Loud children at Mass. thoughts?

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babochka said:
I have no reason not to believe her and I do believe her, but I have never seen such outrageous behavior in a church from kids and families who go to church regularly.
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I haven’t run into this much, either. Once in awhile some child will decide to get really loud and it seems like the whole church goes into a chorus, but I haven’t run into the horror stories with truly loud toys or the ones where there is gooey food left in the pews, that kind of thing. For the most part, there is always some noise but it doesn’t last for long on most Sundays.
babochka said:
It was a horrific and uncomfortable experience to watch a boy drop his Gameboy into the grave and then crawl down to retrieve it.
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Oh, wow, now there’s a family story. Hope Grandpa had a sense of humor!
Yes, the Christmas Eve “Family” Masses can be a bit wild, when all the kids are wound up like 8-day clocks. Those don’t really count.
 
I have seen “childrens church”" where children are dismissed at the start of mass with some lay teachers and the lectionary for children to go into another room and hear the readings explained at their level and come back at the time of the creed… Only drawback is the adults doing this may miss out on homilies. The infants went to the cry room with parents. that had a closed curcuit TB watching Mass if the room was remote
 
Gabika50 said:
Only drawback is the adults doing this may miss out on homilies
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Care of children is a valid reason for one to miss mass.

If pastor’s homilies are super interesting, I am sure the workers can attend another Mass and hear it.
 
I generally don’t notice whether or not a parent is disciplining their child because I keep my eyes closed during the Mass; this limits any distractions to being purely auditory.

If I do hear someone or something that distracts me from my focus and prayer, I then bring that to God, acknowledge that I was distracted, and then pray for that child, that parent, that person, etc… that they themselves may no longer be distracted and that God’s grace may captivate their attention.

When parents of young children sit in the front pews, it often helps to keep children from being distracted because they can actually see what is going on. It is a lot to ask of a young child to just repetitively sit and stand quietly when the only thing they can see is the heads and the behinds of the people in front of them. Rather than relegating families to the back of the church or a cry room where children learn that they don’t have to pay attention and that it is just play time for an hour, encourage families to sit near the front.

This is unfortunately also a contributing factor for the loss of many young Catholic families who feel unwelcome during some of the most difficult stages of parenting. Parents who lack a strong catechesis and a devotion to the sacraments in their own lives feel it would be better to just stay home, or go to another church that is more welcoming, which often times is a different denomination.

At our parish, we have “Mass bags” for families to pick up at the beginning of Mass for their young children to use that have a variety of religious themed items inside: children’s books on the Mass, children’s bibles, saint books, shining light dolls, rosary’s, etc.

We also encourage families to sit near the front and the ones who have moved to the front have all seen a drastic improvement in their children’s behavior. Another fruit of this is that children who sit near the front often ask more questions of their parents regarding what they have seen and experienced during the Mass. This gives parents both the opportunity to teach their children about the faith, as well as stoke their own responsibility to know and pass on their faith. Parents must take ownership and delve deeper into their faith in order to address the beautifully simple questions that a child can present.

While children can be a distraction at Mass, I find the adults far more distracting. Those who show up late, leave early, talk through the Mass, return from receiving the Eucharist immediately sit down and discuss their brunch plans, those who point & whisper at the “distracting family over there” while ignoring the plank in their own eye, etc.

A distracted adult causes me far more distress than a distracted child ever could, but this is why I try to keep my eyes closed during the Mass and when any distractions come my way, I try to bring them to the foot of the Cross with the rest of my prayers.

When I feel most distracted, I like to pray this prayer from St. Francis:

I beg you, Lord,
let the glowing force of your love
blind me from all things that are below heaven,
that I may die for love of Your Love,
who thought me worthy
to die for love of my love.
Amen.
 
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I feel the same way about your overuse of incense I usually have to leave for a few minutes. Or I’ll sneeze and cough.
 
Gabika50 said:
I have seen “childrens church”" where children are dismissed at the start of mass with some lay teachers and the lectionary for children to go into another room and hear the readings explained at their level and come back at the time of the creed… Only drawback is the adults doing this may miss out on homilies. The infants went to the cry room with parents. that had a closed curcuit TB watching Mass if the room was remote
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We had this “children’s liturgy of the Word” at our parish for awhile. I’m not in favor of it. Our children didn’t find it particularly edifying, even before their First Holy Communion. Very few of the children wanted to leave, and let’s face it: it is rarely the children between ages 4 and 6 who are making the noise.

We used to get doughnuts after Mass if our kids could each tell us something (of their own) from the homily. Just one little message. It turned out to be a good habit for them.
 
So all the screaming and yelling by children is a “right” to be ignored and actually helps people concentrate on mass. Go figure…
 
I am not really sure what in my post you are replying to or referring to.
 
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If I may insert a little humor into the discussion, this reminds me of a tale from the southern rural country-church world in which I live. An elementary-age boy had misbehaved in church and was being taken out for the application of some discipline. As he was being carried out, he called out at the top of his voice, “Y’all please pray for me!”

D
 
It’s always the parent’s responsibility to love heroically, the child, the people next to them, and the struggling priest. Consider it practice for the later years in parenting when the work gets really tough.

It’s a strengthening exercise to deal with, but it will cause growth of love in the parent…that is the willingness to suffer for the good of another.

If their child is so loud and constant and unsettled, no one benefits.

The parents need to buck up and be creative and sacrificing…perhaps going to different Masses during those weeks before the child settles down, perhaps attempting to have their child present, but then being quick and sacrificing by getting up and taking the child outside, out of earshot, etc.

If it’s a big problem, it’s the parents’ fault, and it’s only by an application of love (i.e., sacrifice) will the problem be solved well, beautifully, sacrificially, and growth can happen in the parent and the child.
 
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if we are to be prolife we should embrace noisy children. Their laughing, talking, or crying is their prayer during mass.
 
Our 2 month old snorts really loud sometimes during mass. (I call him our little piglet). But every once in a while it’s super loud and echoes. It’s funny. But I can’t prevent him from doing that. And when he is crying, we have no cry room to put him in!
 
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AveOTheotokos said:
A distracted adult causes me far more distress than a distracted child ever could, but this is why I try to keep my eyes closed during the Mass and when any distractions come my way, I try to bring them to the foot of the Cross with the rest of my prayers.
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This part; seriously; no matter how much I try to shut out the crying , it does not work. Distracting others at Mass because the parents will not remove a child who is crying is not a right and ignoring it does not help. You are correct in saying that adults can also be distracting. But having no sense of shame or guilt and letting your child wail away is an interference with worship. God help the padres that have to put up with this because westerners consider this conduct a god given right!
 
Gabika50 said:
…no matter how much I try to shut out the crying, it does not work. Distracting others at Mass because the parents will not remove a child who is crying is not a right and ignoring it does not help.

…God help the padres that have to put up with this because westerners consider this conduct a god given right!
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I agree that, in the case of a consistently crying child that is inconsolable, it is best to take the child out to calm them down. What my post was referring to is the general attitude that is held by some that parents and young children are a burden on a parish and should stay in the cry room, the back, or in the narthex to avoid any potential distraction to the “real” worshipers in the parish.
Luke 18:15-16
15 Now they were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them; and when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them.
16 But Jesus called them to him, saying, "Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of God.
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St. Francis taught at length on the concept of suffering, and how all human suffering can be traced back to possessiveness. Many people seem to have a possessiveness on the Mass.

If the music isn’t their taste, if the homilies are not as moving or theologically deep as they would like, if anyone dares to distract them, they feel that their Mass experience is being ruined or encroached upon. They feel that they can’t concentrate and that their worship and prayer is being rudely interrupted. They take an ownership of the Mass that they have no right to.

As with all suffering, we should try to root out the possessiveness in our hearts that is the source of these feelings. When we are suffering from what we feel are distractions, we should recognize that the Mass is for all of us, not just ourselves. We should humble ourselves and recognize that we have no more right to be close to the Lord than the crying child or their parents. We should meditate on how much the Mass must mean to these parents for them to get a family ready and bring them to Mass every weekend.

We would do well to focus on the 2nd half of the Litany of Humility:

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I …
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease …
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside …
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed …
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything…
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

If we are not actively seeking this level of humility in our lives, then perhaps it is us and not the screaming child or the inattentive parents that is our problem.

Continued…
 
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…Continued

Likewise, a parent of a crying child should not be possessive of their own Mass experience and should consider the effect that their refusal to take a crying child out has on others. It is important to teach children how to behave at Mass, and to reward outbursts with playtime is counterproductive; but it is also important for them to recognize that to fight that battle during the Mass and at the expense of the rest of the parish when you cannot calm or quiet the child quickly because the parent feels they have a right to be there is equally as possessive.

We must all strive for humilty; the humility of a child:
Matthew 18:1-5
[1]At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
[2]And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them,
[3]and said, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
[4]Whoever humbles himself like this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
[5]"Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me;
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My wife and I would take turns going to early or a later Mass when one of our children was at that stage of loud crying.

We’d both get to Mass but not always together.

It was a small sacrifice but we offered it up so that our fellow parishoners (some with hearing problems) could hear the readings and the homily.
 
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@Edward_H This is a perfect example of embracing humility and sacrificing your own Mass experience for the benefit of others.
 
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Gabika50 said:
. But having no sense of shame or guilt and letting your child wail away is an interference with worship.
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Other people’s internal emotional states is not really something that we have reliable information about. We see their outsides, not their insides–a lot of parents may be internally dying of shame.
 
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