Mother of 8. She was telling me all the nasty things people say to her. You know what I mean, “don’t you know where babies come from,” and the like. She thought I had been spared from hearing things like that. Nope, mine just stem from having one child.

 

[Galnextdoor]

God only gave me two children. There is seven years difference between them. I got all the comments about how I should have more than one for about 5 years. I really wanted more, but I am so grateful to God for giving me children at all. The doctors told me I would never have children. God has a way of planning things that most of us never understand.

 

[Lerin]

I was having a conversation with a Mother of 8. She was telling me all the nasty things people say to her. You know what I mean, “don’t you know where babies come from,” and the like. She thought I had been spared from hearing things like that. Nope, mine just stem from having one child.

That is something I wrote a big ol’ blog about here: Combatting Rude Comments With Grace

You would be shocked at the rudeness I encounter with having “just” four!

I have a lot of respect for families who let God decide the size of their families, and accept his decision with grace. My friend and childless family member have been told SOOOO many times that they should pursue IVF or other reproductive technologies that go against our faith. They are treated as if they don’t REALLY want another child badly enough by their RE doctors, since they refuse to compromise their faith for their deepest desire.

I also have a lot of respect for families who will not limit their family size based on some arbitrary number set by a Culture of Death. They have to suffer from extended family’s negative reactions, people accusing them of “child abuse” since the kids don’t have one-on-one attention, and are made the butt of jokes by employers. It is hurtful.

Either way, the BEST THING Catholic couples can do to support each other is… keep your negative comments to yourselves, and view each family with charity. NEVER assume the worst in one another, or that you know when a family is “large enough.” Support one another whether we have no children or a full dozen. Do not presume to know better than God how many children each person should raise, and leave the judgement up to Him! He alone knows our hearts.

Blessings to families of all sizes!!!

 

[Mamselle_Duroc]

Either way, the BEST THING Catholic couples can do to support each other is… keep your negative comments to yourselves, and view each family with charity. NEVER assume the worst in one another, or that you know when a family is “large enough.” Support one another whether we have no children or a full dozen. Do not presume to know better than God how many children each person should raise, and leave the judgement up to Him! He alone knows our hearts.

We’ve received negative comments for having ‘too many kids.’ But I don’t think that hurt half as much as seeing dear, faithful, devout friends treated poorly because it was just assumed that having few or no kids meant that they were using contraception.

So, what Lerin said: Catholics need to stand by each other, and support families however God’s will plays out in their lives.

 

[exoflare]

You would be shocked at the rudeness I encounter with having “just” four!

Yeah I’ve noticed that too. I’m one of only two myself, but my dad’s brother happens to have five children… Well one time at a family reunion (where they had printed out updated family trees to give to everyone) my dad joked that for his brother they should just attach a rolodex on that name for all the kids he and his wife kept having… :doh2: That’s just one example but believe me I know what you mean!