Mass Bloopers

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This really isn’t a mass blooper but something funny that happened at mass. My daughter about 4 years old at the time, was being very antsy and irritating during church. After several reminders about being respectful and reverent I decided to leave the pew. As I was walking down the center aisle toward the back of the church my daughter screams at the top of her lungs “PRAY FOR ME!”

The congregation got quite a chuckle out of it. I was embarassed because she wasn’t in trouble or anything I just thought a brief change of scenery would help her refocus. She made it seem like I was going to beat her or something.
She is now 14 and is much better behaved in church.
 
Our elderly deacon who normally would say the dismissal…

Instead of saying The mass is ended, go in peace…

He inadvertently must have spoken his thoughts of what he was going to do next instead and said…

The mass is ended , go and (rhymes with sis but starts with p)
I don’t know what was funnier, the congregations reaction or the deacons?!!😃
 
A lector once mentioned “flaming brassieres” during the reading.

Another time, my pastor’s dog came out of the sacristy and into the church before Mass started. One of the EMHC’s took the dog back into the sacristy, then Father sent him (the dog, not the EMHC) back to the rectory. There is a corridor that goes right from the rectory to the sacristy, so the priests do not need to walk outside to get to the church.
 
We heard about people “prostate falling” one week. And then there was the FHC Mass when poor father mixed up Gameboy and Playboy, much to the amusement of the congregation.
 
Not a joke, but this really happened.

At Mass one Sunday, we sang rather than recited the Gloria. As the last note faded away, a little toddler in her mother’s lap clapped her hands and cried out “Yaaayyyy!” The congregation laughed, but I think her poor mom was mortified, because she shushed her little girl, and spoke to her quietly – I assume gently admonishing her for making a racket.

Eventually there was another hymn; and as the last note died away, from behind me was a loudly whispered, “Yaaayyy!”

I laughed so hard, I nearly peed in the pew.​

This is copied verbatim from another post of mine, but I don’t know how to just link to it.
 
Ghoti said:
Not a joke, but this really happened.

At Mass one Sunday, we sang rather than recited the Gloria. As the last note faded away, a little toddler in her mother’s lap clapped her hands and cried out “Yaaayyyy!” The congregation laughed, but I think her poor mom was mortified, because she shushed her little girl, and spoke to her quietly – I assume gently admonishing her for making a racket.

Eventually there was another hymn; and as the last note died away, from behind me was a loudly whispered, “Yaaayyy!”

I laughed so hard, I nearly peed in the pew.​

This is copied verbatim from another post of mine, but I don’t know how to just link to it.
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🙂
Jesus said to them, “Yes; and have you never read the text, ‘Out of the mouths of infants and nurslings you have brought forth praise’?”
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(Matthew 21:16)

We can all learn from the smallest of children… learn to find joy in the Lord and in worshipping Him. Most faces at Mass look like they’re attending their own funerals rather than being joyful in praising Him and anticipating receiving the greatest of gifts of His Body and Blood!
*“I wish that my heart could beat, that I could live and breathe only for Jesus, I wish that my tongue could utter no other name than that of Jesus; that my eye could see only Jesus; that my pen could write only about Jesus, and that my thoughts could soar to nothing but Jesus. I have often wondered where on earth there might be something on which I could center my love. But neither on earth nor in heaven do I find any such thing but only my beloved Jesus… I am the fruit of your passion, Jesus, born of your wounds. O Jesus, seek me in love; I no longer possess anything; you have stolen my heart…” *- St. Gemma Galgani
 
I was reading on the 2nd Sunday of Advent last December and I was to read Isaiah’s “On that day: A shoot shall come out from the stump of Jesse…” Unfortunately what came out was “On that day: A shoot shall come out from the RUMP of Jesse…”

I managed not to loose it & corrected myself but nobody even reacted,making me question how much attention they pay to the readings. Unfortunately, during the Eucharistic Prayer, I had a visual of what I’d read flashed through my mind and I started to giggle.
 
A friend once reported hearing at evening prayer (in a monastery) a reading from the Book of Revelation which mentioned the “beast with the ten testacles.”

Another reported from a university parish that on a Right to Life Sunday, of hearing a reading from “Paul’s Letter to the Fallopians.”

Then there was the very holy priest at the seminary (and may he rest in peace) who was occasionally given to spoonerisms, who concluded one Mass with the dismissal “Go in peace, the *ss is mended.”

Oh well, thanks be to God.
 
Not really a blooper, but a sort of amusing thing that happened at one of our old parishes…

This particular parish was near some limestone cliffs with caves, hence bats. It was late spring and Father was in the middle of the Eucharistic prayer. Being spring, the windows were open and a bat flew in and dive-bombed Father. Thankfully, he didn’t miss a beat and continued on with the prayers.
 
MomblessedX3 said:
This really isn’t a mass blooper but something funny that happened at mass. My daughter about 4 years old at the time, was being very antsy and irritating during church. After several reminders about being respectful and reverent I decided to leave the pew. As I was walking down the center aisle toward the back of the church my daughter screams at the top of her lungs “PRAY FOR ME!”

The congregation got quite a chuckle out of it. I was embarassed because she wasn’t in trouble or anything I just thought a brief change of scenery would help her refocus. She made it seem like I was going to beat her or something.
She is now 14 and is much better behaved in church.
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:rotfl:
 
Reading these has reminded me of an incident that is funny now to reminisce upon but at the time was mortifying to me.

We belonged to a very large church where Sunday Mass had 3000+ easily. My wife and I would sit in one of the last pews in the back with our (then) 6 mo twin daughters. We didn’t like the crying room as the view was not very good nor was the sound system. Plus the girls were usually quite good.

We’re feeding them one day and I set on if the girls on my knee bouncing her and tapping her on the back trying to burp. The congregation is singing a hymn and low and behold, the minute everyone stops and there is a dead silence in the Church, my daughter rips a belch that a drunk sailor would have been proud of. To my chagrin and my wife’s horror, everyone within earshot turned around to look and here I am with a baby dressed in frilly pink bouncing on my knee. All I could say was “she’s a little gassy”.
 
A dear friend and I had our babies only a few weeks apart so decided to do a double baptism. As we had both been choir members we went up to the loft to sing a communion meditation song. I looked down to where my family was sitting, and there were my two older girls, ages 3 1/2 and 22 months DANCING in front of the steps leading up to the altar. I was somewhere between completely horrified and desperately hoping someone was videotaping it!! :blushing:
 
Wow…

Um…when I was in college, our priest would wave at us from the entrance so we knew when to start. One crazy Sunday, when he waved, yup…we waved back. Giggles ensued.

But then there was the children’s choir singing “What the hell the angels sing…”

Keeps you wanting to come back to find out is going to happen this week…
 
I was sitting at Mass during the Holy Week service (new convert, don’t remember which service it was) where they bring in the blessed oils. The first woman walks in carrying her decanter of oil and stops as she was supposed to. She begins saying “The oil of…” as she raises the decanter above her head. As she did this, the glass stopper flys out of the decanter, shattering on the marble floor at her feet. They didn’t use that form of presentation the following year.
 
  1. Once on a First Friday Mass during school, I learned that mayve the skirt of my jumper was getting too short (1st or 2nd grade, maybe). As we all slid back to sit in out pews my thighs made Squeeeee Squeeeeek Squeeeeeeeeeee noises as I was tring to slide to get my back agains the back of the pew. Of course, it had to be at a silnt moment, and the echo was like nails on a chalkboard. On First Fridays, I started to wear the plaid trousers until we could get new uniforms.
  2. One Christmas I joined the adult choir (we sang in the loft) while we had a visiting bell choir below. Now, we had never practiced with these folks, but about 20 minutes into the service, it would have brought tears to your eyes, it was so beautiful.
Somewhere, the choir got into a lazy rhythm during “Silent Night” while the bell choir was going at the right tempo. The choir director tried to make us stop until we could find a point to catch up in the lyrics, but most people in the choir kept going in a rushed voice to “make time” to get up to speed with the bells.
 
We attend Mass in a military hospital chapel most Sundays (our son in an altar server) and the priest’s mic is not only wired to the chapel, but also the patients’ rooms (if they want to hear Mass.) We used to have a chaplain that was always running late and consequently rushing. One Sunday morning, as he was vesting, he clipped on his mic, then thought it might not be a bad idea to make a “pit stop” before Mass started. So he rushed off to the men’s room. While he was attending to business, his pager went off and the sergeant at the chaplain’s office desk said: “Uh, Father… you might want to shut your mic off!”

Then I read this story in Reader’s Digest years ago:

A priest was celebrating Mass one Sunday, when the altar boy, who was named Neil, noticed that something was missing from the altar. He quietly slipped out to the sacristy to get it. It took him longer than expected and when Father turned, he saw his altar boy was gone. “Neil?” he said. No response. Baffled, he
looked out at the congregation and said, a little louder, “NEIL?”
And everyone dropped to their knees!
 
Fathers phone went off after Communion yesterday which was highly amusing. I can’t remember what hymn he had it set to but watching him try and get through his vestments to turn it off made a few of us giggle. Even the best of us are human.
 
First, I have to point out that my father is a deacon. Ok, anyway one Christmas Eve, during the Vigil Mass, my father and the priest went to receive the gifts during the offertory. My niece was in the congregation, at this time not much older than a year, and she got really excited when she recognized her grandfather in the sanctuary. As little kids are wont to do, she got away from her mother, ran up the aisle with arms wide open and a smile on her face, and almost up to the sanctuary before my sister caught her.

Another time, during a central NJ summer, we were in the middle of a pretty massive heat wave. During the Consacration, the pastor always had us altar boys kneel on the stairs to the sanctuary, which were marble, and the floor itself was marble. So, myself and another altar boy were kneeling and my dad was standing next to the priest at the altar. Suddenly, the altar boy next to me passed out from heat stroke, and his head hit the marble floor! I think that the Eucharistic prayer was over, since my dad then walked over to him, helped him up, and took him into the community room where they called 911 for him. It was kinda scary!
 
bluerose said:
Then I read this story in Reader’s Digest years ago:

A priest was celebrating Mass one Sunday, when the altar boy, who was named Neil, noticed that something was missing from the altar. He quietly slipped out to the sacristy to get it. It took him longer than expected and when Father turned, he saw his altar boy was gone. “Neil?” he said. No response. Baffled, he
looked out at the congregation and said, a little louder, “NEIL?”
And everyone dropped to their knees!
Click to expand...
Another good one was told again by our vicar prior to Mass a few weeks ago… A priest is standing at the ambo, and realizes that the mic isn’t working properly. So he says “There’s something wrong with this microphone” To which all the good Catholics respond…

“And also with you!”
 
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