Loud children at Mass. thoughts?

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I am a 27 year old convert. I remember once that I took one of my brothers, who is a non-catholic like the rest of my family, to mass with me. Before mass began I started to explain aspects of the mass and liturgy before it officially begun. Well, there was special music happening before hand where someone was singing “Ave Maria”, and it was quiet lovely. As I was explaining the mass to my brother a woman, probably in her late 60s, insistently kept telling me to shush so she could hear the music.

My brother’s take away, “I felt like your church was a little standoffish”. I wonder if Christ was pleased that day? A woman got to listen to the special music, and a soul probably went off further away. ,

I have two small children, which I take to mass every week, 2 and 6 months. My 6 month old is wonderful. He babbles a little bit, but he isn’t too bad. My 2 year old, she is CRAZY. We discipline her, and try to distract her throughout the mass, but it’s hard because than we end up missing large chunks of the mass as well. The only times we can possibly (somewhat) contain her and still participate is if we distract her with snacks, books, and by me constantly narrating the mass to her.

We get dirty looks all the time, mostly from older individuals. I’m not trying to generalize older mass goers, but I’ve gotten so much negativity from other Catholics in the pews regarding my children at times it’s actually makes me a little bitter. I look around and see a bunch of gray hairs and think to myself, “I wonder if you are the reason the mass rates in the States have fallen drastically, so you could contain your serene tidy culture.” I’m not proud of these thoughts.

I refuse to leave my kids at home, they deserve to experience the mass no matter their age;they need the graces flowing from the altar.

In 2017 an average of 39% of Catholics attended mass, down from 45% in 2008. Keep glaring at families with children, and making forums about how loud the children are at your mass, perhaps we can get the number down to 25%.
 
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SpeakInSilence said:
Keep glaring at families with children, and making forums about how loud the children are at your mass, perhaps we can get the number down to 25%.
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Please read the original post.
I’m not talking about (or glaring at) parents with kids who talk, or laugh, or make noises here or there.

I’m talking about kids who literally treat the pews like a jungle gym, scream through the whole service, and go out of their way to distract others all while the parents ignore them.

I’m not an old lady giving the stink eye to little billy when he giggles or sneezes.
I’m a young adult who simply can’t hear the homily or readings through most of the service.

I appreciate your insight though. It’s never okay to drive people away from the Church.
 
If adults excessively give parents with young children the stink eye, should those adults be removed from church? Don’t you think they are old enough to have learned better? Is their rude behavior clearly the result of their parents failures? Can there be a special room for them so their failure to control their facial expressions doesn’t disturb the rest of us?
 
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I have read the original post and my post would remain the same. Do you think a deaf individual receives less grace at mass then you do because they cannot hear?

Most homilies I have ever heard haven’t much to listen to anyway (that’s a bit facetious) and you can always read from a lectionary.

The funny thing is that you assume these parents aren’t dying inside when their kids act up, and they AREN’T disciplining their child in some way outside of the mass. Perhaps they don’t see the mass as a place to lay down a heavy hand. IDK.

You said your children are pretty good, and you’re a young adult? What did you do when your child would make silly faces and smile at the couple in the pew behind you? Spank her?

Are you saying that children running around the mass and on the altar a normal thing at your mass, weekly? If so that is one thing, but if it happens occasionally… than I’m still a little confused.
 
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They seem pretty calm to be “dying inside”

Spank them? Why so extreme?
My kid Make a funny face? Not even what I’m talking about…
If my kids act up, I won’t be heavy handed, but I would do…SOMETHING to try and calm them down.
If I have a baby or child screaming in my arms, after a few minutes I’d expect myself to at least bounce him on my lap, pacify him, walk with him, not just leave him in a carrier or seat to holler.

No, it’s not usually that bad, but when it is, it’s severely distracting.
I just think the parent can do more than nothing, that’s all.
 
In our Catholic faith we initiate our children, usually as infants, through the sacrament of Baptism. They have as much right to be present at Mass as you or I. I don’t see how we can initiate babies into the faith, then not welcome them at Mass until they are almost ready to receive Holly Communion, and then expect them to want to continue to attend Mass. Lack of young adult involvement is a real problem. Every child should be welcomed, made to feel part of the community, and encouraged to grow in faith.
 
There should be many children at masses. That’s a sign of a lot of married Catholic couples who are having babies. Children are noisy. And noise is annoying. There’s nothing new about that, and its a universally disliked thing.

But that children are at mass is so much greater a supernatural good than the minor natural evil of my annoyance of them.

Catholics should be having more children than the seculars of the culture around us. We should be outbreeding them.
 
Then how would you suggest parents maintain Sunday obligation? I totally get the stink eye. My daughter is 3 and has always been socially awkward. It doesn’t help when the stink eye before anything happens or if the child is cooing or babbling. My daughter cries now as soon as she sees the church building. She immediately becomes upset if I even say, You want to go see Jesus and Mary. She says no, stay home. As a struggling convert already, an unwelcoming parish just adds to my dilemma. And yes, I have tried multiple parishes. And yes, against my better judgment, had given in those cry rooms (closets). With a child who is hesitant around strangers, crowds, being packed like sardines in a can isn’t an enjoyable Mass for child or parent. Cry rooms aren’t sound proof either. With all the trouble the Church has as of late I don’t really need another reason to just stay home. But, it appears that I should for at least another year or longer should God gives us another child. Miss the Mass and congregation of old. Imo, the church has adopted society’s mantra of WIIFM.
 
I usually stay home with out 2 year old while my wife takes the other two kids.

I spend more time walking around the gathering space with him than in church, and rather than get dirty looks because of him (or I myself would get them once in a while), and having the awkward “no, I don’t want communion” from the traveling EMHC, she told me to just keep him home.

Maybe in a year or two we’ll start coming back.
 
It may not be ideal but if it is just babbling and not too loud I’d accept it.
 
The National associciation for the Education of Young Children believe that children 9 and younger should not be in an environment that requires that the sit still for more then 30 minutes. And recommend anyone under 5 or 6 no more then 10 minutes. As their minds have not completed the preoperational stage of human development.
 
That’s why you say screaming. Babbling does not bring loud to my mind.

As I said if I think the screaming is due to a genuine need - deal with the need. If it is because the child wants to get out of mass I would not give in. I know it’s hard on others but I think it’s probably the best long term method for the child.
 
Then maybe we should wait u til 9 to baptize our children.

Better yet maybe parents should get dispensation from attending Mass until the woman is 9 years past child bearing years.
 
So my spiritual life is less important than yours. Of course it is and people like you have managed to convince me. I’ve attended Mass maybe once in the last 6 months and I was sure to leave my child at home with her Dad. So his spiritual life was put on hold for me that day. Not that the Catholic churches in our area are that warm anyway, child or no child. Thought seriously about returning to the Protestant world, while they lack in Truth, they do not Protest children. A priest once told me I didn’t have to be Catholic anyway, regardless if I have the knowledge. He said he knew a Jew who did a paper on one of the Gospels, so learned the Truth of the Church, however did not convert because she could be a better Jew than Catholic so that was okay. So maybe I should return to my Protestant roots so my family can attend church during the child bearing and early child rearing years.
 
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Um…you should read the post just on top of this one…I think OP was more sarcastic though. 🤷‍♂️
 
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I said that already.

I feel sorry for you that you would even think that is what parents should do.

Thanks for continuing the work of alienating folks that don’t meet the criteria you have set for attending Mass.

You say I should not dare to accuse you of WIIFM disease, yet you convey your spiritual life is more important than mine.

Maybe you should suggest to your priest, bishop or pope that we add an Adult Only Mass to the line up.

Lord have mercy.
 
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