Marriage Advice for a Bride-to-be

[CradleJourney]

Haven’t read all the replies so please forgive me if I’m repeating advice but here’s what I’d tell my daughter:

1. Some people say to never go to bed angry. In my personal experience, this is not true. It’s better sometimes to go to bed angry than to argue when you’re too tired to be kind or understanding and too grumpy to be reasonable and avoid rash ultimatums. Many an argument as effectively disappeared once hubby and I have gotten some sleep and time to reflect on the issue.
2. Don’t assume he knows and thus don’t assume what he’s thinking based on his actions. If you want a cake on your birthday, make sure he knows you expect a cake on your birthday. And if you haven’t - don’t assume that he’s insensitive or uncaring because he doesn’t.
3. There is nothing wrong with letting him think something is his idea.
4. There is nothing wrong with pursuing your own idea if the matter is not a serious one. (Aka - if you want to try new curtains in the kitchen - and he’s expressed no interest in decorating - go ahead and try the new curtains.) In other words, don’t expect or force everything to be a “mutual” decision - learn what areas and dollar amounts matter and which can be left up to each of your individual taste and judgement.
5. Never try to get rid of all of his stuff from before the marriage. Just spent time today cleaning my hubby’s 27 year old gigantic stereo that we still have but don’t use (probably because I forced the issue on his 18 year old floor model television) sigh
6. I love you can be said in a thousand ways that never involve those words. Learn to appreciate it however he says it - and make sure to say it in a variety of ways and actions yourself.
7. Kids are first when they need you most, but husbands are forever so move him back to first place when you can.
8. Have fun, enjoy changes. Because things can and will change - usually with no notice at all. So consider it an adventure and embrace the change together.

 

[saellis]

Things are rosy now but some day you and your husband will have an argument about something that you are absolutely sure you are right about. Remember this one thing: You can be happy or you can be right but you can seldom be both. This has spared me from a lot of futile conflicts over that past 19 years.