Lonely

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Irishmom2 said:
And maybe you should take the time to read her post more carefully.

She goes on to say that she is not unattractive and keeps in shape, so that blows your whole other point to bits as well.
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I acknowledged that in my first post:
MrZetterlund said:
I’m not saying that you have to look like Jenifer Lopez to date, just take care of yourself as you’d desire for your partner to take care of theirselves. Of course, you claim to be in good shape, so this probably doesn’t apply to you as much… Just sayig, it isn’t as ‘shallow’ as some people would take it.
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And her attractiveness wasn’t the point of my post, it was where to find good men!!
 
Musician said:
What about work? Do you get to meet lots of people in your field?
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From an HR perspective, I’m gonna say this is not the greatest idea. We live in an economy that is not great to start with. Anyone that uses work as a dating field risks losing the respect of many.

Not that there will never be the exception. But I personally would not recommend this to anyone that has to support themselves.
 
Some great suggestions from everyone (well almost everyone).

As far as work, I am a teacher and mainly work with women so not a lot of opportunities there.

I enjoy being active and need to pursue joining a team. Last summer I played on a co-ed flag football team and enjoyed myself. Problem was most of the people on the team were in their 20’s. I would love to find a team of people in their 30’s and 40’s.

I have time off in the summer and was looking into singles trips. Anyone do this? Haven’t found anything that I am interested in doing this summer. Of course the trips I would consider are during the school year, and therefore not an option.

I keep very busy but basically doing the same old thing. I am going to make an effort to plan different activities. Anyone out there from Az? Any suggestions?
 
I found the most important thing for me was shared values.

My wife and I share the same values: everything else we can work on!
 
GeorgeLopez said:
If you’re attractive and a very good catch. I find it hard to believe you’re 38 and have yet to find your other half.
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If one is particular about who catches them, it can take awhile. For instance, people with the looks to attract others for shallow reasons can actually have the hardest time, because some people assume that they are shallow themselves or because so many people pursue them for the wrong reasons that they become overly wary of the motives of others. Likewise, people who were busy starting up a time-consuming business might make a lot of money at a relatively young age and then have a hard time sorting through the “suitors” who seem more like gold-diggers. You’d think they’d have no trouble finding someone, but the opposite is true! Another problem can be spending 2-3 years with someone only to find they don’t have the capacity for a valid marriage. Combine those things, and you can get to 38 faily quickly: Glad you’ve skipped the divorce, but still wanting that right person.

As my family says sometimes: Be careful who you marry. It is easy to divorce, but an ex is forever. It is better to skip the rash marriage that won’t work and wait for the one that will.
 
azgirl said:
Some great suggestions from everyone (well almost everyone).

As far as work, I am a teacher and mainly work with women so not a lot of opportunities there.

I enjoy being active and need to pursue joining a team. Last summer I played on a co-ed flag football team and enjoyed myself. Problem was most of the people on the team were in their 20’s. I would love to find a team of people in their 30’s and 40’s.

I have time off in the summer and was looking into singles trips. Anyone do this? Haven’t found anything that I am interested in doing this summer. Of course the trips I would consider are during the school year, and therefore not an option.

I keep very busy but basically doing the same old thing. I am going to make an effort to plan different activities. Anyone out there from Az? Any suggestions?
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Our parish finally formed a group for divorced, widowed, and single adults for this very reason: parishioners who were too old for youth and young adults group, but still wanted to meet unmarried people to socialize with. Even if you don’t actually date anyone in the group, sometimes someone knows someone who knows someone…that’s the way you can sometimes find someone.
 
EasterJoy said:
Our parish finally formed a group for divorced, widowed, and single adults for this very reason: parishioners who were too old for youth and young adults group, but still wanted to meet unmarried people to socialize with. Even if you don’t actually date anyone in the group, sometimes someone knows someone who knows someone…that’s the way you can sometimes find someone.
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That reminds me, our diocese has a similar group for older singles run by the Cathedral. Another option? 🙂
 
azgirl said:
Why is it so difficult for some to find a partner? I have been searching my whole adult life. I have dated plenty but never felt a strong connection to any of them. It gets frustrating at times because it seems like it is so easy for others. I am dedicated to doing things the right way and sometimes that makes it feel like the impossible way. I learned from past behaviors that the right way is truly the right way but it still doesn’t make it any easier.
I have tried online dating and just seem to meet men who can’t make a committment. I honestly don’t know how to meet men in the real world anymore. In my 20’s I met men at bars and out with friends. I am 38 years old and don’t have many single friends and am over the bar scene.
I feel stuck, I strongly desire a change in my life but haven’t a clue what to do. I have prayed and prayed about this. I actually feel like God is probably tired of hearing this prayer from me.
Sorry just needed to vent. Been feeling pretty lonely lately and really wanting to share my life with someone.
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Sorry for not reading much past the opening post but I’ve just finished work on 8 a.m. of the following day. Please be warned.

From my own life, which has been shorter than yours, I’ve noticed that some people just have it more difficult for various reasons such as being more of an outlier (diverging from more mainstream preferences and sensibilities makes it harder to find a partner because one can’t connect with most people), being more used to the single life, being more demanding than average, having some difficulties that have to do with the absence of a parental figure and/or some other stuff from childhood. Others are inactive or continue seeking in the wrong places or going after the wrong people. Some others, I suppose, fail at establishing or maintaining a relationship due to communication issues (not just conflict resolution, other things too).

Since you complain about the sort of men you tend to run into, try to find out the consistent details in every situation. What have those guys had in common? What has drawn you to them? Once you’ve nailed down the link, nail down the causes.

It may also be that you perhaps project something that makes the opposite sex friend-zone you or avoid you in some other way. Negativity (consistently exhibiting negative emotions) can be one of such projections.
azgirl said:
I keep very busy but basically doing the same old thing. I am going to make an effort to plan different activities. Anyone out there from Az? Any suggestions?
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This is a wild guess and I’m likely wasting ammo but can you tell if being busy all the time isn’t coming making you seem less approachable? There is a bit of a problem with people who have their schedules packed full when it comes to relationships, partly due to physical absence of available time, partly due to the preference to have a busy schedule, which may suggest limited time for family or limited need for time together with a partner (where a busy person tends to feel the shortage less strongly than the person with more available time on his or her hands). I had this kind of feeling when dating social animals. Imagine dating someone who works 80 hour weeks and has an engaging hobby on top of it. It can be similar when it’s less work and more hobbies or social networking. But as I said, this is a wild guess, only probing.
faithfully said:
See, you could be the sexiest man in the world. And all you would have to do is open your mouth and share how you really feel. Men lose their physical attraction when the show who they really are (edit to add, that is when they are crass, and self centered, and uncaring for others and such). I call it Brad Pitt syndrome.
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Hah, I’ve had women turn 180 degrees over short time spans after actually seeking my interest initially. Strangely enough, most of the exes and could-have beens have made an attempt weeks or months later. Made me construct theories and long-term, mid-term and short-term attraction factors until I stopped caring.
 
GeorgeLopez said:
If you’re attractive and a very good catch. I find it hard to believe you’re 38 and have yet to find your other half.
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With what you are currently going through, I suggest you don’t offer advice to other posters. It’s going to cause more problems than you can deal with.
 
GeorgeLopez said:
Are phisically attractive? Please dont take this wrong in any way. But people i have known over the years who arent too attractive seem to either end up with some loser who doesnt care or alone.

I’m just wondering…
.
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I’m sorry but this is uncalled for and very shallow, some reason i’m picturing you as shallow Hal ( the movie) 🤷.

azgirl, perhaps God has someone perfect for you, it may not be today, or tomorrow, someone will eventually be right in front of you when you are least expected. There’s always a reason. I find that when you’re not looking that person will be right there when you least expected.
 
Lily0fthevalley said:
I’m sorry but this is uncalled for and very shallow, some reason i’m picturing you as shallow Hal ( the movie) 🤷.
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Lol @ Shallow Hal. I love that movie.

I didnt mean to sound shallow, just speaking on my experience. Sorry for being sarcastic.
 
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