Loud children at Mass. thoughts?

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Yeah, people who don’t like strangers interacting with their kids should not allow their kids to interact with the world. Or better yet, get over it.
 
Of course every parent thinks their kid(s) are the best ever…even if others think they’re noisy little so-and so’s…best thing to do if your church has various mass times is to find a mass that has the least amount of babies/young children…maybe an evening mass…or early morning mass…that’s mainly old codgers like me.
 
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Our pastor did something similar, but to our perpetual Eucharistic adoration chapel. There is one day a month that families with young children (5/under) are invited to bring their children to adoration. The idea is to teach them how to behave in adoration & to get used to it. However, it just turns into a one hour playgroup. Our usually very quiet & reverent chapel is now crawling with kids running, dropping food everywhere (food is not permitted for anyone in the chapel at any time), toys being banged on the pews, mothers chatting away like it’s playgroup. Other parishioners now completely avoid the chapel at this time.

We had a mtg about the chapel a few weeks ago & a mother said that she’d like to take a permanent hour, but didn’t feel welcome in the chapel because her child is very loud & active & tantrums frequently. Fr told her that was just fine & that anyone w/children are allowed to visit the chapel any time, no matter how the kids act. One sensible mom tried to intervene by saying maybe the moms w/ noisy little ones could watch the sub list (there are requests every day/all hours) & to choose one of those so it was just the two of them in there & no worry about disturbing others. But Fr responded that it wasn’t necessary & that they should come anytime.

The chapel was literally the last refuge for many people - away from the busyness of the world that distracts from prayer & reflection. No cell phones or electronic devices permitted, no talking, just peace. Now it’s frequently a madhouse & people are resigning from their scheduled hours & visiting a different chapel instead, attendance/coverage has dropped so significantly that we’re going to have to close it for several hours a day instead of the 24/7 we’ve been offering for 35 years.

He’s very stubborn & does not welcome (name removed by moderator)ut from anyone & was already upset that it was becoming difficult to find coverage for some of the hours, now the problem has quadrupled. I wish the moms could understand that there are just times in your life that you don’t get to do everything you want to - kids do hold you back for awhile. But it’s just temporary. While it’s great you want to expose your children to God, Mass, adoration, etc., it’s not unreasonable for some wish not to hear your children screaming, chattering really loudly, banging toys, climbing over/under the pews, running up/down the aisles, etc. while you smile & watch.

Even those of us who have children are horrified, we don’t understand. Not to mention the elderly who may be very sensitive to sound, people who are ill taking medication that makes chaos very difficult for them, people who are mentally ill, those with ptsd, etc. And the poor cleaning lady who spends 5 hours every Monday cleaning up crushed cheerios, cheetos, gummies, etc from on, under & around the pews.

This is just a season in your lives, your little ones will grow before you know it. Until then, all people are asking is that you make a bit of a sacrifice by switching off with your spouse & attending Mass separately, switching w/another family, grandparents, etc until your child is able to sit relatively quietly through the Mass so everyone can participate.
 
Peebo said:
Of course every parent thinks their kid(s) are the best ever…even if others think they’re noisy little so-and so’s…best thing to do if your church has various mass times is to find a mass that has the least amount of babies/young children…maybe an evening mass…or early morning mass…that’s mainly old codgers like me.
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Ha! Not me. In my experience, though, many parents who have raised their children look upon the past through rose-colored glasses and think that their kids never behaved badly.

The most beautiful sound in the church is the sound of somebody else’s crying baby or ill-behaved child because it isn’t mine (this time). As I am moving out of this stage of life and my children are (mostly) well-behaved, I pray I will never forget how difficult this stage of life has been. My youngest is now 3 and the only time we have to leave the church is to use the bathroom. I’ve been dealing with little ones in church for 16 years.
 
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Mine are older now (we have 6) 3 of them with ADHD, one with aspergers and one with sensory issues. The older 3 are fine.

I’ll admit that when they were younger, I was protestant so kids are in Sunday School during the service until they are 4-5. It’s a BIG DEAL to “graduate” from the nursery/Sunday school and go to big church so kids were always very quiet and reverent.

It was a HUGE shock when I converted, Mass is so loud_emphasized text_. But I adapt by attending a Mass that doesn’t have a lot of toddler/preschool children attending and babies crying doesn’t bother me. Plus I carry Earplugs in case there is a cougher that won’t get up and get a drink/get their inhaler/blow their nose or a sniffer that won’t get a tissue. I have misophonia and know I’m going to be bothered by things other people don’t even notice so I adapt.
 
There was a baby behind us last night whose family came in after we did. I expected problems and thought “oh no”, but he was quiet during the whole Mass. I think he had a bottle and was as quiet as could be.
I was pleasantly surprised.
 
Babies usually sleep through the mass and when they cry, people are a lot more understanding. They know that’s what babies do.

It’s toddlers who hate to be confined that cause the most commotion. One hour is too long for them to sit still. Five minutes is too long for them to sit still.
 
At Liturgy last night there was a baby that screamed the entire time. 🙁
 
Usually the parents take the baby out as soon as the screaming starts in my parish.

If that had happened when I’m attending mass, I’d have thought I was on an airplane.

Screaming babies go hand in hand with airplane trips.
 
Yeah, most parents do but there is one family in my parish that routinely doesn’t.
 
We had a very good Mass today.

I gave Baby Girl a pep talk in the car on the way to church, with me quizzing Baby Girl on our expectations. (Baby Girl is highly motivated, as she has a church sticker sheet that she’s about to collect on, but she’s been having a hard time getting stickers the last couple months.) I made it very clear to Baby Girl that if she doesn’t like a toy, that she can pass it back to me, but 90%of the time, there’s no reason to talk in church, aside from asking for the bathroom.

We went to a more favorable Mass (one at a larger church where bad behavior would be less painfully evident). We made it a while into Mass before she started to need fidget toys. She cycled through them pretty fast and eventually didn’t want more. Eventually, she was lying on my and my husband’s lap and wanting her back rubbed, but she wasn’t loud or disobedient.

I’ve ordered Magnifikids, but she doesn’t read yet.

I’d like her to eventually graduate to sitting up during Mass, but just being quiet and cooperative is a huge step forward for us.

She’s now two stickers away from filling out her church sticker sheet. She’s highly motivated (she knows what she wants as a prize), but sometimes the spirit is willing, while the flesh is weak.

Edited to add: On the previous Sunday, I had to haul her out of church mid-way through Mass.
 
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My baby is getting trickier as I think she is learning to talk and she often makes happy noises when someone is speaking. I used to time a breastfeed during the readings, that always used to keep her quiet.

To be fair at least she smiles at everyone.
 
Anesis said:
This is just a season in your lives, your little ones will grow before you know it. Until then, all people are asking is that you make a bit of a sacrifice by switching off with your spouse & attending Mass separately, switching w/another family, grandparents, etc until your child is able to sit relatively quietly through the Mass so everyone can participate.
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I’ve been following and participating in this thread for awhile and attitudes like this make me really sad. Parents should take reasonable actions to make sure their kids can behave to the best of their ability and according to their ages.

But to suggest that only certain children are welcome at Mass? Switching off is not feasible for a lot of people. (For example, my husband is often on call and cannot stay with our son alone in case he gets a call and needs to go into the office.) Are kids who have disabilities never going to be allowed at Mass unless they can learn to “sit quietly”? (Some may never be able to do this.) Additionally, how are kids supposed to learn how to behave at Mass if they never go?

I get being annoyed by loud, unruly children- especially if their parents don’t seem to be doing much about it. But telling parents to just keep their kids away, which may also mean parents can’t go to Mass, does not make for the type of community we are supposed to be.
 
Clementine14 said:
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Anesis:
This is just a season in your lives, your little ones will grow before you know it. Until then, all people are asking is that you make a bit of a sacrifice by switching off with your spouse & attending Mass separately, switching w/another family, grandparents, etc until your child is able to sit relatively quietly through the Mass so everyone can participate.
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I’ve been following and participating in this thread for awhile and attitudes like this make me really sad. Parents should take reasonable actions to make sure their kids can behave to the best of their ability and according to their ages.

But to suggest that only certain children are welcome at Mass? Switching off is not feasible for a lot of people. (For example, my husband is often on call and cannot stay with our son alone in case he gets a call and needs to go into the office.) Are kids who have disabilities never going to be allowed at Mass unless they can learn to “sit quietly”? (Some may never be able to do this.) Additionally, how are kids supposed to learn how to behave at Mass if they never go?

I get being annoyed by loud, unruly children- especially if their parents don’t seem to be doing much about it. But telling parents to just keep their kids away, which may also mean parents can’t go to Mass, does not make for the type of community we are supposed to be.
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But it isn’t for ever, you see. When we had three under six, we didn’t take them until they were two years old ,(fortunately we had a very helpful neighbour to leave the youngest with) as we considered it wasn’t fair to anyone, including the toddler in question, to expect them to behave like an older child… Once they were two, we expected good behaviour and it helped that they copied the older ones.
All of these people saying that they have to take a young child to Mass to teach them how to behave in church, and if they don’t take them while they are young how will they learn and eventually they do behave better so doesn’t that just prove that taking them .from babyhood works……. I’ve got news for you. They haven’t learnt that much really, they’ve just got older and less self-centred which means that conforming (acting like a big girl/boy) is now important to them, which it wasn’t so much before.
 
paperwight said:
But it isn’t for ever, you see. When we had three under six, we didn’t take them until they were two years old ,(fortunately we had a very helpful neighbour to leave the youngest with) as we considered it wasn’t fair to anyone, including the toddler in question, to expect them to behave like an older child… Once they were two, we expected good behaviour and it helped that they copied the older ones.
All of these people saying that they have to take a young child to Mass to teach them how to behave in church, and if they don’t take them while they are young how will they learn and eventually they do behave better so doesn’t that just prove that taking them .from babyhood works……. I’ve got news for you. They haven’t learnt that much really, they’ve just got older and less self-centred which means that conforming (acting like a big girl/boy) is now important to them, which it wasn’t so much before.
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  1. You had a neighbor to watch your kids. Some people have no one, not even the spouse can do it. I suppose I’m just supposed to never go to Mass myself.
  2. No, it isn’t fair to expect a toddler to behave like an older child. Everyone at Mass should know that.
  3. My son has sensory processing disorder. He NEEDS to be exposed to situations over and over again so that he can acclimate to them and his responses are less severe. (Sometimes he will be overwhelmed regardless.) I’ve been told on this very thread that my son’s diagnosis is just made up. I know I am not the only one with a kid who has special needs to gets nasty looks and comments from other parishioners (despite my willingness to remove him from the building if things are too out of hand). So yes, this is how some kids do learn to behave in church.
If parents feel it’s better to keep their kids home and have the resources to do so, that’s fine. But to the rest of us who aren’t always able to attend Mass without our kids that irritate everyone else, the message I get here is that I should just not come. That he (and I by extension) are not welcome. Frankly, I dread going to Mass. I actually have stayed home with my son on bad days when I knew it wouldn’t go well. I stay in the crying room when we can. I do everything I can to help him cope so that we can be faithful Catholics, but to some of the people on this thread that’s not enough.

I feel like I’ve said this a lot on this thread, but you don’t ever know what is going on with someone else’s family or kids. Even if there are no particular special needs, maybe one of the parents is going through a health crisis or just has a migraine that day. Parishioners should just assume the best and try to be kind.
 
Clementine14 said:
I feel like I’ve said this a lot on this thread, but you don’t ever know what is going on with someone else’s family or kids. Even if there are no particular special needs, maybe one of the parents is going through a health crisis or just has a migraine that day. Parishioners should just assume the best and try to be kind.
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Indeed, but parents don’t know what other parishioners are going through either. Whether it be a health crisis or migraine. I just happen to think consideration is a two way street.
 
This is a joint partnership between local airports the tsa and the airlines that serve those airports. Happens all over the country. Something to think about at least for some kids.

www.wral.com

Children with autism spread their wings with practice flight at RDU

Boarding an airplane can be a little nerve-wrecking for anybody, but it can be especially difficult for parents of children with autism. A special program is now giving families a little extra help in preparing children to take a flight.
www.wral.com www.wral.com
 
I don’t find children nearly as distracting as adults (who should know better) yakking it up in the pews.
 
We used to have a problem with noisy kids and screaming babies but for whatever reason, things have calmed and quieted down.
 
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