Married while in college?

[EsclavoDeCristo]

I have no sites, just his book. The author is well regarded in academics. So much of the author’s research is written from scholarly peer journals, not passed around on the Internet. You can find his book in many public libraries or on loan if your library doesn’t have it.

All this book talk has peeked my interested. I just reserved it online at my library, thanks .

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

My only advice: think marriage and not wedding. Marriage is for the long haul, until the death of one of you. Wedding is a nice day that starts the marraige.

 

[MTA]

My hubby and I are married for almost a year. Hubby works part time and goes to university, I work full time and manage our household. We don’t have children yet, though we both know, if the Lord blesses us, it’s going to work out.
My parents didn’t want us to marry so soon, though we have been dating for five years and were engaged for almost a year. They were worried that we might not be able to make ends meet, especially once children are here.
My husband and I discussed all of this very often and we were sure that this was the way God wanted us to go. I guess somethings you can’t plan beforehand, if you and your boyfriend know that marriage is the right vocation for you, go ahead and trust God, He knows what’s best for you both.
We haven’t regretted one single second of being married, it was the best decision of our life .

 

[Ianjo99]

As much as I understand the rationale behind people who wish to marry in college, I personally feel it’s an unwise decision.

No one but God knows the future, certainly not me. But I would caution you to put your priorities in check. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and one should be prepared for that.

My question is: Why not wait until after college? What is the driving force that you need to get married now? Wouldn’t it feel better knowing that you both lasted four years together before you got married rather than two? Doesn’t that give an even better grounding to the commitment you both are making?

Yeah, it can work. Chances are pretty great, however, that it won’t. Not to be a buzzkill, but marrying in college save for certain circumstances makes little to no sense. It could end up being the best decision you ever made. Or one of the worst.

I’m about (give or take a year) your age. We have a LOT to learn still and a lot of living left to do.

But, my two cents.

Do what you think is best. You’re in my prayers!

 

[renee1258]

My question is: Why not wait until after college? What is the driving force that you need to get married now? Wouldn’t it feel better knowing that you both lasted four years together before you got married rather than two? Doesn’t that give an even better grounding to the commitment you both are making?

Actually the longer the courtship factors start showing up the likelihood for divorce. Relationships can become stagnant, and arrested in their development as one or the other becomes so comfortable with having a girl (or guy) on the side and usualy the woman just puts up poor behavior, because she has been together with him (invested time) as she waits until “he is ready”. What ready to stop playing video games?

Just as someone who doesn’t find their spouse until they are 30, adults sometimes meet the future spouses at 18 or 19. Yes, even though you are in school it doesn’t make you less of an adult. Young adults are just less bitter and cynical. Believe me I wasn’t looking for Mr. Right or having my biological clock start to tick, but why pass up a good thing (a Sacrament) just because of educational system/secular culture that prolongs immaturity.

Honestly I can’t believe how many long term unmarried relationships go on and on without ever discussing marriage. Many women just expect it to happen, because well they have lasted this long. Time of courtship is relevant to learn about one another, but not a key factor in success. After a year of dating, either you know or you don’t. There might be good reason to wait for marriage, but focusing on time is avoiding serious considerations and living in the indefinite makes a relationship unstable.

Don’t get caught up thinking another year wasting your life to make things “grounded” is going to make him a better spouse or change him. Poor choice of words, because marriage elevates you in ways you never knew. If a man is in love, he will do what he can phyiscally can to marry the woman. Don’t waste your youthful looks and morals on someone who is just going to make your life more complicated and help you dig you a grave of having no expectation of emotional engagement or growth.

College culture depends on students being completely dependent on the lifestyle, isolated from reality marketed to be self absorbed into oneself. Dorms are like prison of thought. I went to school for an education, not camp. Bordem sets in and you end up drinking and hooking up or doing whatever. Professors don’t want you to be mature and responsible or stable for that matter (all things the marriage brings), they want someone that can be easily molded into their lofty ideas.

 

[Ianjo99]

Actually the longer the courtship factors start showing up the likelihood for divorce.

Could you maybe provide a stat or something on that? That is completly counter-intuitive and makes no rational sense. If the relationship becomes stagnant, then it doesn’t matter if you are married or not, it became stagnant. A married girl will then stick with the guy because she feels obligated. That’s not much better.

Just as someone who doesn’t find their spouse until they are 30, adults sometimes meet the future spouses at 18 or 19. Yes, even though you are in school it doesn’t make you less of an adult

True, but it makes you a less educated and naive adult. People are constantly growing, and even legal adults are not fully grown.

College culture depends on students being completely dependent on the lifestyle, isolated from reality marketed to be self absorbed into oneself. Dorms are like prison of thought. I went to school for an education, not camp. Bordem sets in and you end up drinking and hooking up or doing whatever. Professors don’t want you to be mature and responsible or stable for that matter (all things the marriage brings), they want someone that can be easily molded into their lofty ideas.

I’ve never heard of someone belittling college before. I can’t fathom how one would be against open thought and the enrichment of minds. Prison of thought? How exactly did you come to that conclusion?

My point remains: there is no reason not to wait until after college. Financially, intellectually, and spiritually you will be in a far better position to make that decision.

Marriage is an important aspect of life, but it is not the only aspect of life. Consider all options. That’s all I’m advocating.

BTW - This isn’t a direct attack on Renee, just my thoughts.

 

[renee1258]

I cite the same book, I cited previously in posts.

Your argument is no better then those who claim that one should engage in sex or cohabitation as a preresequite for marriage, there are plenty of studies that show that doesn’t work at all. As you say “that is completly counter-intuitive and makes no rational sense” to those who think it is insane to be a virgin or not cohabitate until marriage. Time is important to learn about a person and discuss all the issue the original poster described, but time itself just let relationships rot. Should you try out the merchandise like those who adovocate premarital sex and cohabitiation?Wouldn’t that make the relationship more grounded? The longer you try it out, the better it should be isn’t the case. Trying something out for long periods of time is much different then being a rational adult. Merchadise begins to spoil if you don’t use it appropriately.

I went through the public university system in Massachusetts, nothing could be more open minded and erinching or imprisoning then the academic freedom of a professor who doesn’t care about the course syllybi or living on campus. My fault I was a political science major. You can have a marital life and still obtain an education. It is just all the feminists are upset, that you’ve fallen under patriachal supression.

Yes, people change and people don’t just stop changing because of marriage. Marriage is nothing, wait until there are babies then things really take a turn. Then there is mid life crises and retirement issues. There is no magic number in which you stop growing spiritually or change? At 18, naive or not, no matter how much you think you might change you are not just a legal, but accountable adult.

Again according to your argument, you’re just an naive less educated adult. And since I’m older, with not only a college degree, but a post graduate degree you shouldn’t even question my authority. I being a bit silly there. But I see you as an adult, because that is who you are. I see the original poster as an adult also. Give yourself more credit, yes you can wiegh all options don’t put weight on something as artificial as the four year scheduling of a college degree.

 

[Ianjo99]

I’m replying because I believe you have made some very good arguments and it would appear that you believe very strongly in this. Since this appears to have branched off of the OP’s intent, this will be my last post on this thread but would like very much if we could perhaps start this on another thread or through PM or something.

I suppose I will go by your post point by point:

Your argument is no better then those who claim that one should engage in sex or cohabitation as a preresequite for marriage, there are plenty of studies that show that doesn’t work at all.

First, that is a borderline straw man argument. While I am not a philosophy or logics major and although I recognize it as not a true straw man, the accusation is very similar. I never brought up sexual intercourse as a prerequisite for marriage, and cohabitation was not what I was implicating when I advised waiting.

The reason I said it was counter-intuitive was because your argument seems to imply that the stagnation of relationships is inevitable and that the solution is marriage, the ultimate human relationship. That doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me, though perhaps I am misreading your point.

Should you try out the merchandise like those who adovocate premarital sex and cohabitiation?Wouldn’t that make the relationship more grounded? The longer you try it out, the better it should be isn’t the case. Trying something out for long periods of time is much different then being a rational adult. Merchadise begins to spoil if you don’t use it appropriately.

Merchandise and people are far different things. Merchandise wears out over time, relationships flourish. The more you experience with that person, the more intimately you know them. That is what I meant by grounded. Grounded in the emotional and rational sense. Marriage, as I have stated, is not some magical thing in which you two are forever and irrevocably bounded to each other in love. It is a great gift from God as an expression of deep mature love that should not be taken lightly. There will be problems, and the more problems the two face together the better they will be able to work through them when married.

You can have a marital life and still obtain an education. It is just all the feminists are upset, that you’ve fallen under patriachal supression.

I very much agree that you can have a marital life and still obtain an education. My position, however, is that an education adds support to the two that will most likely help them in their future. Personally, I feel one or both should be financially stable before they even consider marriage. Getting an education is a job by which you come out knowing a great deal more about yourself than you did when you entered. You, by all rights, should be better for it in every facet of your life. I would feel better knowing that I am in that position before I make a lifelong commitment.

I think the main difference between our opinions is that I put a much greater emphasis on education (college) than you do in terms of what is ultimately important. Getting an education is something the majority of the world doesn’t have a chance to get, and should be treated as such. There are very few people who come out of college thinking they wasted their time and energy.

Again according to your argument, you’re just an naive less educated adult. And since I’m older, with not only a college degree, but a post graduate degree you shouldn’t even question my authority. I being a bit silly there. But I see you as an adult, because that is who you are. I see the original poster as an adult also. Give yourself more credit, yes you can wiegh all options don’t put weight on something as artificial as the four year scheduling of a college degree.

Haha, I suppose that would follow. But in a more serious note, the most enlightening experiences I have had are those in which I disagreed with the professor or lecturer and debated a point. You learn a lot more through discussion and questioning than lectures.

I can weigh options very well, but I will be in a much better position to weigh those options about my future when I have an idea of what that would be. Uncertainity is a certainity in college, and an issue as serious as marriage is one I wouldn’t place my bet on.

God Bless!

~ Ian

 

[hasikelee]

Actually the longer the courtship factors start showing up the likelihood for divorce. Relationships can become stagnant, and arrested in their development as one or the other becomes so comfortable with having a girl (or guy) on the side and usualy the woman just puts up poor behavior, because she has been together with him (invested time) as she waits until “he is ready”. What ready to stop playing video games?

I just have to reply to say bingo.

I’ve been in a relationship with a man for 4 years and I knew a year before dating him that I thought he was a good man and the one I wanted to marry.

Of course we were young back then (and still young now). So we waited.

Well, I definitely felt a dividing line, a complete change, after 3 years. It was like a thermacline! I honestly believe that this last year we were supposed to get married. Now, I do trust that God has His plans for us and so I am taking time to learn more and prepare more. But it is a definitive development that was very obvious in the dynamics of our relationship, biologically, emotionally and mentally.

The stress of one foot in, one foot out is horrible. Knowing that you fully want to commit and just sitting there twiddling your thumbs puts a huge amount of stress on the relationship. Furthermore, and this I noticed: the relationship begins to take on a disjointed style. On the one hand, the couple is extremely close, yet on the other, each person must remain apart. This paradox does nothing for the relationship.

If you have a serious and obvious purpose for lengthy relationships, perhaps that changes things. But sitting around for months and years waiting on “school” “money” or “maturity” is a joke. A person who can’t save in his teen years won’t save after he signs the marriage license. People can change, but not that much. You know or you don’t. After that it’s practical arrangements.

 

[renee1258]

Whether you wait or not until graduating, I honestly believe no one should go beyond a year without discussing the “M-word”. I had boyfriend in high school/college, we were dating a year and a half or so and we were hanging out and he brought up the “M-word” and my life flashed before me. I broke up with him a week later, I’m very thankful he brought it up. My husband first “proposed” to me drunk at 20, my response was “You’re DRUNK!” I hung around until 22 for the actual sober proposal.

I usually hang out with mostly non-religious people, in which they think marriage is something that just happen after dating, sex, and cohabitation. Cohabitation is never talked about, it is like you spend one night over and you never leave. Women always believe that cohabitation leads to marriage, while at least non-religious men really do think they are just trying it out with no commitment. Having to sit there and listen and console a woman pushing 30, that she will never have “her day” as in a wedding and the “guy” said he made it clear he STILL wasn’t ready despite taking advantage of her playing wife and sometimes being the mother of his children. Or to hear a young man say “he hasn’t slept with enought women yet to settle down”. I hear a lot of horror stories, such as an engaged couples applying for a mortgage and the groom had NO CLUE that the bride had terrible credit.

So when I hear the OP talk seriously about marriage with her boyfriend, I want to stregthen them and let them know they’re not strange or odd just because they happen to be full time students. You still have student loan bills after school, my loans won’t be paid in full for another 15 years. Then there is continueing education if your profession is licensed. Also you can have change of career paths, despite knowledgable in one area your spouse says “I don’t like this anymore” Do you beat him over the head because he promised to be an accountant when he decided to major at accounting at 19 or do you sit down and say let’s see what we can do.

 

[TarAshly]

I got married at 21 and it has been the biggest blessing in my life. We are broke and happy . my husband is putting me through college during night school and it has truly been a test of our strenght and patience. I couldnt put my life with him on hold for a college degree. I truly feel if I hadnt married him I wouldnt have been able or had the motivation to finish my college education. If you feel you can handle it and your husband will support you go for it! nothing feels better than true love. However I will warn you that both of you going to college at once will be difficult if not impossible financially and emotionally. It will be up to yall to decide who goes first. We decided I would since i was closer to graduation than he was so he dropped out to put me through. It has always been an understanding though that after I am done I will work and put him through school. Going to work full time and college full time at night is no picnic and it sure aint for sissies but if you have the will theres a way. God always makes a way.

 

[Black_Jaque]

To the O.P., do you have a plan for how you would support children if they came? If so, then go for it. That plan may be as simple as “my parents said they’d cover tuition” or something like that. Don’t expect your parents to support you financially, but if they’re willing to, take it.

Ianjo,

My point remains: there is no reason not to wait until after college.

Oh yes there is a reason not to wait. Purity. You have to guard your purity. Each day you wait is another day you risk losing your purity. And any woman who thought it was easy to wait 2 years without a temptation against purity would have immediately lost candidacy as my future spouse. The woman is either grotesquely nieve and would have problems guarding her purity after marriage, or the woman is in serious need of hormone therapy.

If you know ahead of time that you will not get married until after college, then you ought not to even be holding yourself out as available until 1 year before graduation.

 

[journey137]

It might not be easy to wait two years, but it can be done. Waiting for any length of time, if a person is really committed to remaining pure and committed to the other person, can be done especially if there is a reason, a clear goal, that must happen before marriage can happen (graduation, a job, whatever). If there is no good reason for waiting, then the couple is just putting themselves through needless temptation.

Some people are not ready for marriage while they’re in college. They’re too immature and they honestly don’t know what to expect with marriage in reguards as to what you get out of it and what you put into it. Some people are ready in high school to be married. It all depends on the individuals in question, and there is no “magic age” that will make anyone ready for marriage. It is different for everyone, and some people never reach that age.

 

[Rach620]

I’ve finally found (well, made… via procrastination ) time to reply to some of the things on this thread… lanjo99 makes some interesting points which I’d like to address.

Merchandise and people are far different things. Merchandise wears out over time, relationships flourish. The more you experience with that person, the more intimately you know them. That is what I meant by grounded. Grounded in the emotional and rational sense. Marriage, as I have stated, is not some magical thing in which you two are forever and irrevocably bounded to each other in love. It is a great gift from God as an expression of deep mature love that should not be taken lightly. There will be problems, and the more problems the two face together the better they will be able to work through them when married.

Well, I guess I wouldn’t call marriage “magical” either, but it is a mystery–a great gift from God in which two people ARE irrevocably bonded to one another in love. The relationship between a husband and a wife is fundamentally and essentially different than that between a man and a woman who are dating/courting/engaged. They have been sacramentally joined by God, and have become “one flesh”.

Now, I know that practically speaking this doesn’t solve all ills, and that when we’re married my current boyfriend and I will still have problems to work out from time to time. But knowing all this, there is still only so much we can learn, so much we can grow in intimacy, before marriage. There comes a point in a relationship where you just know that, as close as you are to that other person, there’s this separation from them. I mean, this is the beauty of human love and intimacy, wanting to share one’s life with another… but sometimes it is so hard to imagine and to bear being apart from him for years longer.

I very much agree that you can have a marital life and still obtain an education. My position, however, is that an education adds support to the two that will most likely help them in their future. Personally, I feel one or both should be financially stable before they even consider marriage. Getting an education is a job by which you come out knowing a great deal more about yourself than you did when you entered. You, by all rights, should be better for it in every facet of your life. I would feel better knowing that I am in that position before I make a lifelong commitment.

I think the main difference between our opinions is that I put a much greater emphasis on education (college) than you do in terms of what is ultimately important. Getting an education is something the majority of the world doesn’t have a chance to get, and should be treated as such. There are very few people who come out of college thinking they wasted their time and energy.

Financial stability is something that I think is necessary before marriage. A college education is not.

Yes, I am incredibly grateful for my college education, and I believe others should take advantage of it as well. But at the same time, we’re not here on Earth to learn everything we can so that we can make lots of money and have five sets of letters after our names. We’re here to do God’s will, on God’s time.

I agree with other posters on this thread that the academic culture allows for “arrested adolescence” (as, ironically enough, one of my profs calls it) to flourish in America. I’m the first to admit that I go to school in a bubble; sometimes it allows for the flourishing of community, sometimes it allows young adults to be irresponsible w/o consequences. You look at college culture today and it revolves, for the most part, around meaningless activities, postponing entrance into the “real world”. Not only this, but the culture on college campuses promotes this same outlook, that life truly can’t/doesn’t begin until after graduation, and that these four years are a great time to have a lot of ‘fun’. This secular attitude doesn’t mesh with Catholic openness to God’s will on God’s time (much less with the Catholic attitude towards education in faith and reason) very well at all.

Anyways, I’m the OP, and as for us-- my boyfriend and I recently looked at a more concrete budget, figuring out how much income we’d have, savings, etc… and found that it wasn’t looking too promising for us to get married during college. We basically determined that, yes, God is calling us to marriage, and we want to follow His will asap, but we just have not been blessed with the resources to make that happen in two years. But who knows what will happen! Please continue to pray for us!

 

[Rach620]

To the O.P., do you have a plan for how you would support children if they came? If so, then go for it. That plan may be as simple as “my parents said they’d cover tuition” or something like that. Don’t expect your parents to support you financially, but if they’re willing to, take it.

That’s our issue–little ones coming along. We could get by on our own, but it’s undetermined whether either one of us would be able to work full time during that first year (and receive health benefits, etc.), and seems more unlikely than likely. It would be important to us to not be indefinitely postponing pregnancy for “financial reasons,” and we feel like we’d be more able to accept God’s gifts if we waited than if we didn’t.

But then we hear everyone and his uncle advising us against long engagements… and it all gets so confusing!

 

[journey137]

I’ve been dating the same guy for 4.5 years. When we get married we will have been dating for six years. When we get married we will have been properly engaged for two years. Long engagements can happen if you’re willing to work. Sometimes you have to get up and leave because the tempation is too great… the catcher is actually realizing that fact and leaving. My prayers are with you and your boyfriend during this difficult time of discernment.

When I first started reading these posts I thought you, the OP, was just another “kid” reacting to hormones (I use the term kid loosely b/c I am only 20 myself). After following everything and seeing how much effort, time, and prayer you’ve both put into your decisions I can honestly say I’m sorry for doubting you! Thank you for making me come to this realization, and thank you for making me re-examine my convictions for waiting to get married. Hopefully things will work out and the two of you can get married sooner

 

[Ham1]

I’ve finally found (well, made… via procrastination ) time to reply to some of the things on this thread… lanjo99 makes some interesting points which I’d like to address.

Well, I guess I wouldn’t call marriage “magical” either, but it is a mystery–a great gift from God in which two people ARE irrevocably bonded to one another in love. The relationship between a husband and a wife is fundamentally and essentially different than that between a man and a woman who are dating/courting/engaged. They have been sacramentally joined by God, and have become “one flesh”.

Now, I know that practically speaking this doesn’t solve all ills, and that when we’re married my current boyfriend and I will still have problems to work out from time to time. But knowing all this, there is still only so much we can learn, so much we can grow in intimacy, before marriage. There comes a point in a relationship where you just know that, as close as you are to that other person, there’s this separation from them. I mean, this is the beauty of human love and intimacy, wanting to share one’s life with another… but sometimes it is so hard to imagine and to bear being apart from him for years longer.

Financial stability is something that I think is necessary before marriage. A college education is not.

Yes, I am incredibly grateful for my college education, and I believe others should take advantage of it as well. But at the same time, we’re not here on Earth to learn everything we can so that we can make lots of money and have five sets of letters after our names. We’re here to do God’s will, on God’s time.

I agree with other posters on this thread that the academic culture allows for “arrested adolescence” (as, ironically enough, one of my profs calls it) to flourish in America. I’m the first to admit that I go to school in a bubble; sometimes it allows for the flourishing of community, sometimes it allows young adults to be irresponsible w/o consequences. You look at college culture today and it revolves, for the most part, around meaningless activities, postponing entrance into the “real world”. Not only this, but the culture on college campuses promotes this same outlook, that life truly can’t/doesn’t begin until after graduation, and that these four years are a great time to have a lot of ‘fun’. This secular attitude doesn’t mesh with Catholic openness to God’s will on God’s time (much less with the Catholic attitude towards education in faith and reason) very well at all.

Anyways, I’m the OP, and as for us-- my boyfriend and I recently looked at a more concrete budget, figuring out how much income we’d have, savings, etc… and found that it wasn’t looking too promising for us to get married during college. We basically determined that, yes, God is calling us to marriage, and we want to follow His will asap, but we just have not been blessed with the resources to make that happen in two years. But who knows what will happen! Please continue to pray for us!

A good and prudent decision.

One possibility you may want to explore is seeing if your boyfriend can take extra classes, summer term, inter terms, etc. and graduate perhaps a semester early. Then get married. Then you can both start full-time jobs and he can do grad school at night.

I would also encourage you to share your budget with a younger married couple and get their opinion. I remember when we were engaged (at 21) thinking we had a reasonable budget and finding out later that expenses have a way of being more than you expect. It would be helpful to have someone help you evaluate your budget whether you marry now or after graduation.

 

[Julianna]

I’ve finally found (well, made… via procrastination ) time to reply to some of the things on this thread… lanjo99 makes some interesting points which I’d like to address.
Well, I guess I wouldn’t call marriage “magical” either, but it is a mystery–a great gift from God in which two people ARE irrevocably bonded to one another in love. The relationship between a husband and a wife is fundamentally and essentially different than that between a man and a woman who are dating/courting/engaged. They have been sacramentally joined by God, and have become “one flesh”.
COLOR=“Purple”]Absolutely…it’s great to see each other now and then, and go our separate ways at night. Day to day living is whole different ball game. There are many things to consider, and I see you and your fiancee have been doing alot of “head” thinking. You know where your hearts are…that is a given. I am glad to read that both of you have had a chance to get “real” and look at the big picture. Good for you both.

Now, I know that practically speaking this doesn’t solve all ills, and that when we’re married my current boyfriend and I will still have problems to work out from time to time. But knowing all this, there is still only so much we can learn, so much we can grow in intimacy, before marriage. There comes a point in a relationship where you just know that, as close as you are to that other person, there’s this separation from them. I mean, this is the beauty of human love and intimacy, wanting to share one’s life with another… but sometimes it is so hard to imagine and to bear being apart from him for years longer.
**You both are beginning to separate the heart from the head and look at marriage, as it truly is…a lifelong commitment, one of beauty, love and intimacy that can only come from a sacramental union. Yes, you do grow in intimacy, and not necessarily the sexual intimacy. But that is your business. Not anyone elses. ** Financial stability is something that I think is necessary before marriage. A college education is not.
**Of course it is, that is realistic. However, college can’t hurt. Women today need a back up plan should your husband become ill, laid off…or if worse comes to worse a separation occurs. (the rest of you can jump on me now, but look around, that is the reality, women need to get an education or job training if at all possible)**Yes, I am incredibly grateful for my college education, and I believe others should take advantage of it as well. But at the same time, we’re not here on Earth to learn everything we can so that we can make lots of money and have five sets of letters after our names. We’re here to do God’s will, on God’s time.
**No we are not here to get 5 letters after our names, but as a young women it can’t be a bad thing.**I agree with other posters on this thread that the academic culture allows for “arrested adolescence” (as, ironically enough, one of my profs calls it) to flourish in America. I’m the first to admit that I go to school in a bubble; sometimes it allows for the flourishing of community, sometimes it allows young adults to be irresponsible w/o consequences. You look at college culture today and it revolves, for the most part, around meaningless activities, postponing entrance into the “real world”. Not only this, but the culture on college campuses promotes this same outlook, that life truly can’t/doesn’t begin until after graduation, and that these four years are a great time to have a lot of ‘fun’. This secular attitude doesn’t mesh with Catholic openness to God’s will on God’s time (much less with the Catholic attitude towards education in faith and reason) very well at all.
**You could look at as a time put the faith you were born into in practice. College is the big EXAM. It’s all observation and making choices based on what your faith has taught you. Will you fall into temptation…sure…most people do…but our Father in heaven forgives and loves you. He was a teenager too…at one time.**Anyways, I’m the OP, and as for us-- my boyfriend and I recently looked at a more concrete budget, figuring out how much income we’d have, savings, etc… and found that it wasn’t looking too promising for us to get married during college. We basically determined that, yes, God is calling us to marriage, and we want to follow His will asap, but we just have not been blessed with the resources to make that happen in two years. But who knows what will happen! Please continue to pray for us!
This is now a great time to build in anticipation of the time when you and your fiancee will become husband and wife. Save your money…agree to dinners/movies less often. Maybe cook something for him, or have him cook something for you. DVD instead of a movie out.

 

[Julianna]

That’s our issue–little ones coming along. We could get by on our own, but it’s undetermined whether either one of us would be able to work full time during that first year (and receive health benefits, etc.), and seems more unlikely than likely. It would be important to us to not be indefinitely postponing pregnancy for “financial reasons,” and we feel like we’d be more able to accept God’s gifts if we waited than if we didn’t.
Ah, the reality sinks in. If you are going to use NFP…it is quite possible that little ones appear, and they need everything, your time, your attention, diapers, 1 am feedings, and add that to working and going to school…geez louise, I’m tired already. And some of you may jump on my case, but health care costs a bundle. However, a professionally educated couple working at a job that offers health insurance sure would take the bite out of that concern…and that is the reality. Most employers are required to abide by the family leave act, in that you can have time off when you have your child, and your job will be waiting, I believe up to a year, should you decide to come back. Even if you don’t use it, and decide to be a SAHM, it’s good to know it’s there. Working at the 7-11, or Mickey D’s is not going get you benefits like that. Should you decide down the road you want to return to work part time when the kiddo goes to kindergarten, you will have had the education to jump back in.
But then we hear everyone and his uncle advising us against long engagements… and it all gets so confusing!
I know why they are advising you against long engagements and in your heart, you do to…it’s none of their business. It is good to know that you and your fiancee are going into marriage seriously as a covenant marriage. You are wise beyond your years. You also seem to have found Mr. Right, vs. Mr. Right now. Best of luck to you both. Peace and Prayers, Juli

 

[Almeria]

About the health benefits–you can also check with your university. Many schools are now offering health care for students, that will cover the entire family. You still have to find a way to afford it, but it’s usually cheaper than getting individual insurance.

My husband and I got married during college. Quite literally; it was in the middle of a semester, we got married on a saturday, and were back in class on tuesday. I would highly recommend that others avoid that. The adjustments that you make to being newly wed, and living with someone for the first time, are not necessarily condusive to the best study habits. We both bombed that semester as we learned how to be with each other. Your milage might vary–it’s something to be aware of, though.

There’s another downside to getting married during the semester that I didn’t know of at the time. My husband is in grad school now, and last week I literally spent my 10 year anniversary at home alone while he was at night class. He wants to be a professor–we’re not going to be able to have a real honeymoon/vacation on our anniversary until he’s retired. If we knew then what we know now, we would have waited to get married (at least until Christmas break!).