Mass Bloopers

  • Thread starter Thread starter GemmaRose
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
My mother and I used to go to a neighboring parish for Sunday evening Mass. There wasn’t an organist there, so the lector led the songs. One day he started singing the first song, and although we both knew it and sang, something wasn’t quite right. The next song came up, and again, we sang but…what was wrong? Finally, it dawned on my mother who whispered the correct words to the tune he was singing…From the halls of Montezu-U-ma to the shores of Tripoli. Amen.

A few years ago on Mother’s Day, Jesus walked up the aisle shortly before Mass. A man dressed in a flowing white robe, with long hair, beard and a benevolent look on his face strolled in, and sat right under the skylight so there was a lovely halo effect around his head. He looked around at the people near him, and nodded a greeting to them. After Mass, he went up to stand near the altar rail, thanking people for coming. The overall effect was marred only by the boondockers he was wearing in lieu of sandals. We have no idea who he was or where he came from, and never saw him again.

Finally, there are two hymns that always give me a little grin. One is Lift High the Cross…

Each newborn servant of the Crucified
Bears on the brow the seal of Him who died.

Crucified Bears. I didn’t notice that for quite some time, until I was using the Choral Praise where the words are side by side.

The other one…I can’t think of the name, but the phrase that amuses me is “The fragrance of release”. Since I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old Webelo, I can only think of one thing. What on earth can that mean?
 
An immigrant priest in the diocese who had a thick accent used to regularly say what sounded like, “The Mass is ended go in pieces!”

Just recently, an older priest accidently ushered in Easter a little early by singing an “alleluia” to announce the gospel. There were certainly some people in the congregation looking at each other funny.

When John Paul II died and Benedict was elected, priests everywhere had to get used to including the new name during the canon. One day the priest at a Mass I attended paused to try and remember what he had to say. Eventually a few voiced from the congregation came, “Benedict!” So he said the name and tried to move on. But, having his concentration broken, he forgot the local bishop’s name, also!

Yet another priest was giving his homily one day when his cell phone rang not once, but three times in quick succession. By the third time, he looked to the congregation and said, “OK, who’s doing that to me!”
 
My former pastor was a very formal and meticulous man. At the Easter vigil one year he grabbed the lighter fluid bottle when he was leaving the rectory and doused the wood or charcoal he was going to light for the new fire. When it came time to light it he couldn’t get the fire to catch. He tried again and again and again and muttered to the deacon, “Why the h*** won’t it catch?” Of course, he was wearing his mic. Well, it turned out he had snatched up the can of Brasso brass polish instead of lighter fluid!

I had arrived a little late and was standing beside the priest at the entrance of the church and had a great view of the whole thing. I think everyone who was there remembers that night.
 
TemplarKnight said:
Although I did not find them too funny, I guess in hindsight they could have been perceived that way.

Philipinos instead of Philippians

Joseph of Armea

Golgath

and a few others.

Poor thing, it made him look illiterate.
Click to expand...
We had Simon the Syrian last week.

And don’t forget the choir’s rendition of One Bed, One Body.
 
through an oversight a funeral was scheduled a few weeks ago on Saturday on the day of our local civic festival. We cancel all activities because the parade passes directly in front of church and all the streets are blocked off, for the 2 K race early, and the parade beginning at 10. Well, the funeral director must have negotiated with the police to get the cars and hearse in place (on the side street, which made getting the casket inside a trick), but people had to park blocks away, but they funeral began on time at 9:30. I know from experience they could here everything outside when the parade began, including sirens, blaring loudspeakers, and bands, esp. our award winning HS band who played “When the Saints go Marching In”. quite a send-off.
 
Duirng one weekday mass the priest was reading the Gospel where Jesus walks on the water and the apostles were afraid because they
“thought they saw a ghost.” Only Fatner said “They thought they saw a goat.” Well my friend and I started laughing so hard at the thought of a goat walking on the water that we could not stop and had to leave mass. Later that night I sent the priest a picture in e-mail that I drew of a goat walking on water. He sent me a copy of a “newly discovered manuscript” that sepaks of goats walking on water on the Sea of Galliee. We continued the teasing for quite a few weeks following that incident but every time I hear that gospel I can’t help but giggle inside.
 
Joannm said:
Duirng one weekday mass the priest was reading the Gospel where Jesus walks on the water and the apostles were afraid because they
“thought they saw a ghost.” Only Fatner said “They thought they saw a goat.” Well my friend and I started laughing so hard at the thought of a goat walking on the water that we could not stop and had to leave mass. Later that night I sent the priest a picture in e-mail that I drew of a goat walking on water. He sent me a copy of a “newly discovered manuscript” that sepaks of goats walking on water on the Sea of Galliee. We continued the teasing for quite a few weeks following that incident but every time I hear that gospel I can’t help but giggle inside.
Click to expand...
ha. thanks i needed a laugh today.
 
Joannm said:
Duirng one weekday mass the priest was reading the Gospel where Jesus walks on the water and the apostles were afraid because they
“thought they saw a ghost.” Only Fatner said “They thought they saw a goat.” Well my friend and I started laughing so hard at the thought of a goat walking on the water that we could not stop and had to leave mass. Later that night I sent the priest a picture in e-mail that I drew of a goat walking on water. He sent me a copy of a “newly discovered manuscript” that sepaks of goats walking on water on the Sea of Galliee. We continued the teasing for quite a few weeks following that incident but every time I hear that gospel I can’t help but giggle inside.
Click to expand...
:rotfl:

I’m never going to be able to listen to that reading again!!
 
The goats, because they had no faith, fell into the lake while the sheep followed the shepherd, at his starboard side.
 
The strangest thing I ever saw at Mass was at my daughter’s parish. There is a beloved elderly retired priest in residence who sometimes says Mass on Sunday. However, he is getting a bit senile. One time, before the Preparation of the Gifts, he somehow missed the fact that the cruet of wine had been placed on the altar. He got all excited and yelled “Where is the wine??” It was sitting there, right in front of him! The server tried to show it to him, but he just couldn’t see it. He went around to the front of the altar and yelled “We can’t do this without the wine!” Someone tried to point out to him the wine was there, but he ignored them, and yelled “Go get some wine!”

So one of the ushers went and got another cruet of wine and brought it to him (what else could you do?). That made him happy, and Mass went on as usual, without further incident. I don’t think he ever saw the original cruet. I never did ask my daughter if this poor man was still saying Mass occasionally, but I think perhaps he should not, as his mental faculties are not likely to improve. I don’t know what the pastor did about it.
 
Yesterday, my PV celebrated the Evening Mass of the Lord’s Supper. Some well-meaning person prepared the Sacramentary for him and only saw “Holy Thursday”. Well, he wound up reading the Collect from the Chrism Mass. I kept trying to motion to the deacon, but, he didn’t see me. My pastor (who was the homilist) finally realized that there was a mistake. My PV turned a slight red hue when he figured out what happened.

He later asked me why the Chrism Mass is even in the Sacramentary if this liturgy is reserved only for a bishop. Anyone know the answer to that one?
 
benedictgal said:
He later asked me why the Chrism Mass is even in the Sacramentary if this liturgy is reserved only for a bishop. Anyone know the answer to that one?
Click to expand...
I do not know the exact reason, but my guess is that this is done so bishops do not have to bring special Sacramentaries to a church when they say Mass. At every Mass I have been to where a bishop was the celebrant, he used the Sacramentary belonging to the parish.
 
Once, I was the lector at Holy Thursday Mass. In the first reading, it talks about the people of Israel being ready to flee, with “sandals on their feet.” I had a slip of the tongue, and accidentally said “saddles on their feet!” Thankfully, it was small enough that it wasn’t noticeable… I still chuckle when I hear that, though…
 
At the Holy Thursday Mass, I was seated immediately behind a man who had three of his young children with him. (His wife was in another part of the Church with their other three children because some of the children had been selected to receive communion first and were seated in the front.)

Anyway he is seated with two of his daughters, about 8 and 5, and his son, about 6. He was one of the men who got their feet washed so he had to leave his children alone for a few minutes. The priest washed four at a time and this man was in the last group. Apparently, the men had been instructed to leave their shoes at their seat and come to the front of the church in their socks.

While the man is waiting his turn, his two younger children started making eyes at a couple of other kids behind me. It was all very low key, nothing too obnoxious.

Until…

The 5 year old girl decided to grab Dad’s (size 13?) shoes, stand on the seat of the pew and start waving them around. After she nearly hit the man seated behind her (that would be me), who did not see it coming through the tears of laughter, her older sister had her put the shoes down and sit down.

Dad never knew.
 
Here is one from our Good Friday Service this evening. Our pastor was chanting the petitions when he came to one that goes something like this: "Almighty and Eternal Father, we pray for the people you have untied…continuing with his chant as if nothing was wrong, he sang the correct word–united.’
 
We had a retired priest, who is kind of snappy and always seems irritated,who before Mass began came out and reminded us to turn off our cellphones and tell us how much it bothers him when people don’t turn them off. Well wouldn’t you know it right when the Father goes to say “Let us pray” his phone goes off!😛

At a neighboring church that we sometimes visit they have a priest who is 92 years old. Still serving Mass! The last time I was there after his homily he went and sat down like he always does in silence. He sat there longer then normal. Then he started snoring. We all sat and waited and waited.No one wanted to be the one to wake him up.:o
 
  1. Lost in the translation. One day, a Polish seminarian (he’s now a priest) was doing the reading. It was from the book of Revalations. Instead of “I hold the keys to death and the netherworld”, it came out sounding like “I hold the keys to death and the network”.
  2. One time at Mass, after giving the homily, our pastor began, “Let us profess our faith. I confess to…” and proceeded with the entire Confiteor instead of the Creed. After Mass, when I jokingly asked if there was a new Creed approved, he responded that I was the only one who noticed!
  3. Lost in the translation II. Our former associate pastor told this story about a homily he gave at another parish after being ordained a transitional deacon. In the homily he talked about the types of relatonships you have with various people in your family and the community, such as your butcher and barber. He successfully preached the homily at the English Mass, and he had to prepare for the Spanish Mass. In translating the homily into Spanish, he figured that since “relationship” in Spanish was “relacion”, the plural “relationships” must logically be “relaciones”, as one would remember from first year Spanish class. Well, in Spanish, the plural means something different - how shall I delicately say, the “marital embrace”. Needless to say, he got a lot of strange looks at the Spanish Mass.
 
😦 Humor is good. There is nothing wrong with laughing at ourselves sometimes. But I think we have to know when to draw the line. I do not see the signs of our aging priests as funny. Yes, some of them do assist parishes late into their retirement years and they are still much needed because of the priest shortage. We would not laugh at signs of aging diseases found in our parents or relatives. I think we should be respectful when we see these signs in our elderly priests. When parishioners notice unusual behavior of their retired priests, they should kindly report it to the pastor so that he will be aware and known if and when the time has come that the pastor should no longer accept the service of the aging priest.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top