Mary Magdalene is fed up

[belovedandbless]

(cont’d)

What many people especially many people who are virgins ( who I laud for being so) forget is that sexuality while extermely important is not the SUM TOTAL of another’s character flaws. It’s no good witness, if you are a virgin but evil, foul to people, lacking humility, generosity, honesty and compassion. So many people sitting in these pews with these problems and sins are people who love Christ, want to do what is right and are having trouble doing so. For every person like you who are pointing fingers out there to the wolrd and saying " look at them…they and their problems and their bad character", there are people in your pews sitting out there dying and ashamed to admit their sins and get help becuase they would face people like you.

I was not wild, out there, having fun and enjoying it. I suffered deeply each time I would fall. I would be the first at the confessional, normally many times before my so-called partners. My pillow can talk of the countless nights I cried when I did not do what is right. And as for the remedy of telling church leadership, apparently you have not listened or seen the scadals lately. We as Catholics are now known the world over for covering up these types of sins.

I am sick and fed up of the “you people” and “they people” attitiude regarding people who have sexual sin in their life. Becuase checking the recent statistics on the prevalance of porn addiction, WE are part of it. Not everyone, but a sizeable amount of us. We live in a broken culture, with a broken family life, with VERY often and more and more often will mean that there are people INSIDE as well as OUTSIDE the church with a broken sexuality becuase where a healthy sexuality is nutured is within family life.

So my question to you and to all the other people who decide to think twice about associating with people with a broken family life and sexuality is? What are you going to do to go out there and minister to a broken world? I know my answer will be to beat this thing and become a wounded healer. I guess that is why Christ came for me, will you be the Chrsit that comes to them?

 

[dakotagirl]

Not in the Catholic culture here. When you get into the culture that is close to the Church…in ministry etc…there is a judgement that goes on.

Yes, there is.

The one time I’ve heard of a guy “forgiving” a girl’s past was lovely: he said he loved who she was NOW. OH WAITASEC, then he later dumped her and went on to enter the seminary. Anybody up for a little cassock-chasing?

I’m so sorry, sweet, for all you’ve been through. I really don’t know what to say, except that the old, tired phrase is still true: when God closes a door, he opens a window.

Best,
Dakota

 

[dakotagirl]

Knock off the attitude, princess. You owe KostyaJMJ a HUGE apology.

Who says that there is only ONE person Christ has designated for anyone? That is NOWHERE in Catholic belief and in fact can be a tool to bully and manipulate people (which is the tone that I am getting from you, which doesn’t sound very repentant to me).

And no, all vestiges of the past are NOT gone. Consequences still remain. Confession does not cure an STD, cause one to become unpregnant, or reassemle and bring back to life an aborted baby in a dumpster behind a clinic.

If you run into someone who can’t handle your past, simply DROP IT and move on.

On the other hand, if the guy himself is not a virgin, then that’s different, he is in no position to judge you and you have reason to call him out on it.

Wow. Firstly, I don’t think the princess (who is a child of God) has an attitude at all.
Second, re: your last comment - you are saying that it’s “different” for a man who is not a virgin, b/c he can’t judge her. You are seeming rather blatantly to imply that a man who IS is virgin CAN? Please tell me that’s not what you meant.

ETA: possibly the best thing I ever read on a dating profile (in the context of having a past) was a dude who said any woman who was good enough to be Christ’s bride was good enough to be his.

 

[CountrySinger]

ETA: possibly the best thing I ever read on a dating profile (in the context of having a past) was a dude who said any woman who was good enough to be Christ’s bride was good enough to be his.

That’s awesome!

 

[LilyElain]

ETA: possibly the best thing I ever read on a dating profile (in the context of having a past) was a dude who said any woman who was good enough to be Christ’s bride was good enough to be his.

Lovely!

 

[ack]

without BS… I would like to point out at NO TIME did I inidicate in my posts or answers that I was still sleeping around…I have been chaste, OUT of a sinful realtionsip, no porn etc for a while.

Maybe you should explain what you meant in this post:

i am talking about people who are music ministers, altar servers, people who are going to Mass and Adoration everyday and being held up as one of the few good men in Church…and in any given situation I have to be the one fending them off and saying no, I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to sin. In many cases, they keep coming and coming until I eventually am the one that weakens and we both fall.

This post makes it sound like your issues with extramarital sex have been recent and recurring. This could be why people are misinterpreting your post. If you want people to understand you correctly, you should be more explicit about what you mean, because statements such as “we both fall” are often used around here to refer to extramarital sex, and nothing in your posts indicates that these incidents were in the distant past.

 

[belovedandbless]

Maybe you should explain what you meant in this post:

This post makes it sound like your issues with extramarital sex have been recent and recurring. This could be why people are misinterpreting your post. If you want people to understand you correctly, you should be more explicit about what you mean, because statements such as “we both fall” are often used around here to refer to extramarital sex, and nothing in your posts indicates that these incidents were in the distant past.

I never explicitly stated that I was in a realtionship of any kind at preseent so I can’t see where it came from. And it would stand to reason that if I was in mortal sin all the time throughout the 15 years, I would be going to MASS or ADORATION at all becuase I simply would not be in a state of grace.These incidents or realtionships are not everyday or long term…most of the time I would WALK OUT of the realtionships when they ended up sinful. I did not enter them to be that way. Not everyone who has had sex before marriage is a wild party girl who is whooping it up all over the place as the poster implied. I certainly wasn’t. Anything that happened was in the context of a realtionship.

Thank goodness I have a spiritual director who has more compassion in his heart than some of these men out there. He continues to pray with me and counsel me for the deep inner healing that I need as well absolve me of my sins. I never would have the strength to keep continuing to try in spite of my mistakes otherwise.

 

[scottj]

This is said with love, so please do not let it hit your heart wrong. Perhaps your not ready to date just quite yet. The brutality of those rapes and the subsequent years of reeling from this via sexual indiscretions are a deep deep dent in the soul and psyche. I believe you said it was not until a few years ago/recently you were able to finally receive the counseling to help you to begin to heal.
There is nothing wrong at all with taking some “me” time. And please don’t throw something at your computer screen when you read this… but… they say when your not looking for it, that’s when Mr. Right comes knocking on the door (yes I don’t like that either as have been waiting for him for 9 years now… but in truth I have only been ready in the past few years to receive him due to my own issues with a failed marriage).
Keep your chin up dolly, keep trusting Jesus, keep going to Mass, keep your FAITH that everything is going to work out just how HE wants it to.
Peace and Love

 

[x0stephanie]

belovedandbless,

please don’t take this the wrong way but I just finished reading these 5 pages… and each one of your posts just seems so angry… it seems like you’re mad at everyone giving you good advice and are only appreciative of the posts that are sympathizing with you being “used”.

It’s important to remember not to blame others for your own wrongdoings, not talking about your rape incident but everything that came afterwards. you can’t be angry at all of mankind because you didn’t say no… i’m not perfect, i have a past too - but i don’t blame anyone but myself. i should have been stronger.

what i’m trying to say here is you need to forgive and forget, forgive the men in your past, forgive yourself, and let go of some of your anger … only then will you be able to find yourself a good husband.

 

[Norseman82]

Wow. Firstly, I don’t think the princess (who is a child of God) has an attitude at all.

Did you read the remark that she made to KostyjaJMJ?

And what about KostyjaJMJ? Is he not a child of God as well?

Second, re: your last comment - you are saying that it’s “different” for a man who is not a virgin, b/c he can’t judge her. You are seeming rather blatantly to imply that a man who IS is virgin CAN? Please tell me that’s not what you meant.

Maybe “judge” was the wrong choice of words for general use (although the OP was the one who brought up the term in this particular instance when she tried to bully KostyjaJMJ), but the point is that it is hypocritical for a male to make comments about, feel “shortchanged” by, or feel a lack of compatibility on the virginity issue with a non-virgin female if he himself is not a virgin (and vice versa).

ETA: possibly the best thing I ever read on a dating profile (in the context of having a past) was a dude who said any woman who was good enough to be Christ’s bride was good enough to be his.

While that may make a nice 15-second soundbite, that is not entirely 100% correct. For example, a non-virgin cannot become a consecrated virgin:

consecratedvirgins.org/q-a/qa-d.html

So there is definitely one instance where someone with a “past” is not good enough to be a certain type of “Christ’s bride”.

 

[inkeri]

Norseman, you seem very resentful and angry that you’re not married yet. I admire the fact that you’ve remained a virgin, and I desperately hope that you can marry another virgin sometime soon.

 

[Norseman82]

Norseman, you seem very resentful and angry that you’re not married yet. I admire the fact that you’ve remained a virgin, and I desperately hope that you can marry another virgin sometime soon.

Excuse me, but where did that come up in this thread? DId you just join this form to take pot shots at people? My comments were directed to the OP’s venomous comments to KostyjaJMJ.

Stay on topic.

 

[dakotagirl]

Did you read the remark that she made to KostyjaJMJ?

And what about KostyjaJMJ? Is he not a child of God as well?

Maybe “judge” was the wrong choice of words for general use (although the OP was the one who brought up the term in this particular instance when she tried to bully KostyjaJMJ), but the point is that it is hypocritical for a male to make comments about, feel “shortchanged” by, or feel a lack of compatibility on the virginity issue with a non-virgin female if he himself is not a virgin (and vice versa).

While that may make a nice 15-second soundbite, that is not entirely 100% correct. For example, a non-virgin cannot become a consecrated virgin:

consecratedvirgins.org/q-a/qa-d.html

So there is definitely one instance where someone with a “past” is not good enough to be a certain type of “Christ’s bride”.

Wow. You know, I hope you get your virgin. In fact, you could just make it seven virgins while you are at it.

There are some incredibly chaste people on these forums whom I just don’t like. Crazy, I know.

 

[Norseman82]

Wow. You know, I hope you get your virgin. In fact, you could just make it seven virgins while you are at it.

There are some incredibly chaste people on these forums whom I just don’t like. Crazy, I know.

In all that rant, you did not address anything I said.

Crazy, I know.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step toward recovery.

 

[dakotagirl]

In all that rant, you did not address anything I said.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step toward recovery.

K.
If you ever need help figuring out why you are single, I would happy to assist. Until then, best wishes.

 

[Norseman82]

K.
If you ever need help figuring out why you are single, I would happy to assist. Until then, best wishes.

This isn’t about me. It’s about the OP’s venomous remarks to KostyaJMJ (sp?). Stay on topic.

 

[Monica4316]

This is a thread to vent but at this point in time I am fed up. I have a sexual past…not necessarilly becuase I desired to be a promiscous person or a wild girl but simply becuase I had a tough childhood, was exposed to porn from early, was raped, etc. and made bad chocies as part of the effect of that. I simply wanted to be loved. It has been 15 years since I discovered God and I have been walking out of all the effects of my past ever since. I have a good spiritual director, love Mass and Adoration and I am really trying to work out each day my salvation and the effects of earlier damage. I have now come to the point of realizing that even though God loves me and sees me as pure and is ready to accept me as I am and work with me to complete the healing - MEN AREN’T. I feel like all these years of trying to come to wholeness and healing are great for God but not good enough for man.

I am sick of people in the church preaching out redemption and forgiveness but when it comes down to brass tacks basically subtly judging me. I have seen people say things on this forum to the effect that any girl who has had a past is unift for marraige material becuase she couldn’t hold on to her purity. So I guess becuase I have had a past, even though I am working it out I don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt too?

I am even more sick of the guys in church when I reveal my past and show them who I am now, instead of covering me with grace and prayer, use it as an excuse to say, hmmm, she has been loose before let me see how much I can get…And I am not talking about the people who attend just attend Mass occasionally either. i am talking about people who are music ministers, altar servers, people who are going to Mass and Adoration everyday and being held up as one of the few good men in Church…and in any given situation I have to be the one fending them off and saying no, I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to sin. In many cases, they keep coming and coming until I eventually am the one that weakens and we both fall. Where are the guys who will fight for a girl’s purity, whether or not she has had a past?

At this point, I feel disillusioned with Catholic men where I live becuase they all are the same.They are the same as men in the wold and judge you the same.There is no Chrsitlike love that helps covers sin and extends grace, only if she fits my criterion for being the perfect Catholic wife and I feel like the only one who can love me despite all my sins is God. The rest can love me in the abstract Christian way but they certainly don’t want me to be their wife or the mother of their children. I feel like there is no safe space in the Chruch for a woman like me and seriously wonder what is in store for me. Here endeth my rant (and no I am not cut out for religious life, I discerned THAT a long time ago)

I’m sorry about this

I have a ‘past’ too and I can’t always relate to my Christian friends on that point. I know it can be hard letting go of that and it’s even worse when you fear judgement or GET judgement from others…

I’ve found that people who really got to know me first don’t really care that I have a past, once I tell them. Maybe it would help to not tell a person about this until they really know you well the way you are right now. I know that’s unfair in a perfect world, people wouldn’t be judgemental in any situation. But we’re all affected by sin, and judgement, self righteousness, etc, is part of that…

it’s wonderful that we both found God I pray that He would help you meet a man who is both devout and compassionate, and would help you heal from your past rather than adding to the hurt. But seriously whenever I feel sad about my past, and like I’m a lesser Catholic than others who have always been following God, - I remember the story about the woman with the perfume in the Gospels… how everyone said, - why is she worshipping Christ, she’s a sinner and why is He letting her even touch Him? but He accepted her worship also remember that Mary Magdalene is now St Mary Magdalene God is glorified in whatever way we came to Him. I hope others would get to see that too.

God bless :hug1:

 

[Monica4316]

1. You are not a virgin. You have been loose/promiscuous/wild in the past. This is a major warning bell for guys like myself (few of us that are left anyway). Past behavior is the single best predictor of future behavior. Something in your past/upbringing tainted your values and ways of viewing yourself and the world. Most men or women with your past sexual promiscuity are unlikely to change their values and behave in a moral fashion. The myth is that people change; they rarely do.

huh?!

I suggest you read about St Augustine…

we can’t compare a person’s behavior before they started following Christ to their current behavior. They’ve repented of their sins and the sins are GONE and God remembers them no more. If what you say is true, then God can’t change people… but we know He can.

Imagine if this is how God treated us at Confession: “past behavior is the single best predictor of future behavior!”… isn’t it good that He doesn’t, and accepts our resolution to not sin again? maybe we should treat each other this way too.

 

[WonderfulLife]

I agree with Norseman82 in his defense of Kostyja or any man’s right to have the bride he wishes.

A chaste man seeking a chaste bride isn’t a judgement on anyone else and any person male or female has the God-given right to prefer anything they wish in a spouse from coming to the marriage pure all the way down to a preference in the superficial like hair color or height, if that is the case.

No person has the right to demand another person or group of people desire them sexually or love them or spend the rest of their life with them when they don’t want to.

One cannot ask for respect and understanding for one’s personal choices without offering that same respect back. Is it necessary that every single available Catholic man want to marry you? Or is it ok if each man finds the one right woman for himself while you find someone who is capable of loving you and will some day?

If it is your vocation to be a wife and mother, then God will send the right man. Have some faith and you certainly have my best wishes in that regard.

 

[Nec5]

huh?!

I suggest you read about St Augustine…

we can’t compare a person’s behavior before they started following Christ to their current behavior. They’ve repented of their sins and the sins are GONE and God remembers them no more. If what you say is true, then God can’t change people… but we know He can.

Imagine if this is how God treated us at Confession: “past behavior is the single best predictor of future behavior!”… isn’t it good that He doesn’t, and accepts our resolution to not sin again? maybe we should treat each other this way too.

You really should reread what I wrote. I specifically wrote that God can change people. That doesn’t mean we have our head in the clouds and accept everyone at face value. Tell me, would you trust a man to babysit your kids if he had a deviant past but had recently converted? Of course not. You would need to seriously observe him to see if he was sincere (and I’m betting even that would not be enough for you).

You might also read more of the Bible regarding how the past shapes lives (i.e. raising children correctly brings pride while the opposite burdens parents with woe).

I am aware of Augustine’s barbaric hedonistic life before he turned to Christ.