Many children born out of wedlock: what is root cause?

[JimG]

The weakening of marriage costs taxpayers billions of dollars

Yes, the large-scale transference of responsibility for children from mothers and fathers to taxpayers, not only hurts our economy, it results in children who have no sense of family. If no father cared enough to stick around for them, if their mom and dad were so uncommitted to each other, they might seek out the pseudo-family of gang membership. And their own experiences lead to the further abandonment of the next generation of children.

 

[Elric]

Elric,
I think we can all agree that reiterating the sin and inducing ongoing guilt in a person who has, blessedly, chosen to have their baby outside of wedlock (rather than abort) is unproductive.

Can we now move on?

Hey I wasnt the one who started that line of debate, I only steped in and expressed my opinion.

And since you appear to want to quibble about “beliefs”, let’s just speak about facts.

Quibble?

I honestly dont know what you mean. I simply expressed that not everyone shares the same beliefs and that sins for some people are not sins for others.

That is hardly quibbling nor is it mocking anyones beliefs.

I hope that you can stop with this hostile additude you seem to have towards me, I dont really understand it.

 

[Ma.Eugenia]

Hi everyone!

Thanks for taking time to reply to my question.

I found myself nodding my head in agreement many, many times and am learning a lot from looking at the issue from different perspectives–including historical and papal perspectives. I see that the problem is similar in many countries.

A few days ago, I had an interesting conversation with a group of friends. One young girl declared that when she graduates—she would be free to have sex with her boyfriend. We asked why she wanted to do such a thing–and her answer was that if she didn’t do it, her boyfriend would leave her. The possibility of her boyfriend leaving her after her “sacrifice”—didn’t seem a possibility to her. I see that in society, there is pressure to be part of a couple to be deemed as “complete” person that sometimes it becomes the be-all and end-all.

Some people are able to compartmentalize and separate the “teachings of the Church” on sex and marriage from teachings of the world" . On Sundays—some would go by the first choice—then go with the latter choice the rest of the week.

I agree that contraception does have a liberating effect, at least, in the mind of the user, that it would keep them safe from pregnancy and disease. Percentage of failure and/or adverse effects, in my opinion, don’t really get discussed in detail to patients or advertized in the commercials we watch.

I agree that those who made mistakes before and are repentant (or even those who are not repentant)–should never be ostracized. Catholic teaching tells us to hate the sin but love the sinner. But we also need to learn from the mistake to prevent it from happening again and again.

It is sad to note that there is a loss of Catholic values on sex and marriage among many young (and even not so young) Catholics.

I wondered if there is anything we Catholics and the Church can do to be more effective in teaching morality on sex and marriage to the youth.

 

[JimG]

A few days ago, I had an interesting conversation with a group of friends. One young girl declared that when she graduates—she would be free to have sex with her boyfriend. We asked why she wanted to do such a thing–and her answer was that if she didn’t do it, her boyfriend would leave her. The possibility of her boyfriend leaving her after her “sacrifice”—didn’t seem a possibility to her.

And yet, that is what commonly happens. Women have sex with their boyfriends to hold on to them; maybe they move in together, thinking, it’s all right because we are eventually going to get married. But they don’t, and the status quo goes on for months and years. The woman begins to wonder ‘why aren’t we married?’ and perhaps brings up that question, which then brings to the forefront that he doesn’t really want marriage and likes things just the way they are. They have created a bodily union without permanence, leaving them with no firm grasp of secure and committed love. When the boyfriend does leave her (there is nothing to hold him after all–the commitment was illusory) the parting is made much worse by the bodily union which turned out to have been a lie.

 

[gmarie21]

Hi everyone!

Thanks for taking time to reply to my question.

I found myself nodding my head in agreement many, many times and am learning a lot from looking at the issue from different perspectives–including historical and papal perspectives. I see that the problem is similar in many countries.

A few days ago, I had an interesting conversation with a group of friends. One young girl declared that when she graduates—she would be free to have sex with her boyfriend. We asked why she wanted to do such a thing–and her answer was that if she didn’t do it, her boyfriend would leave her. The possibility of her boyfriend leaving her after her “sacrifice”—didn’t seem a possibility to her. I see that in society, there is pressure to be part of a couple to be deemed as “complete” person that sometimes it becomes the be-all and end-all.

Some people are able to compartmentalize and separate the “teachings of the Church” on sex and marriage from teachings of the world" . On Sundays—some would go by the first choice—then go with the latter choice the rest of the week.

I agree that contraception does have a liberating effect, at least, in the mind of the user, that it would keep them safe from pregnancy and disease. Percentage of failure and/or adverse effects, in my opinion, don’t really get discussed in detail to patients or advertized in the commercials we watch.

I agree that those who made mistakes before and are repentant (or even those who are not repentant)–should never be ostracized. Catholic teaching tells us to hate the sin but love the sinner. But we also need to learn from the mistake to prevent it from happening again and again.

It is sad to note that there is a loss of Catholic values on sex and marriage among many young (and even not so young) Catholics.

I wondered if there is anything we Catholics and the Church can do to be more effective in teaching morality on sex and marriage to the youth.

I like your post and think it is fair. As for your last statement, one thing I think that can be done is to actually have priests discuss the topic in their homilies. Also, there should be speakers at Catholic schools, ccd classes and in the parish setting who actually are single parents discuss the difficulties and the realities of the consequences of their sins. Same goes for those who are strong enough to discuss the abortions they feel remorseful about every day and the heartache they endure daily. Same with those who have placed a child for adoption. There are not enough people out there who are (or have been) in these “less than ideal” situations talking to those who haven’t made the same mistake but are possibly on the road to making mistakes. Many assume that if you show an example of someone who is a single parent, or someone who had an abortion, or someone who placed a child for adoption by having them present a talk that you’re teaching the children (and I don’t mean elementary students) that it’s okay to have sex outside of marriage. If someone explains the hardship they have to endure that actually can leave a big impression. Also, children should be grouped off by gender. There should be females who are single parents, had abortions, placed children for adoption to speak to females and answer their questions and there should be males who are single parents, helped their girlfriend have an abortion, placed their child for adoption speak to males and answer their questions. Then the speakers should switch groups. Many girls do not have good male role models and to have a man tell them that they are worth more, and valued more by males when they don’t “put out” and actually respect themselves and their bodies would do a world of good in my opinion. Same goes for the males, to have males tell them the same thing, that they actually are “less of a man” when they do have sex outside of marriage when “worldly men” tell them otherwise would also do a world of good. Also, the speakers should be appealing to the eye. Remember, children can’t see beyond physical appearance and “coolness”. I don’t mean this to be mean, but they will not blow off a speaker who is attractive (unlike with an unattractive speaker). The speakers should also be repeating their talks at least yearly (what’s the point in having someone come and give a talk once every 5 years???). We obviously know when messages are spoken (in word or action) repeatedly they get absorbed. Our society is constantly saying to “have protected sex”, yet we only have “boring” (in the eyes of children) speakers talk about sex maybe once every 3-4 years. We need to be much more aggressive and direct than we have been.

 

[Celtic_FC]

Selfishness

 

[mamacita]

Educating children? Who is going to do that? When rising home prices forced both parents to work, the business of day care began. Do public schools even teach “civics”? Or how about one school where a crazy psychologist was hired. His idea? In Little League, give the winners and losers a trophy. That way, you don’t damage these kids’ self-esteem. What? And when they grow up and enter the real world, and find out that losing means not getting a trophy, then what?

In the 1950s and 1960s, you could see and hear normal, stable people on television. Yes, they were actors but their behavior was reflective of Judeo-Christian principles. Today, even network TV is pure trash and shock jocks are on the radio. Dysfunctional families are portrayed as the norm.*** Britney in her underwear on the cover of People.*** Rape in rap/hip-hop.

The trashing of religion, the trashing of modesty in dress and speech, the trashing of living in stable households. Party all the time. The trashing of respect for authority figures, including mom and dad.

Betty Friedan, a Communist, wrote the Feminine Mystique which was published in the early 1960s. She described the family as “a comfortable concentration camp.” Gloria Steinem, once head of the National Organization for Women, said, “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” They told women that they were all victims or guaranteed future victims, of the men in their lives. Men were the enemy. Then Sex and the City made it seem OK that women should act like the “pigs” that men were accused of being.

The most important problem, people stopped going to Church. They were spending too much time imitating the world.

God bless,
Ed

WHAT? Brittany was seen wearing underwear? Are you kidding me? (sense the sarcasm in this post!)

 

[vern_humphrey]

Yes, the large-scale transference of responsibility for children from mothers and fathers to taxpayers, not only hurts our economy, it results in children who have no sense of family. If no father cared enough to stick around for them, if their mom and dad were so uncommitted to each other, they might seek out the pseudo-family of gang membership. And their own experiences lead to the further abandonment of the next generation of children.

For many, the government has assumed the role of parent. And the government is a bloody bad parent.

 

[valient_Lucy]

I noticed that there seems to be an increase in the number of children born out of wedlock.

Do you think this is because of failure of society or the Church to teach morality and to value marriage?

Definitely society’s inability to value marriage.

Not the only cause, but definitely a big contributing factor.

 

[Christine_Blake]

I noticed that there seems to be an increase in the number of children born out of wedlock.

Do you think this is because of failure of society or the Church to teach morality and to value marriage?

Let’s not attack these women…they are making the right choice…these are babies who could have been aborted and the work I do with youth shows me that many of them head that direction because of this exact sentiment…unwed mother must be condemned…

Yes, continue to teach abstinence, but let’s not harp on those who keep their “mistakes”…the numbers of abortions go up and down in correlation to society’s treatment of these unwed mothers!

 

[deb1]

Let’s not attack these women…they are making the right choice…these are babies who could have been aborted and the work I do with youth shows me that many of them head that direction because of this exact sentiment…unwed mother must be condemned…

Yes, continue to teach abstinence, but let’s not harp on those who keep their “mistakes”…the numbers of abortions go up and down in correlation to society’s treatment of these unwed mothers!

I agree that no one should pile on unwed mothers. Thank God(And I mean that literally, so I am not taking his name in vain) that they choose to give birth and not abort thier children.

But looking at the root causes and how to fix this problem is not necesarily blaming the women. You can’t solve anything without finding out the ‘whys’ of the problem.

 

[Christine_Blake]

I agree that no one should pile on unwed mothers. Thank God(And I mean that literally, so I am not taking his name in vain) that they choose to give birth and not abort thier children.

But looking at the root causes and how to fix this problem is not necesarily blaming the women. You can’t solve anything without finding out the ‘whys’ of the problem.

good points, but I fear that questioning these women make them want to be one of the one’s who are able to keep their secret and not be questioned - the abortion survivors…

 

[vern_humphrey]

I agree that no one should pile on unwed mothers. Thank God(And I mean that literally, so I am not taking his name in vain) that they choose to give birth and not abort thier children.

But looking at the root causes and how to fix this problem is not necesarily blaming the women. You can’t solve anything without finding out the ‘whys’ of the problem.

Agreed. And one of the fundamental reasons is we paid them to have children out of wedlock.s

We failed to educate the poorest children. We give them welfare when they were unable to get work. But we demanded there be “no man in the house.” Having a child out of wedlock became an economic strategy.

And it’s going on three generations now.

 

[Ma.Eugenia]

Hi Christine Blake!

Let’s not attack these women…they are making the right choice…these are babies who could have been aborted and the work I do with youth shows me that many of them head that direction because of this exact sentiment…unwed mother must be condemned…

Yes, continue to teach abstinence, but let’s not harp on those who keep their “mistakes”…the numbers of abortions go up and down in correlation to society’s treatment of these unwed mothers!

I agree that women who made mistakes should not be condemned. As I said on page 6 :

I agree that those who made mistakes before and are repentant (or even those who are not repentant)–should never be ostracized. Catholic teaching tells us to hate the sin but love the sinner. But we also need to learn from the mistake to prevent it from happening again and again.

I also agree with what deb1 said here:

But looking at the root causes and how to fix this problem is not necesarily blaming the women. You can’t solve anything without finding out the ‘whys’ of the problem.

My intention was to help us face the root causes of the many out of wedlock births and find ways to help prevent this problem from occuring over and over again. I think, before we can tackle prevention, we need to identify first what caused it.

vern humprey, valient Lucy, Celtic_FC and **JimG **as well as the others who posted previous to my last post, gave some insight to root causes as to why we have this problem in the first place.

I think **gmarie21 **gave some great suggestions here:

I like your post and think it is fair. As for your last statement, one thing I think that can be done is to actually have priests discuss the topic in their homilies. Also, there should be speakers at Catholic schools, ccd classes and in the parish setting who actually are single parents discuss the difficulties and the realities of the consequences of their sins. Same goes for those who are strong enough to discuss the abortions they feel remorseful about every day and the heartache they endure daily. Same with those who have placed a child for adoption. There are not enough people out there who are (or have been) in these “less than ideal” situations talking to those who haven’t made the same mistake but are possibly on the road to making mistakes. Many assume that if you show an example of someone who is a single parent, or someone who had an abortion, or someone who placed a child for adoption by having them present a talk that you’re teaching the children (and I don’t mean elementary students) that it’s okay to have sex outside of marriage. If someone explains the hardship they have to endure that actually can leave a big impression. Also, children should be grouped off by gender. There should be females who are single parents, had abortions, placed children for adoption to speak to females and answer their questions and there should be males who are single parents, helped their girlfriend have an abortion, placed their child for adoption speak to males and answer their questions. Then the speakers should switch groups. Many girls do not have good male role models and to have a man tell them that they are worth more, and valued more by males when they don’t “put out” and actually respect themselves and their bodies would do a world of good in my opinion. Same goes for the males, to have males tell them the same thing, that they actually are “less of a man” when they do have sex outside of marriage when “worldly men” tell them otherwise would also do a world of good. Also, the speakers should be appealing to the eye. Remember, children can’t see beyond physical appearance and “coolness”. I don’t mean this to be mean, but they will not blow off a speaker who is attractive (unlike with an unattractive speaker). The speakers should also be repeating their talks at least yearly (what’s the point in having someone come and give a talk once every 5 years???). We obviously know when messages are spoken (in word or action) repeatedly they get absorbed. Our society is constantly saying to “have protected sex”, yet we only have “boring” (in the eyes of children) speakers talk about sex maybe once every 3-4 years. We need to be much more aggressive and direct than we have been.

Christine Blake, I admire women like you who have a heart big enough to reach out to unwed mothers with love and understanding. They are also God’s children and loved by God as much as everyone else.

I believe, in solving a problem, we need to identify causes before thinking of treatment and prevention.

I think the “cure” to what ails our society regarding out of wedlock births may be a difficult to achieve, but with God’s help, I believe, nothing is impossible.