Living Together Before Marriage?

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If you don’t mind my asking, in what ways are you suffering?

You are living at home, being supported by your parents who are also now agreeing to support your girlfriend, you have her close by as opposed to 1000 miles away, and you are pursuing your career internship as well as athletics. From an outsider’s standpoint, it looks as if you are getting absolutely everything you could desire in life, without having to sacrifice much.

And for the record, I NEVER said there was anything wrong with waiting for marriage. Only that, imo, no couple with the proper amount of sexual attraction for each other would ever be able to pull off chastity while living in an intimate setting like that.

I sense that you are wanting to place yourself “above” the rest of the world with respect to how you view this whole situation: “Others would cave in to temptation; I will not because I am strong.”

But this is not about strength vs. weakness.

You are SUPPOSED to be tempted when in the intimate presence of your beloved. In fact, that temptation is supposed to feel so consuming that you have to remove yourself from it in order to continue to do the right thing. This is how God designed attraction and marriage and monogamy and chastity.

The fact that you can do this with a relative amount of ease is what is sending the red flags up big time, in my mind.
 
I thought it might be productive to sum this thread up… To view the various answers given to the OP, and his comments following the general answers offered.
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ccwalker_uwp:
I was wondering what the Catholic Church says about the following situation…Is this ok? Should we sleep in separate rooms, eventho we are in separate beds? I would appreciate some help. Thanks.

-Matt
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Summed up Answer- Be a man- sleep somewhere else…
As of right now, if I sleep in another room, I would be on a cot in the laundry room or in my dad’s office. I would prefer a bed over a cot. I understand what you are saying, but suffering for at least five months, and probably for over a year, I’m not sure I can risk permanent back pains just to sleep in separate rooms. I am an Elite Athlete, with goals of Olympic glory, I do not want to risk back problems the rest of my life. Yes, Jesus did suffer, and I am suffering in ways as well.
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Summed up Answer- You should maybe reconsider being engaged/married when you cannot support your independent married life.
I’m guessing that us not having enough money to have our own apartments because my internship doesn’t pay, and she has no job right now, isn’t a good reason? I am in a position to marry, that is why I asked her to be my wife.I am only concerned about the next five months, not worried about beyond that right now.
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Summed up Answer- Sleep in a different room than your fiance. There are any number of combinations of people to make this situation appropriate.
The house isn’t big enough for those alternatives, otherwise it would have already been considered. The only empty room right now in the house is the room where we will be sleeping. My brother’s room is not big enough for me and him, my sister’s room in not big enough for her and my fiancee, and there are no other rooms big enough for me to sleep in. Also, we don’t have bunk beds to use.
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Summed up Answer: The Catholic Catechism speaks of SCANDAL CC 2284-2287
Can you tell me where in the CCC it is located?
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Summed up Answer: Talk to your local priest about your situation. You might even consider getting married to avoid this problem. His spiritual guidance in this situation will be valuable. He may be able to offer another alternative. Your singularly personal wishes now abdicate to the best interests of your Marriage.
Can we get married in the Catholic Church after only being engaged 4 days? We are engaged because this is the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. The issue is not finances, so drop that subject. If the plan was for me to be in Wisconsin and her in Alabama, we would no longer be dating, we would have broken up in May, as I cannot handle being 1000 miles from the one I love more than words. As I said, I do not have the time or money to be in a relationship with someone who is 1000 miles away. Her family is in Alabama and Texas, we will be in Wisconsin. She will begin looking for a job once we are in Wisconsin. I am only concerned about the next five months, not worried about beyond that right now.
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Summed up Answer- We are asked by God to avoid sin, as well as the “near occasion of sin”. In other words, we are asked to avoid any situation that would cause us to sin. We are also called to be a Catholic example to the world. Setting up a situation where intentions can be misconstrued, leads to scandal.
What sort of scandal?? I don’t really care what other people have to say about my situation, they don’t know the truth, but if they want the truth, all they have to do is ask. I think my siblings, a 22 year old and 23 year old, are adult enough to make their own decisions.
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Summed up Answer: You should avoid this situation because the experiences of the majority of posters here say it is extremely difficult to avoid the temptation of living in such close proximity with “the one you love more than words.” This is coming from people with a lot of experience in living the Catholic Faith piously and fruitfully.
We will not be tempted, and I’m SERIOUS about this, especially when we will be in the same house as my parents, my brother, and my sister. My idea of sex is unlike anyone else’s. I don’t want to have sex! I could go my whole life without it, except that I want to have children. There is nothing wrong with my wiring, and nothing wrong with hers. I feel that sex is meant for marriage, not before. Why is it wrong for me to seriously not want sex before marriage??? Is it not possible to resist temptation??? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS MADE THE COMMITTMENT TO NOT HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE? IS IT NOT POSSIBLE TO RESIST THAT TEMPTATION? I don’t need any counseling, I’m doing just fine with my sexuality. She also has the committment of waiting until marriage to have sex, and she is strong enough to resist that temptation.
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carrieloon:
If you don’t mind my asking, in what ways are you suffering?
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I have over $30,000 in loans to pay off, I haven’t had a job since May, I have car payments, I have car insurance payments, I don’t have health insurance, etc., etc., etc.
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carrieloon:
And for the record, I NEVER said there was anything wrong with waiting for marriage. Only that, imo, no couple with the proper amount of sexual attraction for each other would ever be able to pull off chastity while living in an intimate setting like that.
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Well, it is possible.
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carrieloon:
I sense that you are wanting to place yourself “above” the rest of the world with respect to how you view this whole situation: “Others would cave in to temptation; I will not because I am strong.”
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All I wanted to know is if the Catholic Church says it is ok or not.
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carrieloon:
You are SUPPOSED to be tempted when in the intimate presence of your beloved. In fact, that temptation is supposed to feel so consuming that you have to remove yourself from it in order to continue to do the right thing. This is how God designed attraction and marriage and monogamy and chastity.
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Ok, then I am strong enough to not give in to the temptation.
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carrieloon:
The fact that you can do this with a relative amount of ease is what is sending the red flags up big time, in my mind.
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Whatever!
 
“I have over $30,000 in loans to pay off, I haven’t had a job since May, I have car payments, I have car insurance payments, I don’t have health insurance, etc., etc., etc.”

Dude, that’s not suffering.

That’s called LIFE.

P.S. Here is my final word on the subject: Have your sister and fiance move into the big bedroom, you take sister’s old room. Everyone gets a bed, all backs are comfy and unsore and you will be pleasing God.
 
carrieloon said:
“I have over $30,000 in loans to pay off, I haven’t had a job since May, I have car payments, I have car insurance payments, I don’t have health insurance, etc., etc., etc.”

Dude, that’s not suffering.

That’s called LIFE.
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We each have our own definition of suffering.
 
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