Mass Bloopers

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I haven’t read the whole thread, so someone may have mentioned this, but there’s a video about marriage bloopers somewhere where the bridal couple are kneeling for Communion, and the priest drops the Host down the front of the bride’s gown. He eventually retrieves it. I didn’t know what to feel! Horrified, shocked. But what was he supposed to do? She wasn’t getting it out on her own. I can only hope it wasn’t a Catholic mass.
 
At the reading of the Passion on Palm Sunday a couple weeks ago, we had one of the “crowd” people read of Peter “he is also a Christian” instead of “Galilean”. Father told us he was flipping back through his copy to check that one out.
 
This one happened during a baptism. One of the parents was holding the baby who was being baptized and the other, I think it was the father, was holding the couple’s other child, a 2 year old boy. Right after the priest handed the baptismal candle to the father, saying something along the lines of, “this light is entrusted to you to be kept burning brightly,” the two year old blew out the candle. 😃
 
Luvadoxi said:
I haven’t read the whole thread, so someone may have mentioned this, but there’s a video about marriage bloopers somewhere where the bridal couple are kneeling for Communion, and the priest drops the Host down the front of the bride’s gown. He eventually retrieves it. I didn’t know what to feel! Horrified, shocked. But what was he supposed to do? She wasn’t getting it out on her own. I can only hope it wasn’t a Catholic mass.
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youtube.com/watch?v=uaA1hTj-88A
 
I LOVE these from CCD:

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.

Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The First Commandment is to humor thy father and mother.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada.

Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.

He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

:rotfl:
 
A while back in Ohio, one of our little alter servers fell asleep and fell right out of his chair during Father’s homily. Father said something about putting us to sleep with his homily. It really was funny but I felt sorry for the little server as he was almost in tears he was so embarrassed.
 
My wife reminded me of two other stories

The first deals with a sweet old Italian priest, Father Mario, man in his 70s. We sat in the church waiting for Mass to begin. Various people, the lector, the cantor, etc all dashed around getting things ready. 5 o’clock arrived. No Father Mario. 5.05 … no Father Mario. 5.10 … a murmur through the church – still no Father Mario. The lector went out the side door. 5.15 … Father Mario comes out. He begins … “I’m-a so sorry. I just-a fell asleep in-a my chair. I guess I just dinna know what time it-a was. In-a da name of da Father …”

The second is a bit sad. We had a priest say Mass out our parish on occasion when our regular priest was busy with other things. The church is ethnically Croatian. We have a smattering of immigrants from Croatia, and refugees from the civil war there and in Bosnia-Herzegovina.We have people who are the first generation born in the USA. Many have family back in both countries. The time is the 1990s. Civil war rages between the Croats and Serbs. Stories of genocide fill the news. Our friend the visiting priest has the audacity to preach a homily in which he says “The are good people in Serbia. You must love the Serbs, and learn to forgive them.” The church was silent. People looked at each other in disgust.

This priest is now retired. He hasn’t preached in our parish in years. I see him every so often. He’s gotten a bit of dementia. But, I’ll always remember the moment of clarity when he had the audacity to preach the blooper of loving our enemies

God bless

Tony
 
Several years ago we had a Vietnamese priest who had quite an accent. He was giving his homily on Jesus birth in “Bellingham” and on January 6th He was visited by three “Astro-loggers”.

It was all we could do to keep from cracking up.
 
My youngest daughter was kneeling in the front of a very large Church at a Sunday Mass. At the consecration, when the priest held up the Host, a very young voice cried out loudly, for all the congregation to hear, “Look, Mommy, there’s Jesus!!” My daughter instantly recognized the voice of her two and a half year old nephew, seated at the back of the Church with his mother. Her sister has done such an excellent job teaching him the faith that he is now a serious altarboy who can barely see over the top of the altar.
 
Luvadoxi said:
Every once in awhile, in the Passion or Good Friday readings (I forget which one it is), when we’re supposed to say “prophesy! prophesy!” we hear “prophecy! prophecy!”. Cringeworthy.
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Yep, we got that one again this year.
 
I confess that I’ve only read the first half of this thread, but wanted to post before I go to bed 🙂 We were laughing about lector bloopers the other day when a deacon told us about the person who read the V: part in the Passion narrative. Apparently he wasn’t very familiar with the passage, because when he read Pilate’s part, instead of “What I have written, I have written.” he said, “What have I written? What have I written??”

Slight difference in meaning, there :-/
 
I remember the priest giving his homily and when he was done, out of nowhere this little baby said 'YAAAY!" and began clapping his or her hands.:clapping: the Priest was like “I didn’t know we had our own christian cheerleader.” :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
 
One lector started his reading.

“A reading from the prophet Maluki”🤷

I am still searching my Bible.
 
A man assisted as the altar server for this year’s Palm Sunday Mass. My parochial vicar asked him to incense the faithful. I guess the man did not interpret this correctly because he went up and down the aisle incensing the faithful.:eek: My parochial vicar had to keep a straight face as he saw him go from one end to the next. The last time I witnessed this was about 10 years ago when my parochial vicar served as rector of the Cathedral. One of the Catholic schools had First Holy Communion Mass and I was in the choir loft with the choir. He asked an altar server to incense the faithful and he did the same thing. :eek: He went up and down the aisle. The rector had to send someone to get him. :o
 
Just this weekend, the lector was reading the 1st Reading (Acts 2:14, 22-33) and we heard of how David did not want his soul abandoned to the Netherlands. The second mention was correct though. We were sitting in the 2nd row, and I was having trouble concentrating to begin with, so this made it even worse.
 
Sheeniac said:
Just this weekend, the lector was reading the 1st Reading (Acts 2:14, 22-33) and we heard of how David did not want his soul abandoned to the Netherlands.
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Oh, of course – as recounted in the Letter of St. Paul to the Philippines.
 
It was the Solemnity of John the Baptist, so there were two readings. I did the First Reading and Responsorial Psalm well, but totally forgot there was a Second Reading. I told the people to stand for the Gospel Acclamation (the choir started to sing it after what I said) when the altar servers signalled that it was not yet the time. I was so embarrassed, to say the least 😊

My country celebrates midnight masses in anticipation of the Lord’s birth. While preparing the incense outside the sacristy, someone accidentally kicked the thurible and sparks from the coals on the ground were everywhere. Worse, people were passing the area! We helped the people to pass while dealing with the situation 🙂

I was also bad at handling the bells when I was the new altar server, and was either too late or too early during the Preparation of the Altar(?) but am now glad that I’m better at these things now 🙂
 
There was once a Mass in our university (Sunday dorm mass; our university has on-campus accommodations) where everything went wrong :eek:

It started with the entrance. Readers process together with us servers, and when we get to the front of the altar, they form a line with us (Father at the center) and bow with us and Father. That time, I didn’t know they were all new readers who didn’t know how our processionals went, so I didn’t bother telling them.

First mistake: the reader I was processing with walked so fast. I tried to slow down as I was carrying the small bell which I rung to signal the beginning of mass (it would ring if I started walking fast), but eventually I had to keep pace with the reader so as not to break formation. To my horror, the bell started to ring and I had to twist my wrist so that the part with the chimes would point upwards and the bell wouldn’t ring anymore. Of course, there was the ringing sound again but after that, at least the bell wouldn’t ring anymore.

Next: the readers were about to go to their seat after reaching the altar, leaving only me to bow together with Father :eek: I was so embarrassed; luckily they realized and went back to bow with me and Father 😊

After that, me and my fellow altar server were so rattled that we forgot to put the chalice before handing the bread and cruet and other errors which I now forget :eek:😊
 
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