Marrying syro-malabar orphans

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Norseman82 said:
I understand you were given advice in another thread of St. Paul’s writing that “it is better to marry than burn”. However - and I’m going to try to put this as charitably yet firmly as I can - in your attempt to find a good Catholic wife, you may end up in competition with men who do not have a past like you do, and they may see you as an unwelcome “poacher” on their turf (and some of them may be boxers and/or do MMA). So my advice is:

Stop whining. Take a number and get in line. There’s an old saying that it is impolite to go back for “seconds” when others are still in line for their “firsts”. You’re not the first person to have to go “without”, and you won’t be the last. That way, you can be a “team player” and perhaps make atonement for your past actions that have contributed to the poisoning of the dating pool.
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my gfs were jewish or muslim i never dated a catholic woman.I did not sully the catholic dating pool and my sins will be atoned for in purgatory .
 
I know some will disagree but an 18 year old with little real world experience is not ready for marriage and therefore cannot fully consent, especially to a stranger.

You need to meet a woman and actually get to know her as an individual before either of you can even start considering marriage.
 
All I see on this forum are judgemental first worlders who think I must suffer for the sake of some ideal.

there are 20-30 million orphans in india.most of them girls.its a shame to be an orphan in india.alot of them can’t get married because they can’t afford a dowry to the man,if they don’t pay the dowry alot of times they are divorced or killed.atleast among hindus.IDK how it is among catholics.but giving a dowry is still practiced by catholics there and orphan women stay single because they cant afford it.somebody must marry them.do you want that to be a reasonabely goodlooking,funny,kind young man or a old bussinessman or handicapped men that usually go for this?I would only marry a woman that likes me.

I will not accept a dowry but will give her a big dowry worth a few years of a average workers salary in india.

sorry if this doesnt viber well but the alternative is being single forever until a magic unicorn pious catholic wife comes along wich is impossible logistically where I live.
 
ConfusedLucy said:
I know some will disagree but an 18 year old with little real world experience is not ready for marriage and therefore cannot fully consent, especially to a stranger.

You need to meet a woman and actually get to know her as an individual before either of you can even start considering marriage.
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I can get to know her.and your opinion doesn’t fit with church teaching.if she wants the marriage for whatever reason,it is valid and she consented.

14 is the minimum age of marriage in the church.
 
I only care whats sacramental and valid in the eyes of Yahweh.and canon law says 14 for girls 16 for boys.

I understand that a marriage is permanent and you should love your wife,as I have reiterated many times.
 
willymonfrete said:
I can get to know her.and your opinion doesn’t fit with church teaching.if she wants the marriage for whatever reason,it is valid and she consented.

14 is the minimum age of marriage in the church.
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No, the reason matters a great deal as far as validity.
 
willymonfrete said:
Hi.I’m 24.studiying to be a message therapist.lookswise Im about a 7.5(resemble DJ willy monfret a bit),5’8,gracile build.

I’ve tried catholic dating sites but all the women are either older than me or not that attractive or too far away.I dont know how I would meet a woman in a church.

in india it is possible to marry a Christian orphan girl,after they become 18 they seek to get them married to a man that can provide for them.do you think this is a good idea?would they allow them to marry foreigners if you are practicing catholic and can provide for them?

should I go to india and talk about this to priests there?could they help me?
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Do you think there is a Christian orphan girl there that is Catholic?

I have heard of those that travel to another country for a bride. A friend that I worked with that is Cambodian but lives in USA did that, and I met his wife at a social. They now have a son.

People have discussed age. Both my grandmother and mother were married and with child about age 15. Times certainly have changed.
 
Vico said:
Do you think there is a Christian orphan girl there that is Catholic?

I have heard of those that travel to another country for a bride. A friend that I worked with that is Cambodian but lives in USA did that, and I met his wife at a social. They now have a son.

People have discussed age. Both my grandmother and mother were married and with child about age 15. Times certainly have changed.
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Yes,red cross runs orphanages and also there are many christian girl orphanages in kerala and tamil nadu.they seek husbands for the girls if the girls dont want to study.the girls can stay at the orphanage until they study to make a career or if they want to get married,get married.so its not like there is a '‘grave fear’'for them to get married in all cases.I will discuss it with the girl and a local pastor before I marry her.I would prefer a catholic of wich there are 20 million in india total,but im fine with any trinitarian christian(Except for Calvinists lol) to marry.

btw i think arranged marriages as long as both parties want it,is a great thing.it saves alot of time and hardship.the church respects different cultures and their way of doing things.
 
willymonfrete said:
Im fine with average.I did not see that.and im not going to wait that long on a catholic dating site.

also Im just not attracted to dutch women.
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As I said, you can do what you want. We take a risk either way. I just do not think it is a good idea. Too risky, in my opinion. I would always have it in the back of my mind that this girl is just using me for a meal ticket.

Can you at least support yourself? You say that you are going to school to be a massage therapist. So, how do you support yourself? Do you plan to go to india for a bride sometime soon or years down the line? With what money? Yours? Your parents? Not a lot of 24 year old’s are financially independent here in my part of the United states. Like almost none, what is it like in your part of the world? 24 year olds are still basically kids here, with rare exceptions. That is my main question now. How will you pull this off financially?
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
As I said, you can do what you want. We take a risk either way. I just do not think it is a good idea. Too risky, in my opinion. I would always have it in the back of my mind that this girl is just using me for a meal ticket.

Can you at least support yourself? You say that you are going to school to be a massage therapist. So, how do you support yourself? Do you plan to go to india for a bride sometime soon or years down the line? With what money? Yours? Your parents? Not a lot of 24 year old’s are financially independent here in my part of the United states. Like almost none, what is it like in your part of the world? 24 year olds are still basically kids here, with rare exceptions. That is my main question now. How will you pull this off financially?
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Firstly I will make sure the woman likes my looks above all and my kindness.and also western women also use husbands as meal tickets,unless you’re a 9/10 Chad White/nick bateman most women don’t marry men they are really attracted to but who are reliable financially and personality-wise .

as for finances,I will take her to the netherlands wich has an excellent social welfare system if I ever get fired or can’t find a job for a while,but I will only start searching after I have a job.also we get kinderbijslag here wich is 300 euros for each child.its a great place to rear children like france.

also I had a history of paranoia (I thought everyone was doing witchcraft along with OCD,wich Hallelujah God has healed me from in the last 6 months)so I get 1000 a month wich I can save in the next years and have around 20,000 euros.I get disability welfare(Wajong).and Since I lived with my mum,I can save mo0ney and only spend 200 euros a month.so I can easily save thousands of euros.2000 euros will take you a whole year in india as its the average wage.

because Im ''disabled ''due to past OCD and paranoia I also can get a apartment in two yrs because I have dibs from the government.
 
So…you’re unemployed, live with your mother, have a history of mental illness, and think a wife is some sort of sex vending machine…but you think you’re a prize because you claim you look like some obscure DJ.

Are you absolutely certain you’re not a character in a Farrell brothers film?
 
willymonfrete said:
Firstly I will make sure the woman likes my looks above all and my kindness.and also western women also use husbands as meal tickets,unless you’re a 9/10 Chad White/nick bateman most women don’t marry men they are really attracted to but who are reliable financially and personality-wise .

as for finances,I will take her to the netherlands wich has an excellent social welfare system if I ever get fired or can’t find a job for a while,but I will only start searching after I have a job.also we get kinderbijslag here wich is 300 euros for each child.its a great place to rear children like france.

also I had a history of paranoia (I thought everyone was doing witchcraft along with OCD,wich Hallelujah God has healed me from in the last 6 months)so I get 1000 a month wich I can save in the next years and have around 20,000 euros.I get disability welfare(Wajong).and Since I lived with my mum,I can save mo0ney and only spend 200 euros a month.so I can easily save thousands of euros.2000 euros will take you a whole year in india as its the average wage.

because Im ''disabled ''due to past OCD and paranoia I also can get a apartment in two yrs because I have dibs from the government.
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Where I am from most women work, they do not need men for meal tickets in the same manner.

Well, you seem to have unusual circumstances that makes this a possibility as opposed to people my age here in my part of the world. Hope your plan works out if you have your mind set on it then. But I will say this… If you come on this forum seeking advice you are going to hear stuff you do not like. That is why I severely limit what I ask on these forums. So, unless you can take judgement, do not ask. The “You are all being judgmental” thing has been done to death and it changes nothing and makes the person yelling it seem like the immature one who cant take the heat. Being judged will never go away. Even among Christians. Good luck.
 
I was struck by the commodification of Catholic women, as though they inherently “belong” to certain men who for some reason claim “dibs”.

Very fortunately, the posters who come up with this stuff are the same who complain of being single. I sense a connection here.
 
willymonfrete said:
I will not be a team player or go long yrs without a wife or sex.if I can get a wife who likes me even thru a unconventional method,I will do so.and I dont care about the judgements of others.
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There you have it. I think that’s all we need to read. This shows a spirit of selfishness and sexual gluttony.

Have you discussed any of this with your parish priest? Print out this thread and show it to him and see what his reaction is.
 
Norseman82 said:
There you have it. I think that’s all we need to read. This shows a spirit of selfishness and sexual gluttony.

Have you discussed any of this with your parish priest? Print out this thread and show it to him and see what his reaction is.
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Don’t ignore the statement he made in the same post which shows the reson: “the only thing that matters to me is that its a sacramental marriage in the eyes of Yahweh”
 
willymonfrete said:
Yeah no thanks buddy.if anyone tries to hurt me for seeking a pious women as a guard of chastity,then they will be arrested after they try something or I will take the neccassery measures of self defence.

I will not be a team player or go long yrs without a wife or sex**.if I can get a wife who likes me even thru a unconventional method,I will do so.and I dont care about the judgements of others.**

the only thing that matters to me is that its a sacramental marriage in the eyes of Yahweh . .
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Your idea to “negotiate” a young wife --via an Indian orphanage – may be considered to be a form of human trafficking.
INTERVENTION BY THE HOLY SEE
AT THE 51st SESSION OF THE COMMISSION
OF THE STATUS OF WOMEN
OF THE UNITED NATIONS ECONOMIC AND SOCIAL COUNCIL
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ADDRESS OF H.E. MSGR. CELESTINO MIGLIORE*
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We would also do well to examine why women and especially younger women are so vulnerable. This appears to be due to the inferior status bestowed upon women in certain places and upon female infants in particular. In some local traditions they are thought of as a financial burden and are thus eliminated even before birth. In this way, abortion, often considered a tool of liberation, is ironically employed by women against women. Even those allowed to live are sometimes considered as if they were a piece of property best disposed of as soon as possible. This is to be found in many parts of the world, due to prejudicial traditions extraneous to what should be a universally available and safe nurturing environment for girls. Besides the usual thriving channels of trafficking in persons, even the institution of marriage is sometimes misused to give a safe façade to sexual exploitation and slave labour by means of what is known as “mail order brides” and “temporary brides”.
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vatican.va/roman_curia/secretariat_state/2007/documents/rc_seg-st_20070302_status-women_en.html
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My grandfathers both left school and went to work at 13 so at 18 would be in a better position to know what they want from life and realistically how to get it compared to a typical 18 who has never left the education bubble.

OP one thing that occurs to me is that in the UK there are restrictions for bringing non-EU spouses to live with you if you are below a certain income. I don’t know if other European countries have similar restrictions or how this could change after brexit.

Honestly between her being 18 and a trafficking victim and your attitude to women I just can’t see a priest being willing to marry you.
 
willymonfrete said:
Firstly I will make sure the woman likes my looks above all and my kindness
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Just curious but if I woman thinks you are ugly, gets to know you and falls in love with your kindness but still does not like your looks, but wants to marry you and bear your children, is she disqualified for not liking your looks?
willymonfrete said:
.and also western women also use husbands as meal tickets,unless you’re a 9/10 Chad White/nick bateman most women don’t marry men they are really attracted to but who are reliable financially and personality-wise .
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Then why do I know so many faithful woman, married to average looking guys who aren’t rich men ?
willymonfrete said:
also I had a history of paranoia (I thought everyone was doing witchcraft along with OCD,wich Hallelujah God has healed me from in the last 6 months)so I get 1000 a month wich I can save in the next years and have around 20,000 euros.I get disability welfare(Wajong).and Since I lived with my mum,I can save mo0ney and only spend 200 euros a month.so I can easily save thousands of euros.2000 euros will take you a whole year in india as its the average wage.

because Im ''disabled ''due to past OCD and paranoia I also can get a apartment in two yrs because I have dibs from the government.
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This seems like an odd system. If a person is disabled in Canada, it means they can’t work. If the same person returns to work, they are no longer considered disabled and loose all disability benefits

Am I suppose to believe that if a person in the Netherlands is disabled, they get special government benefits for the rest of their life even when they return to work? What is the incentive to get better? Wouldn’t everyone find a disability 🤷
 
Walking_Home said:
Your idea to “negotiate” a young wife --via an Indian orphanage – may be considered to be a form of human trafficking.
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only if its done by a form of coercion,wich I and the fiancee and the local priest will make sure is not the case.if that were so they would have to stay single forever.
 
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