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Fairwinds
Guest
I didn’t ask about what your wife was taught about normal sex. I asked how you would explain to a 10 year old that daddy likes other men.
- Status
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Boundless
Guest
The point was that a person can explain things like this without going into inappropriate details, not that I thought you were asking about my wife’s sex education. I don’t think my intention was easily missed (especially when quoted in the original context instead of snipped out in isolation), but for the sake of indulging your desire to have me spell it out:
There are probably a number of ways. For instance, the same way that you might explain that Mommy and Daddy both think that other people are pretty and that they might even want to be close with other people, but they only choose each other in the special way Mommies and Daddies are together. I don’t believe that my daughter will be psychologically damaged if she finds out, for instance, that my wife may find other men handsome, as long as she knows that this doesn’t mean that Mommy’s going to leave Daddy for those men. Likewise, given that my wife too has SSA so going along with that example, I don’t think my daughter is going to be damaged if she realizes that my wife may find other women beautiful, as long as she knows that this doesn’t mean Mommy wants to leave Daddy for another woman.
This would be in context with having explained to your children that some men and some women do in fact want to “marry” or “date” other people of the same gender, and that it’s not right and Mommy and Daddy have no intention of doing that, not only because it’s wrong but also (and more importantly for the child’s psychology, perhaps) because they love each other (and the children) too much.
Again, children are not so psychologically fragile that a mere hint of reality (even in this area) will scramble their brains.
It’s really not that complicated.
K
KateMonday
Guest
This must come up in families all the time, especially with the “loud and proud” nature of the homosexual movement these days.How do you explain to your 10-year-old that his uncle has “married” another man? How do you explain to your 10-year-old that his aunt presents as male (if she’s transgendered, or whatever)?
Nobody is saying that these issues are easy, but they’re real, and they need to be addressed. Surely, by the age of 10, children know what homosexuality is??? (That’s only slightly later than I learned about it, decades ago.)
And I WISH, at that age, that someone had told me that “normal” people could struggle with these feelings, and it didn’t mean that you were sick and disgusting and doomed to live the “gay lifestyle”. (My mother, with the best intentions, I’m sure, described homosexuals in such a way to give me the impression that they were all scary perverts lurking around public restrooms, ready to grab me, or something like that. You better believe, after hearing that, that I NEVER felt comfortable going to her for advice when I began struggling with SSA as a teenager.) We all could have been spared a lot of heartache, if we could have been more open.
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Prodigal_Son
Guest
Daddy: Hi Christopher, let’s talk.
Christopher: OK, Dad. Can we play baseball afterward?
D: Sure. So you remember how we’ve talked about how some people want things that are bad? I mean, think about it, why would a criminal kill someone?
C: Because he wants them dead.
D: Why does he want them dead?
C: Maybe it’s because they are hurting somebody he loves, or maybe it’s because they want to keep that person quiet about something, or maybe it’s because the killer’s just sick, like serial killers.
D: So do these people want the right things, or the wrong things?
C: They want bad things, like people dead.
D: Are there some people that want those things, and don’t do them. I mean, could you imagine really wanting to hurt somebody badly, and not doing it?
C: Yeah. I wanted to hurt Jimmy badly, but I thought that was wrong.
D: And it was wrong. You wanted the wrong thing.
C: Yeah. I wanted it really bad, too.
D: Christopher, have you ever heard about gay people?
C: Yeah, the kids talk about them at school. It’s a bit confusing, cause sometimes it seems like it’s a really bad thing to be, but our teachers and the newspaper said it was OK.
D: I know it’s confusing, son. Like we were talking about before, everybody wants some bad things sometimes, like to hurt somebody or to steal something or to lie about what they did. Gay people are just like everybody else that way, except the wrong thing they want is kinda funny.
C: You mean that they want to, um, do it, with other guys?
(Note: We’re presuming the general sex talk has preceded this talk).
D: Well, yeah. A gay man is a man who does things sexually with other men, instead of having a wife and making love to her.
C: Isn’t that kind of gross?
D: Yeah, I guess so. But most gay men don’t find it gross. It’s just something that they want to do, and it’s wrong. But we all have things that we want to do that are wrong, right?
C: Right.
D: And it’s possible to want those things, and not do them, right?
C: Well, yeah, if it’s like stealing and stuff.
D: Now I want to talk a bit about myself, Christopher. It’s kind of a secret, but I think you’re ready to know. When I was a boy like you, I started to feel things about liking girls. But I also started to feel things about boys too. It was really confusing. I wanted something, and I knew it was wrong. I mean, it would be silly for me to grow up and try and marry a boy!
(We laugh).
D: As I grew up, I learned how to want those things, Christopher, but never to act on them. Just like you learned to be angry, but not to hurt anybody. Does that make sense?
C: I guess. But Dad?
D: Yeah?
C: Uhhh, do you like girls too?
D: Hell yeah, I like girls. I liked one of them so VERY much that I married her, and that was the very best decision I ever made. I think your mother is the most wonderful and beautiful person I’ve ever known.
C: And it’s OK that you want to have sex with her?
D: It’s not just OK, it’s very good. God made us that way.
C: Is it OK that I think it’s kinda gross?
D: Yeah, don’t think about it that much.
C: Dad, do you still want to do it with guys?
D: I pray and I pray every day for the desire to go away, Chris, but sometimes I still do feel it. But God has shown me that I don’t need to be afraid of it or ashamed of it. I just need to learn how to submit my desires to God, and trust that God will give me the grace to resist temptation.
C: Does this mean that you’re gay?
D: No, it doesn’t. Some people would call me “bisexual”, since I’m attracted to both women and men. But I myself just say that I’m a son of the living God, and that’s enough for me.
C: Dad, can we stop talking about this now?
D: Sure, I know it’s a bit uncomfortable for you. I just want you to know that I love you and your mother more than I can possibly say, and I am always going to be here for you.
C: I love you too, Dad.
D: Time for baseball!
J
Joe_5859
Guest
I do what I can :tiphat:First, I want to say to Joe 5859 that I agree with everything you posted, and I wanted to thank you properly for your welcome earlier too. I’m sure that Prodigal_Son agrees with me that you are a real light, a breath of fresh air, in this thread.
You bring up some interesting points about how children are not necessarily as fragile as we think they are. My kids are both still under the age of reason, but that’s an issue that weighs on my mind a lot. I don’t want them to turn 18 and suddenly be confronted with the fact that not everyone in the world is a living saint who proudly professes the Catholic faith and never has any problems. But neither do I want to threaten their innocence. I’ve been finding, though, that kids are often more than happy with simple explanations. My tendency is to want to over-explain. When I realize that I don’t need to spell out every gritty detail, then certain topics don’t seem so off limits.
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Boundless
Guest
Very nice, Prodigal_Son! You put into detail what I stated more vaguely, so between the two of us I’m sure we’ve answered this “how would you go about it?” question. Some here may be grossed out by the thought of this conversation, but I do not think that there is anything wrong with what you’ve posted here at all, given that the child has been prepared for this conversation by having an understanding of sex, the proper place of sex, etc., which you’ve stated he would have been. If anyone thinks this conversation would necessarily be a disaster, then either the child in question hasn’t been taught about sex, sin, and temptation in a healthy way up to that point or the person fearing said disaster has gravely overestimated the fragility of the mind of a child.
Yes, and that’s important to consider. Take my and Prodigal_Son’s responses, for example: At no point is the child being given detailed accounts of what sorts of sex acts men and men might do together, at no point are they given a catalogue of specific sex acts with which Mommy or Daddy might be tempted with the same gender. Because you’re right in your findings: Telling your children about these things does not have to be the graphic stuff of erotic novels such as some people seem to imagine it must be, given the (flawed) implications that these things are impossible to talk about in a child-friendly manner!I do what I can :tiphat:
You bring up some interesting points about how children are not necessarily as fragile as we think they are. My kids are both still under the age of reason, but that’s an issue that weighs on my mind a lot. I don’t want them to turn 18 and suddenly be confronted with the fact that not everyone in the world is a living saint who proudly professes the Catholic faith and never has any problems. But neither do I want to threaten their innocence. I’ve been finding, though, that kids are often more than happy with simple explanations. My tendency is to want to over-explain. When I realize that I don’t need to spell out every gritty detail, then certain topics don’t seem so off limits.
My wife just posted above that she WISHES that someone had talked to her as a young child about same sex attractions and how someone might be a good person and yet suffer from them. Being her husband, I’m also aware of the fact that she would have welcomed, certainly in hindsight, the knowledge that someone even as close to her as her parents struggled with such attractions. I think that’s important to consider too, when people act like it would never be appropriate to discuss this with children: It might be precisely what the child needs in order to come to terms with it if they themselves experience such attractions later in life, in order to not feel “dirty” “hidden” and “ashamed,” or perhaps even to come to terms with it if another close loved one, such as a sibling or friend, should struggle with those attractions. I don’t believe it’s right to ignore that just because other children, who may never experience such struggles nor encounter them in a personal way, may be a bit grossed out by the conversation (and if they are, I do believe it would be no more severe than the mild discomfort mentioned in Prodigal_Son’s hypothetical scenario, if the children were raised to have the right attitudes about sex, sin, and temptation).
J
johnnyc176
Guest
Here is an interesting show with an interview with Fr. Paul Check who leads the Courage apostolate. Very good information all around but a good portion of the show deals with marriages affected by ssa. You can listen online or download it.
blogtalkradio.com/forwardboldly/2013/06/02/forward-boldly-interview-with-fr-paul-check-courage
blogtalkradio.com/forwardboldly/2013/06/02/forward-boldly-interview-with-fr-paul-check-courage
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revert_jen
Guest
Actually, I don’t believe I said (or anyway I didn’t mean to say) that you don’t care about its effects on them. Also, I was not assuming that you agreed with me about its effects on children. If I have to be very blunt about what I think, I think you are engaging in wishful thinking about what the effects on children will be. I think you don’t want it to hurt them, so you are (not deliberately) underestimating the likelihood of harm.
First, by changing the question, “Should I talk about my sexual attraction in public” to “Should I be prevented from telling even people I know well about it,” you have drastically changed the argument. Most people have not said that it should be hidden from close friends, but most have said a book would be at best a very chancy proposition.
Second, is SSA so very unlike everything else, that other temptations and secret pains can be hidden from the public without the damage you are talking about, but only that one has to be talked about or else it’s just too much psychological work?
The desire for romantic companionship that is not being met is something that I understand probably better than you do, since you have the companionship of your wives, whereas since my divorce several years ago, I haven’t had companionship of that sort with anyone, which I miss, sometimes intensely. You are missing something that is just a flavor of that companionship, not all romantic companionship. My lack of that companionship is not something I talk about with any but the closest friends, because it is private. I’m sure you’ll say that the inability to talk publicly about SSA is comepletely different somehow, but I do find that the less I talk and think about it, the less it hurts.
Frankly, it does seem that your SSA is a large part of your life and your general mindset. I am not often in conversations where I discuss my attraction to the opposite sex, and I am basically never in conversations where I talk about my own too-promiscuous past, about which I am rightly ashamed. It just doesn’t come up. Perhaps men have to talk about sex a lot? Not being a man, I can’t know. It seems like something that one could try to tone down (I mean, people could spend less time talking about sex), and then less evasion would be needed.
I would like to have the right not to have to talk about the sexual attractions (of whatever sort) of my aquaintances. I would like not to have to know about it, in the same way I would like not to have to know about what sexual practices my married friends engage in. I find it really draining and exremely uncomfortable to talk about sex at all except for with good friends and same-generational members of my family. To my mind, more talk about sex is exactly what we don’t need, so if there are a lot of my aquaintance who are married men with SSA (which I frankly doubt, although there may well be one or two), their desire to be “open” about it directly conflicts with my desire not to have to know about their private business.
If you’d be willing to be public with the information now, why would you be less willing at some future time, in the EXTREMELY improbable event that it came out? If you’re not acting on it, and nobody knows, how could it possibly come out?
You have accidentally created a strawman here. I didn’t say you should never tell your children, just that you should wait until they’re after the “Daddy is a superhero” stage. If you tell your children when they are old enough to take it in properly, say 15 or so, they shouldn’t have had a chance to get as entrenched in the gay lifestyle as you are picturing. But if it is public knowledge, you’l have to tell them a lot earlier than that.
–Jen
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revert_jen
Guest
If there is nothing sexual about it, it isn’t SSA. What you have described is not SSA.It seems like you’re thinking of SSA as a purely sexual hangup, like a fetish or something. It’s a much bigger thing than that. The core of SSA, for me, is not that I want sex with some type of object; it’s that I want intimacy with men. There’s nothing wrong with that desire, since God made me for (non-sexual, non-romantic) intimacy with men. But most Christian SSA men feel very, very deeply – and wrongly – that their desire for intimacy with other men is bad and shameful.
I feel like this is nothing like simply wanting to engage in some sort of sex act.
–Jen
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revert_jen
Guest
The idea that every sinful thought that enters you head should be public is one that I honestly belive to be terribly wrong. For one thing, the more an adult man talks about how he is attracted to a 16-year-old girl, the less outrageous the idea gets to him, and the more likely that in a generation people will be pressing for it to be legalized. It really is psychologically true that familiarity with an idea increases its perceived acceptibility. So yes, whatever you do about SSA, please continue to hide your attraction to girls.
Because there is a difference between seeing that someone is attractive and being attracted to him or her. Granted that it is less of a problem for women because 16-year-old boys generally just aren’t that attractive anyway, still one would want to pray against being attracted to 16-year-old girls if one were an adult man (or an adult woman of course).
But I think I have said all I have to say here. Frankly, I’m beginning to feel that this thread asked a question to which only one answer was ever going to be acceptable, and that is not the answer I could ever in conscience give.
So here is the summary of my advice for ignoring:
*]Tell only close family, close friends, and children who have hit their mid-teens.
*]This information, like another poster’s relinquished bjs, should not be public, because it is not the public’s business.
*]It’s almost certain that if the information is made public, your children’s childhoods will be made more difficult than they need to be. It is very likely that your children will be caused serious psychological pain (which is not the same as damage), one way or another, if it is made public. This pain may help them grow, or it may just hurt them. Psychological damage to the children is less likely but not necessarily unlikely.
*]If you are (as Boundless certainly suggested) suffering severe psychological damage because you can’t tell the world about it, I think counseling with an appropriate counselor would be more help than disclosure, and in any case should be a precursor to it.
*]There is nothing sinful about SSA if not acted upon, but just because something isn’t sinful, doesn’t mean is isn’t private.
*]The sexual revolution did not make things better in this country. It makes me tend to think that spending a lot of time talking about this in public will not make things better either, at least not for most people.
You guys think I can’t know what I’m talking about because I’m not in your situation. I think you are not capable of looking at the thing in an unbiased fashion because you are in your situation. We may both be right. But I don’t see a lot of likelihood of either of us convincing the other. I believe you mean well but are mistaken. I don’t know whether you believe I mean well, but obviously you believe I am mistaken. We just have to agree to disagree, and you will do what you will do. But please pray a lot about the effects on any pre-adolescent children before doing anything.
God bless you,
–Jen
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Prodigal_Son
Guest
But it is the need that many SSA people have. If this need had been met for us, then our sexuality would not have developed the way it has.
But we’re not talking about a romantic desire. We’re talking about a desire for closeness, or intimacy. I hope you see the difference.
(By the way, you have my prayers and sympathy, with regard to the pain you’re going through!)
When the world’s at war, Christians need to talk about war.
You are completely misunderstanding the reason I made a comment about finding girls attractive. Read through my comments, and try to find where I said that men who find girls attractive should publicize this. I didn’t. But it’s obvious that men who are attracted to 20-somethings would be attracted to mature teenagers too; the bodies are basically identical.
I’m not sure I see the distinction, but maybe you’re onto something. When I say “X is attracted to Y”, I do not mean that “X dwells on Y” or “X is turned on by Y”. I just mean X notices Y’s beauty, and (even momentarily) finds it desirable. If you prefer “X sees that Y is attractive”, that’s fine.
(Sorry about all the Xs and Ys; I’m in philosophy.)
I definitely will, and I appreciate all your contributions. I really do.
L
LaSainte
Guest
Exactly. The desire for a close personal friendship where you give each other a hug is NOT the same thing as wanting to have sex with men.
Also, please remember that long ago, men thought women were mostly stupid and had nothing to contribute besides being sexual partners and mothers. Men were not generally “friends” with their wives. Men have now found that they can bond with women in much the same way that men bonded with each other long ago. That being said, of course men like to have close male friends with whom they can watch baseball and have a few beers and talk about their lives, and occasionally, they might say “I love you, man”. It’s what they call a “bro-mance”. Fine. But the idea of walking into the living room with my husband laying his head on his best friend’s chest as they snuggle on the couch is beyond absurd. I wouldn’t do this with another woman either. And doing this while you are married with a person of the same sex that you are attracted to is clearly off-limits. That would be like me snuggling on the couch with a male friend of the family. Ridiculous.
Now you mention John and Jesus. Well, first of all, they used to recline while they were at the table, so they would be near each other laying down. Secondly, John was very young, possibly even in his early teens. He probably had sort of a son-father relationship with Jesus, so him laying his head on his chest would not be such a shocking thing. If they were both 33, I think it would have been a bit much. As for David and Jonathan, well, some people think they may have actually been romantically involved. I won’t speculate on it, but David was far from being a sinless man, so who knows for sure? If there is a definitive Catholic teaching on this, someone can feel free to elucidate.
If it were me, I would feel it important to balance the needs of my family with those of the people I was trying to reach. Your family should always come first. This is why I have suggested a blog and not a full-on book tour complete with reality show. They might be able to come to terms with you being bisexual down the road, but I would always doubt the motives of someone who felt like he had to do this in a way that would publicly humiliate the entire family.
I guess I am still struggling to see the value in publicly declaring a propensity for doing something that is private and embarrassing. If I struggled on a daily basis with masturbation, I’m not about to write a book about it, regardless of whether or not it might help some people. I have to think of my family. I’m not going to be the “masturbating mom”. If I felt like I HAD to do it, I would find a way to do it anonymously.
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Prodigal_Son
Guest
Yeah, the real take-away from this thread, for me, is that I’m even more convinced that more light is needed in this area – but I’m thrown into confusion about how. I’ve been thinking more and more about churches and Christian communities. I’m part of an ecumenical Christian community, and – partially because of some things said here – I’m thinking about sharing about my SSA at the next “marriage retreat”, a couples retreat. This is unbelievably daunting. But it could be part of a ripple effect in Christian communities – not as dramatic as a book, but also not as risky.Several people seem to be getting hung up on the book idea. I’m inclined to think as Boundless said that it was just one suggestion and not really the central point of the thread. But even so, there are articles on this very website where married couples disclose their “return to chastity” in their pre-marriage relationship. I haven’t seen people get up in arms over those such books nor encourage people to shun them in order to protect their children.
I need to meditate a lot on the relationship between prudence and courage.
M
mommamaree
Guest
I have read this whole thread and I don’t get it…
First, if, as you say, you are attracted to men but do not desire to have sex with them, what is this? This is not how I have understood SSA.
Second, according to your timeline in your posts, you are still in the trenches battling against this temptation. What have you to offer by going public with this?
Third, and most importantly, I think you are FAR too confident in your family’s ability to absorb the blowback that will occur if you do go public with this. This is potentially very damaging; do you really want to take the chance with the lives of those you love and who love you? Do you really want them to experience the consequences of your proclivities?
First, if, as you say, you are attracted to men but do not desire to have sex with them, what is this? This is not how I have understood SSA.
Second, according to your timeline in your posts, you are still in the trenches battling against this temptation. What have you to offer by going public with this?
Third, and most importantly, I think you are FAR too confident in your family’s ability to absorb the blowback that will occur if you do go public with this. This is potentially very damaging; do you really want to take the chance with the lives of those you love and who love you? Do you really want them to experience the consequences of your proclivities?
L
LaSainte
Guest
This sounds like a good plan.
L
LaSainte
Guest
Yes.I have read this whole thread and I don’t get it…
First, if, as you say, you are attracted to men but do not desire to have sex with them, what is this? This is not how I have understood SSA.
Second, according to your timeline in your posts, you are still in the trenches battling against this temptation. What have you to offer by going public with this?
Third, and most importantly, I think you are FAR too confident in your family’s ability to absorb the blowback that will occur if you do go public with this. This is potentially very damaging; do you really want to take the chance with the lives of those you love and who love you? Do you really want them to experience the consequences of your proclivities?
E
epan
Guest
Well, you are bisexual. Lucky you. People who are gay must reject the Catholic Church, or never realize their potential sexually. Your lot in life is much easier. Accept Church teachings and stick to your wife, or don’t. Your choice.I am a joyfully married Catholic man with an ever-increasing number of children. From childhood, I have experienced a strong attraction to males, and this attraction has not ever really gone away. Unlike many men with SSA, I am also attracted to women, most particularly to my wife.
When I married my wife, I was in a place of great freedom, in terms of sexual sin. I was open with her about my attractions and my past, of course. Nevertheless, only three people (immediate family members) besides her knew my story, since SSA is most definitely a sinful disposition that loves to hide. Over time, little by little, I fell back into a pornography addiction after we were married. My wife knew something about this, but I only let her in partly. My attitudes toward myself became completely covered in shame.
Recently, God has been pulling me out of that mire. I’ve begun to pray for an hour daily, and spend time with my heavenly Father. (Men with SSA, in particular, need one-on-one time with their Dad!) I have come fully into the light with a number of brothers and sisters in Christ who are not my family members. It is SUCH a relief and a blessing that I don’t have to hide!
But, in some sense, I still do. Among single people, there are an increasing number of people with SSA who are fully open about their struggles and their commitment to live chaste lives. (I’m thinking of people like Wesley Hill and Eve Tushnet, among others). These people have helped to show me that an attraction is not shameful, that there’s nothing wrong with being openly broken. In the meantime, however, I find that our culture – even, to some extent, Catholic culture – has only one category for me: since I am married to a woman and attracted to men, I must be a closeted homosexual that is wreaking havoc on my wife and children.
This social judgment becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, I think. Society has a notion of you, and you live up to it.
But not when you have God’s light in your life. In God’s light, I have realized that my temptations are nothing to be ashamed of, and hiding them is just plain stupid. Ideally, I think, married men who struggle with same-sex attraction would be just as open with these struggles as married men who struggle with ogling women in advertisements. It’s not something you shout from street corners, but you would share it readily in the right circumstances.
As it is, I think there are testimonies out there from married men who struggled with SSA, but it’s always in the past tense: “I used to be attracted to men, but now my wife and I are the whole world to each other.” Yeah, right. (OK, maybe I’m cynical, but that just seems to neat and tidy an ending.)
I expect that some people will tell me something like this: Imagine you “went public” about this in some form, and your kids found out someday? Imagine how ashamed your wife and kids would feel to be associated with you? Do they deserve that shame?
But these objections miss the point! It’s not something to be ashamed of. It’s a temptation, like any other. Would you be ashamed if your children found out that you once wanted to shoplift something? That you once felt a strong urge to strangle a driver who cut you off? What’s the difference between these cases and SSA?
Thoughts?
J
Joe_5859
Guest
That sounds like a good opportunity. I like how you said the relationship between prudence and courage. That’s something I know I need to meditate on, too.
K
KateMonday
Guest
I wanted to address the “why do people want to come forward with this/what do you have to gain by writing a book about it/etc.” questions…
I can’t speak for anyone else, but the only reason that I would like to be more “open” about it, is to provide encouragement for others going through it, especially the young. When you are young, especially in today’s culture, and you struggle with ANY amount of same-sex attraction, then you feel that you MUST be gay, and you either have to fling yourself headfirst into the “gay lifestyle”, or you’re a disgusting, horrible, perverted person who can never have a normal life.
Where are these young people supposed to see examples that there ARE, in fact, some people who struggle with SSA, but who can manage to integrate these feelings/work through it, and develop enough opposite-sex attraction, to make marriage and family possible?? (I never found such examples when I needed them.)
If people see these examples, then they can be encouraged to do the work, seek the counseling, have the hope, etc., that it might really be possible.
I can’t speak for anyone else, but the only reason that I would like to be more “open” about it, is to provide encouragement for others going through it, especially the young. When you are young, especially in today’s culture, and you struggle with ANY amount of same-sex attraction, then you feel that you MUST be gay, and you either have to fling yourself headfirst into the “gay lifestyle”, or you’re a disgusting, horrible, perverted person who can never have a normal life.
Where are these young people supposed to see examples that there ARE, in fact, some people who struggle with SSA, but who can manage to integrate these feelings/work through it, and develop enough opposite-sex attraction, to make marriage and family possible?? (I never found such examples when I needed them.)
If people see these examples, then they can be encouraged to do the work, seek the counseling, have the hope, etc., that it might really be possible.
P
Prodigal_Son
Guest
No, I never said that. I said that my desire to have sex with men is less fundamental than my desire to have close friendships that are much more intimate than those relationships commonly found in our culture.I have read this whole thread and I don’t get it…
First, if, as you say, you are attracted to men but do not desire to have sex with them, what is this? This is not how I have understood SSA.
For a primer on what I mean, check out this article by Anthony Esolen: touchstonemag.com/archives/article.php?id=18-07-021-f
Depends on what you mean by “going public”. I am not suggesting doing something relatively “high profile” before I have experienced significant freedom from sexual sin for a long period of time – at least two years. But going public within a safer situation, like a community of committed believers, I don’t think would require years of freedom preceding it.
Do you think civil rights leaders were wrong to put their families at risk? I ask, because (leaving aside other issues involved, for the moment) there are two arguments going on here:
(1) The argument that the dangers outweigh the advantages.
(2) The argument that anything that makes one’s children this vulnerable is wrong.
Argument #2 fails, if civil rights leaders were justified. Then we’re left with Argument #1. I’m interested in Argument #1, and I find it worthwhile to consider. I’m not sure the advantages outweigh the dangers. But Argument #2 just seems to me patently false.
(Biographical detail: I live in a nice-ish neighborhood of a rather dangerous city. This exposes my children to more physical danger than if we lived in the suburbs. Is this morally wrong too?)
Despite all my argumentativeness, thanks for sharing your thoughts, Mommamaree!
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