Heck, when I was young and gorgeous like you, I used to look at men older than 35 with disgust. I was like…“ooo he’s old!!!”
A 40 something man dating a girl in her young 20’s is looking at a future trophy wife and if you are ok with this, then go for it.
See, we come from different prejudices in our backgrounds. When I was younger and cuter, and I mean from the time I was ten or twelve or even younger, I much preferred the company of people who were a lot older than I was. They were more interesting and, to be blunt, I thought they were less shallow, less cruel, and less self-centered. I did not have to worry about using words that were too big. I did not have to worry about being uninterested in whatever the pop fashion of the moment was. I did not have any trouble disagreeing with them or throwing ideas around with them, either. I didn’t get bored with them. I liked them and they usually liked me. Being around older people enough, I had some idea about their life histories and the stuff they found interesting. The older guys certainly weren’t any more shallow than the younger ones when it came to be interested in women primarily for their looks and whatever other compensation they could offer.
So yes…if this young woman has never had much of an interest in the company of people older than herself, that would be a big red flag. Before she died, you could have asked Princess Diana: if older guys haven’t always been an interest of yours, expect that the novelty will wear off…for both of you. If all the older guys you’ve ever met have always bored you before, this guy will probably bore you. If this guy is giving you attention you wished you had gotten from your dad, leave him and go back and get that from your dad. If you’ve always found your parent’s friends more interesting than the kids you had to go to school with, though, then you might be the kind of young person that could have a good marriage with someone a lot older.
I worry less about a 40-something who has never married before, because I have prejudices in that direction, too. They’ve largely been nice guys who didn’t think it would be fair to subject a wife and family to their work hours or who were very concerned they not fall to the ugly divorces that their friends had. It’s been the ones who’d been previously married or had many previous girlfriends that cause more suspicion.
I have found, though, that if I made genuine connections with a guy’s friends, they become my friends. They’ll be protective if they think their friend is vulnerable, particularly if he’s maybe too nice for his own good and they don’t want him to be hurt, but if they think their friend is a jerk, they’ll be protective of me. I’ve been tipped off many times by a guy’s friends. Be a real friend to your boyfriend’s friends and relatives, and you can learn a lot! You can hardly help it.
I can think of one older bachelor, though–
and I think he is far more common than my limited experience would indicate–who liked younger women very much because they didn’t object so quickly to his OCD-like attention to detail. The guy cleaned the outsides of the engines of his vehicles with alcohol and cotton swabs! When he had an opinion, which he usually did, he was right, and that was that. I don’t think he’d have objected to a woman his own age who was similarly interested in fitness and who would put up with what an opinionated fuss-budget he was, but there weren’t many women of any age in that category. He had a heart of gold, he was generous, genuine, and very ethical, but there just aren’t many people who could live with him. He dated, but I don’t know if he ever married.
Again: you can kind of feel this sort of thing out by forging a real relationship with his friends and relatives. They will fill you in, if you’re genuinely interested in what they think and patient enough to let your relationship develop before you jump into a marriage.
These are the kinds of things you pick up on if you take your time with the courtship. It’s always a bad idea to rush into a marriage, but even more so if there is a significant red flag such as a big age difference, a history of divorce on one side of the other, a history of substance abuse in someone’s past, etc.
The age difference isn’t a disqualifier, but it is a big red flag. The OP ought not proceed with caution only, but with more patience and more hard-eyed self-assessment even than the usual path to the altar would prudently require.
