J
John21652
Guest
Throw him out. No manly behaviour to be seen in this householod. Poor example for the kids. Dangerous behaviour. No respect for his wife. Addictive behaviour. Just get rid of him.
- Status
J
joandarc2008
Guest
OK, here it is. Take the kids and go to your parents. When you show your parents that YOU want what is best for YOUR children then they will probably drop the custody suit. You can always talk to a family lawyer and sue for custody of your stepdaughter or you should give the information to her mother if you think she is fit as God knows what kind of manipulation was done to put this kind of man as sole custodian of a young girl. But before you do any of that GET A LAWYER
D
dulcissima
Guest
Good advice, but if you don’t have the money for a lawyer, a domestic violence center can give you much of the legal advice. Situations like this are their specialty. They know all of the steps you should take to protect yourself and your children while being supported by the law.
H
heather0370
Guest
I want to say I am sorry that this post is going to be a long one. Thank you for listening and giving advice. Please continue to give your advice it is helping.
Kage_ar
I do understand your post regarding my parents wanting to get their grandchildren out of this situation. My parents do know that my husband has done all of this stuff due to my children talking to them about this and at one point I did too. The thing with my parents is that they have tried to undermine my authority. We have rules for the kids and a lot of the rules we have my parents do not like and of course the kids do not like but it is the same rules I had when I was growing up with some modification. That being sad they would tell my children that they should be allowed to do certain things which in turn would throw our house into a fighting match with my husband, me in the middle and then my children.
I know that what my husband is doing is wrong but my heart is telling me different. I had hoped that he would change but I guess in the 13 years (8 of those married to him) it will not happen. I also have been thinking that I was part of his problem because of me being so sick that it made him go back to this but on the other hand he has done this since he was very young so I guess in reality I am not part of the issue here. Correct???
PeterMuz
I do worry about what people think because I have left so many people down especially my kids and myself. That is just the way that I am. I like to please everyone and when I get into a situation like this it is very hard for me. I have thought exactly what you have said in your post to me. I just don’t understand how they can do that but being on here and talking with all of you I can understand they are just trying to protect the kids.
I do worry about the money because I have worked real hard for everything that I have and if I grow through with this, we will be losing a lot. I might not be able to give them what they want. The thing about this is the type of person my husband is he will take me to the cleaner. I have given him everything he wanted. He came before anyone else in the family. My children are very upset about this. They were always told no but my husband was always told yes. They didn’t and don’t understand. As for myself, I don’t do anything special for myself. I just make sure he has and then the kids. Now, I do make sure they get when the need and I have been telling my husband no sometimes. Which does not go over well.
I do understand that is not my job to fix him but someone told me once that God has put me in this situation for some reason. I haven’t figured out what that reason is. It has caused me a lot of hurt and pain. I do and have worried about my children and the influence he has on them. He has been our life for 13 years. As I see it right now, my kids are already suffering from his influence and have already picked up some of his traits to a certain degree. He continues to proclaim that he has and is not doing anything wrong. He is a typical man in his eyes. I have taken the steps to get my oldest counseling due to her depression. I am having my youngest evaluated and will set her up with a counselor as well. I myself have talked with someone and we are just waiting on the approval codes to proceed. Since I posted my initial post, I have been thinking a lot about what everyone is responding. I haven’t been sleeping very well the past couple of nights because I have all these things going through my head. I just need to keep talking about this with people. Some of the stuff everyone is saying has hit a couple nerves. I want to better my children and myself but right now I am not very strong due to everything.
dulcissima
Before I started posting here, I was told to call DV. I have not called because I keep getting hung up with the fact that he has custody of his daughter and if I call them, he will loose her. He loves his daughter a lot. I don’t want to be the cause of him loosing her and I feel that she looks to me for protecting her due to what he had done to her when we first started dating and got married. I was the one that broke it up. I protected her. I feel that I will let her down. He never laid a hand on my kids due to my ex-husband.
I keep asking myself these questions: Why am I standing in the way when I know it is wrong? Why haven’t I left? Why do I continue to put up with his behaviors?
I am so messed up!!!
Please keep the advice coming!!!
Kage_ar
I do understand your post regarding my parents wanting to get their grandchildren out of this situation. My parents do know that my husband has done all of this stuff due to my children talking to them about this and at one point I did too. The thing with my parents is that they have tried to undermine my authority. We have rules for the kids and a lot of the rules we have my parents do not like and of course the kids do not like but it is the same rules I had when I was growing up with some modification. That being sad they would tell my children that they should be allowed to do certain things which in turn would throw our house into a fighting match with my husband, me in the middle and then my children.
I know that what my husband is doing is wrong but my heart is telling me different. I had hoped that he would change but I guess in the 13 years (8 of those married to him) it will not happen. I also have been thinking that I was part of his problem because of me being so sick that it made him go back to this but on the other hand he has done this since he was very young so I guess in reality I am not part of the issue here. Correct???
PeterMuz
I do worry about what people think because I have left so many people down especially my kids and myself. That is just the way that I am. I like to please everyone and when I get into a situation like this it is very hard for me. I have thought exactly what you have said in your post to me. I just don’t understand how they can do that but being on here and talking with all of you I can understand they are just trying to protect the kids.
I do worry about the money because I have worked real hard for everything that I have and if I grow through with this, we will be losing a lot. I might not be able to give them what they want. The thing about this is the type of person my husband is he will take me to the cleaner. I have given him everything he wanted. He came before anyone else in the family. My children are very upset about this. They were always told no but my husband was always told yes. They didn’t and don’t understand. As for myself, I don’t do anything special for myself. I just make sure he has and then the kids. Now, I do make sure they get when the need and I have been telling my husband no sometimes. Which does not go over well.
I do understand that is not my job to fix him but someone told me once that God has put me in this situation for some reason. I haven’t figured out what that reason is. It has caused me a lot of hurt and pain. I do and have worried about my children and the influence he has on them. He has been our life for 13 years. As I see it right now, my kids are already suffering from his influence and have already picked up some of his traits to a certain degree. He continues to proclaim that he has and is not doing anything wrong. He is a typical man in his eyes. I have taken the steps to get my oldest counseling due to her depression. I am having my youngest evaluated and will set her up with a counselor as well. I myself have talked with someone and we are just waiting on the approval codes to proceed. Since I posted my initial post, I have been thinking a lot about what everyone is responding. I haven’t been sleeping very well the past couple of nights because I have all these things going through my head. I just need to keep talking about this with people. Some of the stuff everyone is saying has hit a couple nerves. I want to better my children and myself but right now I am not very strong due to everything.
dulcissima
Before I started posting here, I was told to call DV. I have not called because I keep getting hung up with the fact that he has custody of his daughter and if I call them, he will loose her. He loves his daughter a lot. I don’t want to be the cause of him loosing her and I feel that she looks to me for protecting her due to what he had done to her when we first started dating and got married. I was the one that broke it up. I protected her. I feel that I will let her down. He never laid a hand on my kids due to my ex-husband.
I keep asking myself these questions: Why am I standing in the way when I know it is wrong? Why haven’t I left? Why do I continue to put up with his behaviors?
I am so messed up!!!
Please keep the advice coming!!!
H
heather0370
Guest
I want to say I am sorry that this post is going to be a long one. Thank you for listening and giving advice. Please continue to give your advice it is helping.
horselver
I did call my priest yesterday. He is not able to see me until next week. My husband about 2 years ago when he was going through counseling decide to check into being a CCD teacher. I had said that it was not a good thing because of what he does. He decided to go ahead and do it. Our church made him a CCD teacher. He pasted all the screenings and took the class Protecting God’s Children. I have a problem with this to this day due to the porn issue he has. The actual sent an activity to he to do on this and he lied when he answered the questions. I said you need to be honest and he said no they wouldn’t let me teach if I am honest.
So my problem with seeing my priest is that if I tell him everything that I have written in this post that they will pull him from it. He is the type of person who will be determined to find out who said something to get him pulled from what he likes to do. He has done this in the past.
I do know that it is not right that he throws things at me when he gets mad at me. I know that it is not okay that he misses because one day he will not miss me and he will hit me. I have questioned myself the past year whether this is good living arrangement even more now. I know that it is not good that sometimes the kid sees him throw stuff (they are not always around when it is done), that there is porn on the computer and porn in our home.
You say it is good they removed one of my children from my house because I am not able to stand up for myself. Why can’t I stand up for myself or even my children? What is wrong with me? You have already answered these questions. It is emotional/physical/mental abuse plus I believe sexual abuse as well. He makes me do things that I do not feel comfortable with and he knows it. You know he said one time that he was afraid of me. I laughed at him. I said why. He said when you get mad you get quiet and that scares him. I have never thrown anything at him. If he upsets me bad enough, I will speak up for myself but we then get in a huge fight because he is always right. Most of the time I don’t say anything I just get quiet and do not talk. My husband has a mouth on him and I have learned from him. I used to never say anything bad (swearing) but when you are around it for as long as I have been you tend to pick up their habits.
As I said in a message back to PeterMuz, I have worked very hard to get the things that I have and I don’t feel my husband would be entitled to anything based on all the things that I have given him before my kids and myself. That is not how the court systems look at it. He would be the type to push this issue and my children would be the ones to suffer not him. That is what I worry about.
Piejesu
Why would you feel sorry for my husband? He is the one that is doing this and does not think anything is wrong with this. As I previous stated, he doesn’t think it is wrong. He thinks all men do it and it is normal. He doesn’t want the help and he doesn’t think he as a problem.
I pray everyday to help me get the strength to do something about this.
Please keep the advice coming!!!
horselver
I did call my priest yesterday. He is not able to see me until next week. My husband about 2 years ago when he was going through counseling decide to check into being a CCD teacher. I had said that it was not a good thing because of what he does. He decided to go ahead and do it. Our church made him a CCD teacher. He pasted all the screenings and took the class Protecting God’s Children. I have a problem with this to this day due to the porn issue he has. The actual sent an activity to he to do on this and he lied when he answered the questions. I said you need to be honest and he said no they wouldn’t let me teach if I am honest.
So my problem with seeing my priest is that if I tell him everything that I have written in this post that they will pull him from it. He is the type of person who will be determined to find out who said something to get him pulled from what he likes to do. He has done this in the past.
I do know that it is not right that he throws things at me when he gets mad at me. I know that it is not okay that he misses because one day he will not miss me and he will hit me. I have questioned myself the past year whether this is good living arrangement even more now. I know that it is not good that sometimes the kid sees him throw stuff (they are not always around when it is done), that there is porn on the computer and porn in our home.
You say it is good they removed one of my children from my house because I am not able to stand up for myself. Why can’t I stand up for myself or even my children? What is wrong with me? You have already answered these questions. It is emotional/physical/mental abuse plus I believe sexual abuse as well. He makes me do things that I do not feel comfortable with and he knows it. You know he said one time that he was afraid of me. I laughed at him. I said why. He said when you get mad you get quiet and that scares him. I have never thrown anything at him. If he upsets me bad enough, I will speak up for myself but we then get in a huge fight because he is always right. Most of the time I don’t say anything I just get quiet and do not talk. My husband has a mouth on him and I have learned from him. I used to never say anything bad (swearing) but when you are around it for as long as I have been you tend to pick up their habits.
As I said in a message back to PeterMuz, I have worked very hard to get the things that I have and I don’t feel my husband would be entitled to anything based on all the things that I have given him before my kids and myself. That is not how the court systems look at it. He would be the type to push this issue and my children would be the ones to suffer not him. That is what I worry about.
Piejesu
Why would you feel sorry for my husband? He is the one that is doing this and does not think anything is wrong with this. As I previous stated, he doesn’t think it is wrong. He thinks all men do it and it is normal. He doesn’t want the help and he doesn’t think he as a problem.
I pray everyday to help me get the strength to do something about this.
Please keep the advice coming!!!
H
horselvr
Guest
Heather:
Is your husband also into child porn?
No, he does not love his daughter. If he really loved her, he wouldn’t hit her/grab her/push her.
He doesn’t love you.
He doesn’t love his children.
You won’t leave him.
You will stay no matter what he does to you or the children. You have made that abundantly clear otherwise you would run to speak with the Priest, call a DV hotline, see a lawyer, and quit allowing him to abuse you physically. emotionally, mentally and now also sexually. You just haven’t had your fill yet. What does it take for you to grow a set of brass ovaries?
You will know your ready to walk when it doesn’t matter to you if the whole town knows what a pig he is or when you’ll gladly walk away from a few material things just to ensure you and your kids are physically/emotionally/mentally (and you also sexually) safe from this pig.
And please do not question/ask why God put you in this situation because he did not----YOU put yourself in this situation and YOU need to get YOU and the KIDS out of it.
God only wants good things for you.
Is your husband also into child porn?
No, he does not love his daughter. If he really loved her, he wouldn’t hit her/grab her/push her.
He doesn’t love you.
He doesn’t love his children.
You won’t leave him.
You will stay no matter what he does to you or the children. You have made that abundantly clear otherwise you would run to speak with the Priest, call a DV hotline, see a lawyer, and quit allowing him to abuse you physically. emotionally, mentally and now also sexually. You just haven’t had your fill yet. What does it take for you to grow a set of brass ovaries?
You will know your ready to walk when it doesn’t matter to you if the whole town knows what a pig he is or when you’ll gladly walk away from a few material things just to ensure you and your kids are physically/emotionally/mentally (and you also sexually) safe from this pig.
And please do not question/ask why God put you in this situation because he did not----YOU put yourself in this situation and YOU need to get YOU and the KIDS out of it.
God only wants good things for you.
K
kage_ar
Guest
His daughter would likely be better off with someone else. Take her WITH you and find some of her family who gives a darn about her well being.
R
Ruthie_again
Guest
God did not put you into this position. Your husband has free will. He chose to lie about his fidelity. He chose to manipulate you into marrying him, for whatever reason. You missed what red flags there were. (You might consider counseling about why you missed those warning signs.)
As a Christian and a Catholic, you owe him only one thing - prayer. For the rest of it - you do not have to worry about hurting him by revealing the truth. HE is the one who lied. HE is the one who is an unfit father. HE is the one who chooses to ignore God’s law.
The only exception to that would be if you were doing it out of malice; and those who think he is a good man will probably believe that about you. Grin and bear it. You know the truth - and so does God.
Take your evidence to your priest.
Also, do a forum search on “narcissistic personality disorder.”
God bless you.
Ruthie
T
tbcrawford
Guest
Sadly i agree with all the other posters who have advised you take the children and leave.
Your first duty is to protect the children (his daughter included).
You are thinking about material things ahed of the safety and sanity of all the children.
Really, you should leave,put the children first.
You have obviously not hit rock borttom yet.WHen you do you will leave,but at what cost?
Will it be too late for your sanity or that of the children?If your husband loved you or your children
he would not behave in this abusive fashion.
I am very sorry for you and how you are feeling,it hurts i know BUT you are a mother and step mother, you need to care first ,for the feelings and safetry of the children.
Tough decisions are called for.God will help you through all of this.Pray to Him for guidance.I am glad you are going to see your priest when he has the time.
I will keep you all in my prayers
God bless
Your first duty is to protect the children (his daughter included).
You are thinking about material things ahed of the safety and sanity of all the children.
Really, you should leave,put the children first.
You have obviously not hit rock borttom yet.WHen you do you will leave,but at what cost?
Will it be too late for your sanity or that of the children?If your husband loved you or your children
he would not behave in this abusive fashion.
I am very sorry for you and how you are feeling,it hurts i know BUT you are a mother and step mother, you need to care first ,for the feelings and safetry of the children.
Tough decisions are called for.God will help you through all of this.Pray to Him for guidance.I am glad you are going to see your priest when he has the time.
I will keep you all in my prayers
God bless
M
monicatholic
Guest
.
that’s a very flimsy reason to stay with a guy whose just oozing the infection of sin onto you and your kids.
get your girls. get his girl. and get out.
if your parents aren’t drunks or pornographers or abusers, they’re your first choice.
L
Liberanosamalo
Guest
Damn!
You have been so busy arguing with yourself for years you have strangled all your instincts that are screaming for you to get out of there NOW!!!
First let’s get some things straight. This is coming from someone who was married and divorced from an abusive narcissist and I hung in there hoping to save his worthless soul for way too long. He didn’t want to save his own soul. Why should I?
THERE IS NO DRESSER, TABLE, RUG or PAIR OF SHOES WORTH PUTTING YOUR CHILDREN THROUGH THIS!
If this were one of your daughters coming to YOU with this situation and this was HER husband, what would you advise her? STAY? If those were your grandchildren with a father doing that, what would YOU do or advise them? (probably exactly what your parents tried to do.)
You’d say GET OUT NOW! Well, from what they have been raised with as an example, you have increased their chances that one or more of them will marry someone who treats them exactly like your husband treats you. Unless you want them to be with a pervert who degrades them sexually, surfs the net for porn with little girls in the room, throws things and curses at them, you have to show them how to pick up your bags and LEAVE! YOU have to set an example so someday they will know they can come to you for help. Because their future looks dim.
And it gets dimmer the longer you stay.
Here’s a thought: how do you know he isn’t taking pictures of those girls and photoshopping them onto pictures of naked ladies on the computer in your own home? He may be looking at virtual porn pictures of your own children and his daughter. You need to get a computer guy in there during the day and have him download the hard drive to a flash drive for court use. I PROMISE YOU they will find really bad stuff. And when your lawyer has that, your husband can go to jail. Trying to get money from YOU will be the LAST thing on his mind. And narcissists often look for positions of respect in the community (like teaching CCD.) It also gives him trusted access to other children. And you helped him by being dishonest. If he were to do anything to a child, YOU would be complicit because you protected him.
As for the abuse… so what if he has a lousy aim. He’s throwing things at a cancer patient?
Let me tell you, those “things” stand for “you”. One of these days he’ll throw YOU. It only escalates. Are you waiting for him to start hitting YOU?
You need to get in touch with his daughter’s mother. You may find out everything you ever knew about him was a lie, and everything he ever told you about her was a lie. I know. I was the ex wife that my ex went around telling lies about. He tried to take my three little children from ME. I KNOW what that kind does in the courts. They LIE! Maybe the girl’s mother was perfectly fine, but he threatened her and told her to go away or he’d do something to her.
YOU have a lot of power by being able to tell the courts how YOU are the reason he doesn’t hit the girl.
THEY ALL NEED YOU to protect THEM.
And what you need to do today is go to your parents. Say one word: “Help.”
They’ve been waiting for you to wake up. Until you realize how bad it is, they can’t do anything. You might be surprised how eager they’ll be to get you and the girls out of that situation.
Then go and cry and deeply apologize to your son. He needs to hear that you want to make things right. He needs to see you get a grip on your life.
THERE IS NO PLACE IN YOUR LIFE FOR YOUR HUSBAND AS HE IS.
He is not willing to change. He will not change. And no, he’s not like other men. He is sick.
TAKE ALL THE ADVICE YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN HERE. EVERYONE IS RIGHT. This situation will only get worse. Start listening to that voice deep within you. Save your life. Save your children’s lives. NOW.
You have been so busy arguing with yourself for years you have strangled all your instincts that are screaming for you to get out of there NOW!!!
First let’s get some things straight. This is coming from someone who was married and divorced from an abusive narcissist and I hung in there hoping to save his worthless soul for way too long. He didn’t want to save his own soul. Why should I?
THERE IS NO DRESSER, TABLE, RUG or PAIR OF SHOES WORTH PUTTING YOUR CHILDREN THROUGH THIS!
If this were one of your daughters coming to YOU with this situation and this was HER husband, what would you advise her? STAY? If those were your grandchildren with a father doing that, what would YOU do or advise them? (probably exactly what your parents tried to do.)
You’d say GET OUT NOW! Well, from what they have been raised with as an example, you have increased their chances that one or more of them will marry someone who treats them exactly like your husband treats you. Unless you want them to be with a pervert who degrades them sexually, surfs the net for porn with little girls in the room, throws things and curses at them, you have to show them how to pick up your bags and LEAVE! YOU have to set an example so someday they will know they can come to you for help. Because their future looks dim.
And it gets dimmer the longer you stay.
Here’s a thought: how do you know he isn’t taking pictures of those girls and photoshopping them onto pictures of naked ladies on the computer in your own home? He may be looking at virtual porn pictures of your own children and his daughter. You need to get a computer guy in there during the day and have him download the hard drive to a flash drive for court use. I PROMISE YOU they will find really bad stuff. And when your lawyer has that, your husband can go to jail. Trying to get money from YOU will be the LAST thing on his mind. And narcissists often look for positions of respect in the community (like teaching CCD.) It also gives him trusted access to other children. And you helped him by being dishonest. If he were to do anything to a child, YOU would be complicit because you protected him.
As for the abuse… so what if he has a lousy aim. He’s throwing things at a cancer patient?
Let me tell you, those “things” stand for “you”. One of these days he’ll throw YOU. It only escalates. Are you waiting for him to start hitting YOU?
You need to get in touch with his daughter’s mother. You may find out everything you ever knew about him was a lie, and everything he ever told you about her was a lie. I know. I was the ex wife that my ex went around telling lies about. He tried to take my three little children from ME. I KNOW what that kind does in the courts. They LIE! Maybe the girl’s mother was perfectly fine, but he threatened her and told her to go away or he’d do something to her.
YOU have a lot of power by being able to tell the courts how YOU are the reason he doesn’t hit the girl.
THEY ALL NEED YOU to protect THEM.
And what you need to do today is go to your parents. Say one word: “Help.”
They’ve been waiting for you to wake up. Until you realize how bad it is, they can’t do anything. You might be surprised how eager they’ll be to get you and the girls out of that situation.
Then go and cry and deeply apologize to your son. He needs to hear that you want to make things right. He needs to see you get a grip on your life.
THERE IS NO PLACE IN YOUR LIFE FOR YOUR HUSBAND AS HE IS.
He is not willing to change. He will not change. And no, he’s not like other men. He is sick.
TAKE ALL THE ADVICE YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN HERE. EVERYONE IS RIGHT. This situation will only get worse. Start listening to that voice deep within you. Save your life. Save your children’s lives. NOW.
K
kage_ar
Guest
Pleaese, set up an appt to TALK to your priest, face to face in the privacy of his office.
H
heather0370
Guest
I want to apologize for not responding sooner. I wasn’t able to get on to check my posts.
I have only found where he has looked at teen porn which states 18 years or older. Which is still bad due to us having teenage girls around that age. I only know of certain web sites he gets on. I don’t know if he looks at anything other than 18 and above. Everyone says he doesn’t love me and doesn’t love his daughter or mine. So, why does he say it then to all of us? Just for piece of mind on our end???
I do not want to stay in this situation. I have called my priest and I have an appointment this week. I contacted my attorney about two months ago. She knows everything but I have to come up with the money for that as well. I haven’t called the DV hotline as of yet. I have been standing up for myself but all that does is getting in trouble. After yesterday, the best thing for me is to not say anything when he starts.
As far as my stepdaughter, she does see her mother but she is just as bad as my husband. My husband or even his parents would never allow me to have her. I am not even sure that his parents are good for her either at this point. They tend to have the same issues that my husband does.
Why would I lie about any of this? It clearly has happened. I already know that he will turn it into being my fault. He has already done that we several things. He is the type of person who will put the blame elsewhere. He won’t accept any responsibility whatsoever. I will take your advice and look up narcissistic personality disorder.
I do worry about the material things as well as my children. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I want to be happy and I want my children to be happy. I know that for once I need to think of my children first instead of him. It has been a long time. He has always been first and then the kids. I have to change my way of thinking and doing things. We are already experiencing the effects of my husband with my children. I have one that is starting counseling this week and I have to get the other one set up and then I am starting as well.
As far as my parents, I am not ready to turn to them for help. There are some issues there that need to be worked out.
You are right I have been trying to justify that this is a bad situation and I need to get out. I have also put blame on me. That it is just me and he has done nothing wrong and that it is ok what he does. I know now more than ever that he is wrong. It is not right because if it was right I wouldn’t be feeling the way I feel right now. You are right. I would tell my children to leave if they were experiencing the same thing I am. I would tell them that if he wasn’t willing to change then there is no sense of you staying in this relationship. I understand completely what you are saying about their lives looking dim. I am to be their example and I haven’t been a great one.
I don’t know if he is taking pictures of the girls and photo shopping them. I do know that he has taken pictures of himself and have posted them. I found the pictures of him. I showed his counselor at that time and he didn’t think anything of it. I know that I should have said about what he does but it isn’t worth the fight because he will not change but it also causes me to not stand up for what I believe and it makes me the bad person because of me not being dishonest and not coming forth. This has always bothered me. I don’t want to get in trouble nor do I want to fight about it either due to the consequences.
I know what he does is very wrong. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t know that. I know that him throwing things at me is wrong too. I don’t want him to hit me. I guess I have been lucky.
As I said above his daughters mother according to my husband is not much better. She was a stripper at a local strip club. That is how they met. I did not find that out until after we were married. She has told me stuff and when I questioned him he said she was the liar not him.
I have read all the advice on all of these posts and I constantly think about it. I am working through this with the help of everyone responding to me. I have cried numerous times reading these posts. This is a big help.
Please continue to offer advice to me. It is giving me strength and letting me know that the behavior he is showing is wrong.
I have only found where he has looked at teen porn which states 18 years or older. Which is still bad due to us having teenage girls around that age. I only know of certain web sites he gets on. I don’t know if he looks at anything other than 18 and above. Everyone says he doesn’t love me and doesn’t love his daughter or mine. So, why does he say it then to all of us? Just for piece of mind on our end???
I do not want to stay in this situation. I have called my priest and I have an appointment this week. I contacted my attorney about two months ago. She knows everything but I have to come up with the money for that as well. I haven’t called the DV hotline as of yet. I have been standing up for myself but all that does is getting in trouble. After yesterday, the best thing for me is to not say anything when he starts.
As far as my stepdaughter, she does see her mother but she is just as bad as my husband. My husband or even his parents would never allow me to have her. I am not even sure that his parents are good for her either at this point. They tend to have the same issues that my husband does.
Why would I lie about any of this? It clearly has happened. I already know that he will turn it into being my fault. He has already done that we several things. He is the type of person who will put the blame elsewhere. He won’t accept any responsibility whatsoever. I will take your advice and look up narcissistic personality disorder.
I do worry about the material things as well as my children. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I want to be happy and I want my children to be happy. I know that for once I need to think of my children first instead of him. It has been a long time. He has always been first and then the kids. I have to change my way of thinking and doing things. We are already experiencing the effects of my husband with my children. I have one that is starting counseling this week and I have to get the other one set up and then I am starting as well.
As far as my parents, I am not ready to turn to them for help. There are some issues there that need to be worked out.
You are right I have been trying to justify that this is a bad situation and I need to get out. I have also put blame on me. That it is just me and he has done nothing wrong and that it is ok what he does. I know now more than ever that he is wrong. It is not right because if it was right I wouldn’t be feeling the way I feel right now. You are right. I would tell my children to leave if they were experiencing the same thing I am. I would tell them that if he wasn’t willing to change then there is no sense of you staying in this relationship. I understand completely what you are saying about their lives looking dim. I am to be their example and I haven’t been a great one.
I don’t know if he is taking pictures of the girls and photo shopping them. I do know that he has taken pictures of himself and have posted them. I found the pictures of him. I showed his counselor at that time and he didn’t think anything of it. I know that I should have said about what he does but it isn’t worth the fight because he will not change but it also causes me to not stand up for what I believe and it makes me the bad person because of me not being dishonest and not coming forth. This has always bothered me. I don’t want to get in trouble nor do I want to fight about it either due to the consequences.
I know what he does is very wrong. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t know that. I know that him throwing things at me is wrong too. I don’t want him to hit me. I guess I have been lucky.
As I said above his daughters mother according to my husband is not much better. She was a stripper at a local strip club. That is how they met. I did not find that out until after we were married. She has told me stuff and when I questioned him he said she was the liar not him.
I have read all the advice on all of these posts and I constantly think about it. I am working through this with the help of everyone responding to me. I have cried numerous times reading these posts. This is a big help.
Please continue to offer advice to me. It is giving me strength and letting me know that the behavior he is showing is wrong.
M
monicatholic
Guest
heather, what does this mean? are you OK?
L
Liberanosamalo
Guest
Typical narcissistic tactic…
make it so unpleasant when someone raises valid objections to your behavior that they never try that again!
So he met a woman in a strip club. That makes him the kind of guy that hangs out at strip clubs. It was okay to make a baby with her, but she wasn’t good enough to keep her own child? He’s still the kind of guy who goes to strip clubs. But he doesnt’ have to now. He just brings the strippers into your house and through your computer.
Whatever the flaws of the woman who mothered that girl, I am sure he told a lot of lies. And she probably didn’t have the money or resources to hire a lawyer to keep custody of her own child.
make it so unpleasant when someone raises valid objections to your behavior that they never try that again!
So he met a woman in a strip club. That makes him the kind of guy that hangs out at strip clubs. It was okay to make a baby with her, but she wasn’t good enough to keep her own child? He’s still the kind of guy who goes to strip clubs. But he doesnt’ have to now. He just brings the strippers into your house and through your computer.
Whatever the flaws of the woman who mothered that girl, I am sure he told a lot of lies. And she probably didn’t have the money or resources to hire a lawyer to keep custody of her own child.
H
heather0370
Guest
Monicatholic
I am fine. What I meant is that it is just better left unsaid. If I don’t say anything to my husband things are fine. There is no fighting. He is always right there are no exceptions.
Thank you for being concerned. I just got to get the strength to stand up to him. I am tired of this same stuff happening over and over again. I am tired!!!
Liberanosamalo
You are correct. My husband is very self centered and everything is about him. Thanks for the advice.
I am fine. What I meant is that it is just better left unsaid. If I don’t say anything to my husband things are fine. There is no fighting. He is always right there are no exceptions.
Thank you for being concerned. I just got to get the strength to stand up to him. I am tired of this same stuff happening over and over again. I am tired!!!
Liberanosamalo
You are correct. My husband is very self centered and everything is about him. Thanks for the advice.
H
horselvr
Guest
Ok so, you and the kids are still living with this creep? 
What does it take?
Ya know what? Let him go on believing he is right? No need to confront him. Here’s what you do need to be doing beside protecting you and the kids:
Planning for your future. Away from him and understanding that you and the kids will have a good life—away from him.
Oh but of course his ex wife is a stripper, a low life, a liar—should I go on? And you believed this because of course she had to be the bad one. It just never ceases to amaze me how it’s all th ex’s fault. Well, now I think you can see what a piece of pond scum HE really is.
Have you spoken with your kids to see if this prince has been taking pics of them?
You might want to be a little more pro-active where the safety of the kids is concerned.
“Everyone says he doesn’t love me and doesn’t love his daughter or mine. So, why does he say it then to all of us?”
My God Heather!!! He tells you he loves you to control you. Get it??
Do his actions tell you he loves you? NO!! Now, get a grip and grow a set of brass ones.
And why on earth would you even want this perverts love ?
“As far as my parents, I am not ready to turn to them for help.”
Oh, I see. But you are perfectly prepared to have your kids live in this hell house.
Whatever.
It is no wonder why your parents are trying to get the kids. God bless them.
What does it take?
Ya know what? Let him go on believing he is right? No need to confront him. Here’s what you do need to be doing beside protecting you and the kids:
Planning for your future. Away from him and understanding that you and the kids will have a good life—away from him.
Oh but of course his ex wife is a stripper, a low life, a liar—should I go on? And you believed this because of course she had to be the bad one. It just never ceases to amaze me how it’s all th ex’s fault. Well, now I think you can see what a piece of pond scum HE really is.
Have you spoken with your kids to see if this prince has been taking pics of them?
You might want to be a little more pro-active where the safety of the kids is concerned.
“Everyone says he doesn’t love me and doesn’t love his daughter or mine. So, why does he say it then to all of us?”
My God Heather!!!
He tells you he loves you to control you. Get it??Do his actions tell you he loves you? NO!! Now, get a grip and grow a set of brass ones.
And why on earth would you even want this perverts love ?
“As far as my parents, I am not ready to turn to them for help.”
Oh, I see. But you are perfectly prepared to have your kids live in this hell house.
Whatever.
It is no wonder why your parents are trying to get the kids. God bless them.
H
heather0370
Guest
Here is another questions for everyone:
I recently found out that my husband has been stealing from his own mother. My kids have seen him going through her purse and I have caught him myself. I feel I should tell her but would like some advice as to what you think as well. Should I tell her that he has done this or leave it be???
I recently found out that my husband has been stealing from his own mother. My kids have seen him going through her purse and I have caught him myself. I feel I should tell her but would like some advice as to what you think as well. Should I tell her that he has done this or leave it be???
H
horselvr
Guest
Goodmorning Heather:
I think I would leave it alone and put my energy into emancipation.
It seems as though his parents are as goofy as he is.
No, I wouldn’t say one word about that and just keep going forward making plans and working towards providing a good decent and content life for you and the kids.
I think I would leave it alone and put my energy into emancipation.
It seems as though his parents are as goofy as he is.
No, I wouldn’t say one word about that and just keep going forward making plans and working towards providing a good decent and content life for you and the kids.
L
Liberanosamalo
Guest
He’ll deny it, or claim he caught you looking through her purse and stealing and the YOU will become the target for both of them.
Stay out of it. Just get out of there now! He’s probably been stealing from you and your kids too!
Stay out of it. Just get out of there now! He’s probably been stealing from you and your kids too!
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