Mass no no's

[paramedicgirl]

Boy, it sure seems like a lot of people are ganging up on Faith here.

I love kids at Mass, and most, if not all, parents in my Church make a real effort to keep their kids well behaved at Mass. But it’s also true that there are very few kids in our church. Most of the Catholic families don’t even bother coming to Mass.

 

[LeahInancsi]

I’d like to defend the women who have to go to Mass with their children because their husbands won’t attend with them. Our society has traditionally looked down on women alone in the religious community.

First, they have one strick against them because Daddy isn’t carrying his weight in his children’s religious education. If Daddy’s not supportive of attending church, the children pick up on this. The children should behave, but this makes it harder.

Second, (most of) these women are very self conscious about having to be there without their husband. Worse yet, if they don’t have a husband.

A friend of mine was telling me of this problem the other day. Eventually, she quit going to church all together.

My mother had the same problem when I was young. Since my father wouldn’t go, she wouldn’t go without him. When they divorced, she felt guilty about being a single mother. Fortunately, I found my way to the Catholic church on my own.

 

[Faith1960]

I’d like to defend the women who have to go to Mass with their children because their husbands won’t attend with them. Our society has traditionally looked down on women alone in the religious community.

First, they have one strick against them because Daddy isn’t carrying his weight in his children’s religious education. If Daddy’s not supportive of attending church, the children pick up on this. The children should behave, but this makes it harder.

Second, (most of) these women are very self conscious about having to be there without their husband. Worse yet, if they don’t have a husband.

A friend of mine was telling me of this problem the other day. Eventually, she quit going to church all together.

My mother had the same problem when I was young. Since my father wouldn’t go, she wouldn’t go without him. When they divorced, she felt guilty about being a single mother. Fortunately, I found my way to the Catholic church on my own.

I’m sure it’s very difficult and while I can’t speak for everyone here, of the people I’VE seen who are guilty of letting their kids act up in Mass only one comes without a husband.

 

[LeahInancsi]

I’m sure it’s very difficult and while I can’t speak for everyone here, of the people I’VE seen who are guilty of letting their kids act up in Mass only one comes without a husband.

Faith,

While much of the discussion in this thread may have been directed to you, my comment wasn’t. My intent was to let people have a little insight into a reason some young children at church with their mother may not act like model citizens. In this case, it’s a big accomplishment on Mom’s part that she’s getting the children and herself to chuch, at all.

BTW, it might be helpful for you to use the “quote” button when you respond to someone. I know it would be helpful to your readers.

 

[calchiquita]

There has been applause at the last two Masses we’ve had. One was for a couple there who were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Applause at the beginning of Mass when it was announced and again, after they received a blessing near the end of Mass.

Last week the congregation broke into applause near the end of Mass after a speech by one of the parishioners, talking about stewardship.

You are lucky. For some reason people here applaud after every Mass and I just don’t get it.

The big no-no here is coming to Mass when you are sick. We have many older people in the pews and don’t want to put their health at risk.

 

[LeahInancsi]

Applause…

If it’s wrong to applaud during Mass, then isn’t is wrong to have an occassion to applaud at Mass? Shouldn’t the priest not introudce the couple who is having their 50th anniversary? It would be rude not to applaud on such an occassion.

Also, where in the GIRM does it say you can’t applaud?

 

[Faith1960]

Faith,

While much of the discussion in this thread may have been directed to you, my comment wasn’t. My intent was to let people have a little insight into a reason some young children at church with their mother may not act like model citizens. In this case, it’s a big accomplishment on Mom’s part that she’s getting the children and herself to chuch, at all.

BTW, it might be helpful for you to use the “quote” button when you respond to someone. I know it would be helpful to your readers.

I did.

 

[Faith1960]

You are lucky. For some reason people here applaud after every Mass and I just don’t get it.

The big no-no here is coming to Mass when you are sick. We have many older people in the pews and don’t want to put their health at risk.

I wish more people would more courteous about that, too. Again, not just in church but everywhere. If you’re sick, stay home! Especially during flu season.

 

[maryjk]

I’d like to defend the women who have to go to Mass with their children because their husbands won’t attend with them. Our society has traditionally looked down on women alone in the religious community.
First, they have one strick against them because Daddy isn’t carrying his weight in his children’s religious education. If Daddy’s not supportive of attending church, the children pick up on this. The children should behave, but this makes it harder.

Thank you. I attend Mass with my son. Daddy is not Catholic and he stays home. He is very supportive of my faith, but does not attend chuch himself.

Now, I only have one child. What if I had 3 or 4. How hard would that be? I might give up. Especially if others were giving me dirty looks every time my child/children acted up.

Maybe instead of the dirty looks, a helping hand would be better.

 

[Faith1960]

Applause…

If it’s wrong to applaud during Mass, then isn’t is wrong to have an occassion to applaud at Mass? Shouldn’t the priest not introudce the couple who is having their 50th anniversary? It would be rude not to applaud on such an occassion.

Also, where in the GIRM does it say you can’t applaud?

I don’t know about any of that. The applause that has broken out at my church has been in the very beginning of Mass and near the end so it wasn’t disruptive.

 

[paramedicgirl]

Applause…

If it’s wrong to applaud during Mass, then isn’t is wrong to have an occassion to applaud at Mass? Shouldn’t the priest not introudce the couple who is having their 50th anniversary? It would be rude not to applaud on such an occassion.

Also, where in the GIRM does it say you can’t applaud?

Show me where it says you can.

 

[paramedicgirl]

Thank you. I attend Mass with my son. Daddy is not Catholic and he stays home. He is very supportive of my faith, but does not attend chuch himself.

Now, I only have one child. What if I had 3 or 4. How hard would that be? I might give up. Especially if others were giving me dirty looks every time my child/children acted up.

Maybe instead of the dirty looks, a helping hand would be better.

You should come to Mass at my church. When the little ones act up, usually another parishioner offers to hold them so the mom can get a reprieve. It often works to settle the child.

 

[netmilsmom]

Also, where in the GIRM does it say you can’t applaud?

The GIRM does not say what you can’t do. It’s one of the reasons why innovators skirt the issues. The GIRM and RS state what IS to be done in the Liturgy.

If you don’t see it, don’t do it.

However, applause for big events i.e. our senior priest’s 90th birthday, baptisms or a personal favorite of mine, when my hubby became Catholic, are major events met with spontaneous applause. No one is going to tell you not to clap, but it should be reserved for outside the liturgy, such as after the final blessing.
I have also heard that after the Liturgy of the Word and before the Liturgy of the Eucharist starts is a place for special occasions (such as baptisms) so applause then is appropriate.

Not for the choir or a flute solo.

 

[netmilsmom]

Thank you. I attend Mass with my son. Daddy is not Catholic and he stays home. He is very supportive of my faith, but does not attend chuch himself.

Now, I only have one child. What if I had 3 or 4. How hard would that be? I might give up. Especially if others were giving me dirty looks every time my child/children acted up.

Maybe instead of the dirty looks, a helping hand would be better.

My hubby wasn’t Catholic either. I did it too.
You apparently put in an effort to your son’s behavior. I’m not talking about people who put in an effort. I’m talking about those who find their spirtual life more important than correcting their children.

 

[netmilsmom]

You should come to Mass at my church. When the little ones act up, usually another parishioner offers to hold them so the mom can get a reprieve. It often works to settle the child.

I’ve done that.
At one point, in my home church, we were in the choir loft and a little girl couldn’t see. Mom had a baby. I asked if I could lift her. I got to hold her for the entire mass.

What a darling!

But, in today’s day and age, parents (rightly) will look at a stranger who offers with a wary eye. What kind of person is that stranger? What do they want to do with my child?

It’s a bad world.

 

[paramedicgirl]

I’ve done that.
At one point, in my home church, we were in the choir loft and a little girl couldn’t see. Mom had a baby. I asked if I could lift her. I got to hold her for the entire mass.

What a darling!

But, in today’s day and age, parents (rightly) will look at a stranger who offers with a wary eye. What kind of person is that stranger? What do they want to do with my child?

It’s a bad world.

I never thought of it from that angle, because I live in such a small town, and all the church-going Catholics know one another here.

But you’re right. In a big city, some people would probably freak out if another person offered to help with their kids.

 

[gmarie21]

Tim, God Bless you.
This is exactly what I’m talking about. I give my kids “the look” too. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but the parents that I’m talking about are totally lost in prayer. Not even a glance.

You are trying and have your own cross to bear. All the best in your journey.

Yet, you do NOT know if the parents give “the look” unless you are staring at them the ENTIRE mass (which I’m assuming you don’t). So in Tim’s case, you would assume he was a bad parent. You obviously do not assume that with Tim’s case b/c you KNOW Tim’s case. And that’s the whole point of this. When people make broad statements and assumptions about parents/children or people who are intolerant of parents/children who are perceived to be unrulely then the defenses start to happen. You have made broad statements and have backtracked when given examples by parents who have disruptive children b/c you were able to find out a little bit about that parent’s life and history.

Our Lord listened to His Father’s words and perhaps you should too…
“He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”

-- Proverbs 13: 24

Any parent that does not discipline his/her child is disobeying God’s directive.
I will say it again, children will try to do what they want.
It is a parent’s job to make them into people who are acceptable in society. If a parent is not training, it is not the child’s fault.

​

Actually, Proverbs isn’t God’s words, but that of Solomon to his son. So this quote is just an instruction from Solomon, wisdom he has passed down. Also, many Catholic priests and psychologists have stated that MANY parents take this quote out of context and do not understand what it means.

There are many families with more than one child at mass that when their child is misbehaving one of the parents can take the child out and the parents can take turns in prayer. As a single mother, that is not an option. So my choice (as well as many others without a spouse who have children) is to either not attend mass or to attend mass and let the soft wispers and book reading happen. I have known many single mothers who had not attended mass for 4-5 years b/c of their child and the looks and comments made to them by others. They were not strong in their faith and so instead of ignoring the naysayers they just left the Church and when they started back up, b/c their child hadn’t attended mass for a good part of their formation, their child is now just having to go through the growing pains of learning how he should act at mass.

Also, being a single mom at Mass is tough especially when your child is being disruptive. For me, the eyes that may glance can feel like a double judgement of “you’re a bad parent b/c your child is loud and you’re a bad person b/c you have a child and have never been married.” But I’m strong enough in my faith to not let that get to me.

Please don’t be upset at the parent who may be caught in prayer assuming they are ignoring their child. You DO NOT know what is said to their child before and/or after mass. You don’t know the dynamics of their life. Some times the parents need to focus on prayer at that time so that they have the strength to teach and discipline their child throughout the rest of the day or week. The point is, you just don’t know about their life. That is why you need to remember you are NOT to judge them but are to trust that God knows their heart.

It is great that in the past you have offered to help a parent with a fussy baby. That action alone proves that while you may complain, you’re not just a complainer, you take action and have compassion.

 

[LilyM]

Our Lord listened to His Father’s words and perhaps you should too…
“He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”

-- Proverbs 13: 24
​

Really? How many children is Jesus shown in the New Testament disciplining, either directly or indirectly, physically or otherwise? Big fat zero.

Did he not rather say ‘let the children come to me (note: not just the perfectly-behaved, perfectly-trained ones) and DO NOT STOP THEM’. Of course there have to be limits in church - no high decibel levels, and no unsafe or destructive (or messy) behaviour should be tolerated. I think beyond that you should let kids be themselves.

When I was young I absolutely acted up in church - classic ADHD case, without modern understanding of that particular condition. My father used to pull silly faces at me behind my mother’s back to exacerbate the problem (something I still love doing to children myself by the way). Guess what - I grew out of it.

I have seven nieces and nephews, they all went through a year or so of ‘terrible twos’ (for some it was at three, or four or five years of age) - they also all grew out of it! Even the worst hissy-fit throwing wild-running child usually doesn’t persist in their behaviour for a long time - not unless they get what they want out of it of course.​

 

[Faith1960]

Yet, you do NOT know if the parents give “the look” unless you are staring at them the ENTIRE mass (which I’m assuming you don’t). So in Tim’s case, you would assume he was a bad parent. You obviously do not assume that with Tim’s case b/c you KNOW Tim’s case. And that’s the whole point of this. When people make broad statements and assumptions about parents/children or people who are intolerant of parents/children who are perceived to be unrulely then the defenses start to happen. You have made broad statements and have backtracked when given examples by parents who have disruptive children b/c you were able to find out a little bit about that parent’s life and history.

Actually, Proverbs isn’t God’s words, but that of Solomon to his son. So this quote is just an instruction from Solomon, wisdom he has passed down. Also, many Catholic priests and psychologists have stated that MANY parents take this quote out of context and do not understand what it means.

There are many families with more than one child at mass that when their child is misbehaving one of the parents can take the child out and the parents can take turns in prayer. As a single mother, that is not an option. So my choice (as well as many others without a spouse who have children) is to either not attend mass or to attend mass and let the soft wispers and book reading happen. I have known many single mothers who had not attended mass for 4-5 years b/c of their child and the looks and comments made to them by others. They were not strong in their faith and so instead of ignoring the naysayers they just left the Church and when they started back up, b/c their child hadn’t attended mass for a good part of their formation, their child is now just having to go through the growing pains of learning how he should act at mass.

Also, being a single mom at Mass is tough especially when your child is being disruptive. For me, the eyes that may glance can feel like a double judgement of “you’re a bad parent b/c your child is loud and you’re a bad person b/c you have a child and have never been married.” But I’m strong enough in my faith to not let that get to me.

Please don’t be upset at the parent who may be caught in prayer assuming they are ignoring their child. You DO NOT know what is said to their child before and/or after mass. You don’t know the dynamics of their life. Some times the parents need to focus on prayer at that time so that they have the strength to teach and discipline their child throughout the rest of the day or week. The point is, you just don’t know about their life. That is why you need to remember you are NOT to judge them but are to trust that God knows their heart.

It is great that in the past you have offered to help a parent with a fussy baby. That action alone proves that while you may complain, you’re not just a complainer, you take action and have compassion.

It doesn’t matter if a parent gives a disapproving look to the child if the child continues to act up and his/her parent doesn’t do more to make sure the child isn’t being disruptive. Talking to the child before or after Mass is a start but if that’s ineffective it’s the responsibility of the parents to be prepared to take the child out into the lobby, outside, the cry room or find a babysitter.

I was just talking with a family member about this very subject, a family member who is one of the most devout Catholics I know, and she brought up another good point that I hadn’t thought of. She said that not only do many parents allow their kids to misbehave during Mass which annoys and distracts fellow parishioners but think about how disrespectful this is to the priest. Here he is, bringing the Lord to all of us and some people can’t even be bothered to see that their children sit and be quiet, instead letting them play and make a lot of noise for the short time we’re in Mass. She has a very good point. It’s just beyond disrespectful.

 

[LilyM]

It doesn’t matter if a parent gives a disapproving look to the child if the child continues to act up and his/her parent doesn’t do more to make sure the child isn’t being disruptive. Talking to the child before or after Mass is a start but if that’s ineffective it’s the responsibility of the parents to be prepared to take the child out into the lobby, outside, the cry room or find a babysitter.

I was just talking with a family member about this very subject, a family member who is one of the most devout Catholics I know, and she brought up another good point that I hadn’t thought of. She said that not only do many parents allow their kids to misbehave during Mass which annoys and distracts fellow parishioners but think about how disrespectful this is to the priest. Here he is, bringing the Lord to all of us and some people can’t even be bothered to see that their children sit and be quiet, instead letting them play and make a lot of noise for the short time we’re in Mass. She has a very good point. It’s just beyond disrespectful.

But then I’ve known a fair few priests who love having children around, noise and all, and get grumpy if parents hush them up too much. Horses for courses.