Maternal Age as a serious reason to avoid pregnancy

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Rau said:

“The decisions about number of children are not largely decisions about morality.”

Exactly. It’s our friend, Mr. Prudential Judgment.
All decisions about the number of children – very much involve morality. (Now granted often one simply lives a good ordinary Christian life -without any special thinking about number of children but welcoming those that come --but then one is simply living as a Christian married couple -a rather good moral act).

For such is a rather important decision in life - and with all such decisions - it is about choosing the good, avoiding the evil, are there serious reasons to avoid via periodic continence, choosing only moral means, family needs, the gift of a brother or sister to those already born … the virtues --including prudence.… etc
 
Generally, it applies to situations where two people could weigh the circumstances differently and ethically come to different conclusions."

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prudence
Quite! The very definition of prudence! This is not a novel situation. Prudence would dictate, for instance, that maybe you don’t donate all of your income to charity. Doing so might leave you and your family impoverished. But it’s not wrong to donate all of your money to charity! Likewise there are times someone may conclude that he cannot give as much as he would like to the Church and to the poor right now because he has familial obligations be they something simple like food on the table or something more complicated like caring for an ill or infirm parent, or disabled child. In that case, not donating as much money as in the past would be prudent and also not wrong.

You can liken this to sexuality easily, because as is the case with our temporal wealth, we as Catholics are charged to give of ourselves entirely during physical intimacy. No barriers, no withdrawal, nothing like that. Just full giving of ourselves. Maybe sometimes it’s imprudent to do so all the time. But it’s not wrong. Maybe it’s prudent at other times to abstain periodically and trust in God’s design and our perception of how that design is working. Also, not wrong.

The poor widow was lauded for giving of herself entirely even though it was a mere two small coins. She trusted God entirely; she didn’t have much of a choice though either! Prudence and judgment are good things for they are exercises of the intellect God gave us. Deciphering whether we are exercising them properly is not something that the masses can perceive. Maybe a spiritual adviser. Maybe. But not necessary in this case.

Just don’t lie to yourself. God will not be fooled. That’s all that’s really has to be said.
 
Bookcat said:

“For such is a rather important decision in life - and with all such decisions - it is about choosing the good, avoiding the evil”

It may also be a question not between good and evil, but about weighing different goods (i.e. prudence). A nice K-12 education or a debt-free start to young adulthood is a good (and I have to add, that being a debt-free young adult helps the young adult marry and start a family earlier and have more kids than a young adult who has a house payment in student loans every month and can therefore only afford a tiny studio). A new sibling is also a good.
 
Likewise, if a pair of older parents have finished raising their families, they will be freer to help adult children with their growing families, and perhaps enable those adult children to have larger families than they would otherwise have done, not to mention to enable the grandchildren to have a closer relationship with grandparents than they would otherwise have. Given the mobility of today’s families, I’ve even known grandparents to much move across the country in order to be close to grandchildren after retirement, and I have mentioned this option to my husband. If I had a child or children of my own at home, though, I would feel that it was unfair to uproot them like that for the sake of grandchildren, unless they were just as eager to relocate.

In our family, one set of distant grandparents is pretty much immobilized by having to supervise a brain-damaged (by accident) adult child who has emergencies so regularly that they don’t feel they can leave town to visit us (and the distances are quite large). This is not exactly the sort of case I’m discussing, as the disability started in young adulthood, but I do feel keenly the lack of the kids’ grandparents in their lives. And the grandparents feel it, too, but they have heavy ongoing responsibilities where they are, and can’t often risk a visit.

The loss of the ability to be close to grandparents could be just as much a loss as the lack of a sibling would be.
 
Bookcat said:

“For such is a rather important decision in life - and with all such decisions - it is about choosing the good, avoiding the evil”

It may also be a question not between good and evil, but about weighing different goods (i.e. prudence). A nice K-12 education or a debt-free start to young adulthood is a good (and I have to add, that being a debt-free young adult helps the young adult marry and start a family earlier and have more kids than a young adult who has a house payment in student loans every month and can therefore only afford a tiny studio). A new sibling is also a good.
Prudence involves truth. Yes it involves weighting different goods. If though a serious reason is not present - it is not prudent (not moral) to use NFP to avoid.
 
I feel like the issue of grandparenting deserves expansion.

Both my husband and I were blessed with loving, involved, interested local grandmas who spent a lot of time with us (I was born when my grandma was just 50, which helped a lot). Those relationships were really formative and took a lot of weight off our parents. Our kids, on the other hand, have unfortunately grown up almost grandparentless (aside from very occasional short visits). Our kids’ grandparents are:
  1. far away
  2. busy (with work and/or the need to supervise a disabled adult child)
  3. not that interested (in one case)
Looking around our social circle, I see two doctoral student mothers. One of the new moms has a mom an hour or two away who is able to come take care of the toddler so the mom can do doctoral work. Another new mom (a mother of premature twins), was able to have her mother come for about half a year from a far away foreign country to help with the babies. In both cases, the availability of the grandmas is making a tremendous difference.

An available grandparent can make a huge difference in a young parent’s and a grandchild’s life.

While becoming a grandparent (or being allowed to be involved in your grandchild’s life) is not really something to count on, I think it does need to be kept in mind as an important role that one may be called upon to play at some point in the not-so-distant future.
 
You don’t necessarily need a “serious” reason to avoid, A “just reason” will do, and what constitutes as just is for each individual couple, along with God, to determine. There is no “list of valid and invalid reasons.”

Some counsel from a priest is an option a couple may or may not decide to take in their decision making process, but it is not mandatory.

Long story short, if it makes you feel uncomfortable and you think it would be best to avoid and you have prayed about it, then yes. That sounds like a perfectly just reason to me.
 
You don’t necessarily need a “serious” reason to avoid, A “just reason” will do.
Yes one needs a serious reason.

And yes- the reason must be jus**t -it cannot be evil. One can use the terms together such as: I must have a just reason to use deadly force in self -defense --and that just reason must of course be rather serious -like the person is trying to kill me.

One ought not play off “just reason” against “serious reason”

When is it moral? Well the reason must be just (not evil) - the reason must be serious.

The Church in the more recent documents such as the Compendium issued by Pope Benedict XVI uses more the term “Serious” to denote the reasons needed to make use of only the infertile times via periodic continence.

Here is the wonderful summary from it – intended for all including the non-theologian reader:

The Compendium issued by Pope Benedict XVI

497. When is it moral to regulate births?

2368-2369
2399

The regulation of births, which is an aspect of responsible fatherhood and motherhood, is objectively morally acceptable when it is pursued by the spouses without external pressure; when it is practiced not out of selfishness but for serious reasons; and with methods that conform to the objective criteria of morality, that is, periodic continence and use of the infertile periods.
  1. What are immoral means of birth control?
2370-2372

Every action - for example, direct sterilization or contraception - is intrinsically immoral which (either in anticipation of the conjugal act, in its accomplishment or in the development of its natural consequences) proposes, as an end or as a means, to hinder procreation.

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html

And From the Compendium of Social Doctrine:

232.The family contributes to the social good in an eminent fashion through responsible motherhood and fatherhood, the spouses’ special participation in God’s work of creation[519]. The weight of this responsibility must not be used as a justification for being selfishly closed but must guide the decisions of the spouses in a generous acceptance of life. “In relation to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised both in the duly pondered and generous decision to have a large family,and in the decision, made for ** serious reasons **and in respect of the moral law, to avoid for a time or even indeterminately a new birth”[520]. The motivations that should guide the couple in exercising responsible motherhood and fatherhood originate in the full recognition of their duties towards God, towards themselves, towards the family and towards society in a proper hierarchy of values.

vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/justpeace/documents/rc_pc_justpeace_doc_20060526_compendio-dott-soc_en.html

Now that serious reason need not be “life or death” serious. All sorts of serious reasons can happen in life. They are not limited to say grave health concerns or the like. But they are serious reasons not just any reason that seems good. It falls to the married couple to judge such (looking at the criteria the Church has given -and perhaps seeking objective advice) before God.

It remains serious - it is not some willie nillie reason - or out of selfishness -or so one can collect cars…but need not be “life or death serious”.
 
Yes one needs a serious reason.

And yes- the reason must be jus**t -it cannot be evil. One can use the terms together such as: I must have a just reason to use deadly force in self -defense --and that just reason must of course be rather serious -like the person is trying to kill me.

One ought not play off “just reason” against “serious reason”

When is it moral? Well the reason must be just (not evil) - the reason must be serious.
No need to get picky with semantics. I use the word JUST because it brings with it a lower standard than words like “serious” or “grave.”

See below:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=39854

Either way, the crux of what I said…
A “just reason” will do, and what constitutes as just is for each individual couple, along with God, to determine. There is no “list of valid and invalid reasons.”

Some counsel from a priest is an option a couple may or may not decide to take in their decision making process, but it is not mandatory.

Long story short, if it makes you feel uncomfortable and you think it would be best to avoid and you have prayed about it, then yes. That sounds like a perfectly just reason to me.
…remains 100% accurate.
 
I feel like the issue of grandparenting deserves expansion.

Both my husband and I were blessed with loving, involved, interested local grandmas who spent a lot of time with us (I was born when my grandma was just 50, which helped a lot). Those relationships were really formative and took a lot of weight off our parents. Our kids, on the other hand, have unfortunately grown up almost grandparentless (aside from very occasional short visits). Our kids’ grandparents are:
  1. far away
  2. busy (with work and/or the need to supervise a disabled adult child)
  3. not that interested (in one case)
Looking around our social circle, I see two doctoral student mothers. One of the new moms has a mom an hour or two away who is able to come take care of the toddler so the mom can do doctoral work. Another new mom (a mother of premature twins), was able to have her mother come for about half a year from a far away foreign country to help with the babies. In both cases, the availability of the grandmas is making a tremendous difference.

An available grandparent can make a huge difference in a young parent’s and a grandchild’s life.

While becoming a grandparent (or being allowed to be involved in your grandchild’s life) is not really something to count on, I think it does need to be kept in mind as an important role that one may be called upon to play at some point in the not-so-distant future.
I’m confused as to how this plays into the maternal age question. Do you mean we should “factor in” possible grandparenting duties and so limit our family size in size so we may be more available to babysit our grandchildren?

I’m just hoping for some clarification. thank you.
 
Nope. Already explained in above post.
No need to get picky with semantics. I use the word JUST because it brings with it a lower standard than words like “serious” or “grave.”

See below:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=39854

Either way, the crux of what I said…
A “just reason” will do, and what constitutes as just is for each individual couple, along with God, to determine. There is no “list of valid and invalid reasons.”
Some counsel from a priest is an option a couple may or may not decide to take in their decision making process, but it is not mandatory.
Long story short, if it makes you feel uncomfortable and you think it would be best to avoid and you have prayed about it, then yes. That sounds like a perfectly just reason to me.
…remains 100% accurate.
 
What are you saying NOPE to? Did you read the link I posted for you?
Sure.

That post was from years ago.

She is correct (as I too noted) that it does not need to be life or death.

But yes it needs to be just (not evil) – indeed it needs to be serious.

The Church in her documents of rather recent date have been consistently giving emphasis to that need for “serious reasons”.

Yes one needs a serious reason.

And yes- the reason must be jus**t -it cannot be evil. One can use the terms together such as: I must have a just reason to use deadly force in self -defense --and that just reason must of course be rather serious -like the person is trying to kill me.

One ought not play off “just reason” against “serious reason”

When is it moral? Well the reason must be just (not evil) - the reason must be serious.

The Church in the more recent documents such as the Compendium issued by Pope Benedict XVI uses more the term “Serious” to denote the reasons needed to make use of only the infertile times via periodic continence.

The Compendium issued by Pope Benedict XVI

497. When is it moral to regulate births?

2368-2369
2399

The regulation of births, which is an aspect of responsible fatherhood and motherhood, is objectively morally acceptable when it is pursued by the spouses without external pressure; when it is practiced not out of selfishness but for serious reasons; and with methods that conform to the objective criteria of morality, that is, periodic continence and use of the infertile periods.

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html

And From the Compendium of Social Doctrine:

232.The family contributes to the social good in an eminent fashion through responsible motherhood and fatherhood, the spouses’ special participation in God’s work of creation[519]. The weight of this responsibility must not be used as a justification for being selfishly closed but must guide the decisions of the spouses in a generous acceptance of life. “In relation to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised both in the duly pondered and generous decision to have a large family,and in the decision, made for ** serious reasons **and in respect of the moral law, to avoid for a time or even indeterminately a new birth”[520]. The motivations that should guide the couple in exercising responsible motherhood and fatherhood originate in the full recognition of their duties towards God, towards themselves, towards the family and towards society in a proper hierarchy of values.

vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/justpeace/documents/rc_pc_justpeace_doc_20060526_compendio-dott-soc_en.html

Now that serious reason need not be “life or death” serious. All sorts of serious reasons can happen in life. They are not limited to say grave health concerns or the like. But they are serious reasons not just any reason that seems good. It falls to the married couple to judge such (looking at the criteria the Church has given -and perhaps seeking objective advice) before God.

It remains serious - it is not some willie nillie reason - or out of selfishness -or so one can collect cars…but need not be “life or death serious”.
 
Sure.

That post was from years ago.

She is correct (as I too noted) that it does not need to be life or death.

But yes it needs to be just (not evil) – indeed it needs to be serious.

The Church in her documents of rather recent date have been consistently giving emphasis to that need for “serious reasons”.

Yes one needs a serious reason.

And yes- the reason must be jus**t -it cannot be evil. One can use the terms together such as: I must have a just reason to use deadly force in self -defense --and that just reason must of course be rather serious -like the person is trying to kill me.

One ought not play off “just reason” against “serious reason”

When is it moral? Well the reason must be just (not evil) - the reason must be serious.

The Church in the more recent documents such as the Compendium issued by Pope Benedict XVI uses more the term “Serious” to denote the reasons needed to make use of only the infertile times via periodic continence.

The Compendium issued by Pope Benedict XVI

**497. When **is it moral to regulate births?

2368-2369
2399

The regulation of births, which is an aspect of responsible fatherhood and motherhood, is objectively morally acceptable when it is pursued by the spouses without external pressure; when it is practiced not out of selfishness but for serious reasons; and with methods that conform to the objective criteria of morality, that is, periodic continence and use of the infertile periods.

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html

And From the Compendium of Social Doctrine:

232.The family contributes to the social good in an eminent fashion through responsible motherhood and fatherhood, the spouses’ special participation in God’s work of creation[519]. The weight of this responsibility must not be used as a justification for being selfishly closed but must guide the decisions of the spouses in a generous acceptance of life. “In relation to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised both in the duly pondered and generous decision to have a large family,and in the decision, made for ** serious reasons **and in respect of the moral law, to avoid for a time or even indeterminately a new birth”[520]. The motivations that should guide the couple in exercising responsible motherhood and fatherhood originate in the full recognition of their duties towards God, towards themselves, towards the family and towards society in a proper hierarchy of values.

vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/justpeace/documents/rc_pc_justpeace_doc_20060526_compendio-dott-soc_en.html

Now that serious reason need not be “life or death” serious. All sorts of serious reasons can happen in life. They are not limited to say grave health concerns or the like. But they are serious reasons not just any reason that seems good. It falls to the married couple to judge such (looking at the criteria the Church has given -and perhaps seeking objective advice) before God.

It remains serious - it is not some willie nillie reason - or out of selfishness -or so one can collect cars…but need not be “life or death serious”.

What I don’t like is that you’re making these big long posts with pasted material and are trying to somehow insinuate that what I have said in my post in incorrect. Instead of using the word serious, I’d like to use the word “just.” Stop talking about life or death… we all know (especially me) that it does not need to be life or death.

This is what our apologist Michelle Arnold said:

“In short,** just reason suffices** and just reason can include a desire to space children in such a manner that the parents’ financial, physical, and emotional resources are not overtaxed. Those who maintain that only life-or-death reasons suffice to use NFP are obliged to demonstrate from Church documentation where the Church has required that.”

And I agree with that. If you think it is unorthodox and heretical because she is using the word just rather than the word serious, I would take it up with the CAF president.
 
Sure.

That post was from years ago.

She is correct (as I too noted) that it does not need to be life or death.

But yes it needs to be just (not evil) – indeed it needs to be serious.

The Church in her documents of rather recent date have been consistently giving emphasis to that need for “serious reasons”.

Yes one needs a serious reason.

And yes- the reason must be jus**t -it cannot be evil. One can use the terms together such as: I must have a just reason to use deadly force in self -defense --and that just reason must of course be rather serious -like the person is trying to kill me.

One ought not play off “just reason” against “serious reason”

When is it moral? Well the reason must be just (not evil) - the reason must be serious.

The Church in the more recent documents such as the Compendium issued by Pope Benedict XVI uses more the term “Serious” to denote the reasons needed to make use of only the infertile times via periodic continence.

The Compendium issued by Pope Benedict XVI

**497. When **is it moral to regulate births?

2368-2369
2399

The regulation of births, which is an aspect of responsible fatherhood and motherhood, is objectively morally acceptable when it is pursued by the spouses without external pressure; when it is practiced not out of selfishness but for serious reasons; and with methods that conform to the objective criteria of morality, that is, periodic continence and use of the infertile periods.

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html

And From the Compendium of Social Doctrine:

232.The family contributes to the social good in an eminent fashion through responsible motherhood and fatherhood, the spouses’ special participation in God’s work of creation[519]. The weight of this responsibility must not be used as a justification for being selfishly closed but must guide the decisions of the spouses in a generous acceptance of life. “In relation to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised both in the duly pondered and generous decision to have a large family,and in the decision, made for ** serious reasons **and in respect of the moral law, to avoid for a time or even indeterminately a new birth”[520]. The motivations that should guide the couple in exercising responsible motherhood and fatherhood originate in the full recognition of their duties towards God, towards themselves, towards the family and towards society in a proper hierarchy of values.

vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/justpeace/documents/rc_pc_justpeace_doc_20060526_compendio-dott-soc_en.html

Now that serious reason need not be “life or death” serious. All sorts of serious reasons can happen in life. They are not limited to say grave health concerns or the like. But they are serious reasons not just any reason that seems good. It falls to the married couple to judge such (looking at the criteria the Church has given -and perhaps seeking objective advice) before God.

It remains serious - it is not some willie nillie reason - or out of selfishness -or so one can collect cars…but need not be “life or death serious”.

If you insist on being so picky about semantics and misrepresenting my post as being incorrect, then let me try again so that you’ll be happy:
 
So long as you have a serious reason to avoid, you can avoid. And what constitutes as serious is for each individual couple, along with God, to determine. There is no “list of valid and invalid reasons.”

Some counsel from a priest is an option a couple may or may not decide to take in their decision making process, but it is not mandatory.

Long story short, if it makes you feel uncomfortable and you think it would be best to avoid and you have prayed about it, then yes. That sounds like a perfectly serious reason to me.
 
I’m confused as to how this plays into the maternal age question. Do you mean we should “factor in” possible grandparenting duties and so limit our family size in size so we may be more available to babysit our grandchildren?

I’m just hoping for some clarification. thank you.
I was thinking that if you are close to family, you might have a little extra help, and that could factor into your decision to have “one more”.
 
Compendium issued by Pope Benedict XVI:

When is it moral to regulate births?

The regulation of births, which is an aspect of responsible fatherhood and motherhood, is objectively morally acceptable when it is pursued by the spouses without external pressure; when it is practiced not out of selfishness but for serious reasons; and with methods that conform to the objective criteria of morality, that is, periodic continence and use of the infertile periods.

The various editions of the Compendium issued by Pope Benedict XVI:

The English word is serious

the French edition is sérieux

The German ernsthaften

Italian seri

All translate as: Serious.

Here are some other examples:

From the Encyclical of Pope John Paul II Evangelium Vitae

This happens when the family is generously open to new lives, and when couples maintain an attitude of openness and service to life, even if, for serious reasons and in respect for the moral law, they choose to avoid a new birth for the time being or indefinitely.

(the term in Latin is: seriis…serious)

From the Compendium of Social Doctrine of the Catholic Church
  1. The family contributes to the social good in an eminent fashion through responsible motherhood and fatherhood, the spouses’ special participation in God’s work of creation[519]. The weight of this responsibility must not be used as a justification for being selfishly closed but must guide the decisions of the spouses in a generous acceptance of life. “In relation to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised both in the duly pondered and generous decision to have a large family, and in the decision, made for serious reasons and in respect of the moral law, to avoid for a time or even indeterminately a new birth”[520]. The motivations that should guide the couple in exercising responsible motherhood and fatherhood originate in the full recognition of their duties towards God, towards themselves, towards the family and towards society in a proper hierarchy of values.
(link is in post above)

From a Vatican guide for confessors:

The witness of couples who for years have lived in harmony with the plan of the Creator, and who, for proportionately serious reasons, licitly use the methods rightly called “natural,” confirms that it is possible for spouses to live the demands of chastity and of married life with common accord and full self-giving.

(of course serious does not only = life or death stuff…there can be various serious reasons…life has lots of variations)
 
it is not some willie nillie reason - or out of selfishness -or so one can collect cars…

THIS is what I don’t like at all. You’re talking to me like this is what I was suggesting. What you are talking about above would not be serious reason, but it would certainly not be a JUST reason, either. I don’t like that you are assuming that I would condone such just because I used the word just instead of the word serious.
 
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