H
heather0370
Guest
I am divorced, received an annulment, and remarried again. I have 3 children of my own and my husband has custody of his daughter. My husband and I dated for almost 5 years before getting married. At the same time my husband and I started dating I was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin lymphoma. I had to undergo radiation and chemotherapy. About a year before we were to get married, I left him move in with me so that we could save up to get married. This upset my parents greatly. They did not care for him.
I was sick and tired all the time from the treatments that I was undergoing. He understood but he didn’t. I was still working full-time. We got a computer at this time to help get some of the wedding stuff done. I didn’t find out until after we had married what was going on. I was so busy with preparing for the wedding (which I basically did everything myself), working and taking care of the kids, house, work, and taking care of me as far as my treatments. There were issues with my husband hitting his daughter, pushing or grabbing her.
Shortly after we got married, he started surfing the Internet in our dining room when our kids were in the living room. He would tell them to say in the room. When he first started to do this, I said to him you do not need to be on stuff like that especially with the kids in the other room. He said all men do this. NO, they don’t! He said I have looked at porn magazines, DVD, and have sent a lot of time at the strip clubs for a long time. This is the first that I found out he did this. At this point, I was too tired and sick to fight about this. So it was left go. I did find where he had quite a few magazines and DVD in our basement. What he did then was he would wait till I went to bed or after we had our sexual activity he would say I am going down stairs to watch TV or get a drink. One night I kept myself up and waited for a while before going down stairs. He gets on the computer or goes down stairs to watch his movies and look at his books to masturbate even after we had our sexual activity. I caught him. He was so furious with me. I said to him. You need to get help. He said I am a typical man. I said NO you are not. This has gone on for years.
He got caught stealing at his part time job. He lost his full time job. We were having problems due to the use of the porn use etc. He went to court. He started seeing a counselor. I couldn’t believe he did this. He found another job. The counselor wanted to see me as well for couple’s therapy. My husband would tell the counselor what he wanted to hear so when I spoke the truth he would lie about it. I started tracking him to get evidence. I showed the counselor but I would not let him show my husband the evidence. He would bring it up and he would say no he is not but he was. Child and Youth came into our home to investigate us due to him surfing the Internet and the kids seeing and knowing he was on those sites. He would save it on our home computer and the kids had access to it. We told the truth but somehow he lied to them and there was nothing filed against him. I didn’t know he had stuff at the house again. He told me he got rid of all of it. I was so stupid. He has a bunch at the house still. He stopped at that point looking at the magazines, DVDs, and surfing the Internet at home for a short time. He had a job of driving truck. He was stopping at those adult stores and buying magazines and DVDs. He then started looking on the Internet again. He would save the girls pictures on cds. He had several accounts with some of the sites. He started talking with the girls. He would make sexual comments to them and at one point; he was going to meet someone at a local club. He didn’t know that I knew any of this and still till this day he doesn’t know that I know he has the porn materials and that he surfs the Internet still. I couldn’t/can’t understand why he was doing this. He was getting his sexual activity almost every night.
The counselor dismissed us and said we need to make a promise to each other. I kept up to my promise to my husband but my husband has not kept to his and that was not to look at the porn materials or chat with the girls. He doesn’t chat with the girls but he still views the material and watch the DVD. He downloads porn on the computer. The kids have been exposed to this for a long time and they don’t understand. He says that I am not letting him be a man that I am treating him as a child. That is not the case. He gets sex 5-6 times a week. So, I don’t understand why he needs to. He doesn’t respect me. There is so much more.
My youngest just saw him on the computer looking at porn sites Monday. She is angry/ upset and doesn’t understand. My oldest is the same way. My son moved out of my home due to my husband. I believe my husband has a problem. We do not have the same values or morals. Everything he stands for goes against what I believe and how I was brought up. I have been trying to get out of this situation for about year and for some reason I won’t leave. I am scared and fear him. He has a temper. He has thrown things at me but missed me (pots, silverware, tools, wood etc) when I speak my peace. I lost my son due to my husband. My girls are not happy and neither am I. One of my daughters and myself are suffering from depression due to everything. She is in counseling and I will be starting in the week or so. Just yesterday my oldest daughter said to me, mom you are not happy. Why are we still here? I said I don’t know. She said that her and her sister would do what ever it is that needs to be done as long as you are happy. Him looking at the porn materials bothers them and they see it sometimes whether he knows they do or night.
Sorry for writing such a large post. I want to make sure that I am thinking right. I need your help and advice.
I was sick and tired all the time from the treatments that I was undergoing. He understood but he didn’t. I was still working full-time. We got a computer at this time to help get some of the wedding stuff done. I didn’t find out until after we had married what was going on. I was so busy with preparing for the wedding (which I basically did everything myself), working and taking care of the kids, house, work, and taking care of me as far as my treatments. There were issues with my husband hitting his daughter, pushing or grabbing her.
Shortly after we got married, he started surfing the Internet in our dining room when our kids were in the living room. He would tell them to say in the room. When he first started to do this, I said to him you do not need to be on stuff like that especially with the kids in the other room. He said all men do this. NO, they don’t! He said I have looked at porn magazines, DVD, and have sent a lot of time at the strip clubs for a long time. This is the first that I found out he did this. At this point, I was too tired and sick to fight about this. So it was left go. I did find where he had quite a few magazines and DVD in our basement. What he did then was he would wait till I went to bed or after we had our sexual activity he would say I am going down stairs to watch TV or get a drink. One night I kept myself up and waited for a while before going down stairs. He gets on the computer or goes down stairs to watch his movies and look at his books to masturbate even after we had our sexual activity. I caught him. He was so furious with me. I said to him. You need to get help. He said I am a typical man. I said NO you are not. This has gone on for years.
He got caught stealing at his part time job. He lost his full time job. We were having problems due to the use of the porn use etc. He went to court. He started seeing a counselor. I couldn’t believe he did this. He found another job. The counselor wanted to see me as well for couple’s therapy. My husband would tell the counselor what he wanted to hear so when I spoke the truth he would lie about it. I started tracking him to get evidence. I showed the counselor but I would not let him show my husband the evidence. He would bring it up and he would say no he is not but he was. Child and Youth came into our home to investigate us due to him surfing the Internet and the kids seeing and knowing he was on those sites. He would save it on our home computer and the kids had access to it. We told the truth but somehow he lied to them and there was nothing filed against him. I didn’t know he had stuff at the house again. He told me he got rid of all of it. I was so stupid. He has a bunch at the house still. He stopped at that point looking at the magazines, DVDs, and surfing the Internet at home for a short time. He had a job of driving truck. He was stopping at those adult stores and buying magazines and DVDs. He then started looking on the Internet again. He would save the girls pictures on cds. He had several accounts with some of the sites. He started talking with the girls. He would make sexual comments to them and at one point; he was going to meet someone at a local club. He didn’t know that I knew any of this and still till this day he doesn’t know that I know he has the porn materials and that he surfs the Internet still. I couldn’t/can’t understand why he was doing this. He was getting his sexual activity almost every night.
The counselor dismissed us and said we need to make a promise to each other. I kept up to my promise to my husband but my husband has not kept to his and that was not to look at the porn materials or chat with the girls. He doesn’t chat with the girls but he still views the material and watch the DVD. He downloads porn on the computer. The kids have been exposed to this for a long time and they don’t understand. He says that I am not letting him be a man that I am treating him as a child. That is not the case. He gets sex 5-6 times a week. So, I don’t understand why he needs to. He doesn’t respect me. There is so much more.
My youngest just saw him on the computer looking at porn sites Monday. She is angry/ upset and doesn’t understand. My oldest is the same way. My son moved out of my home due to my husband. I believe my husband has a problem. We do not have the same values or morals. Everything he stands for goes against what I believe and how I was brought up. I have been trying to get out of this situation for about year and for some reason I won’t leave. I am scared and fear him. He has a temper. He has thrown things at me but missed me (pots, silverware, tools, wood etc) when I speak my peace. I lost my son due to my husband. My girls are not happy and neither am I. One of my daughters and myself are suffering from depression due to everything. She is in counseling and I will be starting in the week or so. Just yesterday my oldest daughter said to me, mom you are not happy. Why are we still here? I said I don’t know. She said that her and her sister would do what ever it is that needs to be done as long as you are happy. Him looking at the porn materials bothers them and they see it sometimes whether he knows they do or night.
Sorry for writing such a large post. I want to make sure that I am thinking right. I need your help and advice.
