Marriage Advice for a Bride-to-be

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Do your finances together. Sit down and write a budget once a month and stick to it. I know it seems practical and obvious, but my marriage has gotten better once we knew where our money was going each month. Make sure, if you haven’t already, know what debts your spouse may have prior to marriage and have a plan on how to pay them off quickly. I cannot advocate the Dave Ramsey plan enough. (If you haven’t gathered, one of our big struggles has been getting on the same page with our finances) 😃

Unlike another poster said, Marriage can definitely be hard and is for many. There will be disagreements. Definitely read the Love Languages as another poster suggested.

Don’t expect your spouse to fill every void in your life. Make time for yourself and work to build on your own hobbies, interests and friendships. Do not rely on your spouse entirely for your own happiness; you are responsible for that. They may contribute or be a big reason for that happiness, but just remember that he is human too and makes mistakes. Always look to Christ for the true Joy your souls desires.

From experience, just do a mental inventory and make sure that you both have had serious, heartfelt discussions are these major areas of life :
  1. Faith
  2. Children (how many,how to raise, working outside the home, NFP use etc.)
  3. Finances
  4. Politics
Gob bless! I pray you have a wonderful wedding!
 
annie17on12 said:
Surprisingly, even though my wedding is a few weeks away, I have gotten very little marriage advice. So, anyone want to gush about their marriage? I want to feel completely prepared going into such a serious commitment. I am looking for advice or tips for any area of marriage; communication, spiritual life, child rearing, or even consummating the marriage (that makes me think about NFP too!) 😃

If you have anything to offer, I am eager to hear. It feels so surreal that I am actually getting married. Any tips for the wedding day itself?
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The best piece of advice I ever received was from married friends of ours who told us that marriage was a verb, not a noun. I completely agree. It’s very, very important that you take time to “work on” your marriage - just the two of you. It doesn’t have to be expensive or fancy. Even just spending some time together talking after the children are in bed is an option. I do recommend that once a year or so you take a weekend away, just the two of you, to reconnect. My parents used to do this (they would leave us kids with relatives or friends). My husband and I do this once in a while, too, when my stepdaughter is at her mom’s.
 
There is some really good advice here and I can’t add much to it but here’s my :twocents: anyways. 😛

The most important? Make sure you’re both practicing Catholics. Mixed marriages can be super duper hard, especially as the years go by you start longing more and more for that spiritual unity.

Secondly, don’t take it for granted that you will have children. Prepare your minds and hearts for the possibility of lowered fertility or even infertility, as well as possible miscarriage loss(es). I can’t stress this enough. I went into marriage so happy to finally have children only to loose my only child and wind up sterile in the end. Remaining committed and faithful is much harder when the natural desire for children goes unfulfilled. Though, with God’s grace, you can make it through and find joy and fulfillment in simply being a couple.

Last, prepare for poor physical and mental health conditions. Most likely one (or both) of you will have a chronic or serious health condition at some point in time. Maybe several times. Again, fidelity through these times can get much harder, but God will give you strength to bear each other’s burdens with faith and hope.

Best wishes for a happy marriage! 🙂
 
Be trustworthy, and trust your husband. That may seem like a no-brainer, but I’m not talking about just remaining sexually faithful, or other “big” breaches of trust. Trust is a structure built of many small bricks (and a few large ones) over the life of your marriage. There are many ways in which this plays out:

-Don’t have secrets from your husband (aside from surprise gifts, or something like that). Not that you need to blab everything on your mind, but don’t hide things from him because you think he won’t like it, or have secrets about him between you and, say, a relative. Evasive mindsets are self-perpetuating and build walls between husband and wife.

-Going along with the previous point, you have to be able to trust that your husband is “safe” and that you can be open with him. If you find yourself fearing that he’ll fall into a terrible rage because you, say, bought the wrong thing at the store, realize that your relationship is not healthy. Likewise, if your husband insists on vetting every single word you say and every relationship you maintain, that is a bad dynamic. My husband and I can access each other’s emails, social media accounts, etc, but we’re not constantly checking up on each other and spying on each other.

-Carry out your responsibilities as best you can, and trust that he is doing the same even if it doesn’t look like it from your perspective. It is all too easy to underestimate the effort our spouse is putting in, and this leads to resentment.

Trust once broken either by some cataclysmic betrayal or by a series of small “let-downs” is not quickly or easily rebuilt. So be trustworthy in all that you can, and trust your husband. If you don’t think you can, then don’t marry the man.
 
Congratulations!

I am 24 and I married my wife just this January. I think you will find the married life very fulfilling, if not a little sacrificial at times.

One of the things I would tell any newly married couple is to always remember that you are married, and you are in love, but you aren’t always going to agree, or even get along.

One of the lies I think the world is telling people nowadays is that if you can’t get along with your partner ALWAYS, then there’s something wrong. But a difference of opinion is a good thing sometimes. Discussion, arguments and even fighting is normal, and even healthy. Never lose faith or hope because of a blowout fight.

I’ve only been married for 5 months, and I have not once questioned my decision. I love my wife, and I think she is the greatest woman alive, but we have had some pretty large disagreements on important issues that never came up when dating. It’s going to happen. The important thing to remember is that it is OK to go to bed angry, but never OK to go to be in contempt. If you can’t seem to agree, take a break, and try the discussion again another day.

We have come to some incredible agreements after some days-long arguments.

Always remain persistent, and always remember that at the end of the day, your promise is to get her to heaven. I pray God blesses you and your marriage. It’s one of the best feelings in the world!
 
One other thing that I should have mentioned first of ALL:

Keep God in your marriage. Attend Mass together, pray together before bed, say rosaries or novenas together.

Always maintain your spiritual life with each other. For it was your spiritual life that was bound to his while your remain on earth. God will provide protection for your faithfulness.
 
As far as the wedding DAY itself, Be prepared that things may not go perfectly as planned. You always see brides miserable on their wedding day because something didn’t go their way, or as planned.

Remember that it’s only one day, and the thing your are celebrating lasts a lifetime. Don’t get caught up in perfection.

The fact is, you won’t remember most of the day. It’s all a blur. My wife and I don’t remember half of the pictures that we have seen, and we weren’t even drinking!

Embrace the moment, but expect the unexpected. Make the most of even the worst mistakes. 🙂
 
Things said can never be unsaid and no matter how much you later proclaim you didn’t mean it, the hurt has been inflicted. Think long before you speak what you’re really thinking in a moment of anger.
 
Always remember that however hectic it gets with life and especially with children that you are a couple. Talk to each other, make time for each other and respect each other.
 
You and your husband are on the same team, always and forever in every situation. No one who ever tries to tell you otherwise should have a place in your life.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
You and your husband are on the same team, always and forever in every situation. No one who ever tries to tell you otherwise should have a place in your life.
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Good one…

Don’t complain to your parents about your spouse. Also, when tensions with the in-laws occur, each spouse should deal with their own set of parents.

i.e. you should not be the one confronting your mother-in-law, your husband should. And he should not be confronting your mother, you should.
 
Oh, so many really good ones here!

Here are some that have made me chuckle, both from men married over 60 years. One said, “Since Shirley and I got married, I make all the major decisions and I let her decide all the small stuff. We’ve been lucky, though, because so far nothing major has come up.”
Another man, asked how he had remained happily married for over 60 years, said, “Every morning, I look in the mirror, and I say to myself, ‘Yeah, well, you’re no prize, yourself.’”

So a sense of humor helps, particularly the kind that lets you take yourself with a grain of salt.

I learned this one by experience: When you’re wrong, apologize, but especially when you’re not the most wrong. First off, most of the time apologies never come even when both sides know very well they’ve messed up because they both dig in to the thought, “yeah, but he/she was worse.” The other reason is that the person who is less wrong has less defensiveness to get through. If the less-wrong one shows his or her soft underbelly with an apology, that makes it easier for the other one to let their guard down and apologize.

I learned this one from a John Gottman book, I think: An apology is an apology when the reason comes first and the admission of wrongdoing comes last, not the other way around. When the admission comes first and the reason comes second, that sounds like an excuse.

Excuse: I’m sorry, shouldn’t yelled at you the way I did, but it makes me crazy when I see the kitchen like that.

Apology:* It makes me crazy when I see the kitchen like that, but I still should not have yelled at you the way I did. I’m sorry.*
 
BlueEyedLady said:
You and your husband are on the same team, always and forever in every situation. No one who ever tries to tell you otherwise should have a place in your life.
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That is another one I’ve found by experience: Once you come to a decision, treat it like OUR decision. No “I told you so” if it turns out badly. Stick with, “No, you’re not going to be thrown under the bus. We decided together, we did the best we could, and we’ll figure out how to take whatever consequences we get together.” This gives both spouses a lot less fear of making a mistake with the other. It makes you know your spouse has your back, that you’re not going to be punished if you are not all-wise, all knowing, or all-seeing every time you get your way.
 
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