Marriage Advice for a Bride-to-be

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Surprisingly, even though my wedding is a few weeks away, I have gotten very little marriage advice. So, anyone want to gush about their marriage? I want to feel completely prepared going into such a serious commitment. I am looking for advice or tips for any area of marriage; communication, spiritual life, child rearing, or even consummating the marriage (that makes me think about NFP too!) 😃

If you have anything to offer, I am eager to hear. It feels so surreal that I am actually getting married. Any tips for the wedding day itself?
 
annie17on12 said:
Surprisingly, even though my wedding is a few weeks away, I have gotten very little marriage advice. So, anyone want to gush about their marriage? I want to feel completely prepared going into such a serious commitment. I am looking for advice or tips for any area of marriage; communication, spiritual life, child rearing, or even consummating the marriage (that makes me think about NFP too!) 😃

If you have anything to offer, I am eager to hear. It feels so surreal that I am actually getting married. Any tips for the wedding day itself?
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I cut out little pieces of paper and put them on each table along with pens and asked guests to write a piece of advice/wisdom on them. I had a friend be in charge of collecting them. I used scrapbook paper and archival stuff. I even had a little poem on each table for the instructions, but I can’t remember it now.

If you google “wedding words of wisdom cards” you will find tons of examples. Looks like people have gotten fancy and have pre-made cards. I was so low tech, I just cut up paper with my paper cutter!

My advice: you are never FULLY PREPARED, Enjoy the adventure of unexpected happenings. That is calle “life”!
 
annie17on12 said:
Surprisingly, even though my wedding is a few weeks away, I have gotten very little marriage advice. So, anyone want to gush about their marriage? I want to feel completely prepared going into such a serious commitment. I am looking for advice or tips for any area of marriage; communication, spiritual life, child rearing, or even consummating the marriage (that makes me think about NFP too!) 😃

If you have anything to offer, I am eager to hear. It feels so surreal that I am actually getting married. Any tips for the wedding day itself?
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  1. People say marriage is hard. It isn’t (so far, 2 years for me). It’s like dating, but you live together, it’s forever, and you open up certain possibilities.
  2. One key to a good marriage is to choose wisely and treat kindly.
  3. depending on how much you merge your finances and have joint accounts, I suggest each of you have at least a small amount in your personal accounts. And an agreement that each of you will avoid getting worked up if the other buys something you disagree with within the limits.
 
Communication. If you can talk about it to your girlfriends, your mom, your sister, you should be able to talk to your husband about it. And listening is part of communication.

Patience. At his funeral (many, many, MANY years from now!) are you going to regret having complained about that one annoying quirk of his?

Forgiveness. Should go both ways. See above.

Respect. Should be self-explanatory. Treat him the way you wish to be treated. Never belittle each other, especially in front of others.

Appreciation. “Thank you” for taking out the trash, doing the dishes, mowing the lawn, folding the laundry. Should also go both ways. They really are magic words.

Trust. Even in the small things. If he asks you not to tell anyone about his humiliation at work when his boss called him out on something he goofed on, don’t tell your mom because “that doesn’t count”.

Fun. Cooking dinner and doing dishes together can be fun. Doing something neither of you have done before can be fun. Expect fun, Don’t be a downer.

Support. Be each other’s biggest fan, bestest friend, and go-to person when the going gets tough.

Be able to be real with each other. Pray together, laugh together, cry together.

I can’t really distill 28 years’ worth of advice into sound-bytes, but this has worked well for us!
 
One piece of advice I received the day before or the day of my wedding was to think about whatever you and your hubby are disagreeing (arguing) about and think about it if will matter six months from now. If it won’t make a difference six months down the road, it isn’t worth arguing about. Have I always followed that advice. That is a big NO, but I do try when I remember. LOL

Communication is key. Keep lines of communication open, always. If you are feeling hurt, tell him. If you appreciate something he did for you, tell him.

For me, anyway, the first several years of marriage were difficult. Until we found our niche, it was difficult. Now, we finish each other’s sentences, know what each other is thinking, etc. Soulmates!

Be careful what information you share with your family. If you are upset with your husband, discern whether or not you really want to share with your family. Be aware that whatever you tell them about him is what they are going to remember about him.

Marriage is sacred and don’t let anyone come between you and him. Not friends, not family, etc.

And also this, from Everyone Loves Raymond. Even though it is on a sticom, I still think it is good advice. youtube.com/watch?v=SCV6o1mfDOY
 
bluerose said:
Communication. If you can talk about it to your girlfriends, your mom, your sister, you should be able to talk to your husband about it. And listening is part of communication.

Patience. At his funeral (many, many, MANY years from now!) are you going to regret having complained about that one annoying quirk of his?

Forgiveness. Should go both ways. See above.

Respect. Should be self-explanatory. Treat him the way you wish to be treated. Never belittle each other, especially in front of others.

Appreciation. “Thank you” for taking out the trash, doing the dishes, mowing the lawn, folding the laundry. Should also go both ways. They really are magic words.

Trust. Even in the small things. If he asks you not to tell anyone about his humiliation at work when his boss called him out on something he goofed on, don’t tell your mom because “that doesn’t count”.

Fun. Cooking dinner and doing dishes together can be fun. Doing something neither of you have done before can be fun. Expect fun, Don’t be a downer.

Support. Be each other’s biggest fan, bestest friend, and go-to person when the going gets tough.

Be able to be real with each other. Pray together, laugh together, cry together.

I can’t really distill 28 years’ worth of advice into sound-bytes, but this has worked well for us!
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Awesome! 👍

I’d also add:

Realism. When two people live together, they can (at least at first) find rather interesting ways of getting on each other’s nerves, albeit unintentionally. Recognize that this is par for the course, and that it’s just part of the process of getting to know each other.

Plan ahead! If you’re planning an important decision - whether it is a move, a job change, or a decision on having children - do it jointly (of course!) but think of the various long-term consequences.

If you have problems, solve them together as far as possible. Don’t drag your parents, friends, etc. into the relationship, as they may rush in wanting to help, but are very difficult to detach from such a situation and may provide well-meaning interference more than anything else. Getting advice from people is fine and dandy, but being stuck with an amateur counselor or therapist isn’t. ;)😛

Read the lives of married Saints (I can think of Sts Louis and Zelie Martin and St Gianna off the bat) and Church documents (such as Pius XI’s encyclical) together.

Praying for you (the OP, that is!) :)👍
 
Be able to laugh at yourself and situations.
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Remember your faith, pray together and forgive often.
Give him all the support you can.
Marriage is 100%-100%.
BEST WISHES!
 
pianistclare said:
Be able to laugh at yourself and situations.
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Remember your faith, pray together and forgive often.
Give him all the support you can.
Marriage is 100%-100%.
BEST WISHES!
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This and don’t boss each other around. Don’t dish out commands like “take the trash out.” Ask nicely and lovingly. “Honey, could you please take out the trash when you have a moment?”

Trust one another

Don’t keep secrets

Make sure you both have healthly activities together and apart (like Church events, sports events, time with friends, etc)

Subscribe to FORMED.org (if your parish doesn’t have it) and watch the “Beloved” series. Also watch movies on the saints and other programs on FORMED.

And always remember why you love each other

Congrats and God Bless
 
I have been married twice and divorced twice (annulled). I can speak from the point of view of what not to do.

When you have your differences, and we all do, remember to bring up just one at a time. Stick with the present rather than dredging up past mistakes. For every one negative, say at least 5 positives (compliments).

Communication is important.

Learn your partner’s “love language”. See: 5lovelanguages.com/profile/

Listen to one another.

Love each other, always.
 
Graceful_Lamb said:
One piece of advice I received the day before or the day of my wedding was to think about whatever you and your hubby are disagreeing (arguing) about and think about it if will matter six months from now. If it won’t make a difference six months down the road, it isn’t worth arguing about. Have I always followed that advice. That is a big NO, but I do try when I remember. LOL

Communication is key. Keep lines of communication open, always. If you are feeling hurt, tell him. If you appreciate something he did for you, tell him.

For me, anyway, the first several years of marriage were difficult. Until we found our niche, it was difficult. Now, we finish each other’s sentences, know what each other is thinking, etc. Soulmates!

Be careful what information you share with your family. If you are upset with your husband, discern whether or not you really want to share with your family. Be aware that whatever you tell them about him is what they are going to remember about him.

Marriage is sacred and don’t let anyone come between you and him. Not friends, not family, etc.

And also this, from Everyone Loves Raymond. Even though it is on a sticom, I still think it is good advice. youtube.com/watch?v=SCV6o1mfDOY
Click to expand...
Also want to add: You need to be each other’s best friend. Also, make sure there are three of you in the marriage: You, him, and God.

Being able to laugh together as well as at yourself (and at each other!) is important.
 
This falls under the umbrella of communication, but I’ve found it to be helpful to remember:

Husbands are not mind readers. If you’re struggling with something, ask him for help! Most of the time help will be readily given, but if you don’t specifically request it, it may never occur to him to offer it.
 
Love is an action not a feeling. Love your husband always even when you might not be feeling it, it will come back.
 
Remember to say those three little words that mean so much…

… “You’re right, dear!”
❤️❤️
 
The Best Marraige is when two people are in Sync,
Vital signs mimic each other,
When you both think along the same lines,
Helen & I have been together for 15. Years,
So many times one will suggest something while the other is thinking about it,
There are also little things along the way , such at letting the other know they are Appreciated , not just loved,
 
Javan said:
This falls under the umbrella of communication, but I’ve found it to be helpful to remember:

Husbands are not mind readers. If you’re struggling with something, ask him for help! Most of the time help will be readily given, but if you don’t specifically request it, it may never occur to him to offer it.
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Yes, we men are TERRIBLE at reading minds. We also tend to be oblivious to somethings that our wives stress about. But then the flip side can be true too… My wife sometimes oblivious to things that are very important me.
 
Do not collect resentments–advice given to a couple recently.
My sister and her husband always kissed hello and goodbye all of their married life. He is deceased 1 year on July 4.
 
annie17on12 said:
Surprisingly, even though my wedding is a few weeks away, I have gotten very little marriage advice. So, anyone want to gush about their marriage? I want to feel completely prepared going into such a serious commitment. I am looking for advice or tips for any area of marriage; communication, spiritual life, child rearing, or even consummating the marriage (that makes me think about NFP too!) 😃

If you have anything to offer, I am eager to hear. It feels so surreal that I am actually getting married. Any tips for the wedding day itself?
Click to expand...
Sure! Enjoy the good times. Never mind those who dismiss your happiness as “newlywed”. My wife and I still like to think of ourselves as newlywed 15 years later.
Joke with eachother. Laugh at yourself more than you laugh at your spouse.
Most importantly, and my wife and I live and die by this. Be on each others team for Pete sake! The world is set against you, never be an adversary for your spouse. Disagree? Sure. Maybe even fight a little but make sure the other knows you will back them always and are teammates.
When hard times come, and they will, face them together.
It is our job as a spouse to help the other achieve heaven. Remember that. That goes for children too.
No matter your time without children, be it 9 months or 10 years, use that time to really bond. That will help when you have kids.
If you are educated on nfp great! Use it when you deem it necessary. But never let it divide you.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
Sure! Enjoy the good times. Never mind those who dismiss your happiness as “newlywed”. My wife and I still like to think of ourselves as newlywed 15 years later.
Joke with eachother. Laugh at yourself more than you laugh at your spouse.
Most importantly, and my wife and I live and die by this. Be on each others team for Pete sake! The world is set against you, never be an adversary for your spouse. Disagree? Sure. Maybe even fight a little but make sure the other knows you will back them always and are teammates.
When hard times come, and they will, face them together.
It is our job as a spouse to help the other achieve heaven. Remember that. That goes for children too.
No matter your time without children, be it 9 months or 10 years, use that time to really bond. That will help when you have kids.
If you are educated on nfp great! Use it when you deem it necessary. But never let it divide you.
Click to expand...
You bring up some good points, HoosierDaddy.

I think that having a sense of humor about things is great. Sometimes it can just break the tension when the two of you can start getting irritable with each other. It does, with us, where we’ll just start laughing rather than getting crabby. 🙂

You’re right about “being on the same team.” Life can be difficult enough as it is, and it’s nice to have someone there who has your back.

I’m just going to highlight what you said about NFP, because I can’t think of a better way to say it. 🙂
 
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