Marrying syro-malabar orphans

[willymonfrete]

Hi.I’m 24.studiying to be a message therapist.lookswise Im about a 7.5(resemble DJ willy monfret a bit),5’8,gracile build.

I’ve tried catholic dating sites but all the women are either older than me or not that attractive or too far away.I dont know how I would meet a woman in a church.

in india it is possible to marry a Christian orphan girl,after they become 18 they seek to get them married to a man that can provide for them.do you think this is a good idea?would they allow them to marry foreigners if you are practicing catholic and can provide for them?

should I go to india and talk about this to priests there?could they help me?

 

[heidi_storage]

Your post reminded me a bit of this quote:

“He brooded with relish, in profound secret, over the image of a girl—virtuous, poor (she must be poor), very young, very pretty, of good birth and education, very timid, one who had suffered much, and was completely humbled before him, one who would all her life look on him as her savior.”

 

[ToeInTheWater]

Hi.I’m 24.studiying to be a message therapist.lookswise Im about a 7.5(resemble DJ willy monfret a bit),5’8,gracile build.

I’ve tried catholic dating sites but all the women are either older than me or not that attractive or too far away.I dont know how I would meet a woman in a church.

in india it is possible to marry a Christian orphan girl,after they become 18 they seek to get them married to a man that can provide for them.do you think this is a good idea?would they allow them to marry foreigners if you are practicing catholic and can provide for them?

should I go to india and talk about this to priests there?could they help me?

It seems you are not at all ready for marriage if you think of it merely as a Church approved way to have an attractive woman around to have sex with in exchange for financial support. That is the impression I get from your OP, at least. I am not sure if such a marriage would even be valid, seems there would be much pressure put on an teenager to marry due to financial necessity.

 

[Eliza10]

Your post reminded me a bit of this quote:

“He brooded with relish, in profound secret, over the image of a girl—virtuous, poor (she must be poor), very young, very pretty, of good birth and education, very timid, one who had suffered much, and was completely humbled before him, one who would all her life look on him as her savior.”

It sort of fit doesn’t it…

 

[ToeInTheWater]

Your post reminded me a bit of this quote:

“He brooded with relish, in profound secret, over the image of a girl—virtuous, poor (she must be poor), very young, very pretty, of good birth and education, very timid, one who had suffered much, and was completely humbled before him, one who would all her life look on him as her savior.”

It sort of fit doesn’t it…

This sort of male fantasy of being a savior to an eternally grateful wife who worships the ground you walk on, seems to be as old as, well, the earliest novel, the Tale of Genji. Prince Genji’s second wife, Lady Murasaki, pretty much checks off all the boxes; she was the illegitimate child of a nobleman, brought up in genteel poverty. What he does with her would likely be called “child grooming” today.

And in the end the story shows she is NOT happy with the marriage, especially when Genji at least officially spurns her for the sake of a third, political marriage to a princess. She tries to leave him by becoming a Buddhist nun but he refuses to let her. Eventually she dies. His third wife, also very young (though certainly not poor), eventually leaves him too and becomes a Buddhist nun.

Note the Tale of Genji was written by a woman, and I got the impression she acknowledged this male fantasy but shows how it ultimately is not a good model for marriage, because those little girls eventually DO grow up and have their own minds and wills, even in what was a very patriarchal society back then, compared to the modern world.

 

[willymonfrete]

So how do you judgemental people reckon I find a catholic wife?

and Im not a dirty old man or something those are the usual types they get married to indeed for money.

I look like a harnizo version of willy monfret,I can fornicate whenever I want,but I rather wait for a catholic wife and I dont have any idea how to find a marriage minded catholic woman.Im not a desperate guy that wants a woman to worship me or needs to buy love,just that logistically it is near to impossible to find a catholic wife here .literally impossible.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

I look like a harnizo version of willy monfret,I can fornicate whenever I want,but I rather wait for a catholic wife and I dont have any idea how to find a marriage minded catholic woman.Im not a desperate guy that wants a woman to worship me or needs to buy love,just that logistically it is near to impossible to find a catholic wife here .literally impossible.

Well you are grumbling that the women you have met online are (1) older than you, that is not a barrier to Catholic marriage or (2) not attractive enough, again that is no barrier and I assume not all the women there are repulsive and (3) too far away, yet I suspect most of them live closer to you than India.

At least from your posts so far I get the feeling you are dismissing too many women as “not good enough for me” and then complaining you don’t have any opportunities to meet women.

I also assume you want a VALID Catholic marriage and I find the scenario of “marrying an orphan girl in exchange for financial support” to be problematic, and it’s not unknown for such “mail order brides” to eventually leave their husbands once they are firmly ensconced in the US and able to live independently.

Some women even sign up for the “introduction” services, not intending to be married for life, but plan to be married only long enough to get a US green card, or perhaps (especially in the Trump era) long enough to become a naturalized citizen. Such a marriage wouldn’t only be invalid, but likely qualify for Pope Francis’s fast-track option for obviously invalid marriages.

 

[willymonfrete]

Well you are grumbling that the women you have met online are (1) older than you, that is not a barrier to Catholic marriage or (2) not attractive enough, again that is no barrier and I assume not all the women there are repulsive and (3) too far away, yet I suspect most of them live closer to you than India.

At least from your posts so far I get the feeling you are dismissing too many women as “not good enough for me” and then complaining you don’t have any opportunities to meet women.

I also assume you want a VALID Catholic marriage and I find the scenario of “marrying an orphan girl in exchange for financial support” to be problematic, and it’s not unknown for such “mail order brides” to eventually leave their husbands once they are firmly ensconced in the US and able to live independently.

Some women even sign up for the “introduction” services, not intending to be married for life, but plan to be married only long enough to get a US green card, or perhaps (especially in the Trump era) long enough to become a naturalized citizen. Such a marriage wouldn’t only be invalid, but likely qualify for Pope Francis’s fast-track option for obviously invalid marriages.

if we are married in the church it would be a valid marriage.period.and I intend to offer my looks,my wealth and my kindness not only wealth.or should a man not be the breadwinner?how is it different then being the bread winner for a western woman?

what makes a valid marriage then?marrying me for looks?for infatuation?for the sake of chastity?what would be a valid marriage in your viewpoint?

 

[willymonfrete]

and do you have any sources saying a marriage between a orphan and a man in exchange for financial support,but also looks and kindness is invalid?arent men supposed to take care of their wives?if i make her work,would it then be valid?

and are you saying I must marry a sterile woman or ugly woman because she lives closer to me to be a valid marriage?

 

[pensmama87]

and do you have any sources saying a marriage between a orphan and a man in exchange for financial support,but also looks and kindness is invalid?arent men supposed to take care of their wives?if i make her work,would it then be valid?

and are you saying I must marry a sterile woman or ugly woman because she lives closer to me to be a valid marriage?

Marriage is not about “exchange” at all, but giving.

At this point in time, you are not suited to marriage. A good place to start would be the Catechism, paragraph 1601, which outlines Church teaching on marriage.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

and do you have any sources saying a marriage between a orphan and a man in exchange for financial support,but also looks and kindness is invalid?arent men supposed to take care of their wives?if i make her work,would it then be valid?

and are you saying I must marry a sterile woman or ugly woman because she lives closer to me to be a valid marriage?

Fertility isn’t guaranteed and neither is beauty. I know many young women who live with infertility, including secondary fertility. Also, you may be infertile. What if you married a beautiful woman, the woman of your dreams and she was in an accident or had an illness that left her disfigured or even severely disabled? Are you ready to change her diaper or wipe drool from her face? You need to love someone enough to do that before you are ready to get married. While the worst case scenario isn’t likely to happen you must be ready for the commitment. A woman who is older, or plain but is kind, a Catholic, and has values the same things may be a better option for any man than a “dream girl” who has a lot of growing up to do. Have you heard the saying that women marry hoping the man will change and men marry hoping that the woman won’t? If you grow together that’s great but don’t think a young woman will be forever grateful for being rescued.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

St. Paul commanded husbands to LOVE their wives, not just to financially support them or be kind to them. You haven’t commented on love at all. And I’m not talking of just an erotic or romantic love, either.

And do you have any sources saying a marriage between a orphan and a man in exchange for financial support,but also looks and kindness is invalid?arent men supposed to take care of their wives?if i make her work,would it then be valid?

As pensmama states, marriage is NOT about an “exchange” and how do you know you will always be able to support a wife? What if you are in some accident that disables you? As for looks, do you expect to be good looking as you are now at age 70? Or even age 50?

Now, marriages for convenience, or arranged marriage are not automatically invalid. But if a young orphan girls feels she has no choice other than marry you, or marry someone, or else be destitute on the streets, possibly forced into prostitution to survive, possibly even starve to death, then how can such a marriage be valid?

 

[willymonfrete]

Fertility isn’t guaranteed and neither is beauty. I know many young women who live with infertility, including secondary fertility. Also, you may be infertile. What if you married a beautiful woman, the woman of your dreams and she was in an accident or had an illness that left her disfigured or even severely disabled? Are you ready to change her diaper or wipe drool from her face? You need to love someone enough to do that before you are ready to get married. While the worst case scenario isn’t likely to happen you must be ready for the commitment. A woman who is older, or plain but is kind, a Catholic, and has values the same things may be a better option for any man than a “dream girl” who has a lot of growing up to do. Have you heard the saying that women marry hoping the man will change and men marry hoping that the woman won’t? If you grow together that’s great but don’t think a young woman will be forever grateful for being rescued.

I did comment on love.I said I will offer her my kindness.I will love her with both eros and agape to my best ability.

I am only going to commit to a woman Im attracted to.Im fine with average but decent.but even thats hard to find here.I dont think a marriage based primarily but not only on being the breadwinner is invalid.Ive read alot about invalid marriages since the start of this thread and that isnt one of them.also the marriage is valid until its annulled and there is no sin if you married in good faith.

 

[willymonfrete]

St. Paul commanded husbands to LOVE their wives, not just to financially support them or be kind to them. You haven’t commented on love at all. And I’m not talking of just an erotic or romantic love, either.

As pensmama states, marriage is NOT about an “exchange” and how do you know you will always be able to support a wife? What if you are in some accident that disables you? As for looks, do you expect to be good looking as you are now at age 70? Or even age 50?

Now, marriages for convenience, or arranged marriage are not automatically invalid. But if a young orphan girls feels she has no choice other than marry you, or marry someone, or else be destitute on the streets, possibly forced into prostitution to survive, possibly even starve to death, then how can such a marriage be valid?

Agape and eros will grow over time.I will have a hard time loving a woman I’m not attracted to,let alone fulfill my marital obligation.I am not obliged to marry infertile old women.nor an ugly or overwheight woman.Im fine with decent but average.What if the woman also marries me because she finds me charming and handsome?is it invalidated just because of her situation?they have a choice of many suitors.they also have the choice of studying instead of marrying,it isnt that they will always be destitute.one would look at it at a case for case basis and chk with a priest and discuss it with her.not write off the idea of marrying a orphan altogether.

 

[Lou2U]

Okay, OP, this is going to be harsh. But:

1. Why are you so convinced your only hope of a Catholic wife is by giving an orphan in India money to marry you? Why is it you’re so convinced you’d have to effectively buy a wife for someone to want to marry you?
2. From the tone of your posts, you sound very immature. Looks are not the most important thing in any relationship, and basing a relationship solely on looks is one way for it to end, quickly. The descriptions you use of the women who live close to you (“ugly”, “sterile”) also show that you lack the maturity and wisdom for marriage.
3. What happens if you go through with this plan, and then she finds out she’s infertile? What if she gains weight due to pregnancy, or an accident where she can’t exercise? What happens if, over time as is the norm, she doesn’t meet your standards for good looking? What will you do then?

Look, OP, you’re 24 years old. You’ve got time to find someone. But I promise you, considering yourself superior in looks, and thinking them as ugly and sterile isn’t going to attract any of them to you. I suggest that if you really do want to get married, you rethink your attitude and stop basing your opinions of others on everything superficial.

Lou

 

[Viki63]

Hi bro,
Look, you are way too focused on looks. I don’t care if you look like a young Harrison Ford, what matters is your heart.
Where do you live that most of the women around you are too old or not beautiful enough?
I see lovely young women everywhere I go. Of course I live in a big city with a big church.

Why don’t you try going out for coffee with a nice young lady, and then another one. Just be friendly. You may discover some hidden diamonds, and eventually, when you mature a bit more, you will value what is really important about them.
Do you really classify people on a 1 to 10 scale based on looks? That is tacky.

.

 

[Brassring]

Agape and eros will grow over time.I will have a hard time loving a woman I’m not attracted to,let alone fulfill my marital obligation.**I am not obliged to marry infertile old women.nor an ugly or overwheight woman.**Im fine with decent but average.What if the woman also marries me because she finds me charming and handsome?is it invalidated just because of her situation?they have a choice of many suitors.they also have the choice of studying instead of marrying,it isnt that they will always be destitute.one would look at it at a case for case basis and chk with a priest and discuss it with her.not write off the idea of marrying a orphan altogether.

You’re not obliged to marry at all. Marriage is a vocation, a holy calling. It doesn’t sound like you have the calling, at present. A person isn’t just called to be married. They are called to be married to a certain person!

If you haven’t found the person, you can’t have the calling. Don’t worry about it so much, and don’t try to rush God. He’s never late, but He’s never early, either.

 

[Questioner2]

Do you really classify people on a 1 to 10 scale based on looks? That is tacky.

+1

Yes, please don’t do that. It is demeaning and insulting to refer to yourself or anyone else on a numerical scale like that.

And very unattractive.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

This may seem a strange question but have you ever actually interacted with a woman? We are people too.

 

[Norseman82]

A person isn’t just called to be married. They are called to be married to a certain person!

If you haven’t found the person, you can’t have the calling. Don’t worry about it so much, and don’t try to rush God. He’s never late, but He’s never early, either.

That is not Catholic teaching. In fact, Karl Keating debunked it in his e-letter “The Non-Existent Prince Charming”.