Let's get some new stats on birth control usage

[lo_amo87]

I also didn’t vote because none of the options apply. We currently use the pill and condoms but neither of us want to. My DH would stop using ABC in a heartbeat, but I’m terrified of getting pregnant at the wrong time (he thinks despite our tight financial situation that we would be totally fine if we got pregnant). However I do fear what the pills will do to me longterm, and also struggling with the guilt of not trusting God to build our family when He sees fit. I guess my fear out-weighs my guilt at this point. But it’s constantly on my mind and every time we make love I feel like it is tainted because of the measures we take to prevent pregnancy. It’s at the point that we are considering abstinance until I feel comfortable enough to boot the pill. I can only pray that this fear will lift because I hate this feeling. I would love to have a child if I was more confident about our finances.

 

[Charla80]

I used bc pills as a non-practicing Catholic. When I came back to my faith, I read Rome Sweet Home and really learned a lot about the faith. I had already stopped using bc so that we could have our first, and I have not gone back!

 

[Inthemountains]

We used ABC before I converted. I don’t feel that it harmed our marriage. But we are not using it now simply out of obedience to the Church.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

For those of you who used birth control in the past, or who got sterilized and now regret it, were you practicing Catholics at that time and knowingly breaking the rules, or did you convert some time later and that’s when you stopped using it?

I was something like a practicing Catholic. It was a cafeteria variety and I genuinely thought ABC was ok. When I expereinced a deep conversion and completely put my trust in God’s hands it also reflected in marital relations. NFP now and never been happier.

 

[copperblade]

These are very interesting responses. I’m sorry to hear that this issue has been difficult for some. It has made me realize one thing: it is always appropriate to communicate and discuss our choices with our spouse. I think one thing that would hurt a marriage would be to be closed minded about the issue when your spouse has a different opinion.

 

[Calliso]

I should’ve thought of some more options, yours, and also like people who feel neutral about the use of birth control in their marriage, people who want to use it but they don’t bc their spouse doesn’t want them to, and there’s probably some more things I could come up with!
Like with abstinence - I don’t think I want to just put abstinence as an option, but maybe something like, “we are abstinent but wish we could use birth control or were sterile” or “we used to use it but stopped using it for reasons other than that is was bad for our marriage.”
If they let me edit it, what other options should I put?

There are probably too many options to list them all. Maybe just put other and if people want they can explain the answer.

 

[Sullibe]

I was put on birth control after the birth of our first child due to a medical reason. I was young and didn’t know any better. I didn’t really agree, at that time, with the Church’s teaching on ABC and so I didn’t really think about it, I was on it for medical reasons anyway.
We used ABC to space our next two children, but after my third was born, I went on a low-dose pill because I was hyper-concerned about breast cancer and blood clots. I finally just went of the pill and we began using NFP.

I won’t say that ABC was bad for our marriage, there were many other behaviors and motivators that led to a rough patch during out time with ABC. However, since beginning to use NFP, I can attest that our marriage has gotten SOOOOOO much better. So much more communication, affection, attention, and partnership. It has been quite the blessing.

 

[Charlotte1776]

My option isn’t up there. I regret using the pill, but don’t regret using condoms, and giving up ABC has definitely harmed our marriage. I don’t buy into the whole “people who use ABC think they’re blissfully happy but are secretely miserable, they just don’t know it” thing. We were definitely much, much, much happier before we had to use NFP. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I’m in a state of grace now, but it’s just not true that ABC always harms a marriage and NFP always helps it. Just because NFP promoters desperately wish it were true doesn’t mean it is. You really can have a happy, loving marriage with ABC and a cold, miserable one with NFP. I also don’t think that the only people whose marriages are harmed by NFP are ones that were already in trouble to begin with. NFP requires long periods of abstinance, sometimes years or even decades long, and think it’s hard to keep up a close and loving marriage if you can never have sex with your spouse just as it would be if you were never able to speak to them or be in the same room with them. I’m getting tired of being told I must have never loved my husband to begin with (or worse, was intentially abusing him) if NFP has caused us to drift apart.

 

[_Jenn]

For those of you who used birth control in the past, or who got sterilized and now regret it, were you practicing Catholics at that time and knowingly breaking the rules, or did you convert some time later and that’s when you stopped using it?

I am/was a practicing Catholic, both now, and when we used b.c. Hubby is not Catholic though.

 

[mathematoons]

Perhaps I shouldn’t butt in, as a celibate Catholic, but how can people who call themselves Catholic use ABC? To me, that seems like saying you know more than God, as does anything defined as a mortal sin by the Church.

I’m a relatively new Catholic, so please forgive my ignorance.

 

[lo_amo87]

Perhaps I shouldn’t butt in, as a celibate Catholic, but how can people who call themselves Catholic use ABC? To me, that seems like saying you know more than God, as does anything defined as a mortal sin by the Church.

I’m a relatively new Catholic, so please forgive my ignorance.

Feel free to butt in. Discussion is what this forum is for. People who are catholic and use abc (like myself and I struggle with it all the time as I described in my post above) are most definitely STILL catholic…depending. We are simply in sin. As I stated in my post, I struggle between the guilt of not trusting God, and the fear of being a bad mother because I don’t want to raise a child in a paycheck-to-paycheck household. Those who are catholic and use ABC and don’t care at all that they’re using abc, well then there’s a problem. I didn’t even know ABC was a big no-no until a few months ago. My parents never discussed it with me and in 12 years of catholic school it was never mentioned. As sad as it is, there are many catholics out there who don’t know any better.

I love my faith and I practice it to the fullest that I possibly can. As of now, I’m not taking communion when I go to mass because I feel I am in sin. But I will NEVER say I’m not catholic. Please don’t pass judgement so quickly on those who are struggling with their faith, and trying to live up to it the best they can.

 

[copperblade]

Perhaps I shouldn’t butt in, as a celibate Catholic, but how can people who call themselves Catholic use ABC? To me, that seems like saying you know more than God, as does anything defined as a mortal sin by the Church.

I’m a relatively new Catholic, so please forgive my ignorance.

This kind of thing comes up a lot on these forums. I think it comes from people wanting to draw lines and make groups, and be able to define things. If you perceive ABC to be a core issue with which you identify being Catholic, then you will naturally feel that someone who does not feel the same way isn’t really part of your group. I don’t feel so strongly about ABC (although I don’t use it) but I do recognized that feeling when I hear about “Catholics for Choice.” To me being against abortion is so morally obvious to me that I don’t even consider it a religious issue.

What it really means is this: someone identifies with the Church, wants to participate, but for whatever reason dissents on a possibly very important issue.

I think the best way to look at it is that there are essentially two groups (instead of multitudes of religions): the unbaptized outside the Christian Church, and the baptized within the Christian Church. Beyond that distinction the primary job of the Church is not to categorize people, but rather to lead all people into the Church, and then further lead people to the fullness of faith. The Church recognizes that this is a process where all of us are on a spiritual journey and we’re not all at the same point in the journey.

To illustrate a point, here is something recent that the Pope has said on condom usage:

Peter Seewald: On the occasion of your trip to Africa in March 2009, the Vatican’s policy on Aids once again became the target of media criticism. Twenty-five percent of all Aids victims around the world today are treated in Catholic facilities. In some countries, such as Lesotho, for example, the statistic is 40 percent. In Africa you stated that the Church’s traditional teaching has proven to be the only sure way to stop the spread of HIV. Critics, including critics from the Church’s own ranks, object that it is madness to forbid a high-risk population to use condoms.

Pope Benedict: The media coverage completely ignored the rest of the trip to Africa on account of a single statement. Someone had asked me why the Catholic Church adopts an unrealistic and ineffective position on Aids. At that point, I really felt that I was being provoked, because the Church does more than anyone else. And I stand by that claim.

Because she is the only institution that assists people up close and concretely, with prevention, education, help, counsel, and accompaniment. And because she is second to none in treating so many Aids victims, especially children with Aids.

I had the chance to visit one of these wards and to speak with the patients. That was the real answer: The Church does more than anyone else, because she does not speak from the tribunal of the newspapers, but helps her brothers and sisters where they are actually suffering.

In my remarks I was not making a general statement about the condom issue, but merely said, and this is what caused such great offense, that we cannot solve the problem by distributing condoms. Much more needs to be done. We must stand close to the people, we must guide and help them; and we must do this both before and after they contract the disease.

As a matter of fact, you know, people can get condoms when they want them anyway. But this just goes to show that condoms alone do not resolve the question itself. More needs to happen. Meanwhile, the secular realm itself has developed the so-called ABC Theory: Abstinence-Be Faithful-Condom, where the condom is understood only as a last resort, when the other two points fail to work.

This means that the sheer fixation on the condom implies a banalization of sexuality, which, after all, is precisely the dangerous source of the attitude of no longer seeing sexuality as the expression of love, but only a sort of drug that people administer to themselves. This is why the fight against the banalization of sexuality is also a part of the struggle to ensure that sexuality is treated as a positive value and to enable it to have a positive effect on the whole of man’s being.

There may be a basis in the case of some individuals, as perhaps when a male prostitute uses a condom, where this can be a first step in the direction of a moralization, a first assumption of responsibility, on the way toward recovering an awareness that not everything is allowed and that one cannot do whatever one wants. But it is not really the way to deal with the evil of HIV infection.

That can really lie only in a humanization of sexuality.

Peter Seewald: Are you saying, then, that the Catholic Church is actually not opposed in principle to the use of condoms?

Pope Benedict: She of course does not regard it as a real or moral solution, but, in this or that case, there can be nonetheless, in the intention of reducing the risk of infection, a first step in a movement toward a different way, a more human way, of living sexuality.

 

[Serap]

I didn’t like that the option of using ABC meant that the couple loves it. I would assume that some couples use ABC out of fear of bad health or further hurting their marriage…not b/c they “love it”.

That was kind of not nice to assume that.

 

[Serap]

My option isn’t up there. I regret using the pill, but don’t regret using condoms, and giving up ABC has definitely harmed our marriage. I don’t buy into the whole “people who use ABC think they’re blissfully happy but are secretely miserable, they just don’t know it” thing. We were definitely much, much, much happier before we had to use NFP. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I’m in a state of grace now, but it’s just not true that ABC always harms a marriage and NFP always helps it. Just because NFP promoters desperately wish it were true doesn’t mean it is. You really can have a happy, loving marriage with ABC and a cold, miserable one with NFP. I also don’t think that the only people whose marriages are harmed by NFP are ones that were already in trouble to begin with. NFP requires long periods of abstinance, sometimes years or even decades long, and think it’s hard to keep up a close and loving marriage if you can never have sex with your spouse just as it would be if you were never able to speak to them or be in the same room with them. I’m getting tired of being told I must have never loved my husband to begin with (or worse, was intentially abusing him) if NFP has caused us to drift apart.

 

[Serap]

Feel free to butt in. Discussion is what this forum is for. People who are catholic and use abc (like myself and I struggle with it all the time as I described in my post above) are most definitely STILL catholic…depending. We are simply in sin. As I stated in my post, I struggle between the guilt of not trusting God, and the fear of being a bad mother because I don’t want to raise a child in a paycheck-to-paycheck household. Those who are catholic and use ABC and don’t care at all that they’re using abc, well then there’s a problem. I didn’t even know ABC was a big no-no until a few months ago. My parents never discussed it with me and in 12 years of catholic school it was never mentioned. As sad as it is, there are many catholics out there who don’t know any better.

I love my faith and I practice it to the fullest that I possibly can. As of now, I’m not taking communion when I go to mass because I feel I am in sin. But I will NEVER say I’m not catholic. Please don’t pass judgement so quickly on those who are struggling with their faith, and trying to live up to it the best they can.

:hug3:

 

[samiam1611]

I didn’t like that the option of using ABC meant that the couple loves it. I would assume that some couples use ABC out of fear of bad health or further hurting their marriage…not b/c they “love it”.

That was kind of not nice to assume that.

hehe yeah ummm my options kind of suck don’t they? I asked forum admin to let me edit them but so far no response. the options are too narrow. perhaps a better one would have been “we use ABC and this is better for our marriage than abstinence or NFP.” something like that. I wrote the post rather quickly. For a subject I’m so interested in, I really should have taken my time, shouldn’t I! Sorry for the lack of good options guys. Stay tuned, in case they let me put some more options up. There’s been 880 views but only 52 votes so keep 'em coming!

 

[Serap]

hehe yeah ummm my options kind of suck don’t they? I asked forum admin to let me edit them but so far no response. the options are too narrow. perhaps a better one would have been “we use ABC and this is better for our marriage than abstinence or NFP.” something like that. I wrote the post rather quickly. For a subject I’m so interested in, I really should have taken my time, shouldn’t I! Sorry for the lack of good options guys. Stay tuned, in case they let me put some more options up.

Are you writing some kind of a paper for school or are you just curious?

Thanks for your response. You seem like a nice person.

 

[samiam1611]

Are you writing some kind of a paper for school or are you just curious?

Thanks for your response. You seem like a nice person.

Just curious. I am not Catholic. I use birth control and love it (I take full advantage of it if you know what I mean ) so it is interesting to see the poll results as well as enlightening to read the responses - especially the ones who say ABC was bad for their marriage/NFP is much better - those really perplex me! But I realize there is a whole spectrum of answers and feelings on it, which are not reflected in the options - only bc I wrote it hastily though, not bc I am clueless.

 

[Serap]

Just curious. I am not Catholic. I use birth control and love it (I take full advantage of it if you know what I mean ) so it is interesting to see the poll results as well as enlightening to read the responses - especially the ones who say ABC was bad for their marriage/NFP is much better - those really perplex me! But I realize there is a whole spectrum of answers and feelings on it, which are not reflected in the options - only bc I wrote it hastily though, not bc I am clueless.

Thanks for your honesty. I like your signature btw.

 

[onmyknees]

My option isn’t up there. I regret using the pill, but don’t regret using condoms, and giving up ABC has definitely harmed our marriage. I don’t buy into the whole “people who use ABC think they’re blissfully happy but are secretely miserable, they just don’t know it” thing. We were definitely much, much, much happier before we had to use NFP. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I’m in a state of grace now, but it’s just not true that ABC always harms a marriage and NFP always helps it. Just because NFP promoters desperately wish it were true doesn’t mean it is. You really can have a happy, loving marriage with ABC and a cold, miserable one with NFP. I also don’t think that the only people whose marriages are harmed by NFP are ones that were already in trouble to begin with. NFP requires long periods of abstinance, sometimes years or even decades long, and think it’s hard to keep up a close and loving marriage if you can never have sex with your spouse just as it would be if you were never able to speak to them or be in the same room with them. I’m getting tired of being told I must have never loved my husband to begin with (or worse, was intentially abusing him) if NFP has caused us to drift apart.

I don’t understand why NFP would require decades of abstinence unless one of the spouses is sick and in that case they would not be well enough to engage in the marital act anyways. Can you explain.

If I had to do it again I would have had lots of children. My two boys are on their own now and we see them on special occasions and they do come to visit once in a while but my parents had six children and now that my mom is a widow she is sooooo happy to have grandchildren and her six children. Someone is always coming to see her.